Disclaimer: Don't sue me…pretty please…
Author's Note: I'm taking forever with the chapters, I realise, I am sorry. Constant writers block.
Chapter 3:
Dropping the diary and pen in her lap, Rinoa also let her head smack into the headboard of her bed. Sighing deeply, a headache being created. She closed her eyes and let her body shudder for a moment as her eyes stung behind the lids, the display of darkness. It was well into the evening of the second day since the threatening phone call. Coming in and out of sleep for the past 48 hours, the grogginess of her life was ever continuing to fuzz any common sense. All of her muscles aching from tension and lack of rest, eyes red from tears, headache from deep continuous thought. Nothing would stop for her, she was a fool to ever anticipate the world stopping just for her to get her act together.
What was there left to do now? She'd expressed her sorrow to Squall, she'd accepted the fact she had to leave to get the treatment. There was nothing left to do, she wouldn't rebel against the situation however much her heart demanded it. She didn't want to burden Squall with her emotion that would only crush them both further. And she certainly didn't feel like doing what she usually did when she got down, order pizza and watch sad movies. Locking herself in here, inside herself was just fine. Unfortunately fate had a different idea of the way Rinoa should get through this…
"RINOA!!!" A squeaky familiar voice echoed through the dormitory followed by repeated bangs to the door. "You'll never guess WHAT!"
"Selphie…" Rinoa moaned, frowning.
"You there girl!?" Selphie questioned somewhat less confidant than her last expression.
Rinoa kept quiet, trying not to breath loudly. Hoping to god Selphie would just leave her alone, thinking the silence would trigger some thought in that head of hers that Rinoa wasn't here.
"I checked your rooms status before I came down here so don't even try to pretend your not!!!" Selphie screamed with sudden stubbornness.
"Fuck…" Rinoa moaned. "Selphie, I'm tired, please. Just leave me alone."
"No! Open up!!! Edea needs to see you right away but I KINDLY said I'd tell you to come to her so I could get a chance to talk to you! Plllleeeeaaaasssseee Rinny!" The mousy haired girl begged outside her door.
Rinoa rolled over towards her door then hit the switch, the doors sliding open instantly. Rinoa held her head hung low as to avoid direct eye contact with her friend, the strength wasn't even within her to hold herself high, not just yet…
"What?" The raven haired girl questioned lowly and impatiently.
Wide emerald eyes glazed slightly at the sore sight of the darkened room and the slump body of the sorceress addressing her now. Shock calling the young seeD body ridgid, her bottom lip questioned with silence, many thoughts rushing through her mind. Maybe Rinoa had just been sleeping and that's why her room was…a mess….and the lights were off…and she was still in her usual clothes? What happened?
"Rinoa…?" Selphie whimpered like a dog. "Are you ok?"
"No, I'm not." Rinoa retorted with a sneer raising her head, the strands of her ebony hair shifting behind her, revealing those dark eyes. Sorceress powers creating some mystery with her stare. "I don't feel up for anything girly today Self, I'm sorry."
"B-but what's wrong?" Selphie took a step forward releasing her body from the shock and into insane curiosity and concern.
"Just something happened." Rinoa would almost die by those words, something weak triggered her voices fault as it skipped a little. Shaking her head to rid herself of the weakness that had been growing stronger and stronger ever since she fell in love with the seeD commander she gulped hard and turned her vision away. "Did you say that Edea wanted me?"
Of course, she'd missed her training the other afternoon. Why hadn't Edea requested her earlier? That was strange, she hadn't even thought on it. Could Edea even sense the lowness that shrouded her now? Or the confusion? Surely Edea would be the first one to come running in fear Rinoa would lose control of her powers and create some trauma? Rinoa didn't care too much for the reason at this point any way but the questions had to be voiced if Selphie didn't give the answer straight away.
"She said she needed to see you immediately due to something she felt…but…I don't care about that. What happened Rinoa? Talk to me please!" Selphie pleaded, the sorrow present in her huge emerald eyes as she scanned over her friends features in order to find some kind of a clue to what had happened.
