Makar, Sage of the Wind

Link and the King of Red Lions pulled up on the shores of Forest Haven.

"Don't make me do this..." Link whined.

"Oh, shut up! What? Are you afraid of some damn turnip?" the King taunted.

"NO!"

"Well, then, go find Makar!"

"No."

The King of Red Lions thought for a moment.

"I'll pay you."

"How much?" Link asked.

"1,000 rupees."

"DEAL!"

And, with that, Link ran off to find everybody's favorite, special-rific turnip.

When he was near a waterfall, Link heard the familiar tune of a certain instrument. The song being played was Turn Me On by Kevin Lyttle, except it was on the violin.

Our hero instantly knew that there was only one turnipin Forest Haven who owned a harp... Makar.

But, how was he going to get behind that waterfall? If he couldn't do it, then he wouldn't get the King of Red Lions' money!

Meanwhile, the King himself floated in the water with his video camera, chuckling.

"Heh heh...what an idiot. Like I was really gonna pay him! HONESTLY! I was just gonna get it all on tape! Heh heh..."

Link suddenly got an idea.

Talking in a loud voice, he said, "Yeah, um, are you the guy that ordered the condoms?"

The music stopped. Makar's voice came through the sound of the rushing water.

"Yeah, that's me! You got the condoms?"

"Yeah. Now, just let me in you little fuck-I, uh, I mean, Mr. Customer..." Link replied.

"Sure thing," Makar said.

The water stopped. All was still. Nervously, Link made his way into Makar's Lair of Darkness...

When the boy entered the cave, the water started rushing again, causinghim to jump.

Makar saw Link and stared. I mean, you can't really tell what he's thinking by his face 'cause he doesen't really have a face, just a leaf with holes in it. Heh heh...leaf with holes...

"Link...? Is that...YOU?" he gasped.

Link backed away a little.

"Um...yeah...obviously..."

"Why are you here?" Makar asked.

"Because. I'm being paid to find you and take you away."

"Take me away? Oh, no... The last time someone took me away, they were taking me to the grocery store! And not to buy stuff! They thought I was a fucking turnip for crying out loud, and they stuck me in a net-like bag, tied it tight, and threw me in a bin! Everyone thought I was rotted, and they sold me for half-price!"

"Look, I would care if I cared. But, I don't care. So, come on, let's go, and on the way and while we're at our destination, stay at least 5 feet away from me! I filed a restraining order against you!"

"Look, buddy, I ain't goin' nowhere. I'm pissed at you. I mean, c'mon, I payed 600 rupees, and you still got a restraining order put on me!"

And with that, Makar turned away and started playing Turn Me On again.

Link growled.

"Ok, dipshit, you had better come with me now, or else..."

"Or else what?"

"Or else...or else I'll, like, uh...have to hurt you an' stuff! YEAH! That's what I'm gonna do!"

"BITE ME!"

Makar turned back around and spat in Link's eyes.

Link wiped the korok spit away.

"LOOK, BITCH, I'VE KICKED AN ASS LOAD OF ASSES SINCE I LAST SAW YOU, AND-"

Then Link remembered the song. He started to play that awakening song thingy.

Makar listened.

"That song sounds so familiar... Hey, I'm the sage of the Wind Temple!"

"Good for you... Now, let's go so I can get my rupees!"

"Well, I guess so."

And with that, Link and Makar left the Lair of Darkness and walked back to the King of Red Lions. Link kept a wary eye on that little turnip, however, to make sure that he wasn't breaking the restraining order.

"So…I assume you are Makar?" the King said.

Makar nodded. Well, he didn't nod, 'cause he doesn't have a neck, so pretend I never said anything.

I NEVER SAID AAAANYTHIIIING….

"Yes, I am Makar," Makar answered

"OH, WAIT, MAKAR! I REMEMBER YOU! We were both at that party back in '96, remember?" the King of Red Lions said.

"OH, YEAH! DUDE! YOU WERE A GREAT BELLY DANCER!" Makar told him.

Link was confused. The King of Red Lions didn't really have a belly most of the time, so that didn't make much sense.

"Thanks, I know," the King said with little modesty.

Then Makar and the King started talking for a very long time. Link took advantage of this, and stole Makar's wallet.

After a few hours, Link decided to cut the conversation short.

"Well, this has been really gay, so let's go now, shall we?"he asked irritably.

"Oh, right…." The King said, suddenly remembering what he had falsely bribed Link to do.

Link, with his small brain, had forgotten all about the King's lie.

"LET'S GO THEN," he growled, grabbing Makar like a bowling ball or something and throwing him into the boat.

Makar fell to the floor of the vessel with a thunk.

"AH HA! YOU JUST VIOLATED YOUR OWN RESTRAINING ORDER, DUMBASS!" Makar yelled.

Link growled and gave Makar the finger. Makar's eyes glowed red as he flew into the air and latched himself on to Link's neck. Link screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, GET 'IM OFF MEEEEEE!" he wailed.

The King of Red Lions laughed and filmed it.

When Makar had sucked enough blood from Link, the two got in the boat. Link started sailing quietly, for he was tired and dizzy from blood loss. Makar cackled evilly as they sailed along, and that's when Link knew that the Wind Temple was gonna suck. HARD.

Here it is--the Wind Temple chapter. I hope you like it! I jsut ask one thing of you, reader--after reading this chapter, you must please think of me whenever you eat Fruit Loops. You'll understand why when you read the chapter, heh heh... I hope you like it! The next one is coming out soon. This story is reaching it's end, you know...