Gods! Hear that Which I Desire!

Link panted as he pulled himself up onto one of the rafters.

"Dammit...I've...never...felt...so tired..." he muttered as he sat down to rest.

Link was just about to finish his journey to the epic battle. He himself discovered this when he looked up and saw a very important looking door on a ledge.

"Shit, how the hell am I gonna get to that?" Link growled. Then he noticed the Hookshot point thing above the ledge. If he shot it with his Hookshot, then he could get to the door!

After taking a few more breaths and walking across a few rafter beams to get closer to the ledge and the door, Link took out his Hookshot, fired, and was pulled onto the ledge thing.

Our hero walked through the door to the roof of Ganon's Tower...

The wind blew hard atop the tower, accompanied by the loud noise it made. Link drew his sword and stared warily at Ganondorf, who stood at the other end of the large, circular roof. The fiend was standing over an unconcious Princess Zelda.

Ganondorf suddenly began to speak, and Link was not surprised to find that it was more of the foe's random, insane blabbering.

"My home lay within a vast desert... When the sun rose into the sky, a burning wind punished my lands, searing the world. And when the moon climbed into the dark of night, a frigid gale pierced our homes. No matter when it came, the wind carried the same thing... Death.

But the winds that blew across the green fields of Hyrule brought something other than suffering and ruin. I coveted that wind, I suppose..."

Link circled one finger around his right ear in the crazy sign.

"Coo coo, coo coo..." he said.

Ganondorf continued. "It can only be called fate. That here, I would again gather the three with the crests. That I should lay my hand on that which grants the wishes of the beholder... That when power, wisdom, and courage come together, the gods would have no choice but to come down...

The power of the gods... The Triforce! He who touches it will have whatever he desires granted!"

Ganondorf turned to Princess Zelda, who still remained unconcious at his feet, and said, "Already, the crest of wisdom is mine..."

The dark man gazed at Link with one orange eye (His eyes are ORANGE! I looked!). "All that remains..."

Link tightened his grip on his sword and prepared his shield. Ganondorf slowly turned around...

After a moment, the foe let out a cry and lunged at Link. Our hero yelped in surprise and lifted his shield to defend himself, but that was useless. Ganondorf started throwing punches and stuff at Link's head; Link's sword flew out of his hands and nearly landed itself in Princess Zelda's head!

When he was done, Ganondorf smacked Link hard enough to land him a good few yards away. Our hero lay on his side, unconcious.

Ganondorf approached him and loomed over the boy.

"Do not fear. I will not kill you..." he said. "I merely have need of the power that dwells within you."

There was a moment of silence.

"Wait, I must turn on my victory music!" Ganondorf declared as he pulled out a remote and switched on the Spice Girls' Wannabe (The song that was playing earlier.). "Oooh, I love this song."

Ganondorf sang along with the song for a few minutes before getting back to business.

"Well, anyway, where was I? Oh, yes." The evil man lifted Link up by the arm and held him high in the air. "Now! Let us put an end to that which binds us together!"

Suddenly, the Triforce piece on Link's hand started to glow, as did Zelda's. Ganondorf lifted his own Triforce hand to the heavens, and the treasure upon it glowed like its fellows. Then the crests floated away from their owners and came together to form THE Triforce! The sacred object hovered above the ground as it glowed. Ganondorf cackled insanely, dropped Link, and slowly walked over to the Triforce.

"Gods! Hear that which I desire!" he cried. Ganondorf lifted up one of his hands and said, "Expose this land to the rays of the sun once more! Let them burn forth! GIVE HYRULE TO ME!"

Ganondorf reached his raised hand forward in hopes of touching the Triforce in order to make his wish a reality, but was surprised to see that someone had beaten him to it.

There stood Daphness Nohansen Hyrule, in the flesh!

"'He who touches it will have whatever he desires granted'... That is what you said, is it not, Ganondorf?" Daphness said as he read his directly-from-the-game lines from a piece of paper.

Ganondorf said nothing. He just stood there, arm extended.

"GODS OF THE TRIFORCE! HEAR THAT WHICH I DESIRE!" Daphness Nohansen Hyrule cried.

The wind itself seemed to quiet down as the sense of authority in the king's voice overshadowed all else.

"Yeah, um, I want a burger and some fries. Oh, yeah, I also want a Diet Coke and some vanilla ice cream!" Daphness declared.

"What size burger would you like?" the gods asked.

"Hm...medium is fine."

"Would you like a lid on your Diet Coke?"

"Well, DUH! No one drinks Diet Coke without a LID!" the king said.

"And what do you want on your ice cream?"

"Hm...oreos, please."

"Thank you for your order," the gods said as the meal appeared in front of Daphness Nohansen Hyrule.

The Triforce glowed, for a wish had been made.

Daphness Nohansen Hyrule looked back at the sheet of paper he held with his lines on it and read, "And may our destinies finally be fulfilled... Ganondorf! May you drown with Hyrule!"

The Triforce seperated into its three original pieces and flew away.

Suddenly, water started pouring down from the sky for no apparent reason! And Ganondorf did the strangest thing...

He laughed. He laughed, and laughed, and laughed, as if his impending doom was simply hilarious.

Daphness Nohansen Hyrule picked up his food, gave Ganondorf a "Woah! You're a fucking weirdo!" look, and walked off to to somewhere as he began to enjoy his meal.

Meanwhile, Link slowly opened his eyes. When he regained the feeling in his body, he wished he hadn't, for there was a terrible pain in his head. Regardless of this, he got to his feet with care, and clutched his arm. Link grimaced in pain and stared at Ganondorf.

The evil being seemed to know the boy was awake, even though his back was facing him.

"This is foolishness... A future...for you?" he said.

A voice from behind Link and Ganondorf said, "What the hell are YOU laughing at, you insane old turd?"

Link turned and saw Princess Zelda slowly limping up next to him, Master Sword in hand.

She said, "Here you go. Here's your dumb sword, ass wad." The princess shoved Link's sword into his hands. "Now...let's kick his ass and get on with our lives..."

Princess Zelda winked.

Link shrugged.

"Well, gee, it's not like I have a choice."

"What do you mean, 'I'? We're doing this together!"

"Well, whatever."

Ganondorf stretched both of his arms out to the sides.

"Very well, then... Allow me to show you..."

The evil man pulled twin swords out of his sleeves.

"Your future... Yes... Allow me to show you... Just what hope you have..."

Ganondorf spun around quickly and shouted, "See how much your precious Triforce is worth!"