Princess Zelda
The King of Red Lions, Quill, and Prince Komali were gathered near the Tower of the Gods... The two rito had flown them to the boat after Valoo set fire to the Forsaken Fortress, and now they were having some fun with Link and Tetra, who lay together in the King of Red Lions. No, not THAT kind of fun...
Komali chuckled as he arranged the two kids just the way he wanted.
"Ok, ok guys, the deed is done!" he said.
The three of them began to laugh as they admired the prince's work.
"Ok, well, it was nice talking to you guys. Tell the chieftain I said, 'hi,'" The King said as he floated away into the circle of light leading to Hyrule.
An hour or more later, Tetra and Link slowly opened their eyes... It took them a moment to realize that they were practically cuddling eachother, as if they had just, well, you know...thanks to Prince Komali's doing.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Tetra screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Link yelled, falling out of the boat.
Tetra jumped out next to him.
"YOU RAPED ME, DIDN'T YOU?"
"I DIDN'T RAPE YOU! HOW DO I KNOW YOU DIDN'T RAPE ME?" Link replied, standing up.
Tetra slapped Link, then shoved him back into the water.
"FUCK YOU!"
Then she jumped on top of him, and began to beat the shit out of our hero. The water began to turn red. The girl held Link's head down, in an attempt to drown him, but Link fought back and kicked her away, gasping for air. Then he leaped on top of her, and the two were at it!
Link and Tetra beat eachother for over an hour before they finally stopped.
Panting, Link held onto the King of Red Lions for support.
Tetra sat in the water, panting just as hard.
"You...bitch..." Link gasped.
Once she had gotten her breath back, Tetra stood up.
"Now, I will proceed to take your wallet!" she said.
"HA! You won't find it!" Link retorted.
"Wanna bet?" Tetra replied with a smirk.
She strolled over to Link, and reached into his pants.
Link screamed and struggled to get away, but the girl wouldn't let him.
"Wait! I found something!" Tetra said.
Link gasped.
"Uh...Tetra...? That's not...that's NOT my wallet..." he said.
When Tetra realized what she was really holding, she let go.
"Ew!"
Link smirked.
"I told you you couldn't find it..."
"Damn you! Where is it?"
"HA! Like I'm gonna tell you!"
Tetra got a sickening idea.
"Oh my God... It's up your ass, isn't it?"
Link blinked.
"Uh...no..." he lied.
"I know you're lying!" Tetra said.
"I'm not!"
"Yes you are... Hmm... This is a predicament. Either go without the money, or reach up your ass... No money, ass...no money, ass..."
She thought over her options.
All of a sudden, Link's pocket rumbled and he jumped and screamed.
"THE EPOCOLIPSE!"
"It's just me! Look... Bring Tetra into the place where you got the Master Sword... Now," the King's voice said.
Tetra stopped thinking. She had heard everything the King of Red Lions had said.
"Huh? Who's that talking through my stone?" she barked.
"Uh... Well, uh, come with me and you'll find out!" Link said.
He needed to distract Tetra so she wouldn't reach up his ass.
"Whatever," she said.
The two of them walked into the castle.
Link could still see the moblins and dark knuts fighting over the cheerios.
At last, the two kids reached the castle basement.
"Where the fuck are we? Is this some kind of joke?" Tetra spat.
"Just shut the fuck up!" Link replied, glaring at Tetra.
"HEY! I'll kick your fucking ass!"
"FUCK YOU!"
"NO, FUCK YOU!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, BOTH OF YOU!" said a voice.
Link and Tetra turned to see a big, fat, kingly-looking old man in red.
He had the same voice as Link's boat...
"YOU!" Tetra yelled. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY TALKING STONE THING?"
"Just shut the fuck up and I'll tell you!" the man said.
There was silence for a moment.
"Fuck..." Link muttered.
"What was that for?" the man asked.
Link shrugged.
"I had to get the last fuck in... Is that such a crime?"
"Well, whatever... Anyways... My name is...it is...IT IS..." the man said.
"WHAT?" Link and Tetra yelled in unison.
"King Daphness Nohansen Hyrule... Link, I am the boat who has been talking to you... And this...THIS is my kingdom..."
"Woah... That's really fucked up!" Link said. "I need a beer..."
Tetra slapped Link. Link slapped her back.
"Ok, uh...anyways... Tetra, please step forward," the King said.
"Nuh-uh!" Tetra said.
Link shoved her forward.
"Tetra... The pendant you wear on your ear. Is it true that your mother gave it to you?" Daphness asked.
"Yeah...so?"
"And is it true that she asked you to guard it WITH YOUR LIFE?"
Tetra nodded.
"That is no ordinary earring! It's a part of the triforce of wisdom. Tetra...you ARE Princess Zelda!"
The King pulled a golden thing out of his pocket. It floated over to Tetra's head, and there was a bright light...
Link blinked with surprise.
Tetra was hardly Tetra anymore... She had turned into Princess Zelda!
"Ok... Now I really need a beer. And I'm NOT kidding!" Link said.
Tetra/Zelda looked at the white glove on her hand. On it was a picture of the triforce.
"I understand now... Oh, wait, no I don't," Zelda said.
"Ok, this was pretty pointless..." Link said.
"Well, it wasn't TOTALLY pointless," the King said.
"Yeah, it kind of was," the boy snorted.
"Who cares what you think, you little fucker? Now, Zelda, we're gonna leave you here," Daphness said.
"What! Why?" Zelda yelled.
"Hmm... I don't really know. I guess I just felt like locking you in the basement of my castle. Now, come Link! we have to like, return the power to the Master Sword!"
The King teleported away.
Link turned to walk out of the room.
"Link, wait!" Zelda called.
Link spun around.
"Look, bitch, what more do you want from me?"
"I...I..." she stuttered.
"YESSS?" Link hissed.
"Link...I'm pregnant with your child..."
Ok, here it is! THE TRUTH ABOUT TETRA! Dun, dun, DUN! BTW, leave a review! Don't make me get my penguin out here!