A/N: Hey everybody, sorry about the words running together in the last couple of chapters. I made corrections on the quick edit and I should have checked before submitting. I'm not sure if it was me or the technology. Thanks…
Chapter 24: Fallen Soldier
The Doctor managed to get the team out into the hall where they milled around in shocked silence. "Are all of you alright?" he asked the group.
He was answered with head nods and mumbling from the morose group.
"Carson, I'm so sorry, I had no idea what to expect," Rodney apologized.
The Doctor put a reassuring hand on Dr. McKay's shoulder who was looking very sheepish. "Now don't go blaming yourself, Rodney. These things happen when we least expect. One moment the Major may be fine, and the next he might snap at you for no reason. He's not in a good place psychologically and is a bit emotionally unstable. This is a reaction to the trauma he endured."
"What exactly happened to him, Doc.," Lt. Ford asked. "I mean, we know he was tortured and all but is there something else we don't know about? The Major can usually work stuff out and he's been through a lot worse."
"That's not for me to share with you, Aiden. That is something the Major will have to tell you about himself if and when he chooses too. We may have to accept that he may want to keep it private and to himself for the rest of his life." The Doctor was not about to reveal the truth of what happened to John keeping strict patient confidentiality.
The group looked at each other exchanging nervous glances not willing to contemplate what could have happened to the Major that was so terrible. Teyla had her suspicions but she wasn't about to air them in front of the group respecting the Major's request to not talk about the abuse he suffered.
"All of you did very well this morning. This is just one little setback but I want you to know that you are all doing a fine job. Now, I had better go and check in on Dr. Weir and the Major. I'll send her out, shortly."
"Okay, Major, they're all gone," Elizabeth soothed.
"Not my friends…not my friends," John mumbled repeatedly to himself. "They want to hurt me."
Elizabeth was beside herself. She hadn't seen John this deep into an episode. He couldn't seem to pull himself out of it. "John, who wants to hurt you? Would you like to talk about it?"
"They all want to hurt me and you, too."
The Major was still wild-eyed and Elizabeth wasn't quite sure how to proceed. She hadn't tried to touch him and thought this might help to calm him. She moved in closer to him and reached out placing a hand on his shoulder.
She was met with a stern "Go away!" as the Major pulled away from her grip turning to face away from her.
Elizabeth didn't want to go away. "John, is there a particular reason you want me to leave?" she addressed a shaking back.
"Just go away…" was the Major's curt, enunciated reply.
"I can't just leave you here like this on the floor. At least let me get you back into bed then I'll go away. Okay?" She attempted to reason with him.
"N…no, go away. Now!" he growled.
This was not going to be easy but she was determined. "I'm not leaving you here alone like this. You're going to have to put up with me until you decide to either talk to me or get back into bed."
The Major crawled away from Elizabeth leaning his back against the hospital bed. He pulled his knees to his chest and stared her down with dagger eyes and a stone-faced pout. Elizabeth didn't dare make a move to pursue him respecting the space he had established between them.
She leaned against the bed on the opposite side of where he was sitting. "Alright, how about if I just stay over here?" she gently suggested.
John continued to stare at her hardly blinking his eyes. Elizabeth could see that there was anger and hurt residing in them. She also detected disappointment and frustration. Those were a lot of emotions to harbor all at once. She could only imagine what was going through his mind.
Dr. Beckett had returned to check on them but Elizabeth gestured to leave them alone. The Doctor, getting the message, mouthed to her that he would be in his office and left Dr. Weir to her work.
They sat in complete silence for several long minutes. Elizabeth wasn't quite sure how she was going to break through to him but she certainly had lots of practice in waiting out many negotiations. She would sit there as long as it took to get John to come out of his mood.
Elizabeth casually observed the Major. After a few minutes, she noticed that his shaking had subsided. He had cast his eyes down and was staring blankly at the floor. She gave him a dubious look in an attempt to determine if he had become coherent or not.
The Major looked up at Elizabeth and she noticed that his eyes were clearer and he seemed comprehensive. "Did I just phase out, again?" he softly asked her.
Dr. Weir nodded her head in affirmation not sure if the Major was really back or not. The Major appeared pensive for a few seconds. He spoke after awhile and what he said sent a chill down Elizabeth's spine.
"I would kill for you," he stated in an icy voice with a look in his eyes that could pierce through lead.
"John," she started tenuously, "you've killed on behalf of a lot of people."
"No, you don't understand. I will kill anyone who harms you or even tries to harm you in any way." Each word was thickly enunciated in a low, threatening voice that made Elizabeth picture them with icicles hanging off each letter.
She was starting to feel extremely uncomfortable with the lethality in the Major's voice and she wasn't sure she liked this dark side of him that was emerging. In her nervousness, she contemplated calling the Doctor back and hoped that John wasn't picking up on her anxiety. She wasn't totally convinced that his episode was over and felt just a little bit over her head..