Rinoa walked out of the door and continued to walk past…
"Selphie, we'll talk later about it…" Rinoa murmured just above a breathless whisper.
Selphie was left by the door, watching the young sorceress pace away, Rinoa's body visibly tightening with every step she took. Some kind of strength flowing through her, or just the mask that everyone had to place upon in times of uncharacteristic changes. The easy way to avoid the attention, the easy and yet ever bittering way to pull away from the care.
Entering the quad the usual refreshing breeze froze against Rinoa's body unkindly and the calmness of soundless air only made Rinoa feel even uneasier. Everything this environment once created for the young woman was shattered in the presence of the daunting leave she would have to take. And the 'baggage' she would have to leave behind.
Aquamarine blues painted in symbols across the floor and lights, the emerald greens and the ivy green mixing together in the nature's growth and the pale grey of the pavement underneath her feet created the soft environment. However there were no birds chirping as she would usually always hear, and definitely no band practising. Rinoa was suspicious but continued in her angry steps towards the over view of the distance, where whoever came here could sit and relax. She nearly always found Matron here.
And unsurprisingly, as Rinoa stepped out into the clearing she could see Matron sat at a bench furthest way from the fenced edge of the Quad, a cliff once Rinoa had fallen down. Not hesitating in her way towards the kind gentle woman that Matron was naturally, Rinoa noticed that the orphanage parent didn't intend to look her way either.
Finally approaching the beautiful woman, sitting peacefully, engaging the splendour of the clear blue sky, Rinoa raised her hands to her hips. This wasn't fair to carry the attitude she did, especially when directed to the ex-sorceress, but it couldn't be helped the way she felt right now, or was it just another excuse?
"Selphie said you requested me?" Rinoa responded to the silence impatiently.
Without flinching Matron continued to watch the sky with all its calmness, perhaps drawing the same sense of coolness from the heavens into her own exterior and interior. She slowly nodded, still not following her eyes through to the young sorceress standing proudly beside her.
"Would you like to tell me what happened?" Matron sounded through steady words.
Rinoa shivered, even without the sorceress' powers Matron could still sense and feel everything Rinoa did and even today it still freaked her out. She shouldn't be surprised but every moment this sort of thing came up, it still scared her to thin someone shared whatever she felt inside. Emotions she believed were easy to hide maybe weren't.
Her arms loosening, she sat down next to Matron without an invitation and sunk into the back of the uncomfortable oak seat, then sighed heavily. What to express? The obligation? Or the effects on her own life? This wasn't just about her, this was about the world and creating a higher rate of safety 'just in case' anything were to happen, so would Matron sympathise with the confusion and desperation she was feeling regarding her 'social' life? Essentially, that's what Esthar saw it as. But the display during the Ultimecia war must have showed something very different than just a teenage romance. Surely.
"You received a call I believe?" Matron questioned turning her head further towards the sky in taking the fresh scent of near buy growing lavender.
Quirking an eye brow Rinoa looked over the ebony haired lady as she smiled lightly to herself than turned to acknowledge the sorceress' confusion and suspicion. Trying to word a question Rinoa's lips parting but sound wasn't made in time before Matron could answer what hadn't been vocally puzzled…
"Esther have been in contact with Cid only I'm not to know unless you are settled with the idea of me receiving the information. I didn't come here to find the reason for the commotion and confusion and hurt that you feel purely out of interest, it's stirring things inside of you. I'm…concerned…" The words played on her lips very convincingly, but there was something else behind those words, it wasn't just Matron's concern behind them. She was voicing others.
Blinking a couple of times to rid herself of the liquid that was lightly building, she nodded her head slowly…
"Of course I agree to you gaining this information, however suspicious Esther is of you." Rinoa stated strongly and harshly. "I received a call from Esther officials telling me I have to comply to a 2 year period of removal treatment which will be assigned to Doctor Odine who has apparently been working on the project for a long time."
