Ch.8 Her smile isn't the same
Her smile isn't the same. She's smiling and she's laughing, but where's the twinkle behind her eyes? It's fake, it the same laugh and smile I've given to people a million times, it happens when the inside of you is dead, it's not hurting, it's not breaking, it's not tearing you in two, no you would kill for that, you would kill for the emotions that you see in others. No the laughter, the smiles, the flirting, the attitude, it's all a mask to hide the fact that you're empty.
How could she be empty? I've got to be wrong; this has to be me transferring my thoughts, my feelings, and my fears onto her. Rory was one of the most alive people I had ever met, she loved, she cared, and she got hurt, when she smiled her whole face brightened up. I can't see that now or maybe I really had just placed all of my hopes and dreams on her and made her into something she never was, yet that doesn't seem right either. I excuse myself from the table to go put on the trunks I had brought with me.
~~~~~~
I splash water on my face after I've changed. I try to get myself together, I'm wrong. Rory is fine or at least Rory will be fine, she is still there underneath the highlites, the manicure and pedicure, not to mention the designer clothes that barely cover her, she is still my Mary.
'Course maybe I would feel better if she'd actually been my Mary at one point and time and that everything I knew about her I hadn't gathered through simply watching her. Yet I know there had always been more between us, and I don't think I made that up in my mind. She said to me yesterday "You weren't around" when I asked why Mike and not me. Sure, she could have simply been fucking with my head or being a flirt, but somehow I doubt it. Something happened to her, otherwise she'd still be living with her Mom..wait maybe her mom was dead.nah I would have heard about that. "What could have happened that could have driven her from her own house?"
Did I just say that out loud and into the mirror? I really think I saw my lips move, okay I'm totally losing it and why the hell am I in here, what answers am I going to get talking to myself?
~~~~~
The Pool~
Rory's standing off on her own watching them in the pool. She seems so lost all the time, she's looking at them, but she's not seeing anything. I walk up behind her, I don't think she hears me, because she seems to jump ever so slightly when I whisper in her ear "What are you looking for?"
She turns and smiles "Tristan, ready to go in?"
I can't let her get away this easily, I know she's being fake and I can't allow that, I have to try for more, "Not until you answer me."
She shakes her head and smiles "I wasn't looking for anything, I was just watching them."
"Who watches in 90 degree weather, especially when they're already in a suit and their friends are in there?"
"I do Tristan, now I'm going in. You can join if you want to or not." She's so cold and aloof as she turns her back on her, but I can't help but feeling that there's something underneath that surface that I've got to figure out how to reach, she reached it in me once, it almost destroyed me, but she reached it. I guess it's one of those you can't start to rise until you hit the bottom. I hope this is her bottom, I don't think I can bear to be the one that has to bring her to it.
~~~~
I spent the day with them hanging out at the country club, I wish I could say that something spectacular happened, but like normal it didn't. I beat Mike in every race we had across the pool, a few other people turned up from Chilton and we got together a decent game of volleyball, where I once again beat Mike. Oh and don't think volleyball, more than one person on each team, it was a group win or defeat because no I beat Mike, sometimes my teammates worked with me or against me, but it was I who beat him.
I've realized yet another thing today, nothing will happen between Rory and me, if all I ever do is piss her off at every event we attend together. The answer to that solution is one on one time, where I can piss her off until she gives me answers. Hence the phone in my hand, hence the phone that is ringing
"Hello?"
Oh shit she actually answered, "Rory," I cover my shock of actually hearing her voice quite nicely I think
"Tristan?"
"You don't recognize my voice I'm hurt." playboy mode has been activated
"I don't recognize my name being said in that voice." She sounds almost as if she's about to laugh, but only about to.
"Would you prefer Mary?"
"No dear god, no. What do you want Tristan?"
"What no hello?"
"I said that already Tristan."
"But not when you knew it was me."
"Fine. Hello Tristan, how are you? Isn't it lovely weather we're having?" she actually lets out a little laugh when she's done with her spiel.
"Come to the beach with me." My voice is lowered for optimal effect.
"I thought you wanted the formalities." She's being so cute and flirty that I have to wonder if I really need to get her back to her old personality.
"I lied; I wanted to see if you would do them. So come to the beach with me."
She laughs again, "It's almost seven Tristan."
"So the sun's still out."
"I can't," she hesitates for a moment, she knows I'll ask why not, so she goes on, "I have plans with Mike."
"Break them"
"I can't" she says and I think she means it, her voice isn't flirty/cheerful anymore, anyway who wouldn't want to be with me instead of him.
"Fine, tomorrow. I'll come pick you up at 8."
"8?"
I'm surprised that she's shocked by the time and not telling me she can't go, "Wow does that actually mean you'll go?"
She laughs realizing what she got herself into, "I guess I have no choice now."
"Nope, I'll be there at 9; you don't have to be ready or anything. I don't mind sitting around as you get dressed."
"Good-bye Tristan"
"Good-bye Rory" I think she's smiling just like me as she hangs up the phone.
