Part 3- What Happens in Weiss, Stays in Weiss.
By Michiko. With Help from Amaya, and many requests from the Nuances in General.
So, everybody went to sleep, right? Then let's cut back to early morning, where once again people are waking up. Umm, that's about it. On second thought, let's just skip early morning. Let's move on to later, when the Nuances decide to have an emergency meeting, and the non-Nuances also decide to have an emergency meeting. So Nuances piled into a random room, and non-Nuances sat around the living room with the huge plasma TV that only very successful florists can afford.
"This meeting of the Nuances of Toast is called to order." Bono announced. "Please rise and join me for the Nuance Pledge."
"Where there's smoke, there's Toast!" Recited the Nuances.
"Ok. So, why are we having a meeting? Is there a problem?" Amaya asked.
"Yes, there is a problem. Something really weird is going on here. Aya tried to kill me. These guys do not seem like the type to enjoy being florists, and Cyrano found a small supply of weapons." Bono explained.
"He tried to kill you too?" Michiko gasped.
"YES! He started asking me about my family, and then he started talking about this guy named Brad and I was like 'What?' and he was like 'GRR!' and I'm like 'yeah, WHATEVER!'"
"He was asking me about 'Brad' too! And he started talking about... Shorts? I think. Did he talk to anyone else?" The Nuances shook their heads.
"What did he ask you about shorts, Michiko, but not Bono?" Rainbow asked curiously.
"I dunno. Because he's crazy?... Wait, why do you ask?"
"No reason. Just want to get to the bottom of this." Giggled Rainbow. Puns are your friends.
"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT I'M SLEEPING AROUND?"
"I never said that. I was about to say that. But I never said that."
Bono jumped between the two before Michiko could strangle Rainbow. "ANYWAY! What are we going to do? Something is wrong with this whole scenario. We should really be trying to find a way back to our universe. And we should be trying to figure out where we are. If we find out, then we'll know what's going on."
"Why do we have to leave? I'm having fun!" Amaya complained.
"Because, dear, we have to get back in about a week. Remember? We're on vacation. Our friends back home will get worried." Bono answered gently.
Super Smart Rainbow of DOOM returned to prove Bono wrong. "Actually, going through the worm hole will cause a gap in time. According to my calculations, we have about a month before we have to be back. Even then, we'll still have one more day to hike back to civilization."
"HA HA! WE DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE! WE DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE!" Amaya and Michiko did a kirby-style victory dance.
"Ok, but we should still be looking for our universe-thingy. Bono's right... these guys do act a little strange... Not that there's anything wrong with that, but Michiko and Yohji get along so well, they just have to be ax murders. So, Amaya, you try to remember as much as you can about them, and we should all write down anything we remember about our past lives in general. Next time the guys leave, we'll sort through their stuff and see if we find anything." Cyrano took command. The Nuances agreed to this, and the meeting ended. Then they sat around awkwardly.
"Do you want some potato chips? Or Coke? I could go grab some." Amaya offered. The Nuances nodded. Food is always good.
"I'll come too! I'll come too!" Cyrano followed her out the door. They walked down the hall, and then over to the stairs. Then they paused, because the voices of the non-Nuances were floating up towards our eavesdropping heroines.
"DON'T YOU GET IT? THESE PEOPLE ARE SPIES! SCHWARTZ SENT THEM HERE!"
"Aya, keep your voice down! They'll hear you. Take deep breaths. You don't have any proof that they're out to kill us. They've been very nice." Omi was saying.
"Yeah, Omi, if by 'they' you mean Amaya and by 'nice' you mean..."
"Omi's right. Aya, you're just being paranoid. They seem harmless enough." Ken interrupted.
"Whatever, Ken. Haven't you noticed that Bono looks just like Crawford? Don't tell me that's coincidence. He's even from somewhere around Germany, like Schuldich."
"Who?"
"The guy with the really big poofy orange hair."
"Ah. Schuldich. And that still doesn't prove anything. There are lots of people from Europe who look like Bono."
"Omi, you are so naive. What are the odds that Crawford's European twin is running around with his old girlfriend, and they just happen to bump into us?"
"Girlfriend? What?"
"Michiko told me that she knew our American friend very well in college, if you get my drift."
"Aya, were you harassing Michiko? No wonder she told you that. She'd have thought it was hysterically funny." Yet somehow Yohji didn't sound amused.
