The Wind Temple
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedlee-dee, they they are a-standing in a row; bum, bum, bum..." Makar sang as he sat on the King of Red Lions' head.
Link was seated at the bottom of the boat as far away from Makar as he could get. He banged his head on the wood over, and over, and over again... Well, it's not like he had too many brain cells left to lose, so it was ok.
The King was fighting back laughter at the sight of Link getting a taste of his own medicine.
"Ok, Makar... Could you shut up now? You've been singing the same song over and over again..." the boy said, his eye twitching.
Makar went into thoughtful silence for a moment.
"Well...I have been singing that song for a very long time... Ok. I'll sing something different."
"Wait, no, how about the quiet song-"
"IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL, IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!"
Link let out a shrill cry and covered his ears as the King of Red Lions started laughing hysterically.
After an hour or so of sailing the small-sea-after-all, the trio reached their destination. Makar and Link jumped out of the boat.
"Ok. Link, do you promise to love and protect Makar for as long as you are both in the Wind Temple?" the King asked.
"What?" replied Link.
"Alrighty then. Makar--do you promise to love and protect Link for as long as you both are in the Wind Temple?"
"I DO!" Makar said.
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU LINK AND MAKAR! Go kick some ass, and Link, if it's not too much trouble, please try to die during your little quest."
This time, the idea of dying sounded pretty appealing to Link, though he said nothing. Instead, he continued to look at the King.
"Ok, I don't want to do this, so I'm just not gonna..." the boy said, sitting on the ground cross-legged.
The King of Red Lions' eyes glowed red, scaring Link enough to get right back up on his feet.
"Um, alright then, I'll go...let's hit the road, turnip..." he growled to Makar as he headed into the Wind Temple entrance room thing.
Makar followed. Once they were inside, the two played a duet of Turn Me On by Kevin Lyttle to break the stone Wind Waker slab. It worked, 'cause everyone knows that Turn Me On is waaaaay better than that dumb old Wind God's Aria song...
In the next room, the pair found themselves on a ledge. Link kicked Makar off of it, and the little turnip landed on the grass below with a soft 'thud'. Link slowly followed him.
"Hey, what'd you do that for, you cock sucker?" Makar barked.
Link smirked and shrugged innocently.
"Oh, it was an accident, Makar," he lied.
All of a sudden, a fireball flew over to Link, hit him, and in a moment, our hero felt his clothes burst into flames!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" he screamed as he stopped, dropped, and rolled.
Makar laughed and watched.
At last, Link managed to survive his tunic fire, but at one cost--it left him naked. Makar stared at his nude partner silently then he started laughing hysterically. Link turned bright red.
"Look, turnip, it's not funny! NOT FUNNY, DAMMIT!"
Makar took a deep breath to calm himself then said, "You're right...it's not funny...not funny...not-AH HA HA HA HA HA!"
Then another fireball came down, but this time, Link dodged it.
"Dammit, where are these fireballs coming from?" he growled.
Then Link spotted the culprit. It was none other than the infamous Toucan Sam! The terrible, horrible dark lord of all cereal mascots!
Toucan Sam laughed evilly and said, "Fool! How dare you try to foil Ganondorf's plans! YOU SHALL PERISH WHERE YOU STAND! YOU HEAR ME? YOU SHALL PER-"
But suddenly, Toucan Sam just dropped dead. On the ground. Dead. Not living. He just...died.
"Oooooook then... Let's go, Turnip..." Link grumbled as he pulled out a bomb and tried to forget about his own nudity. The boy was planning to use a little trick that Medli taught him...
Lighting the fuse and throwing the bomb, Link ran away, not bothering to warn Makar. But, luckily, the little shrub already knew that bombs do, in fact, explode when their fuses are lit. The bomb did just that! Link and Makar walked through the rubble of the destroyed room and ventured into the next area.
The next room was very large and looked too complicated for Link's tastes, so he just exploded the hell out of it too.
