What Happens In Weiss, Stays In Weiss, Chapter 6.

Written By Michiko. Inspired by Nuances of Toast.

A/N's are Back! Special Mention to Kurai, my first reviewer that I don't know personally! Many thanks to you from all the people too lazy to review.

Fangirlese is a language spoken by fangirls, it is different for every group, as it consists of inside jokes. Amaya, Cyrano, and Rainbow speak it very well, Michiko is tolerably fluent, and Bono can't speak it at all. But, he can speak German, because he's European.

Also, for those of you who read Juvenile Orion, the girl Nagi reminds Michiko of is Kouru.

Bono von Bono had some experience in rescue operations, after all, his sister, the heir to the throne of his country, had been kidnaped on several occasions by various different people, and it was usually up to the Nuances to liberate her.

However, he had never seen quite the level swiftness exhibited by Weiss. As soon as it was obvious Brad had hung up, they sprang into action before Bono was really certain what was happened.

"Okay, someone set up the caller ID in case they call back, someone find the cell phones, and remember to put them on 'vibrate' instead of 'ring' this time. Someone log onto MapQuest and see if they can find a good map. Oh, for God's sakes, someone help Omi off the floor. Should we take the van or the car?"

"Van, definitely. And I'm driving." Aya declared as he rushed out of the room, probably not to do any of the things Yohji had suggested.

Bono stared into space, deciding ultimately that these guys knew what they were doing better than he did, as evidenced by how they were all running around in such a confident way.

Ken was busy rigging the phone line, stopping only to trip over Omi on his way to get some more wires.

"OMI! Get off the floor. You're in the way."

Trying to forget his problems, Omi was curled in a fetal position, murmuring to himself. "In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby. I lie inside myself for hours..."

Gritting his teeth, Ken pantomimed kicking his psychotic companion. "Stop being so damn angst ridden! Go look up maps or something."

"and watch my purple skies fly over me. Don't say I'm out of touch with this rampant chaos, your reality."

"Every second you don't help us is another second closer towards the Nuances' deaths. There will be plenty of time for you to forget this when lives aren't on the line."

"I'm awake, I'm awake. Should I be starting the computer?" Omi dashed to his desk. Ken watched him in case of a relapse.

"That a boy."

Suddenly, the phone rang. Yohji paused in the doorway on his quest for the cell phones. Nobody moved. This scene was hauntingly familiar to Bono. He had to say something.

"You will die in seven days." He giggled. The others turned to glare at him as Ken's voice filled the room.

"You've reached --- ----. We're busy trying to organize a rescue mission, but if you leave your name and number after the tone, we'll get back to you as soon as we can."

"Hello. This is just Nagi. We forgot to mention to bring $10,863 and 76 cents with you. And you had better come up with the money, on account of we don't want to hack nobody's limbs off. Sorry for bothering you. Bye."

Omi jumped away from his computer and ran in the direction of his room, muttering "$10863, 76 cents." over and over under his breath. Ken and Yohji ignored him.

"Ken? Did you get the call traced?"

"Uh-huh. It's my cell phone. I gave it to Rainbow, so they must have stolen it from her."

"It's just like those bastards to use up our minutes. I bet they're roaming, too."

"Hey, I applaud them for being able to get enough reception to make a call. I hate that cell phone. It only works on like, two streets."

"Yeah, we really need to change plans. I hear Cingular has a pretty good deal."

"Maybe we should get one of those family plans." Ken contemplated as Omi skidded back into the room with a piggy bank.

"I have $63 and 75 cents here, and if I cash in my college fund, I could come up with enough for..." He muttered, punching some numbers in on a calculator. "Amaya and 3/5 of one of the others, or 1/5 of each of them. That would be like, one arm... so we would have 3 arms... oh, gross."

Ken looked at his vertically-challenged friend. "Omi, what are you doing?"

"I'm figuring out how to pay the ransom. It comes out to $2,715.94 per person. And I think we all have that sitting around somewhere."

"Omi, we aren't going to pay the ransom!" Yelled Yohji as he fought the urge to smack the boy.

