She shut her eyes with a sense of foreboding. Whatever he had to tell her, she knew it would not be good.
"You don't have to do this, Woody."
"No. I do. If we're ever going to have a chance." A chance. They still had a chance.
She nodded. "All right..."
He blew out his breath. "Last fall...you stood me up. For my awards banquet."
"I know, and I'm sorry..."
"Please. Let me finish. Anyway... I pretended like it didn't bother me. But it did. And then a couple of nights later, you did it again. We were supposed to go out, and you blew me off with some flimsy excuse. The next day I was working on a case with Devan. She drove me crazy, but...I liked her. She was cute and fun, and I knew she was interested. She kept asking me about you. I assured her we were just friends, and she seemed relieved. I started thinking. She wants to be with me. She sees something in me she likes, and she's not running in the opposite direction."
He paused, struggling for words, and she felt her heart sink. Devan. She looked away and blinked her eyes against the tears that had pooled there. After a moment, he went on. His voice was dark and heavy.
"We went back to her place that night. Got some take-out, picked up a couple DVDs. I was so angry at you. All I wanted to do was love you, and you treated me like my feelings didn't even matter. So...one thing led to another, and Devan and I ended up in bed together. " His face clouded over, and he looked down at the table.
"I felt horrible the next morning. I knew the only reason I'd done it was to get back at you in some crazy way, and I'd used Devan. That's not the way I treat women. I told her we'd rushed into things and that we should take things slowly. She said she understood, but I could tell she was hurt. I think she knew the way I really felt." And then he added sadly, "She died three weeks later."
That was it. He sat with his hands folded on the table in front of him. She took a sip of her drink.
"Wow. I...didn't know that you..." She shut her eyes for a moment. Devan...all blonde hair and batting eyelashes. She had pushed so hard, she had pushed him into Devan's arm.
"She was a great girl, Jordan. But she wasn't you. I felt terrible about what happened, and I wanted to tell you. It just seemed like you and I were getting closer this spring. I really felt like something was going to happen between us, and I was afraid how you might react."
She held up her hands. "Hey, I had no claims on you last fall. You and Devan were free to do whatever you wanted."
A silence followed. "But it still makes a difference. Doesn't it."
Perhaps too much had happened between them. Perhaps they had simply missed their chance to be together, and it was time to walk away. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I don't know."
"Well." He exhaled heavily and rapped his knuckles against the table. "Thanks for your honesty. What a mess, huh?"
"Yeah..." She laughed ruefully through tears.
"Goodbye, Jordan." He stood before she could speak again and hobbled out as quickly as he could.
She sat there for a long while, too dazed to move, to feel anything, sipping numbly at her tepid drink.