"Removal treatment? That's new." Matron's tone progressed with some disgusted emotion.
"To remove Ultimecia's and Adel's powers. So that we can get back to the original time line of sorceress' powers, so that my-or your old powers, can progress the way they were 'naturally' intended to. They spared me on the details but they pretty much said it was an obligation, and whether President Laguna knew or offered me the privilege of letting me continue with these powers, they weren't a group that worked under the President's state of law. In other words, if I don't go, they'll come get me. And there's nothing Sir Laguna can do about it." Rinoa stared into blank space, she did wonder whether this came as a shock to Matron but either way it really didn't matter so she refused herself the urge to read the express printed on the lady's face.
"And you feel twisted up and scared because…you'll be without Squall?" Matron didn't need the reply, just a twitch in Rinoa's features answered her. "I suppose he wouldn't talk to anyone yesterday and looked exhausted because you told him?"
Rinoa nodded her head very slowly, the tears bobbling in the corners of her eyes.
"Does any one else know?" Matron continued to question.
Rinoa shook her head, holding back a whimper.
Matron was quick to embrace the child in her thin pale arms, just as strongly as any comforting well built person could ever give her. And Rinoa cried, more and more…
'But there's something else my child…isn't there?' Matron thought to herself while embracing the young woman in her arms. 'I'm sorry I burdened you with this…I wish you could understand the moment I had to find my heir...'
Rinoa strode down the corridor towards her own safe hide away, her dormitory. After her talk with Matron she'd decided to tell everyone close to her, get it out in the open and hopefully they'll make her feel better. This was entirely strengthened by the idea that it might give Rinoa some sort of strength, however that would happen. It was more of an order from Matron to do so, Rinoa had numbly agreed once again. She kind of did want to tell her closest friends about it now, they did have a right to know, didn't they? If she cared for them at all, then she should just be totally honest with them? Isn't that the key to any good relationship? Didn't matter she was about to find out.
Rinoa was now sat at her computer desk, typing at a steady pace pinning in the excess codes to a programme only seeD's were allowed to use or even gain knowledge of, even then only high ranking seeD's gained the 'privilege'. It was a programme which reported people's entrance and exit of rooms, dormitories mostly. Rinoa and her friends used this programme a lot to find each other in the case of an 'emergency' meaning the programme hadn't been used at all for a true emergency.
She'd decided to talk to Kara first, she being Rinoa's best friend probably would deserve to know the truth (A/N: Wanna know more about Kara? Read 'She Will Be Loved.'). The only problem being, she was on a trip at the current moment and however gutless it was, she would have to tell Kara over the phone. Than she'd tell Selphie, Xu and Quistas, although she had a fair idea that Xu already knew considering she was Cid's right hand woman.
'Selphie Tilmitt' Rinoa typed…
'Response…Selphie Tilmitt: Dormitory 301.' Flashed on screen in arial blue white font, a blue print map displayed as a background of the birds eye view of Selphie's dormitory.
At least I can tell her in private I suppose…just call Kara first…how's she gonna react? Guess I'll see…
Yanking the phone from beside her on the desk she punched in the numbers to Kara's mobile. The familiar ringing sounded from the sound piece moments later as Rinoa rested the set to the side of her head, staring up at the ceiling now, somehow just a little nervous. Rinoa also realised if she buckled with tears and distraught behaviour than she'd have a rebellion on her hands against the Esther officials, she had to act as it her duty, but…still plead for support in some…twisted way…
Pulled out of her thought concerning her own sentence structure during the close conversation, she heard the sweet kind voice of Kara…
"Hey-lo?" Sounding like a happy-go-lucky fool, Rinoa could only smile.
"Hey, Kara it's me, Rin." Rinoa tried to press as if nothing was wrong, the flat tone told otherwise.
"Hey love, how are you?" Kara was totally unaware of the insecurity or the missing strength or carelessness in her friend's last sentence.
