"We are simply saying that it is time for the Wizengamot to meet again, Mr. Fudge," Amelia Bones repeated for the eighth time, as she sat perched in her chair before Sirius' desk, looking for all the world as innocent and tasteful and… proper as could be. Sirius felt almost guilty in prolonging her torment. Almost.

He slid his fingers together, propping them up in a comfortable crossing on the desk, smiling his most simpering. "But there is no one to give a trial to." Like they had ever given him one. "I don't understand why the Wizengamot needs to get together without even a necessary trial." Did the Wizengamot meet for any other reason? When a nasty bunch of wizards and witches under the madness of Crouch refused that one responsibility, it was difficult to imagine much else they could do.

Amelia shook her head, eyes widening in prudent surprise. "Sir, the laws…"

Laws. Oh. That would make sense. With every department concerning itself with magical dog food and who knew else cooking up laws... "Which law in particular?"

For the first time since she had strolled into the office after sending in four wasted memos, she allowed herself a smile. "Oh, I wouldn't know. I never have a chance to look at the bills."

"You're smiling about something."

The grin widened. "It's nothing. I was just thinking of my niece out at Hogwarts—"

He had teased Tonks about that the other day. Some school law or another. One that should really should be in place, considering the danger evident out there. If Harry could just be allowed to use his magic during holidays… "And what does that have to do with laws, Ms. Bones?"

"Sir, I believe we're getting off the point of my memos. If you can beg my rudeness."

"If you wish me to attend the Wizengamot, I want to know what laws there are."

For a moment Amelia fought the grin threatening to consume her face, throwing in the occasional expression of sheer mature discipline. "I heard a rumor the other day. Someone wanting to change the law concerning the students not performing magic during their holidays."

So they could concern themselves with that kind of thing, and he never got so much as an unfair trial. Yet, somehow, he couldn't feel upset. Not at all. "That's a terrible idea! After what that Potter boy did with that nonsense about the dementors—"

"It wouldn't be just that law, sir," Amelia cut in with a manicured hand on the desk. "There are other laws…"

"Do any of them concern Voldemort?" He forgot about Fudge's apparent unwillingness to utter that name and cringed.

Not nearly as much as Amelia. Her face blanched, her nails digging into the surface of the desk. Apparently it wasn't real wood. "Excuse me, Mr. Fudge, I just didn't expect to hear you…"

Sirius hadn't meant to give the woman a heart attack. "Forgive me. It's just that… with the Dark Lord now out and moving, I figure it best to discuss the truth. Dumbledore is right; we need to band together and be brave." Not bad. He had spent too much time under that roof, with Albus walking in and out.

After a terrifying gasp for breath, Amelia shook her head and shoved herself back up into a proper seating posture. "No, sir. I'm afraid they don't concern… You-Know-Who." She gave a quick nod of her head, eyes on him. "Cornelius, we've worked together a long time…"

Sirius blinked. She wasn't hitting on him, was she? No. He knew of the Bones, and he had too much respect for them to consider any of the family hitting on Cornelius Fudge's body. But then what was she getting at? "I realize that."

"Well." She took a deep breath, somehow taking upon a very motherly countenance. "Your assistant, Percy Weasley, has been complaining to me and several others…"

Sirius groaned. After all the silence Percy had gone through when Crouch had seemed to be utterly mad, now he learned his lesson. "He has? I really wish he could present his complaints to me, if he has a problem. I'm really afraid I'll have to remember this when pay raises come around…"

She shook her head, hand once again on the desk, as if in effort to keep Sirius from going anywhere. "Don't blame him, sir. He was only doing what he thought right. The fact of the matter is, well, we're all rather worried about you. Pardon me if something in your life is off kilter, but you haven't been yourself the past few days."

Try dying and returning to someone else's body, Sirius thought in mild disgust. Surprise was hard to come by when one could offer the perfect answer, but even so he thought he pulled the look off quite well. "Oh? I appreciate taking concern in me, but-"

Suddenly Amelia Bones wasn't looking quite so kind. "I don't know if you are aware that there is currently a law in place that gives the Wizengamot the duty of dealing with even the Minister of Magic when there is a question of, how shall I put this, sanity?"

