The Triforce Stuff

Link landed gently on the ground. Well, he would've landed gently, had he not landed on his ass from a falling height of about 15 feet. Regardless of the pain and nausea, Link sat up anyway, and looked at the King of Red Lions.

"I assume you did everything that you needed to do?" the King said.

"Yeah…. Went through the temple, watched Toucan Sam die, kicked some guys' asses, then fought a giant penis that shoots Fruit Loops," Link replied.

"What?"

"You heard me. I went through the damn temple, saw the fucking toucan die for no apparent reason, then I fought a giant Fruit Loop shooting penis!"

"What did you smoke?"

"What are you talking about? I didn't smoke nothin'…." Link said, hiding a bag of marijuana behind his back.

"So you're telling me that you fought a giant cock?" the King of Red Lions asked.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I don't wanna know anymore…. Well, let's get down to business, shall we? We need to collect 8 triforce charts and 8 triforce shards, but we need the charts in order to find the shards, and we need the charts deciphered, but we have to find the charts…." The King rambled.

Link stared at him blankly.

"Um…what?"

"Dumbass, we have to find some charts and get them deciphered."

"Well...who's gonna decipher them?"

"Oh, shit... Link, you forgot to save Tingle..."

"Who's Tingle?"

"SOME GUY THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAVE FROM PRISON!" the King yelled.

"MAYBE I COULD COOPERATE WITH YOU IF YOU WOULD JUST STOP YELLING, YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" Link screamed.

All of a sudden, something green attached to a red balloon appeared in the air. It was zooming right towards Link and the King of Red Lions!

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE, COPPERS!" the thing screamed.

Then the dynamic duo noticed that police boats were following the thing and firing guns at it.

"OK, PHYSCO, STEP AWAY FROM THE BALLOON BEFORE WE BLAST YOUR FUCKING BRAINS OUT!" the police shouted.

"NEVAH!" the flying thing shouted as it landed near the King of Red Lions and Link.

The two could see that the thing was a short, ugly man in a tight, green once piece outfit. He had a red belt around his waist.

"What the fuck?" Link muttered, staring at the odd little man.

The guy pulled out a bazooka and started shooting the police. He managed to sink their ships, and thus, the police died.

"Um...who are you?" Link asked the guy.

"My name is Tingle," the dude replied.

"Oooooh, so YOU'RE Tingle..." our hero said.

There was a moment of silence.

"So...whatcha in for?" Link asked.

"Mollestation, drug dealing, grand theft auto, first degree murder..." Tingle answered. "Oh yeah, and I'm also charged with having sex with people's dogs."

"Dogs are fun..." the boy told him.

The King of Red Lions looked sickened.

"Link, you had sex with a dog?" he gasped.

"Um...maybe?"

"Whatever, I don't wanna know anymore... So, anyway, Tingle, can you decipher some charts for us? Once we find them?"

"Sure, um...um..." Tingle stuttered.

"Oh, I'm the King of Red Lions, and this is Link."

"Yeah, whatever. I'll decipher some charts for you..."

"Wait... I have some charts..." Link said.

The King of Red Lions and Tingle looked at him curiously.

Link took off his pants and reached up his ass crack (He wasn't wearing underwear.). He pulled out the triforce charts!

"Where did you get those?" the King asked.

"Um...nowhere...uh...somewhere?" Link replied as he pulled his pants back up.

"Well, who cares. Just give 'em here, boy. I will gladly decipher charts for anyone who enjoys canine pleasure," Tingle said.

Link handed the charts to Tingle, and the little man made them readable using the magic of magic.

"Ok...well, I better leave before more cops come. Bye guys," Tingle said as he blew up another balloon.

Link then remembered he was nauseous and threw up all over Tingle.

"AH, IT BURNS!" Tingle screamed. Then he exploded.

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Well, let's go find the triforce shards now," the King said.

Link agreed, and got inside the boat, hoisted the sail, and the two sailed away.

"Ok, so...now what do we do?" Link asked.

"Now we must find the shards of the Triforce of Courage."

"Wait...do you mean THESE shards?"

Link pulled down his pants, reached up his ass crack, and pulled out all 8 triforce shards!

The King of Red Lions gasped.

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THOSE?"

"Um..."

"Nevermind, I'd be best off not knowing..."

All of a sudden, the pieces formed into the Triforce of Courage! Link stared at it.

"Hey, the pieces didn't come together like that when they were in my ass crack!"

"Do you know what we're to do now, Link?" the King of Red Lions asked in a serious tone.

"Um...no, not really..." Link replied.

"We're going to go pay a little visit to Ganondorf..."

The time of destiny was drawing near. It was time to put an end to the dark prince's shit... Link and the King of Red Lions sailed to the Tower of the Gods...