Hello...The day has begun! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -cough cough-...gotta get the Slade quotes out of my system...GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
RavenHairedInsanity: LOL oh yeah the sock puppets'll really get 'em. :) Yeah, how dare they? Jerk offs -cough cough- er...Glad you like it :)
tinkerbellx2: Ok, Ok...don't hurt me -hides under bed- lol! Robin not leaving...um...well...Raven doing something? Well, she tried...Thanks for reading :)
Rinagurl13: Yeah Cy has an inflated ego...Um...if he didn't, what would you do to me?
raeandrobtheystolemyfoureva: Phew, your name is painful to write! Your worse than me? EEK! Now I'm scared :( -Turns all the colors of Robin's uniform one after the other- Words cannot describe...-hugs:) Please don't cry...-sobs-
Majestical:) Warm fuzzies all around. Thanks, man :)
SOVEREIGN LORD OF CHAOS: Yay! You're back :)
spooke: Thanks :), I will.
Darth Nat: Thanks, I try. LOL I seem to be good at writing conflict and tension...I wonder why...Yeah it would royally suck. Yeah I watched Birthmark, and I liked it, for the reasons that you are thinking of I'm sure. The part in the church was WAY cool :)
jambey-Blushes- thanks :) Yeah...I could have backed off the violence a little...it was sorta hard to imagine...LOL Hey that is my line :) Thanks, glad to see you reviewing!
Aeris-Raven: I don't think Rob will go to Batty on purpose...That's not to say he couldn't end up there...Yeah it sucks for Raven. I'm drawing the Cyborg stuff from how he acted in episodes like Divide and Conquer, Wavelength, and most of all, Titans East. Yeah I liked that bit :) Wait no more!
Ok then...Hmmm...new catch phrase? Old catch phrase? On with the story! (teehee you guys are gonna want to strangle me by the time this is over)
The sky was gray, spilling cold tears of regret from black, rumbling clouds. The night matched the mood in the tower.
Bitter tears burned in his eyes, but he let none fall, not allowing himself that relief. His bag was packed, leaning next to the door, filled with his weapons and...a few other things. The rest could stay here; they could do what they wanted with it.
In the very bottom drawer of his dresser, hidden beneath various other items, Robin found a black shirt, given to him on his birthday by Cyborg, and a pair of black cargo pants, a Christmas present from Beast Boy. A lump rose in his throat, try as he might to gulp it down...
"What did you buy me clothes for? I already have a costume."
"Well, I thought maybe...if you ever wanted to stop looking like an advertisement for Crayola, you could wear this." Beast Boy had a mischievious grin spread across his elf-ish green face.
"Ha ha very funny, Beast Boy." Robin looked at the ground for a second, then said, quietly, "Thank you."
"Hey, no problem, dude! What are friends for, right?"
Robin glared at the pants, as though this was all their fault. "Yeah, what are friends for, right, Beast Boy"
"Aw, come on, man! You've gotta change that thing sometime! What, do you just own a billion Robin uniforms?"
Robin grinned mysteriously. "Maybe..."
"Ya know, Raven really digs black...", Cyborg said, feigning innocence.
Robin punched him on the shoulder, achieving nothing but sore knuckles. "What are you talking about? Do you have that crazy virus again? I...She doesn't...I don't like her!"
"Oh, yeah, sure, right, uh huh...", said Cyborg, the look on his face contradicting his words. "Well, if you ever decide to stop pretending, you know where to find me." He winked, leaving Robin alone with his thoughts.
Robin marched over to his backpack, flipped open the lid and dug through it, yanking out a framed photograph. He glared at it for a moment...Him and Cyborg, friends. "Not anymore." Robin chucked the picture into the messy drawer, shattering the glass and breaking the frame. Their relationship was like that picture: damaged beyond repair.
Robin hastily stripped off his costume and put on the black clothes. As much as he hated taking anything that his so-called "friends" had given him, he needed to blend in right now, not stick out like a sore thumb. True, a teenager wearing a mask was not exactly normal, but a teenager wearing a mask and a super hero cape was just plain unnatural.