In the room after that room, there were some Armos Statues. They were about to attack the dynamic duo, but when they saw Link naked, they just laughed and stared. Our hero turned bright red and Makar started laughing. Then Link kicked him, and the little turnip was sent flying into the air and into the barred door at the other end of the room. For some reason, Makar stopped laughing.
After a few minutes, the Armos Statues were still laughing at Link. Makar finally started moving again, so Link knew he was alive.
"Ow...that hurt, you son of a bitch!" Makar snapped weakly.
Link just glared at him as he lit another bomb, which destroyed the Armos Statues, the walls, and the barred door. The boys walked into the next room.
There were some dirt patches in the new place. With the help of his handy guide book, Makar read and followed the directions in it telling him to plant seeds in the dirt patches. When Makar planted the third and final tree, four purpley, black hand thingies came out of the floor and grabbed Makar. These creatures were called Floor Masters. Link positioned himself in such a way so that he could watch Makar's abduction take place...
"LINK, YOU COCK SUCKER, HELP MEEEEE!" Makar wailed.
Link just laughed, pointed, and continued watching.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH, I'LL KILL YOUR BUTCH AAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!" the little shrub wailed as the Floor Masters pulled him into parts unknown.
Then all was quiet. Link realized that he was now all alone...
"YES! HELL YEAH! GOOD BYE, TURNIP; HELLO, LINK'S FREEDOM! WOOHOO!" he cheered.
After a few minutes of enjoying the turnipless silence, Link looked to his right and spotted a door.
What do I have to lose? he thought as he went through it.
The place he entered was circular, as in round. This place was the Wind Temple's main chamber, so claimed Link's The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker guide book. There were some peahats, which would've attacked Link, had they not seen his cock and burst into laughter. Our hero was pissed and relieved at the same time, although he still could not figure out what was so damn funny about nudity.
Using his guide, Link did what he had to do in the main room, and I don't feel like writing about it. Then he went through a door that I don't feel like saying much about.
The next room he entered looked a lot like a canyon or something. Link took out his Deku Leaf, spotted an updraft, ran into it, and allowed the Deku Leaf to carry him upward to a ledge near a fence thing.
Oh, screw this, I'm gonna skip ahead to like, the next room or something...
In the room after that room, Link found himself on a ledge above the floor. There was a button in front of him, so he put on his iron boots and stepped on it. The button caused the floor below the ledge to open up, revealing the basement of the Wind Temple. Forgetting to use his Deku Leaf, Link jumped through the opening leading to the basement.
As he fell, he said, "I feel like I'm forgetting something...but what? Let's see...got my sword, got this, got that, but I'm just missing my...oh, it's on the tip of the tongue, tip of the tongue! Oh, yeah! That's right! I forgot my Deku Leaf! I need that to...oh, shit, I'm screwed..."
Then Link started screaming. But, luckily, he landed on a nice, soft Toucan Sam, which was weird, 'cause the toucan didn't even die there or anything.
Link stood up, pulled Toucan Sam out of his ass crack (The bird got stuck there upon impact.), and began to explore the basement. Not seeing anything that particularly interested him, Link blew the hole damn thing to smithereens then realized that he had been hanging around Medli too much...
After doing some stuff, Link found his way back to the main room of the temple. He used a key he had gotten from some room and unlocked a door.
Inside the door was a room, and in that room, there was a high-level Wizzrobe. A Wizzrobe is a creature that looks a lot like Toucan Sam, 'cause you know why? They are his MINIONS... And now they were pissed because they thought that Link had killed their leader, even though he didn't, because Toucan Sam just dropped dead. Dead, as in not alive, moving or breathing or anything like that.
So, anyway, the high-level Wizzrobe used his magic powers to summon another Wizzrobe and a Darknut!
"You killed Toucan Sam! And now, you DIE!" the high-level Wizzrobe said as he, the other Wizzrobe, and the Darknut slowly approached Link.
Link backed up and replied, "What are you talking about? I did NOT kill Toucan Sam! He just dropped dead! I had NOTHING to do with it!"
Our hero slowly turned around and crept to the door, which, to his dismay, was locked.
