Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Stargate Atlantis characters and there is absolutely no money being made here. This is strictly for rest and relaxation.
Spoilers: None yet…maybe later.
A/N: I've finally found some time to do some more writing. Thank you all for patiently waiting and for the awesome and helpful reviews. I'm not sure if my narration is deteriorating or getting better. You guys let me know if this is getting too weighty or boring. I'll keep writing as long as you're enjoying this but it's got to end soon! Hang on...the emotional roller coaster continues!
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Chapter 22: Teyla and Elizabeth
"Teyla, you're back!"
"Did I not say that I would return with your lunch, Major Sheppard?" she scolded him playfully as she placed the tray of food on the bedside table.
"Sorry," he apologized sheepishly, "I've had a long morning. Ford and McKay put me through the ringer."
"You do look fatigued." Teyla was staring hard at the Major, scrutinizing him, making sure all was well with him. She suspected that something unsaid lurked just beneath the surface of his mind but then thought no more of it.
"Are you hungry?" she asked once she was satisfied that nothing was out of sorts.
"Starving," the Major eagerly replied. "So, what did you bring me?"
"Tomato soup," Teyla answered setting up the valet with the food.
"It smells pretty good." He liked tomato soup okay. At this point he would eat just about anything they put in front of him, however, the Major didn't make a move to pick up the spoon.
"Are you not going to eat, Major?" Teyla finally asked settling herselfin her usual spot.
"Umm…aren't you going to help me?" he asked tentatively, raising his eyebrows along with a questioning pitch in his voice.
"Major Sheppard, from what you displayed this morning, I believe you are quite capable of feeding yourself."
Ooh…ouch, she was going to be hard on him this time. "But my workout this morning, my arms are really sore," he made a weak attempt to reason with the persistent woman.
"That is all the more reason to use them, Major," she replied testily like a mother who has had enough of her child's antics.
Seeing that whining wasn't going to get him anywhere, he dug into his lunch. He really was hungry and he really wasn't all that helpless. He just wanted Teyla to fawn over him some more but he knew that fawning wasn't exactly in Teyla's nature. Oh, well, it was worth a try.
"I hear that you began your exercises this morning. How did you fare?"
"I wasn't as strong as I thought I would be. I wanted nothing more that to be able to stand up on my own." The Major confessed to his friend, sounding disappointed. He slurped some more of his soup as they talked.
"Today was just the first day of your journey to recovery. Tomorrow, you will do better," Teyla assured him.
"I guess,"he simply replied. Having finished the small bowl of soup, he had a far away look on his face and was focusing on a point on the wall opposite his bed.
Teyla became acutely aware of his subtle shift in mood. "Major, it will take time. You cannot expect to gain your strength back in just one day."
"So, I've been told," the Major replied the frustration in his voice beginning to rise.
"With determination and perseverance, you will improve." Teyla was trying to be as persuasive and encouraging as possible. Unfortunately, it didn't work.
With a ferocity that came out of nowhere and that Teyla had rarely seen in him, the Major proceeded to fling the tray along with the bowl and spoon across the room and into the nearby wall.
With his voice raised, he lost control of his temper and yelling at his friend, "Look at me, Teyla. If you haven't noticed, yet, I'm a basket case. I'm useless to you and the team. No amount of time or determination is going to make me any better."
Teyla was speechless, not sure of how to reply to his outburst. She didn't think she had the words to comfort him just at the moment. Her heart broke at hearing the frustration in his voice. It broke even more when she realized for the first time how physically helpless he really was.
The Major had put his hands over his eyes and was beginning to shake with the rush of adrenaline. He regretted his actions and his words as soon as they came out of his mouth. What had he done? He had never yelled at Teyla in that way before. Come on, John, she was just trying to be helpful, he thought to himself, but he couldn't help it. She just didn't understand what he was going through. Or did she? He felt so confused. One minute he was enjoying her company and the next, she was grating on his nerves. Oh, God, what had he done?
He felt soft, gentle hands wrap themselves around his wrists. He allowed Teyla to pull his hands away from his face but he couldn't bring himself to look at her, sure that he would see disappointment written all over her face. Teyla took one of her hands and lifted the Major's chin, his eyes meeting her imploring ones.
"Oh, god, Teyla, I'm so sorry," he apologized in a gasp of air. A horror stricken face meeting with a compassionate one.
"It's alright, Major," Teyla soothed in a soft voice, eyes boring into the Major's with deep understanding. "I know that this is a difficult time for you."
Dr. Beckett had rushed over at hearing the clatter from the tray and its contents meeting the wall and hoped that the Major had not gone off the deep end again. He knew Teyla might be needing his help.
"Is everything alright here, lass?" he asked. "Major, are you feeling another episode coming on?"
"Everything is fine, Doctor. The Major is fatigued, that is all," Teyla reported as she put a comforting hand on the Major's forehead.
"Then you'll be needing your rest, Major" the Doctor suggested.
"I will take my leave now, Major. I'm afraid I have taxed you beyond your limits."
"Please stay. It's not your fault."The Majorwas really feeling awful and thought Teyla was surely upset with him.