Her smile isn't the same. She's smiling and she's laughing, but where's the twinkle behind her eyes? It's fake, it the same laugh and smile I've given to people a million times, it happens when the inside of you is dead, it's not hurting, it's not breaking, it's not tearing you in two, no you would kill for that, you would kill for the emotions that you see in others. No the laughter, the smiles, the flirting, the attitude, it's all a mask to hide the fact that you're empty.
How could she be empty? I've got to be wrong; this has to be me transferring my thoughts, my feelings, and my fears onto her. Rory was one of the most alive people I had ever met, she loved, she cared, and she got hurt, when she smiled her whole face brightened up. I can't see that now or maybe I really had just placed all of my hopes and dreams on her and made her into something she never was, yet that doesn't seem right either. I excuse myself from the table to go put on the trunks I had brought with me.
~~~~~~
I splash water on my face after I've changed. I try to get myself together, I'm wrong. Rory is fine or at least Rory will be fine, she is still there underneath the highlites, the manicure and pedicure, not to mention the designer clothes that barely cover her, she is still my Mary.
'Course maybe I would feel better if she'd actually been my Mary at one point and time and that everything I knew about her I hadn't gathered through simply watching her. Yet I know there had always been more between us, and I don't think I made that up in my mind. She said to me yesterday "You weren't around" when I asked why Mike and not me. Sure, she could have simply been fucking with my head or being a flirt, but somehow I doubt it. Something happened to her, otherwise she'd still be living with her Mom..wait maybe her mom was dead.nah I would have heard about that. "What could have happened that could have driven her from her own house?"
Did I just say that out loud and into the mirror? I really think I saw my lips move, okay I'm totally losing it and why the hell am I in here, what answers am I going to get talking to myself?
~~~~~
The Pool~
Rory's standing off on her own watching them in the pool. She seems so lost all the time, she's looking at them, but she's not seeing anything. I walk up behind her, I don't think she hears me, because she seems to jump ever so slightly when I whisper in her ear "What are you looking for?"
She turns and smiles "Tristan, ready to go in?"
I can't let her get away this easily, I know she's being fake and I can't allow that, I have to try for more, "Not until you answer me."
She shakes her head and smiles "I wasn't looking for anything, I was just watching them."
"Who watches in 90 degree weather, especially when they're already in a suit and their friends are in there?"
"I do Tristan, now I'm going in. You can join if you want to or not." She's so cold and aloof as she turns her back on her, but I can't help but feeling that there's something underneath that surface that I've got to figure out how to reach, she reached it in me once, it almost destroyed me, but she reached it. I guess it's one of those you can't start to rise until you hit the bottom. I hope this is her bottom, I don't think I can bear to be the one that has to bring her to it.
~~~~
I spent the day with them hanging out at the country club, I wish I could say that something spectacular happened, but like normal it didn't. I beat Mike in every race we had across the pool, a few other people turned up from Chilton and we got together a decent game of volleyball, where I once again beat Mike. Oh and don't think volleyball, more than one person on each team, it was a group win or defeat because no I beat Mike, sometimes my teammates worked with me or against me, but it was I who beat him.
I've realized yet another thing today, nothing will happen between Rory and me, if all I ever do is piss her off at every event we attend together. The answer to that solution is one on one time, where I can piss her off until she gives me answers. Hence the phone in my hand, hence the phone that is ringing
"Hello?"
Oh shit she actually answered, "Rory," I cover my shock of actually hearing her voice quite nicely I think
"Tristan?"
"You don't recognize my voice I'm hurt." playboy mode has been activated
"I don't recognize my name being said in that voice." She sounds almost as if she's about to laugh, but only about to.
"Would you prefer Mary?"
"No dear god, no. What do you want Tristan?"
"What no hello?"
"I said that already Tristan."
"But not when you knew it was me."
"Fine. Hello Tristan, how are you? Isn't it lovely weather we're having?" she actually lets out a little laugh when she's done with her spiel.
"Come to the beach with me." My voice is lowered for optimal effect.
"I thought you wanted the formalities." She's being so cute and flirty that I have to wonder if I really need to get her back to her old personality.
"I lied; I wanted to see if you would do them. So come to the beach with me."
She laughs again, "It's almost seven Tristan."
"So the sun's still out."
"I can't," she hesitates for a moment, she knows I'll ask why not, so she goes on, "I have plans with Mike."
"Break them"
"I can't" she says and I think she means it, her voice isn't flirty/cheerful anymore, anyway who wouldn't want to be with me instead of him.
"Fine, tomorrow. I'll come pick you up at 8."
"8?"
I'm surprised that she's shocked by the time and not telling me she can't go, "Wow does that actually mean you'll go?"
She laughs realizing what she got herself into, "I guess I have no choice now."
"Nope, I'll be there at 9; you don't have to be ready or anything. I don't mind sitting around as you get dressed."
"Good-bye Tristan"
"Good-bye Rory" I think she's smiling just like me as she hangs up the phone.