That was it. He was ready. Nothing holding him back now. No excuses left. So...why wasn't he moving?
The Titans were his family, his home, his freedom. Two years, two long years together, and now he was leaving. Leaving behind everything he had worked so hard to build. He loved every last one of them; Starfire with her child-like innocence and eagerness to please, Beast Boy with his corny jokes and tofu, Cyborg with his determination and love for waffles, Raven-
A tear streaked down his cheek, leaving a salty taste on his lips. He couldn't leave her, he couldn't...He needed her...
"I don't need anyone." Robin's face hardened as he lied to himself, putting up a solid barrier around his heart. "I don't have any friends."
With that cold thought, Robin slung his bag over his shoulder and walked out his door into the hall. Thunder shook the tower, lightning illuminating his path, then throwing him into darkness again. Robin melded perfectly with the night, except for the eerie white of his mask. He looked like some sort of demon, creeping through the tower under cover of darkness. But he was not the only one wandering the halls that stormy night...
"Where do you think you're going?"
Robin was not in the least bit surprised. He knew she wouldn't let him slip away quietly...she just didn't understand. This was something he had to do. "Leaving", he whispered, not looking at her as he made his way to the stairs.
Raven grabbed his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. Her eyes, if he could have seen them, were pleading, but her voice was cool and calm. "That's just great, Robin. After all we've been through, all we've worked for, you're just going to throw it all away for your stupid pride!"
He whipped around, grabbing her by the shoulders; she realized for the first time that he was a good inch or two taller than her. "Pride?" His voice was dark, dangerous, as unsettling as the glowing white of his eyes. "I've given myself for this team. I've risked my life, again and again, for this team. I gave up my hopes, my dreams, for this team. What I want doesn't matter. This is for the team." He released her, turning on his heel and continuing down the hallway, leaving Raven momentarily paralyzed.
When he reached the door, it was glowing with a dark aura. He tensed, holding back the tears, holding back the scream of frustration fighting to escape him. He couldn't hold firm much longer, he had to get out of here before he lost his nerve. "Let me pass, Raven", he said, feeling rather than seeing her standing behind him.
"Will...will I ever see you again?"
Robin shook with the wild sobs he was desperately suppressing. The pain in her voice was like a stake in his heart, but he had to go! He didn't dare speak, lest he reveal his weakness. Instead, he stood with his back to her, the darkness hiding the tears streaking their way down his pale cheeks.
He could feel Raven's gaze burning into him, acussatory, disbelieving...Suddenly, the door was returned to its original state, and he felt a small shove in the small of his back, making him stumble forward slightly.
"Get out of here."
The tone of her voice froze his heart, sending an icy wave rushing through his body. He had never hated himself more than he did now. He knew if he turned around, if he spoke, if he looked into her eyes, he would never be able to leave. He had to do this, he wouldn't stay for his own selfish reasons and hold his friends back. He wasn't good enough for her.
Robin inched his way down the stairs; pain shot through his leg, but he hardly noticed. The door slid shut behind him, leaving him in suffocating darkness. Every fiber of his being wanted to race back up those stairs, hold her in his arms, tell her that he would never leave... He leaned against the wall, giving in to the tears, his body shaking with painful sobs. He slid to the floor, curling in on himself and holding his head in his hands. The pain had burst its boundaries.
Raven stood, glaring at the cold, metal door, breathing hard as though she had been running. "He lied to me." She squeezed her eyes shut, blocking out the world. "He lied."
Robin said he loved her. Robin promised he would never leave her. Robin lied.
"You fool! You fell for it again, didn't you? Once just wasn't enough, was it? He's gone, and he's not coming back." Anger would not stop the tears from coming. Nothing could stem the flow...
Suddenly, her own agony was magnified by ten, growing and spreading like some foul weed, until misery filled her entire body. She winced, reaching up to feel the back of her head; it felt as though she had just slammed it into the wall. Raven gasped as pain shot through her fist. She opened her eyes, staring uncertainly at the door Robin had disappeared through. Should she go after him? Try to stop him? She knew from the emotions coursing through her that he did not want to leave. Why was he forcing this on himself? Slowly, haltingly, she reached for the button, making the door slide open. Robin's words echoed through her mind...
