Chapter 7: The Secrets beyond the Glass

Shadows cast across the wooden floor in the cabin. The flame in the lantern by the bed began to flicker, and fade. Padme remained in Anakin's strong comforting arms as he read on.

My brother wanted me to try to find another to love, but he just didn't understand that there was no other. In my heart I was still a married man. I resented him at times; I thought I even hated him, and his children, especially my nephew. Why did one life have to be traded for another? Why did my brother get to have all and me nothing but pain? He got the children; he got the happy long life with his wife. What did I have? A shell of who I once was with a lousy glass shop that just painfully reminded me of what was snatched from us.

As I grew older, I watched my brother's children grow up, and then have children of their own. I watched my brother enjoy the joyous company of his grandchildren. The happier he was, the more miserable I became. I had to get away from everyone. I just wanted to be with you, and no one else. I found myself making more and more trips to our island, and constantly collecting sand to make glass. It was the only two things that I knew could keep you with me. I'd walk around for hours at a time under the beating sun gathering grains, and sketching different designs that I knew only you would love. That only you would love to see as glass.

With all the glass that I have made I have learned what lie's beneath it, the secrets beyond it. Only now do I realize what a fool I have been. You would have wanted me to go on with my life as the man that you knew, and loved. I threw away years and years of my life with anger, and bitterness towards my kind, and loving brother and his family. I even realize that your death wasn't my fault; it was no one's really, but there's one thing that I don't regret, and that is my loving you for all this time.

There has not been a day that has gone by that I don't thank the gods for giving us the precious time we had together, all eighteen happy years of our marriage. To know what it was like to wake up with you every morning in my arms, to laugh with you, cry with you, and to make love to you, my Angelica, my angel. Because I know that few ever get to experience true love, the magic and happiness we shared. Life and love is precious, and delicate as glass. Not a moment should be devalued, taken for granted, or wasted because everything can shatter in an instant.

As I write my finale thoughts to you, I prepare myself for my journey back to you. My mind and my body are tired, and old. I simply cannot be without you any longer; I must see you again. The lake where you remain will soon be my home too. When the water fills my lungs everything will start to go black. The life left in my body will finally be gone. We will finally be together; our souls will rejoin, and this time forever. I'm coming to you now Angelica; I will be there soon.

Anakin closed the journal slowly "Wow, it was his suicide note, one long suicide note".

He removed his arm from around her, and turned to put the journal back on the pillow. Padme stood up slowly, and started walking towards the door.

"Padme are you ok"?

She didn't turn around; she didn't answer; her body began to shutter. Her voice came in shaky with gasps. "I have to get out of here; I have to get out of this house."

She turned, and bolted out of the bedroom door. Anakin sprung off the bed, and ran after her. As he saw her fly out the front door, he called after her.

"Padme wait".

He ran after her as they both bolted their way down the short path that led to the shore. Padme stopped running abruptly out of breath with tear stained eyes staring out on to the dark lake. Anakin just stood there for a moment to let them both catch their breaths.

"It's so scary, it's so confusing, and so painful" She said breathlessly

He walked up to her, and put his hands on her shoulders. "What is"?

"Love, why does it have to be that way"?

"It doesn't have to be, it can also be incredibly wonderful; not even the force can compare to how happy, and alive it can make you feel if it's right".

She turned around to face him. "What are we going to do Anakin? What in Sith's hell are we going to do"? She yelled out with exasperation.

"I think we should do what the old man did".

She let out a crazy chuckle "Oh, and what's that, drown ourselves in the lake" She replied with sarcasm.

"No, I think we should try to come to an understanding like he did of what really matters, what's really important."

"And what's that"?

He put his arms around her, and looked deeply into her eyes "Us Padme, what we feel for each other, our love.
I understand more now then ever that the Jedi are wrong about love. They look at it as a burden that can only hold you back from doing your duty. We can live a life of existence of service like the Jedi, or serve in the senate, and give your heart, and soul to the republic. But the love that we all feel for one another is what makes life worth living. Otherwise we're just cheating ourselves of something so powerful, so special."

"But if the Jedi won't give us their blessing how can we? I couldn't bear to see you not become a Jedi; it's been your dream since before I even knew you. And I don't want to have to live a lie". She said pleadingly to him.

"I don't either, but I'm positive that from all that we've learned tonight that I can't possibly live without you now. It was meant for us to come here tonight, to find his journal. There's no doubt in my mind that it was the will of the force".

"I don't doubt that either, and I can't imagine living without you, and I don't want to."

"This is meant to be; this is right". He took her face in his hands, and gazed into her eyes.

"I know it is; some how it will all work out. I know it will because I love you Ani so deeply, and completely."

There it was out, she finally had said it. She had finally told him. Anakin's smile lit up brighter then the suns on Tatooine "I love you Padme; I've loved you from the moment I met you, and I'll never stop".

They embraced and kissed slowly, and passionately; he sucked on her lower lip and slowly let it go. They looked lovingly into one another's eyes.

"Do you want me to take you back now"? He asked softly.

"Yes I'm ready."

As Anakin led them back too the lake retreat, all the important lessons that had been learned from the journal began to hit them. They sat quietly with their thoughts running through their minds. Both had gained a new understanding of life, and would use that knowledge in everything that would come towards them in the future together.

I'm working on the next chapter now but it may take longer to finish then all the chapters so far so please be patient with me. Once again thanks everyone for taking the time to read my story and give your reviews.