A/N: I am making certian assumptions about Weir's past in this chapter. I don't think there is mention of certaint things I make up about her life in her personnel file or on the TV show. Enjoy.
Chapter 9: The Strategy
Dr. Weir decided to pass the time finding out all she could about PTSD. The Doctor had suggested she start with the DSM-IV (see notes). He loaned her the copy he had brought along with his medical references explaining that this was the next best thing to having a real psychologist around.
Lying in her bed with pillows propped up behind her, Elizabeth flipped to the index finding the PTSD chapter. Having been from a military family, she was aware of this phenomenon occurring in veterans and others that have been through traumatic situations such as child abuse or sexual assault. She would find much of the material familiar based on her own personal experiences.
If it was one thing Dr. Weir had learned through her work was to know your opponent well. Right now, that opponent was PTSD. She familiarized herself with the requirements for making a diagnosis and from what she read, determined that the Major, based on his behavior, had met the first two key criteria: (1) "the person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others....and (2) "the person's response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror" (APA, 2000).
In addition, the Major was exhibiting behavior in which he was having "recurrent distressing dreams of the event" and was avoiding "thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma." (APA, 2000)
The Doctor had also loaned her "Essential Psychopathology and Its Treatment." In this elaborate text, she learned that the victim of PTSD would often only accept support form someone who had experienced a similar trauma (Maxmen & Ward, 1995).
It appeared that the Major was in an acute stage but Dr. Weir couldn't tell if this would become chronic or if his symptoms would persist since not enough time had passed to make those assumptions.
Dr. Weir took the rest of the afternoon to plan out her strategy. Based on what she had learned, she knew what she had to do to possibly help the Major.
Elizabeth finally got a hail from Dr. Beckett explaining that the Major was starting to come around. She quickly made her way to the infirmary and arrived at the Major's side just as he was becoming fully conscious.
The Major's bed had been raised to about a thirty degree angle and had been propped up on pillows. Upon arriving, Elizabeth noticed that he looked peaceful and almost angelic despite the swelling and red blotches on his face. He definitely looked much better since she had last been with him earlier that morning.
Major Sheppard shifted slightly and sighed as he slowly opened his eyes. He became aware of Dr. Weir's presence and looked over at her, locking eyes with the leader of Atlantis. His face was expressionless but his eyes were full of sadness.
Dr. Weir considered this a marked improvement in his demeanor. At least he was acknowledging her presence. The Major swallowed hard. Who was going to make the first move? It would be Elizabeth.
"I know what you're going through, John," she simply stated.
"What would you know about it?" John countered in a low tone through clenched teeth; anger and hurt evident in his voice.
"More than you think," Dr. Weir replied.
Good, she thought. He's fighting me. He was obviously ready to talk. I'll take it.
John figured that Elizabeth knew all the gory details of what they had done to him. "I'm no good to the team," the Major reasoned his tone turning to disgust. "I never have been," he said dejectedly.
"What do you mean you're no good to the team?" Dr. Weir questioned incredulously.
"I've failed them...and I've failed you more times than I care to count" he came back in a harsh whisper.
"Listen to me. You have failed no one. The team needs you now more than ever. I need you," she emphasized the 'I.'
John shook his head in protest not able to look at Elizabeth. How could she possibly need him? He's been nothing but trouble since the beginning. He should have done more to help Sumner. How would she fully trust him after this?
"John," she continued emphatically, "if anyone, I've done the failing. Every time I send a team out on a mission, I run the risk of sending you into a situation that may be potentially hazardous endangering all of your lives. I have to live with the decision that I sent you and Teyla to speak with the Xenotites having no idea how they were going to react."
"I can't face them. Not now. Not like this," he argued, shame written all over his face.
Dr. Weir softened. "Of course you can...and you will."
The Major shook his head "no" showing exasperation with Elizabeth's confidence in him.
Frustrated with John's countenance, Dr. Weir continued her logic, eyes flashing and her voice raised, "Do you honestly think that you're the only person that has ever been victimized like this? You are not the first nor will you be the last person to experience pain," she said a bit on the defensive side. It came out sounding harsher than she intended.
"You wouldn't understand," he barked back with anger and frustration in his own voice.
"Oh, yeah," Dr. Weir challenged in a firm voice raising her eyebrows. "Try me. Believe me when I say I know what you're going through and I'll tell you why."
"John," she paused momentarily, "I was raped."
There. She had said it. Laid it out for John to hear. Absolutely no one else knew about her secret. Not even Simon.
Upon hearing these words, John looked at Elizabeth sharply; a look of simultaneous surprise, horror, and disgust on his face. John felt as though a knife had been plunged through his heart.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Elizabeth, the strongest woman he had even met, was raped? How could that be? The thought invaded his mind like a bad, lingering smell.
"When? How?" he asked in a strained whisper as if he said it any louder the very air around them would freeze and shatter.
"In college by three fraternity brothers," Elizabeth answered matter-of-factly.
This was getting worse for John by the second. He continued to stare at Elizabeth dumbfounded.
Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth paused to collect her thoughts. As part of her planned strategy, she would disclose everything.
She launched into her explanation. "I was on my way back to my dorm room after a late night class. I had just taken my last final exam before Christmas break. I was in a hurry to get back to my room so I decided to take a shortcut. Unfortunately, I had to pass by a wooded area that was not very well lit and we had been warned that it might be unsafe at night."
"Three guys came out of nowhere and started following me. They were drunk obviously drinking to celebrate being done with their own exams." John was listening to Elizabeth with rapt attention and concern.
"I knew one of the guys. I had turned him down for a date a couple of weeks before. He must have used this to justify his actions."