Sirius gave a jolt, his heart (or Fudge's heart) flipping inside of him. Insane? He hadn't been so bizarre, had he? "Why hasn't a qualified mediwizard from St. Mungo's been involved?"

"We don't want to take drastic measures, sir."

And this wasn't a drastic measure? The fifty or however many wizards of the Wizengamot, involved in this kind of situation… they knew Cornelius Fudge better than anyone! Better, seemingly so, than Tawnya did, anyway. "Why aren't we arguing about this law?"

"Sir, I'm sure you know how the laws work…"

Sirius drove his fist into the desktop, knocking over a mug of quills and a bottle of ink that was thankfully closed. Harry had mentioned Fudge doing something of the sort at his own hearing. "Ms. Bones, I am most insulted by this! You have no right to assume the matters in my personal life that may be affecting me! Why, my wife…" He couldn't think of an excuse to tie in with Tawnya.

But it worked. Amelia was sufficiently taken back, even with her hand at her chest, heaving a deep breath. "I meant no offense! Only that it was a matter of protocol. And considering the situation with You-Know-Who at hand, why, I thought we all wanted to prevent what happened last time!"

"And bring about the complete terror even the Ministry was displaying last time." The door was open, Tonks standing there, fingers still dangling over the knob, and a cluster of parchment under her other arm. Smiling.

For some reason, Sirius had never been so glad to see her. "Miss Tonks!"

Amelia gave a jumping glance between him and Tonks. "I-- Miss, I'm so sorry."Tonks closed the door behind her and strolled across the room, still grinning as comfortably as ever. She gave a haulting bow to Amelia along with a handshake, which Amelia, stunned, barely participated in. "Nymphadora Tonks, pleasure to make your acquaintance, ma'am. I'm very sorry to intrude like this, but your assistant Weatherby was out of the office, and… and I have some most urgent news to share with you, Minister."

"Amelia Bones," Amelia said dizzily. "I'm still afraid I don't know who you are."

"Nymphadora Tonks, I'm not afraid to introduce myself again. Though I must beg of you to simply call me Tonks. Sounds so much more official that way. I'm working with the Minister on some business in connection with the Order of the Phoenix. I'm the go-between for the Ministry and the Order, you might say."

"Well," Amelia rose to her feet. "I'm afraid I'm busy with him, that we have some pressing matters of his own nature that the Wizengamot must attend with…"

Sirius felt Tonks' gaze burn into him. Only for a few seconds, but she seemed to be reading through him. She wasn't guessing anything, was she? If he could only tell her who he was…

"I believe I heard all about it." Tonks had a definite way of wording things into the most polite voice possible. When she chose. "Ms. Bones, I think that might have to wait. I know you're worried about the Minister but, as I heard him say, there is too much going on. Why can't you imagine him being stressed with the Dark Lord on the loose? And Sirius Black still out there." She seemed to linger on his name. "I'm afraid it will just have to wait. What I have to say… I think it is more of a concern."

Amelia, nodding probably against her will, made her way to the door. "I'm… I'm sorry. I meant no insult." Like an escaping mouse in way of a cat, she sprang out the door.

Tonks stared at the door for a long time. "Wow. I actually managed to scare her off. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so forward, but…"

The house-elf. Sirius instantly felt sick. Of course they were going to get suspicious. Strange house-elves of government officials did not just randomly show up in places as well hidden as the Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

And that seemed to be the issue at hand.

She whipped a card from her pocket, one still oozing the faint aura of a very bad dung sample. "I received this and a bouquet last night, Cornelius. From one of your house-elves. And I must say I am very surprised at how she found me. Considering where I was."

James appeared near the back of the room, shaking his head.

"Um…" Sirius couldn't think of a single thing to say. Apparently he had lost his innate lying skills. "Um… I was informed of the Order Headquarters by Dumbledore." Would that work?

Tonks shook her head. "No, you weren't."

"May I say, then, that I have my ways?"

She flung the card down on his desk, just under his nose. "Great trick, by the way. Best I've seen in years."

She was plotting revenge, Sirius thought. She was definitely plotting revenge. She had come in here to question him about something, and yet flaunted yesterday's prank before him. She was so unlike the rest of the Blacks.