The Major must have scared himself out his episode, since he started looking around the room wildly like someone who had just awakened from a bad dream and was finally displaying full lucid behavior.
"Elizabeth?" he whispered in her direction looking at her as if he had just noticed her for the first time.
"I'm here, John." Dr. Weir moved quickly in his direction sensing that he was going to want her comfort.
He started to get a screwed up look on his face as unbearable confusion was crashing in on him followed by stark realization. Where was he? How did he get on the floor like this? Oh, no, did he just have another episode? He reached out towards Dr. Weir. She wiggled even closer to him catching him as he fell into her arms in a weeping heap. She felt the tension and stress coursing through his body like small electrical shocks.
The Major grieved. Grieved for the loss of his strength, grieved for letting down his friends, and mostly, he grieved for the loss of his dignity and self-respect. This saint of a woman was by his side; rocking him and saying sweet, soothing things to him. He didn't deserve her friendship. He didn't deserve the help of any of his friends. A pitiful, weak, excuse for a military leader was all he had amounted to.
Elizabeth held him tightly allowing him to pour out all of his feelings, all of the rage, the hurt, the frustration, and the self-loathing.
"Its okay, John," she soothed. "Shhh…it's going to be okay." She rocked him and caressed his back. "I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I'm very proud of you," she whispered delicately in his ear.
He stiffened. She's proud of him? How could that be? How could she be proud of him? The Major's thoughts were a jumble of confusion. How could she say that? He was not worthy. Can't she see what he had become?
The Doctor showed up as if on cue. He had come to check on them like children who had become too quiet in their play and were surely getting into some sort of trouble. He was ready with a hypodermic filled with a sedative and was prepared to use it. He and Elizabeth didn't have to exchange words, each knowing through the expressions on their faces what had to be done. When Doctor Beckett was sure that the Major wouldn't put up a fight or resist in any way, he inserted the needle in the distraught man's upper arm administering the medication as Elizabeth held him firmly.
After a few seconds, the Major started to go limp as he succumbed to the sedative and emotional exhaustion. Right before he passed out, he looked up at Elizabeth with eyes that said 'please help me.' Elizabeth's heart ached for him and all she could do was hold him.
The Doctor called a couple of technicians over to help him get John back into bed. They accomplished their task quickly, carrying the Major like a rag doll. Obviously, the Doctor had decided that a very strong sedative was in order.
Dr. Beckett reached out a hand to Elizabeth helping her to get up from the floor where she had remained to gather her thoughts and her energy. The fact that she looked spent and a little scared didn't escape the Doctor's trained eye. "Are you alright, Elizabeth?"
"I've been worse, Doctor. I can't seem to get used to these outbursts and they seem to be getting worse," she lamented.
"He's going to be okay. He just needs more time. I'm going to try to figure out a way to lessen the episodes. This one seemed to be the worst of them. He can only get better from here."
"I hope you're right, Doctor. He was acting even stranger than the last time. He said something to the effect that he'd kill for me."
Dr. Beckett gave her a perplexed look. "I'd take that seriously if I were you," he advised after contemplating her statement.
Elizabeth nodded absent-mindedly still in denial of John's lethal declaration.
"The lights," she suddenly remembered, "do you think we have to worry about the Major affecting some of the systems when he's not able to control himself?"
"That is something to consider," the Doctor said pensively. "I don't think it will be a big problem but considering that the city exhibits the strongest reaction to him, we might want to plan for backup and safety precautions. I doubt it will happen again, but we should be prepared nevertheless."
"Agreed, I'll get Dr. McKay and Lt. Ford on it right away," she suggested.
"By the way, the team is waiting out in the hall for you," Dr. Beckett gently informed the slightly frazzled Dr. Weir. "They are going to be looking to you for leadership and they're going be needing your help to process all of this as much as the Major does and perhaps even more. Your role, as much as you might not like it, is that of the head of the family. The team is going to depend on you to guide them and be the glue that keeps them together."
Dr. Weir sighed. It seemed that her work as leader of Atlantis was never done. Now, she was expected to take on the role of 'mother', on top of everything else.
"No pressure there. I guess it's not much different from what I already do on Atlantis," she declared. She shook her head at Carson in understanding and hesitated before making her exit, sneaking a glance back at the Major who was now securely tucked into bed and out cold.
"Go on, lass," the Doctor gently nudged, "we'll take good care of him."
Dr. Weir made her way out of the infirmary to the Major's anxiously awaiting team. She emerged through the threshold to a quiet group plastered with long, concerned faces and steeled herself to face the guilt-stricken team.
Rodney immediately spoke up having been the first to spot Dr. Weir exiting the infirmary. "Elizabeth, I'm sorry. I had no idea," he apologized profusely.
"Its okay, Rodney, it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."