"YES WE ARE!"

"They don't expect us to pay it!"

"Oh yeah? Then why did they ask for it?"

"Because it's a tradition, the tradition of kidnaping your rivals' girlfriends for money, and we have so few traditions left. Even if they did want us to pay it, we're going to sneak in and rescue the Nuances to avoid paying it."

"But...but..."

"Omi, close your mouth before you swallow a bug. Go figure out which darts you're taking or something. And, Yohji..." Ken did a double take when he noticed the blond was in a trance-like state, staring fixedly at a DVD on top of the TV. "Yohji?"

Yohji was mumbling to himself as though having a revelation. "The one with the Cheating Short."

"Yohji? Did you say something?"

Yohji didn't really hear Ken, he was talking more to himself. "Michiko asked me to take back the MST with the cheating short. You know the one, with the student councillor. 'You've made yourself some powerful enemies, son.' That was one of the last things she said."

"I have enough on my plate dealing with Omi's problems without you being all tragic. Come on, Yohji, it's not like she died!"

"The Wild World of Batwoman is one of her all time favorites. She never would have forgotten what it was called."

Ken ripped his hair out as Yohji dazedly turned on the DVD player. "Yohji, we don't have time for you to watch one of your movies!"

"And I don't need to take it back. I own it. It's right here." He sighed, tapping the box.

"Yohji!"

"She's trying to tell us something, Ken! That's why she told me that quote! She wanted me to watch that part of that short!" Yohji fast forwarded through the opening credits, through TV's Frank's atomic hair dryer, through the Razorback invention, through young Jimmy's fall from grace, stopping almost directly at the quote Michiko had sited.

"Sorry, Jim, but I guess you know why." Said the annoying dork on the movie.

"Yohji, what does this have to do with..."

"Shut up for a second, Ken."

The narrator on the movie was being self righteous. "Yes, Jim knew why. He had been caught in a trap of his own making."

Ken grabbed the remote and shut off the TV. "See, Yohji, she was just spazing. You should know that. Look at Omi!" Indeed, Omi, who tries very hard not to spaz on a regular basis, is famous for shouting out random words when he finally does lose control.

"Or, she could mean that this is a trap set up by Schwartz and don't come..." Aya remarked from the doorway.

"Well, we're coming, trap or not, so why did she tell us?"

"Umm. Gee, do ya think its because she doesn't want us to get hurt?"

"Why the heck would she care about that?"

"You guys have such low self esteem, it's not even funny."

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Around the time this was happening, Cyrano had decided to wake up fully and put Operation

Raelene into action. She put on her most innocent face and turned to the boy who was now completely absorbed in his manga.

"It must suck to have them push you around like that all the time."

Nagi looked up briefly. "They don't do it very often. They just have short attention spans, so when we're watching captives, I usually get stuck with them." He said tolerantly. But then he considered the matter. "Sitting on a card table. Alone. Waiting for Aya to show up and beat the crap out of me before anyone else comes. Because Brad's thirsty. And Farf needs his coffee. And Schu is bleeding. And I don't count. Because I'm underage. And short."

Cyrano shifted a bit uncomfortably. She had forgotten Aya. And she was going to do it again in a second.

"And I just know I'm going to miss my Halo game. And they're going to be like 'I'm sorry Nagi, but you shouldn't be playing so much anyway.' And I'll be like 'BLAH.'"

Feeling a little alarmed, Cyrano tried to change the subject. "You play Halo?"

"Yeah. I hope your friends show up soon, I've got to meet FreesiasOfDarkness at 4:30."

"I hope they show up soon, too. I'm starving." Amaya groaned. Try as Cyrano might to shut her friend up, it just wasn't working. "Don't you know its not polite not to feed your guests?"

To Cyrano's surprise, Nagi actually didn't kill the starved angster. "I know. But we can't afford to right now. Actually, we kidnaped you so we could get some cash."

"You can't afford to feed us? With all the Dollar Menus running around?"