"Miss Tonks," he began. "I'm not sure what you're getting at. You threw out a respected Ministry official for the claim of important news. And yet—"

"I had a little chat with Deena last night, when she brought the flowers over. Which, by the way, have caused me to be the subject of four teenagers claiming that I have an admirer in the Minister of Magic himself."

Sirius hadn't intended that. Had he? She was Andromeda's daughter, for cying out loud.

She waved it aside. "But that's besides the point."

She was being much too serious. From what he had seen of Tonks, she could blend the solemn and the humorous. But so on task, so on focus…

"Deena gave me a warning about another one of your house-elves, by the way," she continued. "Ardy, I think his name was. Is it just me, or do some of the house-elves have the strangest names?"

Back on humorous again. Calm. Sirius couldn't be calm. And James was still in the corner, still watching him.

"Has Ardy tried to kill you yet?"

Right on the point. Sirius shook his head. "I… I admittedly threw out the breakfast he tried to serve me." Why hadn't he presented the house-elf with clothes immediately? "You wish to question my house-elf?"

"If that's all right."

That wouldn't be a problem. Sirius had already combed over Fudge's mansion, but… if he had Tonks with him… He opened his hands, smiling. "Tonks, you have my permission to do whatever you want to my house. Anything."

Tonks blinked. "Really? I didn't think you'd… oh wow. Fudge, you're willing to cooperate in your own murder plot?"

He already had, if she knew that. "Well, when do you want to go?"

She seemed unsure of herself. "Well, now, I guess. If that isn't a problem. I didn't know what you might be thinking."

Sirius stood up, not even bothering to press the chair under the desk. "We'll take the fireplace, if you don't mind, Tonks."

"Tonks," she repeated.

"That's your name, isn't it?"

"Of course it is." She gave a small shrug, beaming slightly. "But you've been calling me Miss for the past couple of days. And now, it's suddenly just Tonks."

"You don't mind? It seemed to be what you were most comfortable with."

She shook her head, pink hair swatting into her eyes. Big, they were. "I just thought…. Now I shall make it a point to continually call you Cornelius, now that we're in business together."

"You called me that earlier." Sirius was once again struck by the desire to have her simply call him Sirius.

"I could call you Corny. Okay then. Are we going by floo powder or not?"

"Of course." He made his way over to the fireplace and motioned to pick up the jar of floo poweder.

He would have, if he hadn't been struck by the sudden sensation of drowning in a waterfall. A puddle soaked into the floor, threatening to suck in his feet, and a bucket clattered down next to them.

Tonks was having a grand old time in laughter. "Revenge, Cornelius. Revenge. That, and a little place run by some Weasleys that market in some superb items."

Two more buckets quickly followed.

Fred and George, he thought happily. Good thing to see that the business was being respected. But… water? He would have thought that the Weasley twins would have had a bit more imagination. "Okay, Tonks, you have had your revenge. Shall we dismiss to my own territory?" He grabbed the jar, took out some powder, and handed the jar to Tonks.

For some reason, she was still laughing.

"Nice place you have here," Tonks said upon their arrival in the too-white sitting room. "No offense, but I always had this image of you sitting in some cozy little place full of… alcohol or something. But this… this is posh. Not my taste, but that's okay." She picked up a pillow, gave it a thorough examination, and tossed it back onto the couch.

"I feel the same way," Sirius muttered, wondering where on earth Ardy was. The stupid house-elf. He should have known. He had suspected the breakfast. "Ardy!" he shouted.

"Hmm." Tonks plopped down on the couch. "So that will get him coming, won't it?"

"It had better. Mind if I join you?"

She shrugged, then choked back a giggle. "It is your house, so I don't know why you're asking me, but I'd advise you against sitting down."

His sopping wet clothes. He grinned, wondering how mad the real Fudge would have been at such a childish prank. "I'm sure the furniture will dry."

"It's not that. It's just that I didn't invest in the non-staining kind," she replied. "Sorry about your robes, but I think it does come out after a few washes. Mostly. But upholstery… I really wouldn't know.

"Non-staining?" For the first time since the three buckets of water, he looked down at his robes.

They were a combination of pink, baby blue, lime green, and the combining grey sploshed mix. "I thought it was just water!"

"Cornelius, I'm not that pathetic."