"I'm afraid she's right, Major. You have already had a long day," the Doctor insisted.
"I will return in the morning." Teyla reached down and, taking his hand, gave it a reassuring squeeze in both of hers. This seemed to settle him down and nodded his acquiescence to both Teyla and the Doctor. Satisfied that he was going to be okay, she turned and left the infirmary. The Major watched after her, still feeling an incredible sense of guilt. He was getting really familiar with that state of mind.
The Doctor briefly checked the Major's vital signs. His blood pressure and pulse were slightly elevated which was not surprising after his outburst.
"Okay, Major. Would you like to tell me what was that all about?" he implored in his best bedside manner.
"I just lost it, Doc. I don't know what came over me. One minute I was fine and the next...I guess I'm just tired…" he trailed off.
Being the experienced physician that he was, the Doctor knew it was more than just fatigue. "I need to know how you're progressing so that I don't push you too hard too fast."
"I'll be fine. It's just frustrating."
"I know it is. Do you want me to give you something to help you sleep?"
"Nah, I'll be fine."
"Let me know if you change your mind."
"You'll be the first to know, Doc."
The Major slept lightly the rest of the afternoon. The Doctor had the nurses and technicians monitor him closely and attend to his personal needs. He had been through, not only his first visit with members of his team in over a week, but also through a rigorous physical therapy session. The Doctor was thankful that the Major's small outburst had not turned into a full-blown episode.
It would be Dr. Weir's turn to work with the Major in the evening. She took thelater shift since she would be attending to the daily routines of Atlantis. She was to bring the Major his dinner and assist him with processing the day's events.
She strode into the infirmary with a tray of soup. There weren't too many options left to choose from, so she went with a chicken broth. She briefly checked in with the Doctor who gave her the go-ahead to proceed and warned her that the Major had been asleep the last time he had checked in on him.
As she approached his hospital bed, Dr. Weir saw that John was indeed slumbering, curled up on his side. She had heard form Lt. Ford and Dr. McKay that he had done very well on his exercises and had been quite determined to stand on his own.
She had also learned form Teyla and the Doctor, that he had gotten frustrated to the point of flinging his food tray across the room. She watched him sleep for a few moments hating to wake him. He looked peaceful but she also knew that bad dreams could be lurking beneath that calm exterior.
Dr. Weir didn't have to wake the Major up, after all, since he had just become aware of her presence. He woke with a start and nearly jumped out of the bed making Elizabeth jump in response. Thankfully, she had placed the soup on the valet or else she might have soaked them both.
"Elizabeth!" Please, don't do that to me," the Major exclaimed as he rolled over and sat up putting a hand to his chest, attempting to catch his breath.
"I'm sorry, I'm didn't mean to startle you," she quickly apologized. "I was trying not to disturb you in the first place. Maybe I should go."
"No, please stay." For some reason, the Major was wanting her company really badly and was happy that she was there. It seemed that Elizabeth was the only person who truly understood what he was going through. Not that he thought his friends didn't care, he just felt the most comfortable with her. It appeared that they had formed a special bond over the past week.
"Alright, would you like something to eat?" she inquired. "I brought chicken soup."
"Actually, I'm not that hungry." He made a face that said the thought of food was not very pleasing to him at the moment.
"Okay...then, I guess you won't be wanting any of this?" Dr. Weir said as she reached into her jacket pocket pulling out a single serving tub of vanilla flavored Blue Bell ice cream, complete with a wooden spoon. She held it tauntingly up in front of the Major.
His eyes went wide in disbelief. "Where in the Pegasus galaxy did you get that?"
"Well, to be honest I sort of smuggled a couple of packages in. Carson let me put them in one of his freezers."
The Major couldn't believe what he was hearing. Elizabeth (do everything by the book) Weir had actually engaged in a covert operation? As innocuous as it was, it was still the equivalent of a black ops exercise.
"You, engaged in a covert operation?" he asked in his best judgmental tone.
"What?" she exclaimed innocently. "So, I have a thing for Blue Bell ice cream. What's the big deal? Besides I knew I would need it for times like these. Think of it as taking care of my crew."
"Oh, and I'm supposed to believe that pile of malarkey?" the Major retorted sarcastically.
"So, do you want the ice cream, or not, so I can eat it myself," she challenged.
"Give it here." He grabbed for the chilly treat and Elizabeth gladly handed it over. He pulled open the top and setting it aside started to eat the creamy delight. She sure had a way of making him feel better.
"God, I didn't realize how much I missed this stuff. For that matter, I miss a lot of things. Wanna bite?" He offered Elizabeth a spoonful of the concoction that she gratefully accepted smiling at his childlike delight. He seemed so…normal, just now.
It didn't take long for the Major to down the contents of the small container. For him, that was just a taste, but a much appreciated one.
Dr. Weir felt it was time to get down to business. "I understand you did very well with your physical therapy today."
No response.
"Major?" Elizabeth stretched out the word and raised her eyebrows looking at him in expectation.
"Yeah, I did alright, I guess."
"You sound disappointed."
"I lost it with Teyla."
"She told me."
"I wouldn't be surprised if she decided to never speak to me again," the Major lamented.