"Well, you see, we work for a corporation, so we kinda have a budget, and part of that budget is for kidnaping related expenses. But we sort of spent it on..." Nagi paused, unsure if he should go into this. But he's a sucker for a captive audience. (Remember what I said about puns?)

The Nuances were enthralled by now. "Go on."

"Well, we were at the beach on vacation, and we met this guy, and we- I mean- (cough) the others were a bit tipsy, and he was all like 'I bet I can eat more crab legs than you!' And, of course, Brad is like the Crab Leg Eating King, so he wasn't going to let that go, so we all challenged him, and we had to 'reappropriate' our entire budget to pay for the stomach pumps and the food. But, in our defense, this guy was practically a pro. He was eating the shells, too. And he had this tattoo on his tongue, and I was like 'hey man, did that hurt?' and he was like 'gimmee more crab legs.' and I was like 'wow,' because it was like, his third basket. That was a great holiday, though. We were at this one place, and" An impatient cough from Michiko called Nagi back to the present. Amaya and Rainbow were looking at each other with the half-frightened, half-delighted expression that suggests a stranger has stumbled onto an inside joke.

"So, you embezzled some funds, so you have to kidnap us to afford to kidnap more people." Cyrano summed up sympathetically after glaring at Michiko warningly.

"Well, we wouldn't care, normally, but we need the money to pay for Farferello's coffee, plus things get really boring around here sometimes."

"Ah. It all makes sense now."

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Back at Weiss Headquarters, Omi, Ken, Aya, and Yohji had been discussing the best way to deal with the alleged trap set for them. They had been arguing for quite some time, and the only thing they had decided was that they were going to have to let Manx and Persia know where they were going.

"Ok, Yohji, you call up Manx and tell her that..."

"I'm not calling her! She told me exactly what I can do the next time one of my romance interests gets in trouble, and I don't think it would help any of us were I to take her literally."

"Yohji...sometimes..." Aya shook his head.

"What?"

"Nothing. Omi, you know Persia's number, right?"

"We aren't on speaking terms. For a reason."

"Aya?"

"Don't look at me!"

"Well, I'm not calling them! Yohji can!"

This had been going on for a really long time, and Bono had, by dint of thinking at a reasonable pace, realized that A) Weiss had no clue what they were doing. B) Bono was perfectly capable of rescuing his crazy fangirl friends on his own. C) He knew exactly where they were and how to save them. It was time to interrupt the rescue crew.

"Hey, Aya? How tall is Brad Crawford?"

"... I'm not sure...maybe a little taller than you... yeah... like a few inches..."

Omi stuck his tongue out at his red-haired companion. "Aya, you don't know anything. He's really tall, Bono. Like, ten feet."

"Maybe to you, super-chibi-who's-afraid-of-Persia," Aya smirked.

"Come on Aya! I said I didn't want to talk to him, OK?" Unnoticed by the boys of Weiss, Bono slipped out of the room.

"Yeah, because you're scared!"

"I don't see you volunteering to call him!" Actually, nobody really likes talking to Persia. He's an ass. Hey, it's the truth.

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Cyrano's forces were regrouping and coming up with another plan for Operation Raelene. Apparently Nagi was not the kind of ACE who untied every hostage who gave him puppy eyes. She was calculating. Rainbow was staring at Nagi's manga with uncommon concentration. Amaya was still feeling depressed, almost in tears. Michiko, who was convinced Weiss would not be coming, decided to take a stab at their jailer. Hey, sometimes the Caring Adult act works.

"I guess you don't have many friends your own age." She ventured.

Nagi gave her a brief, angsty glance before commencing reading. "I don't want friends my age. People are jerks."

Michiko paused. That look reminded her of someone, but she couldn't think who. A girl she knew once. But she couldn't quite remember. Grr. This wasn't helping and it made her feel angsty. Maybe she should try to cheer up Amaya. Surely that would help. She turned to her quietly angsting friend.

"Amaya, don't be sad. Things are going to turn out just fine."

"But... Omi..."

"Don't worry about Omi. He'll be fine. I promise."

"But I can't help but worry. It's easy for you to say everything is going to be fine, but you can't know that!"