"Yes, I was harassing her! Somebody has to watch out for you and your hormones. She's probably going to kill you in your sleep."
The sound of Yohji smacking somebody's forehead echoed up the stairs. "If she was really on a mission to kill and/or spy on us, she wouldn't have told you that she was dating Crawford, she would have said she never heard of him."
"Unless she knew that you would think that if she told you, so she told us to take suspicion off of her and her friends." Aya pointed out.
"Aya? Your obsession with finding plots to kill us is getting out of hand. None of the Nuances has made a threatening move, and you're sneaking up behind them and trying to break their arms and asking them confusing questions, aren't you?"
"You know what, Ken? Shut up."
"Oh, good comeback, Aya! Did you think that one up all by yourself?" Omi asked. Omi-2, Aya-0.
"You're all fools, and it serves you right when your new 'friends' stab you in the back. And I'm going to say I told you so all I want. So neener neener neener!" When Aya gets really angry, he goes back to time tested insults he learned in kindergarten.
"I do believe you are trying to razz us, Aya. Until you can give us actual, proven evidence that the Nuances are spies and/or assassins, then please, don't scare them away. And no going through their suitcases while they're sleeping, either. Ok. Meeting adjourned. We have stuff to do." Yohji shut Aya up, and Cyrano and Amaya ran off to deliver this new information to the Nuances, who may be in more danger than they thought.
The frightened girls burst into the room where the Nuances were waiting for potato chips and Coke.
"YES! Where are the snackies?" Rainbow asked eagerly.
"There aren't any snacks. We have a problem. Aya thinks that we're out to kill them."
"What? Why would anyone want to kill them? They're florists, for goodness sakes! What's the worst they could have done? Caused incurable hay fever?" Bono laughed bitterly.
"What did the others say? Do they think we're evil, too?" Michiko whimpered.
"Why are there no snacks?" Rainbow asked tearfully.
"I don't know why someone would want to kill them. Maybe they're drug dealers or something. I've never seen a florist with such a nice T.V. And what does razz mean?" Cyrano mumbled thoughtfully. What does razz mean? Does anyone know?
"No, Michiko. Yohji does not think you're evil. Aya's the only one. And who is this Crawford, and how well did you know him?" Amaya asked slyly.
"The guy Aya was asking about? Do you know him, Michiko?" Bono gasped as his teacher turned a shade of red usually seen only on stop signs. Just then, there was a knock at the door, and Ken poked his head in.
"Hey, we have to go out for a bit now, we have to..." Ken paused, and the Nuances could hear Omi whispering to him. "Buy groceries. Because we don't have any lewd... OOF." Omi whispered some more. "Oh, duh. Food. I meant food. We'll be back in a little bit. Are you going to be ok?" The Nuances nodded, and Ken's head vanished. A few minutes later, a car pulled away.
"Ok! Let's root through their stuff!" Cyrano suggested.
"YAY! I love going though other people's stuff!" Rainbow jumped up. "I'll go though Ken's room!"
"No way, Rainbow, I'm going though Ken's room!" Bono shouted. "And I bet I find something important! And shiny!"
"GRR! I'm rooting through Ken's room! I called it first!"
"I'm rooting through Omi's room!" Amaya added, although no one heard her.
"I'll be in Aya's room if anyone wants me!" Cyrano called over the sound of Rainbow and Bono trying to tear each other's eyes out.
"Bono, Rainbow called it first. And I need someone to help me get to Yohji's room." Michiko tried to separate them.
Anyway, stuff happens, Author gets lazy, Bono and Michiko end up in Yohji's room.
"See, this is more fun that going through Ken's room on your own?" Michiko asked the brooding Bono. "Look! Here's a Rolex! It's shiny! I want to wear it." As Michiko put on her cool shiny prize, Bono kicked the dresser. And low and behold, it opened, to reveal a bunch of unmarked tapes.
"Ah ha! I just knew Yohji would have a bunch of porno flicks sitting around! It's my lucky day! HEY, RAINBOW! GUESS WHAT I FOUND THAT YOU DIDN'T?" Bono dashed down the hallway, once again leaving Michiko, still staring at her shiny new watch.
The rest of the Nuances met in the room with the plasma T.V. Bono popped the tape into the video player.
"Wait! Bono, if this is Yohji's... What if he and..." Amaya glanced nervously at Michiko, who showed up downstairs magically (by which I mean with help from Rainbow) "We could be scarred for life!"