"He started to harass me. Wanna have some fun Lizzy? Show us what you got Lizzy," Dr. Weir mimicked in a mocking tone. "I new that I was in big trouble at that point."
Oh, god. John made a mental note to never call her "Lizzy" ever again, realization hitting him like a ton of bricks why she hated that nickname so much.
Elizabeth continued. "I tried to run but they overpowered me and dragged me into the woods. They each took turns having their way with me. The one that I knew was in the lead and the other two seemed to be along for the ride. I sensed that they were reluctant and uncomfortable with the situation."
"The one that knew me started to hit me and said that this would make up for turning him down for a date. I must have blacked out since I don't remember much after that. I wasn't found until the next morning by one of my roommates."
"The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the hospital emergency room. I was so scared," Elizabeth's voice faltered slightly with this statement.
There was a moment of silence between them as John was soaking in this new information. The Major reached for Elizabeth's hand and lightly held it as if it was a very delicate piece of china.
John's eyes were filled with compassion and empathy all of his anger now dissipated. "I'm sorry. I didn't know," he said in a breathless whisper.
"Its okay, John...nobody knows. You won't find it in my personnel file for obvious security reasons," she said in a much stronger, crisper voice.
Elizabeth gave the Major's hand a reassuring squeeze. "It was a long time ago."
John smiled. A little crooked smile, a tiny bit or mirth returning to his eyes mixed with melancholy.
Dr. Weir blinked and cocked her head. "What are you smiling at?"
"You," John replied. "You never cease to amaze me," he added vehemently. He had newfound admiration for her just at that moment. He had never thought he could admire Dr. Elizabeth Weir any more than he already had.
Elizabeth smiled back.
"So, how'd everything turn out?" the Major inquired.
"I pressed charges on the three boys. There was enough evidence to nail all of them," she reported.
"That must have been a difficult process. Most women wouldn't have come forward," the Major drawled.
"It was difficult but what was driving me was my concern that if not stopped, the boys would have continued to victimize other women. I was determined to stop them."
"Soooo...what happened to the frat brats?" John asked not without a little disdain in his voice. Being career military, he had little tolerance for pretty college boys.
"They all served about a year in jail and were not allowed to continue academic careers. The two reluctant boys actually wrote me letters of apology explaining that they had too much to drink and had gotten caught up in the moment. They realized their mistake the following morning when they sobered up, and not believing what they had done, regretted their actions immediately."
"They actually thanked me for turning them in saying that because of me they had turned their lives around. I still hear from them form time to time. Both of them are now married and have children of their own. As for the leader, he continued his criminal behavior and is in jail as we speak for other assault crimes."
"I guess you got over it?" John tentatively asked raising an eyebrow.
"You never really get over it. You just learn to live with it. Use it to your advantage. In my case, I made sure some good came out of it. Rest assured, it didn't happen overnight and it took lots of work."
"So you see, John, good and strength can come out of all negative situations. Sometimes you just need to dig it out. For instance, those two boys might not have gotten on the right path had I not stepped forward and turned them in."
John nodded absent-mindedly forgetting his own trauma for a few moments. "How long did it take you to learn to live with it?" he asked thoughtfully.
"I had nightmares for months afterwards. Fortunately, the university had a very competent counseling staff. They helped me get through the rest of school. I was able to gain my confidence back and keep my grades up."
"...and," John stretched out the word, "here you are."
"Yes, here I am," she smiled bitter-sweetly.
Elizabeth sobered. "John, I want you to know that you have my full support. I know that it's not going to be easy but you'll heal. The process has already begun. Dr. Beckett tells me your wounds are healing quickly. I'm here to make sure your mind heals quickly, as well."
"I also want you to understand that you have nothing to be ashamed of. What was done to you was not your fault and you didn't choose what happened to you and Teyla. Neither of us did."
"I know but I still feel responsible," John answered the defeated attitude returning.
"What those bastards did to you was wrong no matter what. It was their choice."
"Thank you," the Major simply said.
There were a few moments of shared understanding between them. John still couldn't believe Elizabeth's tale. Maybe she did understand his situation, afterall. The sadness returned to his eyes. He was still not ready to talk about his experience but if he decided to share it with anyone, it would be with Elizabeth.
"About earlier today..." the Major started.
Sensing what he was about to say and wanting to spare him the explanation Elizabeth cut him off gently, "Don't mention it."
John shook his head in understanding.
Dr. Beckett, waiting for an opportune time to break in, finally made his move and good-naturedly shooed Elizabeth away claiming that the Major needed his rest.
Elizabeth, realizing she was still holding John's hand, gave it one final squeeze.
"Be well, John."
"Be well, Elizabeth."
Dr. Weir left the infirmary leaving behind a bemused Dr. Beckett. She truly was a remarkable woman. That she had turned John's attitude around was not lost on the Doctor. His spirits were lifted with renewed hope for the Major's predicament. The rest of the evening was uneventful for the Doctor except for changing some of the Major's dressings and giving his injuries a thorough checking over.
Notes: I want to give credit where credit is due. I did not make up the PTSD diagnosis.
American Psychiatric Association (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (4th ed. Rev.). New York: Author
Maxmen, J. S. & Ward, N.G. (1995). Essential psychopathology and its treatment (2nd ed.). New York: Norton.
A/N: This is where I had thought about ending the story but I think there is still some work ahead for our favorite flyboy. Is John going to recover? Did Weir really make everything all better? Read on and find out. Sorry about getting clinical on you guys. That's the counselor in me. I can't help but make this educational. Thanks again to my reviewers for your wonderful suggestions and encouragement. I hope I can keep this interesting for you. Hugs...