"Listen Kara, can I ask a favour?" Rinoa was going to try a not so direct approach but something that would kind of slowly bring Kara round to the facts. "Can you come back a.s.a.p. cuz I think we need to spend some time together, as much as we possibly can."
Arousing the curiosity that Rinoa had intended to cause Kara question but agree she continued in confusion…
"Of course, but why so sudden?" She laughed lightly to brush off any seriousness she once had tagged to her curiosity.
"I…look, I have to go to Esther to undergo…" She paused, this was just going to sound so damn weird for Kara. Yes, she was aware of what Rinoa possessed but by far she didn't understand it. She wasn't around when everything kicked off with Ultimecia, she didn't witness just what the reason for the treatment was. So how was she going to understand this? "Treatment…" She finally breathed. "For quite a while and I've only got around two months left."
"W-what…?" Kara sounded gob smacked. "For how long?" Another nervous laugh escaped down the line.
"Could be up to two years…" Ouch, Rinoa knew that was going to hit hard…why didn't she realise any of this when she told Squall? Because she was hysterical about it herself? Why hadn't she readier the respectful approach to the subject then? No wonder he was so…distant at the moment…
"TWO YEARS!? W-wait, you have to do this? I haven't been around I know so maybe I don't realise a couple of things…but…" Kara didn't sound so happy-go-lucky any more and she didn't sound friendly or warm either.
"Yes…it's a responsibility of mine I suppose..." Rinoa moaned, proving to Kara just the sulky teenage she'd become.
"Oh…oh god…no…that's bad…" Kara murmured somehow turning warmly, as if she was questioning whether to step in Rinoa's way or not. "Of course, we'll go out and have fun soon. I promise." There was an immediate change, she was back to the happy girl, not forgetting the situation with the warmness she was also expressing with her words but still almost forgiving of the fact that Rinoa would take her leave.
A little taken aback, Rinoa blinked a few times than continued…she's…she's fine with it?
"Any way, I've got to go and…tell the others ya know? So, erm, just enjoy the rest of the trip and give me a bell when you get back. K?" Rinoa almost a little hurt asked with a fake smile to voice.
"Yes of course, love." Kara replied.
Rinoa had hung up quickly after that, and just as paced left her dormitory behind in a haze of confusion. Selphie was next…
She…she was just shocked? She doesn't even understand the fact that I don't actually HAVE a choice here…but she was still…fine…she didn't even ask that many questions about it…have I ust fooled myself into thinking all these years she cared about me? I just…don't understand…
Maybe she just can't carry it on board at the moment, I mean I know she's got her own problems and everything but she didn't show me anything back there…she was shocked, she was! She does care! Just stop thinking about it.
Standing outside Selphie's dormitory she hesitated but slowly hit her fist on the door, gently in a familiar social jingle. Taking in a deep breath Rinoa straightened herself out, still unable to erase the careless attitude from Kara to the fact that she would be gone for 2 YEARS. Maybe she was over reacting? Was she? Squall was hurt? But he understood more than her, didn't he? Kara was her best friend! Why did she not even fight Rinoa about it? Was it the way Rinoa had addressed the subject, is that why Kara tried to mirror the attitude she got?
Suddenly the door flung open and an unfamiliar bored looking Selphie appeared in it's frame, her eyes lighting up like bulbs immediately when they caught sight of Rinoa. Still in the usual yellow tight stripped dress and mousy flicks swaying as she dashed forward towards the raven haired girl to embrace her.
Rinoa steadied herself, taking one leg back and supporting her weight from falling backwards as the girl flung into her…
"Oh man, I was doing ancient weaponry revision; you don't know just how bored I was!" Rubbing her head against the sorceress' chest in what could only be reasoned by her gratitude towards Rinoa from 'saving' her. "Hey…" Selphie stepped back, realising the young woman from the tight embrace, raising an eye brow high and looking suddenly suspicious. "You were all mean to me earlier on, what was with that? You ok?" Her expression softening a bit.