"Let me pass, Raven."..."What I want doesn't matter."..."I'm not going to hang around and drag the team down."..."I can't do it."..."This is for the team."..."I...I'm leaving, Rae."
Raven walked down the stairs, careful not to trip in the near-darkness. The reception hall was empty, dark, and silent. "Robin?" Her voice echoed through the room, but there was no response. She flew to the door, jabbing the button and racing out into the downpour. "Robin!"
The wind stole his name from her lips, silencing her calls with its howling and moaning. She was soaked in a matter of seconds, rainwater mixing with tears as she stood, lost and alone, limp and weak as though the next gust of wind would blow her away. She called him until her throat was raw, until she shook violently with the cold, until her eyes would cry no more...and still he did not come.
The rain soaked straight through to his skin, spreading a dull ache through his body. The pain in his leg was building, becoming worse and worse with every step he took until it forced a groan out of his stubbornly clenched mouth. Robin gasped, and his legs gave out, sending him crashing to the cold, wet pavement with a dull thud. He lay there, gasping for air and trying to ignore the pain burning through him. This would be his life from now on; he might as well get used to it.
He couldn't stand, so he began to crawl slowly forward, trying not to use the arm he had broken in the blast from the bomb.
The bomb...that was the closest he had ever been to death, and that was saying something when you were employed as a crime-fighter. In what he thought were his last moments of life, his mind was fixed on his team, his friends,...his Raven. What he had hated most about death was leaving them behind. As much as he hated it, though, he had willingly surrendered his life for theirs, giving all he had to give to keep them happy, to keep them safe. It stung that they didn't feel the same for him.
Right now, in this moment, as he crawled along in the dark, rain pounding on his back, Robin wished with all his strength that he had died that day, in an act of heroic sacrifice, atoning for his wrongs with that one great right. Life had been a far greater punishment.
Why live, if you are no longer useful? Why live, when your friends desert you? Why live, if there is no purpose to your life?
Robin's heart was beating, pumping blood through his body, keeping all his internal organs functioning properly. But inside, he was dead.
He had escaped Slade with his heart still pumping, but he was as dead as if Slade had shot him in the chest. His life had crumbled in the madman's iron grip, leaving nothing but a slight thumping in his chest. Just because you draw breath doesn't mean you live. There are more important elements of life: the mind, the soul. Without those, you cannot truly live, no matter what the heart moniter says.
Robin's mind, balanced on the edge of a knife for so long, was nearly lost. His soul had taken one too many beatings. Bruised, battered, all it could do was pray for the blows to stop. They didn't.
Robin had silently begged them to understand, to see his pain, to help him find himself again, to give him time to heal. In his mind, Robin pleaded for their forgiveness, yearned for their trust, ached for their love and compassion, even though he knew he didn't deserve it. He had found all of that in Raven.
"You idiot!" Robin let his head slam against the concrete wall he was leaning on. The pain that seared through him was welcomed; this was the punishment for all of his stupidity and failure. "The one person you have in this world, and what do you do? Shove her away!" His head banged into the wall again, the impact blurring his vision
He loved Raven more than anyone else in the world, and yet he was constantly shutting her out. Why? Why was it so hard to trust her? Why was is to hard to trust at all? Raven had done so much for him, and all she asked in return was his trust. Was that so much to ask?
In Robin's opinion, he was just too screwed up to understand. There was a time when he was free, when he could laugh, when he could love. Now that was just so far away, driven out by that simple, innocent question: "Who is Slade?" If only he had known then what those words would do to him.
Rain fell, chilling the both of them, adding to their misery, magnifying their defeat.
Hmmm...Chapter 2. Hope you liked it, and I'm sorry that Robin left, but it is necessary to the plot of the story. Please, if you must kill me, could you at least use a method that will be mostly painless? Thank you. -Dusty