Chapter 2- Crying for The Death of Your Heart
For the past week or so, my dreams have been various memories involving Sirius. Each night I went to sleep thinking of him, dreamt about him, and usually to woke up to discover that I had cried in my sleep. It felt like there was a huge whole in my heart where Sirius had been. My brain had re-ordered itself: the right side contained memories and thoughts only involving Sirius. The left contained every thing else. "Stop it Natalie!" I scolded myself. "He's gone now, he'll never come back..." I didn't want to believe he was dead; Sirius was my true love, and I was his. Even though that does sound cheesy, it's true. Remus is (thankfully) still around, but it would be wonderful to have everyone back. Remus is my best guy friend, but he's just not Sirius. Tears started sliding down my cheeks; I tried holding them back. My weak attempt failed, and I ended up sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow.
A few minutes later, when the crying had slowed down, I heard footsteps approaching my room. I wiped off the remaining tears with my bed sheet, and put on a fake smile. "Natalie, are you ok?" Remus had walked into my room. He seemed genuinely concerned. In my head, I knew Remus knew what I was about say. "Not really...I was just thinking of..him.." I couldn't say Sirius. If I did, I'd probably cry again. I didn't want Remus to see me cry again. When most people asked me if I was ok, I'd lie and answer yes in hopes they'd leave me alone. But I couldn't lie to Remus, even if the lie was small. Remus didn't say anything for a while, until i heard him mutter, "Sorry." He understood what I was going through, Sirius' death had deeply affected him as well. Sirius was a best friend to him, a fellow Marauder. "Don't be sorry, it's not your fault." I smiled wearily at him, not caring that tears were now pouring down my cheeks like rain. Remus reached over, and gently wiped the tears off my right cheek. His hand lingered for a few seconds, "I hate seeing you like this." I couldn't help but grin. He was still the same shy, quiet, and considerate Remus John Lupin that I loved. Now when I say loved I mean it in a friendly way. No where close to the love I shared with Sirius. The memory of our first kiss popped up in my head, and I started to cry once more. Remus pulled me into a loose hug and let me cry into his shirt. To stop the tears, I immediately switched my thoughts to someone else who had been on my mind lately. That person was Harry.
Harry had been affected by Sirius' death as deeply as I had. Harry kept alot of his emotions locked up inside at times. Which was not a good thing. I've known Sirius for 25 years, while Harry has only known him for 2. But his death affected the both of us greatly. That made me realize that we all have a great capacity to love someone, even if we've only know the person for a short time. I stopped crying, and let go of Remus. As I moved away, he pulled out his wand, pointing it at his shirt. "Scourgify!" I would never have thought of that. "You were always the smart one Lupin. I would've cleaned it the Muggle way." I laughed, for the first time in a while. Remus just rolled his eyes. Typical. "Remus I was wondering about Harry.." I paused, and fidgeted with my night gown. "How is he?" It was only a couple of days into the break, and the Harry hadn't arrived at Grimmauld Place yet. I suspected the Advance Guard would go pick him up soon. "He seems to be doing fine. He hasn't mentioned much about Sirius in his letters though. I suspect he'll want to talk with us when he arrives." "I hope he's not as much of a wreck as I am now." I smiled at Remus, who smiled back and stood up. "Listen Natalie, I'm going to head downstairs for breakfast. Are you coming?" "No, I'm not hungry. But thanks for the offer." "I'll see you later then.."
Remus got to the doorway of my room when I tapped him on the shoulder, causing him to turn around. I hugged him, and said, "Thanks." He looked at me quizzically. "For what?" "For being there for me when I need it." I said with a smile. He grinned, "Your welcome." I released him from the hug, and walked to my bed. Sitting down, I could've sworn I heard Remus say to himself, "Anything for you Natalie..." I thought about what he said, and came to the conclusion that I must have heard him wrong, Remus doesn't think of me in that way. We're just friends. And that's the way it's going to stay. Part of me was sure I had heard him correctly. As I opened my drawer to grab a hairbrush, I realized something. I wasn't wearing my engagement ring, which I left on unless I took a shower.
Sirius had proposed to me a year before James and Lily's death, on October 31st, 1980. It was at Lily's annual Halloween party. Sadly, we never got the chance to marry. In that way, October 31st is a good day. But it's more of bad day than a good one. Instead of taking the hairbrush, I took a small red box out of the drawer. The ring sparkled in it. It was silver, with 3 diamonds on it, and I've loved it ever since the first time it was on my finger. I slipped it on, and layed down under my covers. I closed my eyes, thinking of Sirius...
(This is a bit longer..the rest of the chapters should be longer. Title of Chapter from the song Just Like Heaven by The Cure)