Dr. McKay tried to continue but Dr. Weir held up a hand to silence him. "Let's not talk here, we'll debrief in my office." She wanted to move them out of the open hallway and into a more secure location. This could get ugly very quickly if the wrong ears heard what they were about to discuss. Elizabeth had visions of Kavanaugh and Sgt. Bates savagely tearing John apart.
The glum group shook their heads in agreement and silently followed Dr. Weir back to her office where they gathered chairs and sat in a semi-circle around her desk. Ford and Teyla were both unusually quiet and kept exchanging concerned glances between them. Rodney was a bundle of nerves and was practically quaking in his seat.
"Alright, everyone," Dr. Weir started in her familiar business etiquette once everyone was settled. "I know that probably came as a shock to each of you. I know it did when I first encountered it. The Major will be fine. Doctor Beckett gave him a sedative and he's resting. I know the Doctor was there to assist so I won't ask you to rehash the details. If you care to share or want to ask any questions, I want you to feel free to do so."
Her offer was greeted with uncharacteristic silence.
"Rodney, I believe you had a concern?" Dr. Weir asked in a formal tone.
Dr. McKay was startled out of his thoughts and jumped slightly. "I'm just concerned that I did something to bring on his episode. I couldn't believe…I mean…it, it was just hard to see him going through that." He just couldn't find the words to describe what he was feeling; not unusual for Rodney.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Dr. McKay, it just happens without warning. My uncle was the same way. All we can do is let him ride it out and be there for him when he comes out of it." This time it was Lt. Ford trying to placate the physicist. It seemed to do the trick since Rodney seemed to calm considerably as he shook his head in understanding.
Teyla took the lead this time. "It is as Lt. Ford says. My people behave in a similar fashion after Wraith attacks. If a person is isolated, their recovery is much slower. Much damage is made to the mind and just like the body, it takes time to heal. We need to continue to be patient and supportive of the Major no matter how much he attempts to drive us away."
"Teyla is right," Dr. Weir agreed. "We need to keep on doing what we have been assigned. From what I learned from the Doctor, the Major is going to need constant and consistent support without judgment. We need to work together to provide him with a secure environment where he can feel safe to work out the trauma. No matter how he reacts to us, we need to keep our reactions to him as normal as possible. Chances are he's going to fight us tooth and nail but we have to remain strong for him."
"That shouldn't be a problem," Ford chimed in optimistically. He wasn't about to give up on his CO and friend falling back on his military training of leaving no one behind.
"I will continue to support the Major, as well," Teyla confirmed. "He has come to be more that just a fellow warrior but a close friend, as well."
"Rodney?" Weir inquired turning to the distraught man.
"Yes, yes, yes, of course!" Dr. McKay stammered. After all, he was one of the best friends he had ever had, even if he was an occasional pain, he thought to himself. He didn't put his heart and soul into building those parallel bars for nothing.
"There is one other thing that I would like to discuss and that is the lights flickering in reaction to the Major's outburst. Rodney, should we be concerned with how the city's systems will react to him when he's experiencing an episode?"
Rodney was back to physicist mode. This was something he could relate to and talk about. "I believe it was just a minor occurrence and I don't see that he can crate any long term problems, but we should probably take precautions just the same. I'll be happy to get with Dr. Zelenka and run a few simulations and diagnostics." Finally…a way that Rodney could contribute that made sense to him.
"Do it. Lieutenant, would you put some security backups into place until we know what we're dealing with. Also, check with Dr. McKay and follow his recommendations when he gets more information."
"Yes ma'am," the young officer replied.
"Okay, then if there are no more questions or concerns, you're dismissed. We will continue to have daily debriefings in my office say around 1500 hours." Dr. Weir felt that was a good place to end the meeting and wanted to make sure she gave them enough time to process their own feelings and concerns about the situation. Each of the team members left Dr. Weir's office feeling somewhat better and up-lifted. She had that effect on them.
Rodney certainly had a better picture of what was going on. Being the one with the least experience with PTSD, it hit him for the first time the seriousness of the Major's situation. He walked away with the full understanding of what his role in all this was going to be. He hadn't realized how much of a friend John had become. Oh, they had their moments, but when it came down to it, he could think of no one else he would rather follow head-long into danger.
He ran after Teyla and Lt. Ford who had gotten a few paces ahead of him. "Anyone care to join me for lunch?"
Teyla and Ford exchanged glances and with smiles turned to Dr. McKay and accepted his invitation.
"Sure," the Lieutenant replied enthusiastically.
"I would find that very enjoyable," Teyla agreed.
If it was one thing that Dr. McKay had taught them was that there was no stressful situation that could not be healed with a good meal that is, among friends, of course. Lunch was indeed just what the trio needed, giving them some time to further process the mornings events and form a stronger bond with one another.
They made their way to the mess hall and each found out more about each other during the hour they spent dining together, than during the entire time they had worked as a team. This may turn out to be the most difficult mission they had been assigned but it would prove the most valuable one. They would stand by thier fallen comrade.
TBC…