The Fairy Queen
The King of Red Lions and Link spun around in circles and sank until they finally hit the water of some grotto place thing. They were at none other than the Fairy Fountain/Lair of the Fairy Queen! When they finally stopped, Link fell out of the boat.
"Oh, God..." he moaned.
"What's wrong" the King asked.
"Ugh! I think my stomach's gonna explode..." Link replied in a choked voice as he clutched his stomach.
"Well, throw up or something! I dunno..."
"IT'S STUCK IN THERE, YOU BASTARD" Link shouted.
All of a sudden, a silvery-chrome-looking young girl appeared above the water.
"What the fuck is all this" she asked innocently.
"Um, do you have any pepto" the King of Red Lions asked. "And who the fuck are you"
"I'm the fairy queen! And yeah, I got some pepto...why"
The King of Red Lions nodded to Link who was rolling around in the water, screaming, and crying.
"What, is he in labor or something" the Queen asked.
"The kid's just got a weak stomach...give him the pepto."
The Queen threw the bottle at Link, and it bounced off his head.
"Whatcha waitin' for, boy? Pick up the damn box"
"CAN'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH FUCKIN' PAIN I'M IN, BITCH" Link screamed.
The Fairy Queen sighed, and flew down near Link, picked up the bottle, opened it, and grabbed Link. She shoved the liquid down his throat.
"There ya go! Better" she said.
Link sat up.
"Yeah, I guess that feels a lot bet"
But he was cut short when he chucked all over the Fairy Queen.
"AH! EW! YOU SON OF A BITCH! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA HAVE TO DO NOW" she screamed.
"No, and I don't particularly care..." Link replied with a smirk.
"I'm gonna have to take my clothes off..." the Fairy Queen replied with a smirk.
Link scrambled backwards.
"Oh, shit! You're not gonna"
"Why not"
"Because you didn't pay me yet..." Link said with a wink.
"Ok...is this what I think it is..." the King replied.
"How much money ya got" Link asked.
"Hmm...about...1,000,000 rupees. How much should I pay you"
"It depends on what exactly we're doing. 15 rupees should get you an hour of my services. But, if you give me 100 rupees, I'll take you as far as you wanna go, for as long as you want" Link said.
"Ooh! Ooh! Here's 100" the Queen said, handing Link the money.
The two of them went over a few things, then they went to a clump of trees in the grotto.
"Isn't this illegal! Oh, wait! IT IS" the King said.
The boat just sat there for hours and hours, listening and thinking about things that he found incredibly sickening and unpleasant.
"Quiet down! I can hear you guys" he said.
There was no reply. Just more of the...oh, nevermind.
Finally, after about 6 hours, Link and the Queen came out of the trees, laughing.
"Have fun" the King of Red Lions asked, rolling his eyes.
"Hell yeah" the Fairy Queen said, handing Link the rupees.
"Well, I'm gettin' the hell out of here now" Link said.
"Wait! Before you go, I'm going to give new power to the bow you wield" the Queen said.
She waved both hands, and a red and a blue fairy flew out from behind her. They crashed into Link, and the boy winced.
"There ya go! Now you can shoot fire and ice arrows" the Fairy Queen said.
"Uh, whatever. I'm leaving" Link said, getting back into his boat.
"WAIT" the Fairy Queen called. "I LOVE YOU"
But Link didn't hear her, and even if he did, he probably wouldn't have cared. Our hero had already played his new song, and was being lifted out of the Fairy Queen's Lair.