Listening in, Nagi couldn't help but snort a little.

"Hey! What you laughing at?" Rainbow glared, without looking up.

"Miss Solace over there. She's trying so hard to cheer up her friend, when she's the one who should be worried. The rest of your deaths will be relatively painless."

"Great. You're just a little ray of sunlight and hope, aren't you, kid?" Amaya snapped sarcastically. It was bad enough being in this position without this sassy adolescent rubbing it in.

"All I'm saying is I'm not sticking around when Schu gets ahold of your friend. She picked the wrong villain to irritate."

"Like I said, I'm not afraid in the least. I get hurt constantly around my friends." Has anyone else noticed how much Michiko gets hurt in this fic?

"Whatever. I was just warning you." Stupid, ordinary humans. Why do I even bother? Nagi thought to himself. He knew better than to be in earshot when Schu came back, and if he was all right, what did it matter?

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In front of a Starbucks, a dark haired boy wobbled a little on the 5 inch tall platform shoes he had 'borrowed' from Cyrano. Judging from the number of people chatting on cell phones in the area, he had come to the right place. After a brief pause, he straightened his glasses and walked into the enormous office building next door to it.

Brad was sitting against the wall opposite the water vending machine. He was fairly certain he was going crazy. Ever since they had called up Weiss, he had had a mortally painful headache, and a few minutes ago, he had envisioned himself being attacked by himself. Maybe Schu and Nagi were right, and he should go back to tap water, if the bottled stuff made him hallucinate like this.

But he should think this through. His precognition had never failed him before, there was no reason to doubt it now. So, just to be safe, he was going to stand up, and peak around the corner.

"OOF!"

Bono surveyed his handiwork. Pitiful. Back home, he could have knocked this guy out in one punch. Now he relied on Michiko's Bling Bling Cross of DOOM. Yet another thing to hate about Weiss Land.

Closer examination showed he, luckily, had gotten the guy he was looking for, the one who could, if you squinted, have been his clone... or at least his brother. Maybe Aya had exaggerated on the resemblance part, but at this point, it was all Bono had to go on. He grabbed the insensible Brad by his arms and dragged him into a nearby men's room.

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Rainbow hadn't taken her eyes off the back cover of the manga their attendant was reading. From how far away it was, she couldn't very well read the summary, but she wasn't interested in the plot. She was more enthralled with the chibi version of one of the characters on the back.

"Hey, Nagi? Who is that?"

"Who is what?"

"That boy. On the back. He looks familiar."

"Oh. Him. Ego." For some unknown reason, this sent all of the Nuances into fits of hilarity. "Have you guys read this series or something?"

Rainbow squinted, trying to see the name of the manga he was holding. "No, I don't think so. But.. Ego... its an inside joke."

"I call him that because I can never keep track of people's names in manga." Nagi turned the book over so the Nuances could see the three teenagers on the front. "I call that one Jock, that one Ego, and that one Demon."

Rainbow and Amaya gasped at this incredible impoliteness. "But his name isn't Demon, and it's very rude of you to call him that." Rainbow admonished.

"Well, he kinda is one."

Amaya's mouth dropped open. "SO? How would you like it if everybody just called you Shrimp all the time just because you're short?"

"Its not like he's going to find out and be all suicidal about it."

"Didn't mommy ever teach you its not nice to talk about people behind their back?" Rainbow looked throughly appalled at how callous this angsty child could be.

Nagi shifted a little farther away. "Are you sure you haven't read these? Are you fangirls?"

"No! Well, maybe a little. I just don't think you should be calling him Demon. It hurts." Amaya tried to find a way to explain why this was such an insult, but couldn't find the words.

The boy rolled his eyes. "I suppose you have people call you demon all the time?"

Nagi didn't realize this was the very reason she was so angsty. "Yes! I hate it. I can't help who I am." Although, at the moment, Amaya couldn't remember why she couldn't help it.

Amaya's response was so close to the manga he was reading, Nagi didn't even dignify it with a response. The actual manga was much more interesting than the cliche mood swings of the captives.

