Chapter 3: S.N.A.P.
Once Hermione swam out of her Legols-induceddrool-pool, she realized she'd missed Defense Against the Dark Arts class, and headed toward the Great Hall for lunch with a sigh. She was feeling quite upset with herself for missing a class and setting such a bad example.
And we were going to discuss how to kill immortal Dark Lords today. I was really looking forward to that.
While she walked down the staircase, she saw Ron leaning nonchalantly against the wall on one of the landings. He was talking to Lavender Brown, running his hand through his hair, rumpling it up. She could hear Lavender saying something about a Strawberry Tart. She is such a flirt! Surely anyone could see through that. Well, no, maybe not Ron. Hermione called to Ron, and when he looked up at her, hid face lit up and his blue eyes sparkled.
/ A/N: I'd high;y recommend checking out this page if you want to know about Strawberry Tarts and such things... ;) http/ /
"Hi, 'Mione!" he said as he ran his hand through his hair some more and gave her a lopsided grin.
"Ronald! You know I hate being called that!" Hermione huffed as she reached the landing, putting her hands on her hips.
Ron reached up to rumple her chocolate curls. "Ah, you know you love it. It's a term of endearment really."
"What? 'Mione? It's a brutalization of a perfectly nice name. What if I called you..." Um, how does one shorten Ron any further? She stopped her tirade, unable to argue the pointany more.
Lavender giggled at them and rolled her eyes. "Well, Ron, about, what we were talking about, you know I believe you. I know how brave you are." She batted her eyes at him then walked away without acknowledging Hermione at all.
"Ron, were you griping about your line again?"
"What? No!" Ron answered, blushing deeply.
"Yes you were. You're forever going on about how I got to jump in front of Harry in the Shrieking Shack third year and say that Sirius would have to kill us before he could kill Harry. You're still mad at me for taking the line from you, admit it!"
"Yeah, well... Look, I looked like a bleeding coward, clutching a mangy rat and blubbering the whole time!"
"Well, you were bleeding."
"Thanks, Herms. 'Why can't we follow the butterflies?' Crying about my broken wand with my voice breaking. Now this—I hate how they make me look in these things!"
"Ron, you'll have to get over it. And don't call me 'Herms'!"
"Aw, I guess you're right. Come on 'Mia. Lets go eat. I'm starving!" He turned toward the Great Hall and Hermione followed, trying to think of a way to make Ron understand that she ihates/i being called "'Mione" or "Herms" or "Mia" and wondering where all the food he eats actually goes, seeing as how he never seemed to gain weight.
When they reached the Entrance Hall, Hermione spotted Dumbledore walking toward them, his blue eyes twinkling.
"Ah, Miss Granger, Mister Weasley, how are you both doing today?" He reached up to ruffle Ron's head and gave him an almost wistful look. "Sherbert lemon? Or perhaps a starlight mint?" he asked, while rummaging in his pockets.
"Er—We're—er—fine, professor. And no thanks. But thanks." Ron stammered, seemingly uncertain about this familiar gesture from the headmaster. "Just heading to lunch, sir."
"Of course, of course. I'm sure it will be excellent today, as always. Good day," he said. Before he moved past them, he looked at Ron with intensity. Hermione wondered if he was performing Legilimency on Ron. He then brushed past them, reaching up to straighten Ron's collar before entering the hall.
"He's been acting weird lately, hasn't he?" Ron asked, tugging his newly-straightened collar.
"Yes," Hermione answered. "He seems to act, almost like you're his little brother, doesn't he? He doesn't even treat Harry like that. Well, let's go get lunch, Ron."
"Alright Hermione. That is a great idea."
"Great idea?" Hermione looked at Ron quizzically. "It's not like it's a new plan—that's what we were going to do anyway."
"Whatever."
Hermione brushed past Ron to enter the Great Hall. As soon as she entered the room, she felt a pair of eyes on her, boring into her. Ouch! I hate when Draco does that! It always leaves bruises, she thought as she rubbed her shoulder.
She turned, and, sure enough, Draco was staring at her with his silvery eyes. She was relieved to see that Blaise, who was sitting next to him, was back to his normal, gorgeo—dark-haired and male self.
/ Fangirls Anonymous: drool and bicker amongst themselves /
She shot Draco a scathing look then started to march toward the Gryffindor table. Up at the staff table, she could see Dumbledore watching their—well, Ron's progress through the room. Why is he always paying attention to Ron these days she wondered, but her attention was turned to the woman sitting two seats down from Dumbledore. It was the school's new secretary, Danni Jo Davis. She was a pretty woman, looking to be in her twenties. She also had an unfortunate (well, unfortunate for her at least) habit of sitting next to Professor Snape at meals. She was rubbing Snape's forearm and he was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. She didn't seem to mind though...