"Well, only one way to find out!" Bono made sure he had his finger on the STOP button. "Ok, ready, steady... GO!" Bono pressed PLAY and closed his eyes.
"Your mission..."
Five minutes later, the Nuances were confuzzled.
"White hunters of Light, Hunt the Tomorrow of the Beasts of Darkness." Said Mystery Figure in Front of the Very Bright Window of DOOM. Then the tape went blank.
"What the hell was that all about?" Bono asked.
"Wait, didn't that last line imply that they were supposed to kill that one guy?" Michiko the Poetry Teacher asked. "How long have they been gone?" She turned back to her watch.
"Target? Evil? What? James Bond?" Cyrano blinked.
"I'm confused!" Rainbow shouted.
"They're assassins, aren't they? They're killing people... and silhouette guy is their leader? I bet they're all named after cats. " Amaya's memories slowly came back into focus.
"GAH! CAN'T...BREATH!" Michiko caused a slight disturbance by being strangled by a wire that popped out of the shiny watch of DOOM. So the Nuances rescued her, but not before Amaya's brain-remembering thing ended.
A few hours later, Yohji, Ken, Aya, and Omi got back with groceries that they had barely remembered to buy on their way back. They struggled happily through the crowd of fangirls and walked through the flower shop to their apartment thing. The Nuances were waiting with accusing glares.
"Must have been pretty busy at the local supermarket, huh?" Rainbow asked menacingly.
"Yeah, and traffic was really bad." Ken answered quickly.
"Yeah. That trip killed a lot of time, didn't it?" Cyrano asked, also menacingly.
"You could say that." Aya responded.
"Looks like people were just dying to get to the checkout line." Bono said. Assume they are all being menacing, ok?
"It was pretty busy." Ken said, trying to step around the Nuances.
"In fact, it looks like it got a little violent." Michiko stared pointedly at the blood on the assassins' clothes.
"Uh-huh. There was a real mob. You wouldn't believe." Yohji said as they tried to shift their grocery bags to hide the bloodstains.
"I hope that the security cameras got a tape of everything. That way, if someone was hurt, they could catch the criminals." Amaya said dryly.
Omi became very interested in the ground. "Umm... yeah. That would be good. I don't think any one got hurt, though. Double Coupon Days get rowdy sometimes, that's all."
"Michiko? What happened to your neck?" Yohji very quickly changed the subject.
"Well, I was trying to find out what time it was, and I was attacked by the watch." She said curtly as she rubbed the red welts on her throat.
"The watch attacked you? Are you serious? How can a watch strangle...oh." Ken stopped mid-giggle.
"Umm...can we get by and put the groceries away? They're kinda heavy..." Omi tried, once again unsuccessfully to get by the angry Toast Nuances.
"What did you guys get for dinner? Did you buy Weiss... I mean rice?" Rainbow asked innocently.
"Gulp." Said Weiss.
"Y'know, keeping videos of your 'missions' in the bottom drawer is not always the best way not to get caught." Bono pointed out, waving the incriminating tape.
"Nor is it a good idea to save your favorite stalker sites on your 'Favorites' list." Amaya added.
"You were on my computer?" Omi dropped the bags he was carrying, and a crossbow fell out. Everybody stared at it for a second, pondering this new development, until Ken bent down to pick up the various darts that were rolling around, and accidentally pressed the button in his gloves that causes the claws to come out. He quickly put his hands behind his back.
"You don't work to well under pressure, do you?" Cyrano observed.
"Alright, let's face it. They've figured us out. We have to confess...we..." Aya searched around for a plausible lie to explain the killer watch, crossbow, claws, and blood.
"Work as assassins, and the flower shop is just a cover?" Prompted Michiko.
"I TOLD YOU THEY WORK FOR SCHWARTZ! HOW ELSE COULD THEY HAVE KNOWN?" Aya lost control. He, also, does not work well under pressure.
"Well, Aya, I kinda did have a few mission assignment tapes...lying around..." Yohji admitted.
"And I did save my favorite 'information' sites on my compy." Omi blushed.
"And Yohji's spare garret wire did almost strangle Michiko, and Omi did drop his bow right in front of them, and I am wearing metal claws, and we are all covered in blood." Ken added.