Rinoa gulped…here we go again…
"You can't go!" Selphie was sat on the other end of her bed with huge puppy dog eyes. "I won't let you!" Selphie once again, jumped at Rinoa, with free arms sprawling in the air as she jumped across the bed.
Rinoa wheezed a little as the arms tightly wrapped around her thin body, crushing her slightly, well this was certainly a reaction. Suddenly she was gone, sat at the other end of the bed again looking shifty; she had FAR too much energy…
"I don't trust Odine any way…never liked short men with big noses." Selphie frowned angrily.
Selphie wasn't taking this seriously. Rinoa felt hurt and shocked, and didn't even realise how her facial features dropped suddenly. Almost too difficult but just manageable, Rinoa picked herself up off the bed looking away from Selphie…
"Look, erm, I have to tell Xu and Quistas now." She brushed herself off, pulling the newly formed creases. "I'll leave you to think about it…"
Was it just her or did suddenly everything seem like her life had been JUST a girly dream and maybe they weren't the best friends she'd fought with when Ultimecia had been around and threatened the world. What happened to that moment when she realised she wasn't alone. She certainly felt like that again now!
Selphie did say she didn't want Rinoa to go but the point was she'd done it in such an immature way, but that was just Selphie, right? She was VERY care free in all serious situations…from what she could remember any way…this was crazy, maybe she really was just over reacting. But the seriousness felt very real…
Xu was a lot more serious than Selphie, maybe she'd cry. Suddenly it dawned on Rinoa, this was what she used to be. Someone desperate for love, was she that insecure that she needed to see these people cry to prove that they cared about her? That was ridiculous. So what if they didn't cry, maybe they didn't care to the extent she had believed but they still cared. Cursing herself for being so selfish she ad to pause a moment to bit her lip and close her eyes, holding back a tear…she was just…frustrated…that's all…
Another excuse? Just because you just received some information that's giving you the opportunity to cure yourself, you turn this into something all about you…shame they didn't cry but get over it, your so weak sometimes…pathetic…
Please…just go away…
Sniffling a bit, she turned to look around the environment, there was no one here to witness her short break or whimper. Nobody…
Xu…just focus on getting there…to…Xu…
"Wow…that's not fair." Xu replied.
Rinoa paused for a moment looking at Xu, she didn't really expect much of a reaction but sympathy or empathy would have been nice.
I'm just over reacting, I don't care if they don't cry. It doesn't mean anything, nothing to me. Absolutely, I mean, me and Squall can just get through it, he cares, I know he does. They do care! They just trust that I'll come back…
No, they don't care…and neither should you…
SHUT UP! I never asked for you!
Rinoa continued pacing down the corridor, becoming more and more aggressive in her steps.
Entering the library she immediately took in the sudden calm quiet of the study area. Endless shelves of books Rinoa would rather die than read, the front desk made from dark stained wood. Heavy lighting lamps looming the area as the day went well into the evening, eye strain as a result of reading in poor lighting.
Before she'd left Xu's she'd checked the programme to find out where Quistas was. And if the others hadn't given much of a reaction, then Quistas certainly wouldn't either.
The two girls hadn't always been on steady ground as a result of Squall. The awkwardness of the situation when Rinoa had strode on the scene and 'stole' him away from her, always remained bitter in Quistas, and how she continued to tell herself that she loved Squall in a sisterly way. Rinoa didn't buy it either, but still the relationship had developed between the two. And in fact, they had grown close in a strange sort of way. They shared a lot of things together, mainly because they trusted in a distant judgement. However recently they had begun to have fool hardy laughs together…but this didn't sway Rinoa judgement to the fact that Quistas could possibly be one of the two that cared for her the least.