Having been sitting on the card table for so long, Nagi had decided to stand up and take a stretch, which wasn't remarkable in itself, but when the boy stood up, the manga hovered in front of his eyes. It followed him when he sat down, and started turning pages while suspended in mid air. Apparently it was a can't-put-down kind of story, because it took a while after this miracle for Nagi to notice the Nuances, especially Rainbow, were staring.

"What?"

Rainbow smiled. "I can do that."

The boy snatched the book out of the air and turned away. "It's not funny." What do I care what they think? He tried vainly to convince himself. They're going to die soon, anyway.

Rainbow tried a couple of times to untie herself mentally to prove her powers, but they weren't working. "I can! Michiko can too, but she's really not very good at it. And one person in my... my... um...grr.. whatever, I know someone who can pick up whole cars like that. I'm sort of average at it because I have such a wide range of abilities, but I think it's a fair trade. You should come to con. sometime, we have a great time."

"Con? There's a psychic convention?"

"Yeah, it's every year. I can't believe you haven't heard of it, everybody from..." Rainbow suddenly remembered they weren't in Kansas anymore. Her perky attitude deflated when she realized fully she was going to die as a hostage in another world, and no one would ever find out what had happened. She would never go to another Convention, or find out why Ego was so funny, or graduate, or wipe out the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet, or a million other things. "Oh, I guess you wouldn't have. Never mind."

Nagi turned back to his levitating book. "Whatever. I sure hope the others get back soon. You're starting to scare me."

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It turns out that the water in the building had been temporarily shut down, and Schuldich had quickly discovered that he was going to have to relent on his Tap Water Only Policy if he was going to take an aspirin, and at this point, he figured his head hurt just as much as having his skin turn to bleeding rashes. So he scrounged up a dollar and headed off towards the vending machine, praying he didn't run into Crawford or Farferello. Just buy the damn water quickly and get out of here. That's the plan.

But the universe has a wonderful sense of humor, of course, so the machine, sensing Schu's hurry, jammed.

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Farferello was returning from the Starbucks with his overpriced coffee in hand, when he heard the sounds of a vending machine in distress. He would have investigated, but the door farther down the hall opened and emitted a tallish figure in a hauntingly familiar tan suit. Farf glanced at the man, who hadn't noticed him yet, then at the recycled paper cup he was holding in his hands, and did what any sane person would have done. He dived through a nearby door before Brad turned around.

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Schu barely managed to make the machine hand over the water when he heard footsteps in the hall. As he tried to yank his foot back out of the vending machine (long story), he considered his options. Odds are it was someone he didn't want to run into, so he rushed back to the room where the Nuances were pestering Nagi.

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This is the ugliest color on a suit I have ever seen. The girls owe me. Bono thought to himself as he pondered which door the fangirls where behind. This office building was too freaking big. There had to be twenty some doors in this hallway alone. And a sound was coming from one of them.

"Nobody knows/ the trouble I've seen./ Nobody knows my sorrow!" Sang the door five down on the right soulfully. Bono laughed. Leave it to the fangirls.

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"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen! Nobody knows but Jesus!" The Nuances belted out, having burst into song randomly. Schu was gulping down aspirin and bottled water like there was no tomorrow.

"GAD, Shrimpy, can't you shut them up?"

"DON'T CALL ME SHRIMPY!" Screamed Nagi the Boy Wonder as Schu's hard earned water exploded...

...Right in the face of 'Brad', who had just walked into the room. "Nice." He remarked before pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiping off his face. "Real nice."

"I'm sorry, Brad. He was teasing me!"

'Brad' suddenly realized he didn't know who the heck these people were or anything about them, and the fangirls didn't know he was there. Finally, Bono's only word of fangirlese came in handy. "Tae. Tae." He said, as though clearing his throat. He watched with some amusement as the girls' eyes widened. (Translation- This may look like me, but its really my evil twin.)

"Sorry, allergies. Anyway, no teasing the kid, er..." Bono paused awkwardly, wishing he knew the name he was looking for.