"And you did leave for groceries six hours ago." Cyrano pointed out. "We may be spastic, oblivious fangirls, but we can take a hint."
"Ok. We're assassins. We're a group called Weiss, and we kill the baddies of the world. We don't kill innocent people or anything. They always deserve it." Omi broke down and spilled what was left of the beans.
"All right. That's settled. Do you need help with those groceries? They look heavy." Amaya rushed over to help Omi.
So they had a good laugh and everybody put away groceries and ate dinner and attempted awkward conversations.
"So... you don't care about the whole assassin thing?" Omi asked nervously.
"No. Why would we care?"
"Well, we do kill people and stuff. I dunno. It bothers some people."
"Don't worry. It doesn't bother us." Cyrano went back to her food.
"Hey, if you know our secret, I think it's only fair that you tell us some of yours." Aya remarked causally, staring very hard at Bono and Michiko.
"YOHJI! Aya is trying to threaten the Nuances again! Make him stop!" tattled Omi.
"No, Aya's right. It's fair that they tell us something." Yohji took Aya's side, bringing the score to 2-1, although Omi is still winning.
"There's really not much to tell. We don't remember enough about ourselves. We aren't from this universe. We came through some kind of warp to get here. Rainbow can explain." Bono relinquished the spotlight to Super Smart Rainbow of DOOM, who brought out the power point presentation that the Nuances had seen earlier, and explained the situation.
"Wait, you can't have any connections to our enemies, so you aren't out to get us. That is good. That means we don't have to kill you." Ken said cheerfully.
Aya connected the dots. "HEY! Michiko, you lied to me. Brad Crawford isn't even from your reality! There's no way you knew him in college!"
"Actually, it is quite possible she knew him. I have heard that it is very easy to find wormholes in the U.S." Super Smart Rainbow smiled sweetly. "Now, tell us, Michiko. Do you know this guy?"
Before Michiko could answer, the phone rang, and the members of Weiss all ran to get it, and came back a second later. Telemarketer.
"So, what were we talking about?" Ken asked, sitting down.
"I don't remember." Replied Bono. Rainbow went back to doodling on her napkin.
In the background, Omi was chatting on the phone. "Hello!... No. I'm not the one who pays the phone bill... No... Sure, I can take a message... Really? Lower our long distance bill? You can do that? Wow. That is awesome. Do you like tuna fish? ...I'm 17... Yes, really!... No, you can't talk to my parents! My parents are...um... dead... Yeah. So up yours, 'Tina'!... Oh, oh, yeah? Well, listen up, you little telemarketing twerp, how many times have you ever...OOF!"
"Gimme that phone!" Yohji slammed the receiver down hard enough to send phone shards into the ears of the unfortunate 'Tina'. The group finished dinner and decided to watch a movie. More specifically, Yohji and Michiko decided to have a Mystery Science Marathon, and the Nuances agreed without knowing what they were getting into.
(A/N: I'm not sure we covered MST well enough in the intro. It's hard to describe, but it involves watching the worst movies ever made, so it takes a certain personality to watch it without vomiting. Once again, IM me with all questions/comments.)
Weiss, however, knew better. Or at least, Ken did.
"I'm going to take a shower. Or smash things with a hammer. Or commit suicide. Anyway, I'll be doing something less painful than this."
The others settled down to see what the cult-like fuss was all about. Heh heh. Poor things.
During the fourth episode (Eegah), Omi, who was looking very pale, scooted closer to Aya.
"Aya, I'm feeling a little nauseous...Make it stop." He whispered, trying not to attach the others' attention.
"I know. Don't worry, buddy. I'll get you out of here. Sit here for a second." Aya stood up and headed for the exit. "It's my turn to write up the mission report, right? I should get started. You know how I procrastinate. Omi? How do you start the word processor on your computer?"
"It's kinda weird, I think it has a virus. I'd better show you." Omi played along.
"But you're going to miss the best part!" Yohji warned them, but nobody stopped them from leaving.
Once outside in the light, Omi ran up to Aya and gave him a very shaky hug. "Thank you so much! I thought I was going to die! I'm sorry I ever ever mocked you about being paranoid, or about how you drive, or about how you ignore me in public..."
"You would have done the same for me. That's no show for a kid like you to be watching in large doses. And I know you don't mean it when you tease. It's ok. Stop crying. It's no big deal... Omi? Omi, could you let go of me?"