Sure enough, she was were Rinoa had assumed she'd be. Sat at the back of the lonely library reading some in-depth monster history profile book or something. She was leaving for a month to Deling City to visit friends and she wasn't 100 of the monsters that lay in that region. Even though Rinoa could tell her everything about the place, Quistas hadn't requested Rinoa's help. No surprise…
Taking unsure steps of whether to act like she gave a damn now, she took it slowly until Quistas actually noticed her approaching her. The pointlessness she felt at this point was…very depressing, why was she even bothering telling her? Oh yeah, respect to friends and all that.
Quistas' clear sky blue eyes peered up hesitively to the blob of blue that had been in the corner of her eye. Pushing her glasses up her nose she smiled gracefully at Rinoa who just nodded in response to the greeting. Her arm sped out to the chair next to her and pulled it out, Quistas quickly eyed the page number of the book than closed it…
"How ya doing?" Quistas questioned.
"Not so good. But ah well…and you?" Rinoa sarcastically replied.
The blonde raised an eye brow and continued to look at Rinoa deeply…
"What's wrong? You came looking for me right?" Quistas smirked, almost feeling a little confident and warm with the fact.
Rinoa smiled lightly and nodded.
"Yeah, I might have. Don't let it go to your head or anything." Rinoa giggled.
Did she really just giggle freely? A little shocked Rinoa widened her eyes at the realisation, it was only for a moment. A moment ignored by the recently passed instructor sat in front of her. That was very strange though.
"Have you been alright lately?" Where was all of this suddenly coming from? Rinoa was acting on her emotion without even realising it until after she'd done the motion.
"Yeah, just stuff ya know. Any way, what's wrong with you? Is it serious?" Quistas seemed a little more concerned Rinoa had expected.
The sorceress gulped, this was no sweat. Even if the status of their relationship was really unsure at this moment, it wouldn't be any different to how the others had reacted. So why hesitate? She'd already told the story four times today! So she knew how to say it!
"I received a phone call from Esther officials practically demanding that I go there to undergo treatment. It's something that can 'erase' the sorceress powers of Ultimecia and Edea so we can get back on track with how the sorceress powers of this time are suppose to play, ya know? Just…kinda feel a bit down about it because it'll take two years, and we all know if it doesn't work than their gonna keep me." Rinoa shrugged than looked down, it was her fate now, she understood that, hearing herself say it four times finally cut through to her head. "So, you being my friend I just thought you should know…I'm leaving I suppose." Sighing heavily she finally looked up to read Quistas' assumable blank expression.
What she saw was very different…
"You're leaving?" Sudden uncertainties clear in Quistas' voice.
Rinoa's eyes widened from the dispassionate one she had worn before, the one she had believed Quistas would be wearing. The blondes brown knitted her lips apart, salt water gathering and sudden limp posture. This wasn't something Rinoa recognised at all. No, the blonde looked, if she was correct, hurt, horrified, scared.
Dazed, Rinoa gulped hard. All the emotions she thought she would of cried out over the phone to Kara were suddenly choking her. But…because of Quistas!?
"Q?" Rinoa questioned.
The instructors lip quivering slightly as she formed the sentences to cry out, her eyes looking all the more desperate…
"You can't leave, you can't leave now!" This irrationality was completely new, to anybody Rinoa thought. She felt uneasy seeing this distant yet strangely close friend become so open about an emotion or connection she wasn't even sure they shared. "I need you!" And that hit the top of Rinoa's shock, who knows if Quistas could do it again.
Still gob smacked Rinoa could only watch as Quistas let the salt water trickle down her cheek, slowly but in a thick stream down her fair pale skin. In reply, she could only say…
"I'm sorry…"
At this moment, Rinoa felt like a jerk. She'd saved all the professionalism for the friends in her life that, at this point didn't seem to care. And let all of the distraught or uncaring side of her appear to those who really she should of tried her hardest to be strong for, Squall and Quistas. Granted, she had no CLUE that Quistas would react this way but…still…now she felt awful.
Quistas shook her head, than took a deep breath trying to recollect herself. Moments later she gulped hard, in the similar loud fashion Rinoa had than wiped her eyes, lifting her glasses with her other hand. Facing her body towards the desk she had been working at before…
"No…" Quistas hesitated, looking straight down to the cover of her book. "…no…I'm sorry. I really am, I'm so selfish aren't I?" She laughed lightly to herself than sniffed.
