Laruto
The King of Red Lions and Link had warped to an area very close to Dragon Roost Island.
"Damn, I hope I don't have to go there again..." Link muttered, looking at it (Link had chugged a whole bottle of Pepto, so his stomach was ok.).
The King chuckled.
"Hope again..." he said with a smirk.
"What are you saying" Link barked.
"You're gonna have to go back there sooner than you think"
"What? NO!
"Oh, yes, you are"
"Oh, no, I'm not!"
"Yes, you are"
"NO I'M NOT"
"YES YOU ARE, DAMN YOU"
"DON'T MAKE ME KICK YOUR ASS"
"HEY, I'LL DROP YOU OFF AND LEAVE YOU HERE"
Link shut his mouth.
"That's better... Now, what we're gonna have to do is get the power bracelets."
"I thought we were going to find a sage or something like that..."
"We'll do that after we get the power bracelets."
"You mean when I get the power bracelets. And why are you doing this"
"Doing what, may I ask"
"Giving out-of-order directions! You tell me one thing, then you tell me I have to do a different thing after that thing, you know that thing"
"Wha..."
"OH, NEVERMIND, FAT ASS" Link shouted.
"HEY! I'm not fat" the King replied.
Link snorted.
"In your human form, you're a fucking cow..."
"I don't take kindly to back-talking midgets"
"Oh, did I say cow? Make it WHALE."
"You have the voice of a five year old GIRL"
"What's that supposed to mean"
"You have a stupid voice, seeing as your vocal chords aren't fully developed yet! You sound like a girl."
"I so totally DO NOT sound like a girl" Link squeeked.
Then he clasped his hands over his mouth when he realized how his sentence came out.
The King laughed.
"Ok, well, whatever. Just start sailing south."
"No" Link replied.
The King of Red Lions' voice turned demonic.
"YOU WILL DO IT"
Link nearly jumped out of his skin, and began sailing south. Finally, they reached what looked like a freaky mini volcano.
"Stop" the King commanded.
Link silently (for he was too busy fuming to say anything.) stopped the boat.
"Ok...what you have to do now is to shoot the lava that's coming out of the top with an ice arrow. Then, hurry and drop down through the opening at the top, and get the power bracelets! Oh yeah, and you only have a little bit of time to do it. Ok"
"Um...that idea doesen't tempt me..." Link mumbled.
The King of Red Lions' eyes began to glow red.
"But, uh, I'll do it anyway" the boy said quickly.
He shot at the lava with an ice arrow. It froze, then shattered. The boy jumped out of the boat, swam to the small volcano, quickly climbed it, and jumped in through the hole where the lava originally came from. It was incredibly hot inside, just like Dragon Roost Cavern was. Link felt a bit dizzy, but went on anyway. But, alas, inside the volcano were some fire keese and magtails! Although they did not pose much of a threat, because they were sitting on a couch, drinking beer, and watching the Superbowl.
"Ok...uh, this is something you don't see every day..." Link muttered.
"Hey! Shut up, boy! We're watchin' da game" a magtail barked at Link.
"Yeah! Yeah" the other enemies agreed.
"Well, whatever. I don't really give a fuck. Do you guys know where the power bracelets are" Link asked.
"Oh, it's just down that little path. Go ahead and take it" a fire keese said.
"Yeah! Yeah" everyone else agreed.
"Ok" Link said.
He followed the directions he was given, and soon found the treasure chest. Normally in the game, as you may know, it would be invisible until you defeated the enemies. But it also appears while the enemies are watching the Superbowl.
Link opened the chest, grabbed the power bracelets, and ran out of the volcano. He jumped off of it just in time before the lava began to shoot again. The boy swam back to the boat, and climbed in.
"Well, that was faster than I had hoped. Actually, I was hoping that you would face a firey death, but, alas, I suppose we can't get everything we want...well, this sucks..." the King of Red Lions said.
"Oh, gee, thanks for the warm 'hello'" Link retorted sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
"Well, the thing I want to know is, WHY THE FUCK AREN'T YOU DEAD! I WAS SO SURE THAT THE LAVA OR THE ENEMIES WOULD KILL YOU REAL GOOD! WHY DON'T YOU DIE"
Link snorted.
"It was like you said. "I have a limited amount of time." And I got the bracelets, in the right time! And besides, the enemies were watching the Superbowl, they didn't care" he said coolly.
"DAMN SUPERBOWL"
Link suddenly lost his cool.
"HEY! DON'T YOU DARE DISS THE SUPERBOWL! FOOTBALL IS THE GREAT AMERICAN PAST-TIME" he shouted.
The King of Red Lions rolled his eyes.
"There's two problems with that phrase, Link... One, BASEBALL is the great American past-time, and two, WE'RE NOT IN AMERICA, OH, SMART ONE!"
"Oh, whatever"
"Well, who cares. Now, finally we're going to learn the song that will awaken the Earth Sage"
"What's with all this we fuck? I'm the one doing all the work"
"You don't do a whole lot, you know. You sit on your ass and smoke pot most of the time."
"Do not"
"Do too"
And, after hours and hours of arguing, the two finally stopped, and had sailed to that one place where you meet Laruto.
"Ok...now, do you have your power bracelets on" the King asked.
Link nodded slowly.
"Good. Do you see that rock that's shaped like a head"
Link nodded.
"Good. Go over to it, and lift it up. Throw it, so it breaks. Ok"
Link said nothing. He just jumped out of the boat, waded to the island's shores, and did as he was told. The rock had been guarding a doorway, which Link walked into.
It was dark inside, but up ahead was a stone slab with Wind Waker notes carved into it. Link, being stupid but not so stupid as to not know what he should do, played the song.
All of a sudden, a fishy woman called a Zora appeared. She was wearing a fancy dress, and held a harp in her arms.
"What the fuck do you want" she asked.
"I have no clue... I was just told to come here, and learn a song" Link replied.
"Oh, that thing... Well, you just played it, genius... Anyway, I'm Laruto. I was the sage of the Earth temple. But, alas (Dammit, why do I keep writing that stupid word!), Ganondorf killed me, had sex with my body, and then cursed my soul. You, young bastard, will have to awaken my descendent..."
"Well, uh, it would be alot easier if I knew who your descendent was!"Link growled.
"They have a harp just like mine. I won't tell you who."
"Dammit, just tell me"
"No"
"Why not"
"'Cause that would take away my mysteriousness" Laruto said.
"Eh...why do you need to be mysterious, exactly" Link asked.
"Because I'm a spooky ghost! Can't you see how spooky I am?" she said as she began to dance around. "Booooo, BOOOOO, I'm a ghoooOOOooost!"
Link slowly backed up.
"Ooooook...that's not scary or mysterious... It's just corny and retarded. Well, I guess it IS a little scary... I...uh...gotta go" he said, running away.
The boy finally made it back to the boat.
"You look really freaked out..." the King noted.
"Ok...NO amount of therapy will EVER make what just happened ok" Link said (I got that quote off of Fairly Odd Parents, heh heh.).
"Ok. Now, we're off to Dragon Roost Island" the King of Red Lions declared.
Link's eyes opened wide.
"WHAT! NOOOOOOOOOOO"
But it was too late.
The King of Red Lions used his super X-men powers to transport them to Dragon Roost Island!