"Schu's been kicking me while you were gone! Could make him stop?" Michiko begged pointedly to Bono.

Bono suppressed a grateful smile. He had been afraid they wouldn't understand his garbled fangirlese. "Shoe! No killing the prisoners. I thought I told you not to..."

Nagi and Schu gaped at their leader person. "Did you just call me Shoe?"

Bono hesitated. "Is that not your name?"

"OOC!" Rainbow shouted, hoping she and Bono were the only fiction writers in the room. Bono could have smacked himself. He changed his facial expression immediately. (Out Of Character)

"I called you Shoe because I felt like it. Why do I need a reason?"

"Crawford? You feeling ok?"

Bono jumped a little at being addressed as Crawford. "Just chipper, thank you very much. Shoe, go and stand outside and watch for Weiss."

"Isn't that what Farf's doing?"

Who the hell is Barf? Bono thought. "Change of plans. He needs help. Go to him!" There was an uncomfortable pause while Schu glared at his cohort.

"Are you thinking in German?" He asked Bono (in German, consequently.) "I didn't know you spoke German."

"What were you doing reading my mind in the first place?" Bono meant something like "Holy Shit, you can read minds?" Schu thought he meant "I thought I told you to stay away from my mind, you freak!"

"Well, you were acting weird. And what do you mean, Barf? Who's barf? Are you on a Spaceballs kick again?"

"I thought I told you go to check on Barf."

"You mean Farferello?"

"No, goddamn it, I said Barf and I meant it, Shoe!"

Since the entire conversation had switched to German, Nagi and the Nuances were making up captions for an interesting, badly dubbed soap opera. You must simply imagine watching Schu and Brad argue with a voice-over.

Cyrano was talking for Schu. "I found a blond hair on your jacket this morning. Conducting a little more 'research' with that Amou bimbo from the office?"

"And I suppose you weren't all over your old flame Kuga at that party last night?" Nagi subbed for whatever Brad/Bono said.

"I don't know how you could have known what I was doing, after all you had to drink!"

"Don't lie to me, Schu. I went through your pockets, and I don't believe I've ever seen you wearing the thong I found there, and I sure as hell never wear leopard print."

"Brad! Not in front of my children!" Cyrano timed this remark perfectly with Schu's waving at the others. What he was really saying, I don't know.

"They're my children too, Shoe!"

"What makes you so sure?"

"What did that mean? Is there something you want to tell me?"

"I'm..." Cyrano and Schu paused for breath/dramatic effect. "Not sure. Nagi's either yours or Ken's or Omi's. I never decided."

At this point, Nagi was on the floor, doubled over laughing, so Rainbow had to take over for a bit. She decided to use her Trailer-Trash Talk Show voice. "Omigod, boy, I trusted you, and you just sleeping around behind mah back?"

"I was going through a phase! It's not like that anymore!" Cyrano lamented tearfully.

"You told me you luved me!"

"I do luv you, darling, I just needed mah space!"

Nagi took a few deep breaths and resumed his place. "I sacrifice the best years of mah life for you, and look what you gone and done."

"I told you I ain't like that anymore. I've changed!"

Much to the amusement of the audience, Brad/Bono just happened to turn away. "I just can't trust you now."

"And how can I trust you, Brad? You think Ken never told me about you?"

Rainbow interrupted briefly. "Wait, why are we picking on Ken?"

Cyrano slipped out of character. "Oh, sorry, Rainbow." She started over. "You think Yohji never told me about you?"

"Well, you've had your fun, why shouldn't I have mine? I feel so suffocated with you!"

"That's it, Crawford! It's over. I'm going home to mother!"

"Uh-huh. Do you mean mother, or Farferello, you hussy?" Nagi/Brad said as Schu exited the room.

Michiko put on her Jerry Springer face. "Folks, every relation has its secrets. But sometimes, you need to share before its too late. That's your final thought for the day, goodnight."

Nagi wiped a few tears from his eyes. "We really shouldn't do that. We have enough trouble with the yaoi writers as is. But that was so perfect."

"What was so perfect?" Brad/Bono asked cluelessly.