Fortunately for Aya, (and the people without the sense to get away from the TV earlier) a high pitched scream issued from the depths of the apartment thing, and within seconds, everybody had arrived at the scream's source. Or as close to it as they could get without being torn to shreds.
"Rainbow, Bono, put the weapons down and step away from Ken" Aya made an ill fated attempt at talking the two combatants down. Rainbow and Bono continued to glare at one another, completely ignoring the new spectators. Ken was huddled in fetal position against the wall, protecting his head.
"All right, Bono von Bono. It's time to settle this once and for all."
"Unless you'd like to walk away now and save yourself, Rainbow."
"Move me closer." Michiko ordered her human crutch, Yohji. "Children, please! Let's talk about this. Why are you fighting?"
"Well, we snuck out of the movie because we heard Ken say he was going to take a shower..."
"And Bono started saying that..."
"Nu-uh!"
"Uh-huh!"
"Nu-uh!"
"CHILDREN! Stop it, or you're both going to get a time-out!" The two high school students paused and started to lower their swords uncertainly.
"Is this what you have to deal with?" Yohji whispered to the peace-maker.
"Yup. Every day." Michiko remarked dispassionately.
The whole of Weiss made a silent vow never to mock the teaching profession ever again.
However, this brief pause broke the spell, sending the assailants beyond all human contact. Rainbow and Bono blinked and went back to threatening each other.
"I'm warning you, Bono, you had better run now, because I'm showing no mercy from here on out. I'm going to kill you, with your own sword, nonetheless,"
"It's my sword. Not his sword. My sword. They're both my swords." Aya uttered. Cyrano touched his arm and shook her head.
"You don't want to get involved in this."
Rainbow was still talking. "With your own sword, nonetheless, which, in the very immediate future, will become my sword."
"Bitch. You don't have a future." Bono retaliated.
"You don't have a sword, either. It's MY sword." Aya grumbled as the two fighters circled each other and Michiko tried, unsuccessfully, to gain control of the situation.
"Ken, don't make any sudden movements." She shouted helpfully to the hyperventilating figure on the floor.
"Well, DUH! I figured that one out on my own. Help." Meanwhile, Bono swung his sword around and knocked a flower arrangement off of the end table, causing Omi to cringe.
"I spent two hours on that!"
Michiko pulled on her ear nervously, glancing from the fight; to Ken, still huddled on the floor; to Aya, who was seconds from running up and grabbing back his stolen blades; to Omi, crying over his dead flowers; to Amaya and Cyrano, who knew what she was thinking before she said a word.
"NO! Michiko, there has to be another way!" Amaya shouted, tears in her eyes.
The teacher shook her head sadly. "There isn't. This is the only chance we have."
Cyrano understood. She nodded. "It has to be done, Amaya." The Weiss boys stared at the three girls. What horrible weapon was about to be unleashed upon them all?
Michiko closed her eyes. "I'm really sorry about this." She murmured, then started singing softly. "Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you."
Bono responded on gut instinct without looking up. "No you can't."
Rainbow thought he was talking to her. "Yes I can!"
"No you can't!" They continued to circle each other, but in a more choreographed way.
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
Rainbow spazzed and jumped up and down. "Yes, I can, YES I CAN!"
"Anything you can be, I can be greater. Sooner or later I'm greater than you!" Snickered Bono.
Rainbow snorted. "No you're not!"
"Yes I am."
"No you're not." Rainbow thrust with her sword.
"Yes I am!" Bono parried.
"No you're not." She broke away with a spin.
"Yes I am, YES I AM!" Bono came at her waving his sword to a neat little dance number. "I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge!"
"I can get a sparrow, with a bow and arrow." Rainbow pushed him back and came at him.
"I can live off bread and cheese!" Boasted Bono. Rainbow paused.
"And nothing but that?"
Bono puffed out his chest. "Yeah."
"So can a rat." Rainbow rolled her eyes and continued the dance.
"Any note you can sing, I can sing higher!" Bono tried to repair his deflated ego.
"I can sing any note higher than you."
"No, you can't!"
Rainbow raised her voice a few notes. "Yes, I can."
Bono went higher. "No, you can't!"
"Yes, I can."
"No, you can't!" Bono went all out.
"Yes, I caaaaaaan!" A mirror broke. Bono stared at her.
"How do you sing that high?"
