The Iron Boots

The cyclone swirled slower and slower, lower and lower, until it stopped, dropping Link on the ground.

He fell hard on his back with a 'thud.'

Link moaned, and pulled the blindfold off.

The world was spinning to him, and he felt nauseous.

He knew that if he WANTED to feel dizzy and nauseous, he could've just chugged a bottle of vodka, but with the cyclone things, it was not at all pleasant.

Link sat up slowly, and clutched his stomach, moaning softly once more.

The King looked over at him.

"Ok, stay away from me until you barf!" he said. "I just got a new paint job!"

Link glared at him.

"You fucking suck..."

So, to prove some sort of "Link point," Link walked over to the boat and threw up all over him.

"AW, MAN, YOU FUCKING SUCK!" the King shouted.

Link glared at the boat.

"Yeah, well, you fucking suck more!" he spat.

"No, you fucking suck more!" the King of Red Lions shot back angrily.

"NO, YOU FUCKING SUCK MORE!"

"NUH-UH!"

"UH-HUH!"

"NUH-UH!"

"UH-HUH!"

And, after about an hour of the 'You Fucking Suck More War', it was finally over.

The King of Red Lions was the victor! As the winner, he had made Link clean up all the barf, and be less obnoxious. And, he told the boy that if he didn't, he would use his X-men lasery powers to kill him.

At last, they were ready to go.

"Wait...where exactly are we going?" Link asked.

"We're gonna go find the iron boots so we can awaken the next sage."

Link frowned.

"Is it someone I know?" he asked.

"Probably," the King replied.

Link really didn't like the sound of that. Seeing as he hated most of the people he knew, there weren't too many good choices. Actually, there weren't any good ones at all!

But, he hoisted the sail, and rode off to the area marked on his seachart anyway.

About an hour or so later, the King of Red Lions and Link reached their destination.

It was sort of like the firey mountain place where Link had recieved the power bracelets, but instead of having lava, this mountain thingy was covered with snow, ice, and wind.

Link glared up at it.

"Shit..." he murmured.

"You're going to have to do the same thing you did before, but with fire arrows. And, maybe this time you'll die," the King said.

Link shot him a dirty look as he pulled out his bow and arrows.

He aimed at the freezing blast of wind shooting out from the mountain's opening with his fire arrows.

He was right on target, and the air temporarily warmed up, and the gust disappeared.

Link jumped out of the boat, and swam to the mountainy thing. Although the blast of wind had been halted, it was still pretty damn cold on the little island.

It sort of looked like some kind of fortress, and to get inside, Link would have to jump across some mini ice burgs.

Piece of cake! he thought.

But he was wrong.

The moment Link began to charge towards the first ice burg, he slipped, fell, and slid.

"AH!" he yelled as he almost fell into the water. Luckily, he grabbed onto the ice with all his might, and hung on to the edge.

The King of Red Lions chuckled.

"It's not the smartest idea to run about over ice," he said.

Link struggled to pull himself back up onto the ice as he growled, narrowing his eyes.

"Yeah, well, I'd like to see you try this..."

At last, the boy got back up.

Carefully, he picked his way to the entrance of the inside of the mountain.

"Heh heh, he is so gonna die..." the King said evilly, his eyes glowing red because of his X-men powers.

Once he was inside, Link could not spot any enemies, but was more upset by the narrow, icy path he had to cross in order to reach the treasure chest (which he assumed held the iron boots.) at the far end of the chamber.

Ever so slowly, Link shuffled along the narrow path towards the treasure chest. He could feel his body shaking from the cold, and could see his breath rise up in front of him.

A little while later, Link reached the other end of the chamber, and kicked open the treasure chest.

Success! He had now taken posession of the iron boots!

Guessing that there probably wasn't much time left before the gust returned and he would be frozen to death, Link shuffled as quickly as he could to the nearest exit.

Once he was back outside, Link didn't care if he slipped. He scrambled away as fast as he could, screaming, afraid of freezing.

The King of Red Lions observed the panic-stricken Link through the lense of a video camera, chuckling softly.

"And I got it all on tape..." he muttered, smiling.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link howled, leaping into the freezing cold water.

The King of Red Lions laughed harder.

"I should go into film making. This is pure GOLD!"

Almost the moment Link hit the water, the gust came back into action, full force.

The boy swam as quickly as possible back to the King of Red Lions, yelping and panting all the way.

When he finally climbed back inside the boat, the King was howling with laughter at Link's expense.

Link turned bright red.

"It's not that funny..." he whimpered.

"Oh, but it is!" the King of Red Lions said. "You should have seen yourself. PRICELESS! BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Link's eyes watered.

"Stop laughing..." he whined in the most pitiful tone of voice in the world.

After a few minutes, the King of Red Lions' giggles ceased, and he began to instruct Link once again, although he still had a laughing smile on his face.

"Ok...now, we're going to go to Gale Isle and meet another sage spirit. He'll teach you a song, give you clues about the guy who's taking his place, blah, blah, blah, you know what I'm saying. Now, let's go! We need to hurry so I can get more embarassing footage of you for my movie!"

Link scowled as he drew the sail. He and the King of Red Lions were off!

As they were sailing, the King broke the silence.

"But, MAN! The look on your face..."

Life...sucks... Link thought sourly.