"I'm Ken and Schu's love child!" Giggled the boy who does look suspiciously like Ken. Brad/Bono stared at him without comment, then decided to examine the manga Nagi had left on the card table.

"Is this any good?" He asked, picking it and examining the cover. Especially the guy Nagi christened 'Jock'.

"Oh, yeah. It's great. I'm glad you recommended it."

"I should read these. Again, I mean."

"I have one and two in my bag." The author officially decides Nagi is cool enough to have a saddle bag. "Hey, Brad, are you shrinking? You seem shorter." Even with Cyrano's shoes, Bono just didn't measure up.

"Well, I'm not. You're just getting taller, that's all."

"Am I really? YES! Finally!"

Feeling a little bad for getting Nagi's hopes up, Bono/Brad pulled a Benadril out of his pocket. "Here, shrimp, do you want some candy?"

"It's Nagi. Not Shrimp, Shorty, Chibi ,Chibi Shrimp, or Teensy. Nagi."

"I know. I was just teasing." Bono/Brad lied.

"You never tease me when the others aren't around. You really are acting different today."

"No, I'm not. Just take the candy."

The door opened as Farferello, now coffee-free, came in. "Crawford? Are you giving out candy? That's really unlike you."

"Yeah. How do we know you're the real Brad and not an imposter?" Nagi challenged, taking the candy and swallowing it anyway.

"Because I am the real Brad. How dare you question my OOF!" Bono/Brad gasped as Farf hit him upside the head with Schu's water bottle.

"The real Brad would have seen that coming."

"I did see that coming. I just chose not to do anything because I don't think you should be questioning my identity."

"Oh, yeah? Then what's the name of the guy on the cover here?" Nagi challenged, pointing to Jock. Bono/Brad thought quickly.

"Isshin Shiba." The first name that popped into his head.

"That's him, Farf." Nagi affirmed before he passed out on the floor, a result of the Benadril.

"Nagi? Hey, Shrimp, wake up!" When Nagi didn't respond, Farferello turned back to Bono/Brad. "Oh, Schu says he gets dibs on the one on the right, there." He nodded towards Michiko.

Bono/Brad stared for a second, then shook his head as though trying to get rid of a bad mental image. "I'm sorry, I had a perverted moment. You meant something different than what I thought you meant just then. Please tell me you meant something different."

"I didn't mean like that! Although I see where you got it from. She is kind of cute."

Bono's mouth dropped open. "That's my Literature teacher, you depraved psycho! She is not cute! She is not physically appealing in any way!" He screamed, punching the lech in the stomach. But of course, it didn't hurt him.

"If you're the real Crawford, I'm a leprechaun." Farferello noted sarcastically, staring at Bono's fist, which was still firmly planted on his stomach. Bono stepped back a few steps, giving his opponent room to leap towards him with a creepy, high-pitched war cry. But Bono side stepped him, and Farf ended up tumbling over the table, which collapsed on top of him, knocking him out.

"Ha. I win. Nobody suggests Michiko is attractive in front of me!" Bono laughed in triumph as he began to untie Cyrano.

Michiko rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Bono. My self esteem just spiked. No wonder I have trouble finding dates."

"Come on, Michiko! You can do better than him." Bono assured her.

"Ok, maybe you can't, but at least try!" Amaya encouraged, patting her teacher's arm. At this point, Bono was just finishing untying her. He moved on to Michiko just as Schu came back in the room.

After glancing at the drugged Nagi and Farferello's crumpled form, then at the three free Nuances, he turned to Bono/Brad. "HEY! Leave Michiko! Farf told me I would get to kill her."

"Change of plans, Shoe."

"You are such a buzz killer, Crawford. She is going to die, and I am going to be the one who decides when and how. I don't ask for much from you. I let you make decisions on your own, I never question your authority, I don't rub it in your face when you do something stupid like challenge guys you meet at bars to eating contests. All I ask is that you occasionally let me torture people into insanity. Is that too much to hope for?"

Michiko glanced at her friends, calculating based on what she remembered of her Weiss watching days. "FINE! Kill me. I dare you." She spat.