"God…you were crying…I'm sorry I didn't want to up set you, I didn't think you'd care." Rinoa cried, the guilt choking her. "You don't need me you fool! You're an independent lady, you'll be ok…I promise…" The sorceress slowed…Oh god Quistas I'm so sorry…I didn't wanna make YOU cry…Why'd YOU cry?
"You're coming back!" Quistas laughed further, still trying to recompose herself, still unable to lift her head to meet Rinoa's eye sight. "Look…I should be going…thank you for telling me."
Rinoa watched in shock, these moments, this meeting, it was flying by. It was out of control. There was nothing she could do but watch in shock, her breath was gone and even she felt hurt now that she'd hadn't realised just what good friends they had been despite the bitterness…that had…passed…that's right! It was over!
The instructor stood from her seat, gripped the book in one hand than briefly smiled at Rinoa without eye contact and walked away. Still holding her pride high over the tears that could spill in her pace, Quistas felt the emptiness of something unpredictable, her future two years without Rinoa. Had it really sunk it that quickly? Was that just a moment of hysteria? Could she act cool again in five minutes…? Why had this affected her so rapidly?
"Quistas please! I promise!" But the blonde kept striding. "I'll come back!" The determination ever more strong. But she was gone…the doors slid open for Quistas…than close…after Quistas…
I promise…
Stepping out from the library almost half an hour later, Rinoa rubbed her temples, closed her eyes and continued to step towards her dormitory. Perhaps it was time she got some sleep, she'd face enough people today and the emotion was still strong. The shock, in deed, extremely fresh. The confusion of whether the reactions where due to lack of care or heaps of strength and understanding…or maybe it was her own fault for being so bold in her speech…and how Quistas had reacted, how had she not SEEN that!?
Sighing in frustration she refocused her vision on her steps when suddenly she noticed at the end of the isle someone else feeling the same hurt and confusion as her towards the current situation, someone who looked very much…like the old person he used to be…someone who Rinoa was afraid of…
"Squall…?" She mouthed, barely audible.
He just nodded and tried to smile…
Her heart raising and the fresh hurt being dug at again, she felt the faintness take her legs first. And then the sweating, and the lump in her throat and soon a sharp pain in her head, everything was falling in around her. His eyes looked distant, she couldn't reach him…
Oh god Squall please don't turn your back on us! Please, don't go back there!
She tried to take a step forward but it didn't seem to work and she faltered slightly, deciding suddenly that wasn't such a good idea she decided to stick to the spot she was now placed…but he wasn't moving any closer to her. And that only aroused the deeper fear that this time they'd be no way to grip him…
"What ya…" She coughed, her voice sounded funny, almost choked. "…what ya doing?"
"Nothing." He shrugged, hands in his pockets.
"Oh…" She replied.
It was like when they first met, only she hadn't been scared then. She hadn't understood the signs of his caving in withdrawal and the fear it created for her. And the hurt it created for her.
Some kind of sense hit into her brain, she didn't want to crush Squall any more with her weakness. She had to learn from what she just did, she had to move on from it. She had to be confident, professional; this was all about her duty.
"We need to talk." She spoke with all the more confidence she'd had to almost keel over to muster. Tears stinging her eyes.
"Yes…" He replied with monotone.
"Let's go somewhere private…" Rinoa pouted, raising her head higher. The pain in her chest becoming ever more sharp and painful.
To Be Continued…
Author's Note: Ok, sorry, I've done a lot of work on this thing lately, well, not a lot. But I ended an extension to one of the scenes in Iced In Memory. And there's a new prologue, a poem, shit I know but it was spontaneous. But now 'Reason' is chapter 1 and so forth. R R please and yeah, fine flames if you must. Thanks for any one who's reading, cuz I really enjoy writing.