The Helmaroc King

It was then that Link noticed that his feet were wet, and it wasn't because he had just wet himself... (Even though he did.) The room was beginning to flood!

"Oh, shit..."

Link looked around desperately, and spotted a spiraling walk way leading to the hole in the ceiling and to the roof of the fortress.

It was his last hope, so he began to run as fast as he could up to the roof.

By that time, the bird was all the way in the room, hovering above the water as it stared at Link.

Link was running out of breath, but he managed to keep his pace.

All of a sudden, the bird smashed its beak into the part of the walk in front of Link!

The boy yelped and jumped across the gap.

"FUCKING BIRD! I'M GONNA HAVE TO BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUTTA YOU!"

The bird kept destroying chunks of the walkway, forcing Link to jump over them. At last, he made it to the top.

The Helmaroc King followed him out, and took to the skies, squawking and showering feathers over Link.

The hole that the two had come out of was now shut by a metal thingy, and nearby, a strange path was blocked by some spikes.

Link pulled the Skull hammer out of his pants.

He had learned that when you fight a boss, you ALWAYS use the new weapon you got along with your sword to kill it.

The bird began to soar straight at the boy, but stopped in front of him instead, and landed on the ground. It waddled towards the boy, who backed up quickly. But Link accidentally backed into the spikes, and nearly fell over with pain.

Meanwhile, somewhere down near the pirate ship, Tetra began to climb on board when a realization struck her.

"Wait a minute-THERE IS NO BANK ON THE GREAT SEA! Oooooh, that LIAR!" she yelled.

Tetra turned to Gonzo.

"Gonzo! Tell everyone we're not leaving just yet! I have some unfinished business..."

And with that, the pirate girl set off to find Link.

Back on top of the fortress, Link kept dodging the bird's attacks. His nose was bleeding from when he had run into the spikes while trying to escape the Helmaroc King's beak, and now, he was really pissed!

The bird pecked at Link again, but this time, it missed, and its beak got stuck in the stone floor.

Link laughed and pointed at the bird.

"HA HA! Stupid, dumbass chicken!"

He then decided that he should take advantage of the moment, so he angrily brought his Skull Hammer down on the face of the bird.

The creature shrieked in pain, and finally removed its face from the floor. The mask it wore upon its face had cracked a little bit from the blow.

Link quickly started to run again as the creature lunged towards him, landed, and tried to peck him again.

Our hero accidentally walked into the spikes while backing away from the massive creature, and while he was still trying to get past the pain, the bird pecked him on the side.

Link fell to the floor, gasped, winced, and slowly got up again.

"So, this is how it's gonna go, is it?" He growled, staring up at the bird. "Fine! It's about time I fucking killed you!"

The bird brought its beak down, missed Link, and got its face stuck in the ground once again. Link smashed the face plate mask thing with the hammer, and it cracked even more. The pissed off creature once again removed its face from the floor and took to the skies, cawing and screeching.

Link was showered with brightly colored feathers as the bird circled him from above. The boy examined one of the feathers.

"Heeeey, I bet I could sell these..."

But before he could think any further, the Helmaroc King flew downward, and smashed against Link's side, sending him into the spikes once again.

Our hero hit the ground, trying to regain his breath, but the wind had been knocked out of him. He began to cough up blood.

"Damn...you...! As if...I haven't...bled...enough...!" he gasped.

Elsewhere, Tetra raced up the Forbidden Fortress.

"That stupid son of a bitch! There is no bank! That big ass bird won't be the one to do him in... I will!" she growled to herself.

All of a sudden, Phantom Ganon appeared before her, stopping the girl in her tracks.

"Hey, you!" the phantom said. "You're not gonna pass! I already let one little prick pass by, and I'm not about to let it get to two!"

Tetra stared up at him with a raised brow.

"So... You're not gonna let me pass, are you?"

"Nope! I'm just going to kill you, right here, right now!" Phantom Ganon declared.

"But before I die, I have one question for you..." Tetra said.

"Er...what is it...?"

Tetra pulled a Tootsie Pop out of her pocket.

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" she asked.

Phantom Ganon hesitated.

"I...uh... OH, GIVE ME THAT!" he yelled, snatching the lollipop away from Tetra. He unraveled the paper, and began to lick the lollipop.

Tetra chuckled and began to run to her destination... Which was wherever the hell Link was at...

She glanced over her shoulder at Phantom Ganon.

"Heh heh! What a sucker!" she said to herself, grinning.

Back up at the top of the Forsaken Fortress, Link was back on his feet, but just barely.

The Helmaroc King cawed, and floated to the ground. It slowly approached Link.

Link backed up, but not too far, so he wouldn't hit the spikes again. The bird pecked at him, but for the third time, its beak got stuck in the ground. The boy smashed the face plate with his hammer once more, and it almost cracked to pieces upon impact.

Link laughed triumphantly.

"Ha ha, dumbass prick chicken!"

The bird was really pissed off now. I mean, like, REALLY pissed off...

But at that moment, Phantom Ganon appeared out of nowhere.

"Hey, Helmaroc King! I'm trying to figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop... Can you help me?" he asked.

The bird turned away from Link to look at Phantom Ganon.

"Ok," it cawed.

The two fiends began to lick the lollipop together, but, as you should know, birds can't eat candy... The Helmaroc King began to gag, and then he keeled over, dead.

Link watched the scene with both interest and amusement.

All of a sudden, the spikes mysteriously disappeared, and Link was free to go forward.

"Dammit, I'll never figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop!" The phantom cried as he disappeared.

Link shrugged, and continued up the path to Ganon's lair...