"Oh, like I needed your permission. Any last words?"

"Yes, please. Let me think of some..."

"Michiko, there's no reason for you to do this."

"Someday, you'll understand, Amaya. Rainbow, you're Tetra." Michiko nodded towards Schu. "Ganondorf and..."

Rainbow finished for her. "Link. I get it." She then turned to whisper the translation to Bono, but stopped herself, in case the telepathic was listening in. Instead, she just told him what to say.

"Ok, kill her. But try not to get so much blood on the floor this time." Bono instructed impartially. Michiko whimpered as Schu turned on her.

"I told you your death would be painful, did I OOF!" Schu went down, bonked on the noggin by a cross, an empty water bottle, and a cell phone. Michiko slid out of the way and waited while Bono untied her.

"Ok, is someone going to explain that bit of Fangirlese to me?" Asked the non-fangirl.

"She was referring to a scene in the Legend of Zelda: the Windwaker, wherein Link is cornered by Ganondorf, and Tetra sneaks up behind him and saves him." Rainbow laughed.

"I'm sorry I scared you guys like that." Michiko, now free, pulled a gun out of Schu's pocket. "I figured as long as he was busy trying to torture me, he wouldn't be shooting at you."

"Is that why you kept mouthing off? To keep him mad at you?"

"Kinda. I just like being grouchy. And he didn't hurt me too badly." The Nuances rolled their eyes at Michiko. "Oh, who am I kidding? It hurt like hell. Bastard. Take that! And that!" She growled, accenting each syllable with a kick. "That's for kidnaping my friends. And that's for not feeding us! And that is for making me angsty. And that is for trying to kill Yohji. And Aya. And Ken. And Omi. And for the inconvenience involved therein! And for having ugly hair. And for forcing Bono to wear that suit! And for..."

Bono glanced at his, ok, Brad's watch. "It's getting late. We don't really want to walk all the way back in the dark. Let's go."

"Wait!" Rainbow stooped down and rooted through Nagi's saddlebag, grabbing the mangas she found there. Then most of the group headed out the door. But where was Cyrano? Come to think of it, where was Cyrano during the whole last scene?

I'll tell you where she was. She was clinging to Nagi with a vengeance.

"Come on, Cyrano! We have to leave!"

"But I don't want to leave! He's so cute and angsty!" She murmured.

Amaya watched the girl and her pet ACE. "Actually, she is right. We can't just leave them like this. When they wake up, they're going to be pissed."

"Well, what do you propose we do with them?"

"I dunno. Kill them?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! We can't!" Cyrano shouted, almost destroying the hearing in Nagi's left ear for the rest of his life.

Michiko turned and flashed the smile of the truly sadistic. "Cyrano's right. These guys are our friends,"

"THEY ARE?" Gasped Amaya, Rainbow, and Bono.

"Hear me out. They're our friends, and they're unconscious. What would you do if your friend was unconscious and utterly dependant on you?" She winked. Cyrano's nose started to bleed heavily.

"Can we really, Michiko?"

"I think that would be best for everybody. Bono, what did you do with Brad?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxscene changexxxxxxlast one, i promisexxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The next day, Schwartz woke up and found themselves tied together, sitting in a dark, rainy alley in their underwear, and, in Nagi's case, covered in whipped cream.

"They're going to pay for this." Schu vowed, trying to move his hands in a dramatic gesture.

"Dang it, 'Shoe', sit still. Farf, move your hand to the left. No, my left... grr. This is impossible. Who the heck tied these knots?" Nagi complained.

"Oh, hurry up, Houdini!" Brad snapped.

"I'm trying to go as fast as I can! I can't see what I'm doing through this whipped cream... does it help when I do this?"

"No, that makes it tighter... Didn't you ever take Boy Scouts or something? Don't you know how to untie a rope?"

"I'd like to see you try to undo a knot using only your mind while blinded by whipped cream and being heckled by ungrateful morons!"

"Whose bright idea was this kidnaping, anyway?" Farferello grumbled.