Hermione arrived at the Gryffindor table with Ron and found seats across from Ginny Weasley, Ron's younger sister, and Colin Creevey, both in sixth year. Ginny was currently working on smashing a Chocolate Orange into its pieces and sitting on her knee-length red hair with pretty golden highlights.
"Hey Ginny," Colin said. "I have some more thoughts for that Harry Fan Club I thought we could start." Colin reached over to grab his bag, brushing Neville Longbottom's hand in the process.
Neville jumped back from Colin. "What are you going on about?"
"Relax, Neville," Ginny said, munching on a Chocolate Orange Slice. "He's just distracted by his Scarred Obsession."
Neville sniffed and scooted away from Colin. Ginny rolled her eyes at the two boys and aimed a bat-bogey hex at them. They both proceeded to swat at the little flapping bogeys.
Dean Thomas walked up to the table then, and handed a parchment to Ginny.
"Look, Gin, I drew you that Artist's Flame you liked so much."
Ginny took the parchment to examine, and thanked him, then proceeded to smear Chocolate Orange juice over the picture. "Now it's a tasty picture too!" She exclaimed, aiming a bat-bogey hex at Dean across the table but hugging the painting to herself. Dean stumbled backwards from the force of the hex, and grabbing out with his hands. He only was able to reach Hermione's Muggle Studies book, though, and it crashed down to the floor with him.
"Oh Dean, are you alright?" Lavender gasped. "You know, I saw your future in Divination Class today: you had Grims and Goalies in your forecast."
"Aw Lavender, you don't really believe all that do you?" Seamus Finnegan asked her with a moan. "That's all Kicks and Giggles, isn't it Dean? But wait, you passed your Divination O.W.L. with Flying Colors, didn't you Lav?"
Lavender blushed at his recognition, then turned to Neville and proceeded to tell him that she thought Trevor was a Prophetic Toad and that she'd love to come up and meet him sometime.
Hermione's attention suddenly was drawn from the seemingly random conversation at the Gryffindor table back to the staff table. Professor Lupin had just approached the table. Professor Trelawny, who, for some strange reason had decided to start joining the rest of the school for meals just this semester (Hogwarts had started using a semester system this year instead of three terms, naturally), was pulling the chair next to hers out, looking at Lupin with Moonlit Eyes. Lupin appeared befuddled at this action, and hastily retreated to the far end of the table, sitting down next to Professor Tonks, who had glaring lime-green hair today. Lupin blushed furiously as he sat down next to the Defense professor.
Hermione turned to her plate, and began to eat her shepherd's pie. Seeing Professor Lupin reminded her of S.L.I.P., her new crusade to help research Lycanthropic Insanity. Maybe I should tell Ron about S.L.I.P. He might be interested if it involves Lupin.
"So, Ron, do you think Professor Lupin has been acting strangely at all?"
Ron looked up at Hermione, bits of shepherd's pie dribbling from his lips. "I dunno," he said as he licked his lips. "Why?" He then started serving himself a second portion. Hermione was amazed at how fast he'd inhaled his food. She'd only had time for a couple bites.
"Well, I think he's been acting a bit unstable. He seems to think he's French all of a sudden." She looked back at Lupin. He was building a replica of the Eiffel Tower out of french (freedom!) fries. Tonks was fingering his red scarf.
"mmmph—" Ron mumbled something as he shovelled a ginormous spoonful of shepherd's pie into his mouth. He gulped it down, then turned to Hermione again. "Think its because of Sirius? Hes his best friend. 'Course hes' a bit sad over it. He's' lost all those friend's over the year's. How would you feel after loosing me?"
"Ron, honestly, you need to study up on your punctuation. The apostrophe is used for possession, not plurals. And 'its' is possessive, whilst 'it's' is a contraction of 'it is.'"
Ginny appeared to have overheard this bit of the conversation and chimed in. "Yeah, and I think you meant to say 'lose' and not 'loose.' Trust me, Hermione doesn't want to 'loose' you." She giggled, and threw a bat-bogey hex at him to teach him a lesson about how sirius his grammatical errors were.
"Over—reacting—ouch!—a—Ginny! Why'd you do that?—wouldn't you say?" Ron struggled to say as he fought of the bat-bogeys. They started flapping in his shepherd's pie and made quite the mess.
"Look the point is of all this is that I wonder if being a werewolf is hazardous to Professor Lupin's mental health. I'm going to start S.L.I.P. now too, Stop the Lycanthropic Insanity, to promote research into Lycanthropic psychology."
/ Lupin Fans:Here are our two sickles! We want to help Remus! Remus is Hot! Remus Survives/
/ A/N: I was wondering when you'd show up/
"Psycho-what? What are you on about this time, 'Mione? Can't you just leave things alone?" Ron pleaded. "It's too much work!"