"I doubt that would happen, John. She cares very deeply for you. I'm sure she understands what you're going through and passes no judgment on your feelings. Just think about all that she and her people have been through. She doesn't trust us by accident. You have a lot to do with that, you know."
How does she always seem to know just what to say, John questioned himself. "I've never spoken to her that way, or anybody else on the team for that matter."
"Come on, John, give her some credit. I promise, she's not about to abandon you, especially now when you need her the most."
John smiled wistfully. Elizabeth figured that he was thinking about his Athosian friend. She wondered exactly how deep his feelings for Teyla went. He was easy to fall for and she found herself having to check her own self on more than one occasion especially when he flashed her with that flyboy smile. How she was missing that cockiness just about now.
"I also heard you had a bath this morning," Elizabeth grinned going in for the kill.
The Major went several shades of pink to red in a split second, turning his face away from Elizabeth. This was something she had never seen him do before. Had she embarrassed him? Was that possible? He might be a rogue with the ladies, but even the Major had his limits and seemed a bit on the conservative, old-fashioned side at times.
The Major spoke up through his embarrassment. "God, not you too," he grumbled still looking away from Dr. Weir.
"I doubt Teyla would do that for just anybody," she gently reminded him. "I know I wouldn't be willing to do that for anybody unless they meant a great deal to me."
"I guess you're right, as usual," he had to agree. He turned his face, now a normal shade, back towards Elizabeth. "Would you like to give me a bath next?" He just had to get her back.
Elizabeth's eyes grew wide at what had just come out of the man's mouth. He must be feeling better."I think not," she retorted as she popped him playfully on his upper arm.
"Ow, hey…okay, okay I just thought I'd ask. I thought I meant a great deal to you." He mocked being hurt and rubbed his arm where it smart just a tiny bit.
"That's what you get for asking. One must be patient and wait until one offers these things."
"Where'd you learn to hit like that," John asked his curiosity peaked.
"Northern Shoalin Kung-Fu."
"Northern Shoalin Kung-Fu?" he echoed. "Is there something you're not sharing with me?"
"I just studied it for a year. It was great therapy after I was raped."
"Oh," was all that John managed in response.
They both fell into silence each lost in their own thoughts after Dr. Weir's revelation. After a short time, Elizabeth noticed John's book on the bedside table where she had left it that day he had his first episode.
She picked it up and flipped through the pages. "Shall I read to you?" she asked the Major, sensing that he really wasn't in the mood for a long drawn-out conversation.
"I'd like that."
She opened the book to where the paper marker was resting. "You're already on page 217? I thought you had just gone up to page five?"
"I've had lots of free time, lately."
Elizabeth shook her head in understanding. There was probably not much for John to do when there was no one fussing over him in the infirmary. She started reading at Number 20 in Part II.
The infantry regiments that had been caught unawares in the wood rushed out, men from different companies getting mixed up, and retired in a disorderly mob. One soldier in his panic shouted the meaningless words 'Cut off!' that are so terrible to hear in battle, and the cry infected the whole throng.
'Surrounded!' Cut off! We're lost!' shouted the fugitives.
The moment he heard the firing and the cry form behind, the general realized that something dreadful was happening to his regiment, and the thought that he, en exemplary officer for many years' service, never guilty of any breach, might now be accused of negligence or inefficiency, so staggered him that, forgetting the recalcitrant cavalry colonel, his own dignity as a general, and, above all, quite forgetting the danger and all regard for self-preservation, he clutched the saddle-bow and spurring his horse galloped to the regiment under a hail of bullets falling all around but fortunately missing him. His one desire was to find out what was wrong and at any cost remedy or correct the blunder, if he had made one, so that he, an exemplary office with twenty-two years' service who had never incurred a reprimand, should not be held to blame... (taken from War and Peace, Tolstoy: Penguin Books, 1982, pp. 217 – 218, translation by R. Edmunds, 1978).
Elizabeth read late into the evening to a rapt and intent Major, managing to cover a few chapters. He would stop her from time to time to comment on some piece of the story. The Major enjoyed hearing her lilting voice and the contents of the novel seemed to sound better coming from her rather than the voice he heard in his head when he read it to himself.
After a while, Dr. Weir became aware of soft snoring and, looking up from the words she herself had become so enthralled with, saw that John had drifted off to sleep. She put the paper marker at the spot where she had stopped reading and placed the book back on its perch.
Leaning over the Major, Elizabeth gave him a goodnight kiss on his forehead. Reaching down to gather the sheet and blanket, she tucked them up around his shoulders. He sighed as he settled further into the pillows and succumbed to the deepest sleep since emerging battered and beaten through the Stargate over a week ago.
TBC…
A/N:
Sam: My husband is from a military family and he helps me stay accurate with that aspect. Thank you for your comments about PTSD. I do hope to make my stories educational as a side benefit to the entertainment value. I can't help it since I work in higher ed.
joanne1138: Please don't feel bad about offering criticism. I appreciate comments that will help me improve on my accuracy. Yours is the kind of useful criticism that keeps me on my toes and makes me do my research. I hope I can keep on dazzling you. Thanks…