"Well, if you did not kill Toucan Sam, then why are some of his FEATHERS in your ASS CRACK?" the Darknut asked.
"Uh...I kind of fell on him, and he sort of found his way up my ass crack. But then I stood up and pulled him out, I SWEAR!"
The three villains gasped.
"YOU SQUASHED TOUCAN SAM?" they yelled.
"Hey, I did NOT squish him! He just went up my ass! There's a DIFFERENCE!"
The two Wizzrobes and the Darknut continued to approach Link. They meant business, for they didn't even stop and laugh at his dick! There was no way out of this one--Link would have to fight...
And thus, the battle began! It was an epic one, indeed! Link sliced up the Darknut, killed the lower ranking Wizzrobe with some arrows, but when he turned to kill the other Wizzrobe, he saw that it had summoned more enemies! Too bad for the Wizzrobe though, because he had summoned the stupider villains that just laughed and pointed at Link's cock. Then they exploded.
The Wizzrobe got another Wizzrobe to join the fight. Link killed that one too, so the high-level Wizzrobe brought another Darknut into the battle, which Link also quickly slayed. Then our hero managed to get a shot at the high-level Wizzrobe. He got 'im with some arrows, and although the creature was injured, he did not die. The Wizzrobe summoned some more stupid villains, which was a dumb move, 'cause they just laughed and exploded like the ones before them.
All of a sudden, the beeping of a watch was heard. The watch belonged to the Wizzrobe, who looked at it and said, "Oh, my! Will and Grace is coming on! Sorry, kid, but we can't do this now. My show is on! I'll tell you what--you can take this here Hookshot..." The Wizzrobe threw the object to Link before he disappeared to go watch Will and Grace.
"COCK SUCKER! I WAS KICKING YOUR ASS!" Link shouted.
There was no reply.
"WUSS!" he called before stopping to look around the room.
Link then proceeded to do all that stuff with his new Hookshot then he did all that other stuff, yaddah yaddah, until, finally, he reached the first floor of the Wind Temple. Link looked around at the area he was now in, and to his dismay, spotted a cell containing Makar at the north side of the room. The little turnip started yelling at Link.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, DEERCLIT? I'VE BEEN SITTIN' IN THIS SHITHOLE FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, YOUNG MAN?"
Link rolled his eyes.
"I've nothing to say on my behalf, but I DO have something to say for YOU--SHUT THE FUCK UP AND QUIT YELLING!"
"I'M NOT YELLING, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S YELLING, YOU NAKED PIECE OF SHIT!"
"'NAKED PIECE OF SHIT'! THAT'S A BIG THING TO SAY FOR A PIECE OF FRUIT!"
"FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I'M MORE IN THE VEGETABLE FAMILY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"
The argument went on for hours, until finally, Makar used his dark powers to break open the cage. The little shrub flew into the air and latched himself onto Link's neck; the boy started screaming.
"AAAAAAAAAH! GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF, GET OFF, GET OFF, GET OFF!" he yelled, trying to pull Makar off of him.
At last, the little turnip was satisfied with the amount of blood he had sucked from Link, so he backed off. Link swayed a little.
"So...woozy..." he muttered.
Makar laughed and watched. Finally, when Link had regained some balance, he and Makar agreed to blow the Wind Temple to smithereens; and that they did. Except during the explosion, the corpse of Toucan Sam landed on Link's head.
"BLEH!" the boy uttered disgustedly as he shook the toucan out of his hair.
Makar found the Big Key, and the two looked up, only to find that they stood before the boss room. Link kicked Makar to the ground, took the key from him, and unlocked the door...
Here it is--the next chapter! I hope you like it. Sorry if it's too random, but I couldn't resist to do this for this chapter. The next chapters'll make more sense. Oh, and by the way, go to my bio page for previews on my upcoming stories. You'll find a surprise there, heh heh... Anyway, the next chapter will be out really soon, because now since we're close to the end of the story, the chapters will come out quite quickly. I prefer to call this period 'The Rush'.