"Fine," Hermione snuffed. "And I'm going to start another new club. It'll be S.N.A.P. Stupid Nicknames Are Preposterous. And I expect you to be secretary!" Hermione practically shivered with anger and poked her finger into Ron's chest. Ron scooted away slowly, afraid. Very afraid.
As lunch was winding down, Dumbledore stood up. "Attention, students. I am happy to announce that this year, Hogwarts will hold its first annual Halloween Ball. It will, of course be on Halloween night, and everyone third year and up may attend. As this weekend is a Hogsmeade weekend, I would suggest that you spend it shopping for your costumes—there will be a prize for the most creatively outfitted couple. Thank you."
Immediately, all the girls in the room grew excited and began to blush and giggle amongst themselves. The boys, however, took a collective gulp. All the boys but Draco, who looked cool and suave as ever, smirking from beneath his gorgeous mane of silvery hair.
Hermione noticed Neville, recovered from the bat-bogey hex, glance over at Ginny, who was still sucking another Chocolate Orange slice, and whisper, "It's a SIGN!" Then he blushed and turned back to his own shepherd's pie.
Colin also looked at Ginny expectantly, as she still concentrated on her Chocolate Orange, but got some of her knee-length hair caught up in her bite. Continuing to gaze at her, Colin reached over the table, presumably to grab some salt for his shepherd's pie. Unfortunately, he knocked Seamus' pumpkin juice over into his lap.
"Hey!" Seamus shouted. "What was that for? Keep away from me Lucky Charms, Colin!"
"Seamus, be quiet!" Ginny reprimanded, shooting a bat-bogey hex at him. Seamus started waving his hands in front of his face. "Come on Gin! Why do you always have to shoot off this hex at everyone? Can't you learn the Flaxen and Flame curse instead?" He asked, a shy smile coming to his face behind all the flapping bogeys.
"Nope. I like this hex. None other will do." Ginny answered.
Ron growled while munching on his shepherd's pie. He seemed unhappy about the prospect of another Ball. "Whys he got to have another one?" He said between bites. "It's absurd." Gulp. "Waste of the school's money." Slurp.
"Honestly, Ron. Can't you have a little school spirit? And etiquette?" Hermione nagged. Ron rolled his eyes at Hermione, apparently still annoyed at S.N.A.P., so Ginny got him with another bat-bogey hex, apparently the only thingshe knew how to do other than worship her Chocolate Orange.
Hermione had known about the Ball in advance, but had had to keep it a secret. As Head Girl, she was in charge of the decorations. She'd already made plans with several of the female prefects to set up rows of lavishly-dressed scarecrows, to hire fall fairies to sprinkle fairy dust over all the dancers, and make jack-o-lanterns to float near the ceiling. She wondered if she'd be asked to the dance—it would be embarrassing indeed if the Head Girl didn't get a date. Maybe she could ask Harry herself—Merlin knows how he hates to take the initiative in these sorts of things.
/ Harmony Shippers: Go girl! Oooh, what will they dress as? Hermione can straighten her hair, and Harry can wear some really nice— /
And he's under so much stress as it is, he'd be better off just going with a friend.
/ A/N: runs away from Harmony shippers trying to give her the smack-down /
Hermione then noticed that Harry wasn't at the table. "Where is Harry? Is he off feeling sorry for himself again? I'd better go find him."
Ginny, who is very good with Magical Healing, and takes classes in it even though they're not offered at all, just like Hermione's DADA class is, hands Hermione a small vial and a dart.
"It's a tranquilizer. You'll need it if you're going to go find Harry. He's probably blowing things up in the Room of Requirement again." Ginny said, shifting back into past tense. "Just dip the tip of the dart into the vial to get it wet, then throw it at Harry. And here's some body armour—don't want him accidentally hexing you, and here's a Semi-Permanent Protego charm." Ginny waved her wand at Hermione, shifting forward in her seat a little, pulling her long red hair and knocking her off-balance into Lee Jordan's Crimson Dreadlocks. Lee was still at Hogwarts because everyone liked him so much. "It will automatically repel any spell Harry throws your way."
"How come I've never heard of that charm?"
"Well, I thought of it just now."
"Sounds really helpful! We could really use something like this..."
"Don't worry. We'll all conveniently forget it exists when we have our obligatory fight with Voldemort and his minions at the end of the year."
"You said V-Voldemort."
"Yeah, well, it's shorter than You-Know-Who."
"No it's not."
"Shut up Hermione. It's easier to type, obviously," she explained as she started to work on her last Chocolate Orange slice.
Hermione, now suited up and prepared for battle, left to find Harry.