"I'm a girl!" Bono paused to consider this information before going on. "Any note you can sing, I can sing softer!"
"I can say anything softer than you!"
"No you can't." Bono protested quietly.
"Yes I can." Whispered Rainbow.
"No you can't." Breathed Bono.
The group could barely hear Rainbow's response. "Yes, I can."
Bono's lips moved, but no sound came out. Rainbow couldn't take it anymore.
"YES, I CAN, YES I CAN!" She hollered at the top of her lungs.
Meanwhile, Ken had taken a bottle of a dubious looking liquid out of his pocket and was about to take a drink from it, to steady his nerves, when Bono yanked said bottle from his hands and chugged some.
"I can drink my liquor, quicker than a flicker." He sang as Rainbow appropriated the bottle.
"I can do it quicker." Rainbow finished off the beverage, which her stomach immediately rejected. "And get even sicker." She added while sprinting towards the bathroom. Bono waited a few minutes for her to get back.
"I can open any safe." He announced as she returned.
Rainbow's mouth dropped open. "Without getting caught?" Bono nodded. "That's what I thought, you crook." The pair picked up their swords again.
"Anything you can wear, I can wear better." Bono, King of Fashion, smirked.
"In anything you would wear, I'd look better than you."
"In my coat?" Bono suggested as the props people (A.K.A. Cyrano and Amaya) threw the aforementioned article at Rainbow, who put it on. Given that Bono's coat is actually a woman's pea-coat, she did look better. (Although it looks very nice on Bono as well.)
"In your vest." Rainbow threw open the coat, reminding the audience that she had borrowed Bono's vest that morning.
"In my shoes?" Bono showed off his black skids.
"In your hat." Props handed Bono's lucky sombrero to Rainbow, but Bono snatched it back before she could wear it and held it over her head.
"No you can't!"
Using her sword, Rainbow retrieved the hat and pulled it onto her head. "Yes, I can, Yes, I can!"
Fuming, Bono took the speed of the dance up a notch. "Anything you can say, I can say faster!" He challenged furiously.
"I can say anything faster than you!"
"Noyoucan't!"
"YesIcan!"
"Noyoucan't"
"YesIcan!"
The two started to overlap each other, so a few "YesNoIYouCan't!"'s were all that could be heard. The two Broadway singers scowled at each other for an instant, then Bono turned neatly away from Rainbow and jumped over Ken's head as he tried to crawl away.
"I can jump a hurdle!"
Rainbow kneeled down next to Ken and stage whispered to him. "I can wear a girdle. (And if you want to see it sometime...)"
"I can knit a sweater!" Bono pulled a sweater he had knitted for his sister out of thin air. Rainbow pulled it on over her vest.
"I can fill it better!"
"I can do most anything!"
Rainbow pulled a pie out of thin air and offered it to Bono. "Can you bake a pie?"
"No." He admitted before taking a bite.
"Neither can I." Rainbow confessed as Bono spit out the piece of 'pie' she had made.
"Any note you can hold, I can hold longer!" Bono proclaimed, getting ready for the finale.
"I can hold any note longer than you." Rainbow declared dramatically.
"No, yooooouuuuuu can't!"
"Yes, I can!" Rainbow wasn't trying at all.
"No, you caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan't!"
"Oh, yes, I can." Bono was certain he had won this round.
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, you can't!"
Rainbow smiled slyly. "Yes, Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-"
The assembled group turned to one another.
"Damn." Omi stated. There was nothing else to say.
"iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-"
The group sat down in shock. Except Ken, who was already sitting down, and Bono, who was getting ready for his last line.
"iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii can." Rainbow gasped out the last word.
"Yes you caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" Bono sang, sliding to his knees Broadway-style. The song ended, and Bono walked over to Rainbow. "Where do you keep all that air?"
"Eh," she panted, then passed out.
"Oh." Bono paused. "Wait, what was that supposed to mean?"
The rest of the group to advantage of Bono's uncertainty to pounce on him and Rainbow, take away their swords, and move Ken to a safe, undisclosed location (ok, they moved him about three feet.). They did this quickly and efficiently, having come up with the plan while Rainbow was singing her final note. I say final because Rainbow was not recovering so well.
"Rainbow. Wake up. Its morning time!" Cyrano coaxed.
"Ed's in the shower, Secret Agent Rainbow! Grab the whipped cream and let's go!" Amaya opted for a method that had worked in the past.
"I have a idea. Why don't we leave her lying in the rain in her underwear?" Michiko asked. Amaya punched her arm.
"You said we had a truce!"
"I was only joking!" Lied Michiko.
"I'm sorry, Rainbow! You can have Ken!" Bono promised out of panic. Rainbow didn't move. "Wow. She's really out cold."
Aya looked away from his swords and noticed, for the first time, the girl in the coma on the floor, which immediately caused him to panic."Rainbow? RAINBOW! Wake up! Wake up! Stay away from the light! Please, please, wake up! Do any of you know CPR?"
"Ken, didn't you take that child first aid course when you started teaching soccer?" Yohji asked craftily.
"Yeah, but I don't see what that has to do with..."
"Didn't they teach you CPR?"
"Uh-huh... but..." Ken threw a frightened glimpse at Bono, who was still trying to wake Rainbow up. Actually, he was panicking, but not on the level Aya was.
"KEN SHE'S GOING TO GO INTO A COMA AND DIE AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO DAMN SCARED AND YOU'LL REGRET IT ALL YOU LIFE YOU MISERABLE PERSON!" Busy shoving Ken down next to Rainbow, Aya forgot how to use punctuation marks.
"Aya, deep breaths. You may consider psychological help, too." Omi suggested.
"You're one to be talking. Say one more word about my spaz attacks, and I'll kidnap you."
"That is not funny. Not funny at all." Score is tied at 2-2.
The others missed the drama between the two scarred-for-life guys, however, because they were watching Ken revive Rainbow via mouth-to-mouth. This sparked several bouts of muffled laughter from the part of the hall where Yohji and Michiko were apparently telling jokes that the younger generation wasn't privy too.
"Come on, Rainbow. Breath. Please?" Bono begged his catatonic friend as Ken worked on making this very thing happen.
"Do you really think she's going to admit she's awake when she does regain conscious?" Cyrano whispered to Amaya.
"Her nose will start to bleed. Then we'll know."
In fact, Rainbow woke while this conversation was taking place, but closed her eyes very quickly as soon as she realized what was going on. She was listening to the voice in her head.
"Rainbow, this is the narrator. Still mad at me?" It asked her.
"No, no. Not at all. Does this mean I won the singing contest?" Sighed Rainbow to herself before she decided to be honest and open her eyes. Ken and Bono noticed this at the same time, causing Ken to scoot away and blush, and Bono to glomp Rainbow.
"I thought you were going to die! Don't scare me like that." Bono stopped for second. "But don't think that just because Ken was snogging you means this is over. We're still fighting."
Rainbow smiled. "I know. But, still, point for me!"
Bono was too sophisticated to start an argument with the author, but it was easy to tell he wanted too. His teeth were grinding loudly enough for Michiko to hear them.
"Bono, come here. I want to talk with you." She called as she broke away from Yohji and slumped onto the floor. Bono obediently sat down next to her. "Bono, there comes a time in everybody's life when they need to know a few things about dating."
"I've already had The Talk, if that's where you're going with this."
"No, no. I want to tell you a pick-up secret."
"I'm listening."
"Helplessness can go a long way with anime guys."
"What kind of secret is that?"
"You don't believe me. Who is more likely to be escorted to the door, the girl being attacked by fangirls, or the guy walking through the mob smoothly? Does the one who passes out attract more concern than the one who didn't? Do you really think that I would be getting as much attention if I could walk?"
Although awed by this revelation, Bono had to stop her there. "I think you would still be getting a fair amount of attention."
"That's not the point. The point is, if you don't overdo it, being a little dependent once in a while can give you the upper hand on this kind of competition. Comprende?"
"Yeah. I get it. Thanks, Michiko. I just..."
"What?"
"I miss our world. We just don't fit here the way we do back at the farm."
Laughing, Michiko ruffled his hair. "See, you can be angsty when you want. Now, just try that around Ken." Bono sighed. He was kinda being serious. If only the others were as eager to get home as he was, but they seemed to forget they even had a home. Bono reached into his pocket absently, and pulled out a napkin with some doodling.
Hmm. Must be Rainbow's, He thought, un-crumpling it and looking down at the picture of chibi Rainbow hugging a chibi boy Bono didn't recognize. But, of course, the Omniscient Audience does, and realizes that Bono isn't the only Nuance longing for their natural habitat.