Sirius considered it a moment. "I didn't mean that. Actually, I was disappointed in you when it was just the water. Well, my wife picked these out, so… I'll deal with her." He sat down next to her. For some reason, it was very awkward.

It was only Tonks…

She gave a tiny laugh. Not the kind she gave after the water, but more thoughtful. Mature. "You really aren't the kind of guy I imagined Cornelius Fudge to be."

She had no idea. "I suppose I have a different persona when I have to be in charge of laws."

"You don't seem to have the slightest idea of what you're doing."

That was too right. He couldn't help but laugh. "Makes you think even less of the Ministry, doesn't it?"

She nodded her head, seeming to avoid a non-neutral response. "Actually, it's kind of a relief. At least you're getting things done. All the things I've brought over… you've actually been doing them, haven't you?"

She had sent over messages. He had never looked at them, only demanded they be done. "Anything to help the Order."

Anything to help Harry. An idea occurred to him. "Say, Tonks?"

She was investigating a particularly hideous vase. "Hmm?"

He wasn't going to ask for this, was he? The shock of all shocks, what even Dumbledore wouldn't listen to. Why would Tonks trust him in this? Why would she not run screaming from the mansion, taking the hideous vase with her? "I understand, from stories I've heard, that when Sirius Black attended Hogwarts, he kept a mirror."

The vase dropped from Tonks' hands, shattering. "Oh, no! I'm so sorry!" She collapsed to the floor, raking up the pieces. Then stopped half-way through. "What mirror?"

"I was going to put those in charge of Sirius Black's case in on getting that mirror. We believed we could use it for evidence. And never mind the vase. We can blame that and the stained couch on a burglar."

Now Tonks was just staring at him, eyes wide and almost frightened. "I don't know of any mirror…"

The mirrors had always been a secret. "Ask Harry Potter."

"How the hell do you know about that?" She was back on the couch, fists clenched. And still looking scared.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." She was going to think him a spy, possessed by Voldemort.

"There was a mirror," she began.

He nodded.

A groan escaped her throat as she buried her face into her hands, pink hair strands popping out between her fingers. "And I haven't the slightest idea why I'm telling you this. But since you already know about Grimmauld Place…" She put her hands down just long enough to glare at him. "You may as well know that I was cleaning out Sirius Black's room yesterday. There was a mirror in a drawer."

A drawer. Of course. Dresser drawer, second one down. Amazing how the most meaningless memories could fly their way back. If he could use that mirror to prove who he was to Harry… And yet why couldn't he just prove it to Tonks? "And…?"

Her hands came down completely as she grinned sheepishly. "I'm afraid it… fell. And broke."

Broke. Sirius slid back, gaping at her. "You broke my mirror?" The words were out before he could think.

"Hey, it's not your mirror, it's-- How dare you say it's your mirror!"

"I didn't—"

She was on her feet, glaring down at him with more intensity than before. "What do you mean it's your mirror?"

"Tonks—"

Her face was twisted in horror and confusion and… panic. "Please answer my question. I've been wondering and wondering what your secret is and…"

A scream broke out in the hallway.

"Tawnya," Sirius muttered, so grateful to escape from Tonks. He leapt up from the couch, ignoring the rainbow stain on the cushions.

Tonks stood where she was, looking ready to faint. She muttered something about the Wizengamot.

"My wife," Sirius said dumbly, as if that would explain everything.

Tonks stared back at him, then at the door, then ran and put her ear to it. "Your wife is arguing with someone. Whoever you are."

Was Tawnya capable of arguing? Sirius joined Tonks at the door. "Ardy," he muttered.

"He is most certainly not dead, Mistress Tawyna," a squeaky voice was saying. Definitely Ardy. "He won't… eat Ardy food. Maybe if Mistress Tawyna would let me poison dinner…."

"I refuse to get involved in this!" a nasty female voice shot back. Completely unrecognizable. Except… It couldn't be Tawnya. She wasn't smart enough to sound like that.

"Please, Mistress. We gets in trouble if this isn't done soon. No one still knows what to think. Why Master Cornelius lived."

"I just want the money," Tawnya's voice snapped. "That's all I want! When I agreed to do this, I agreed just to stay calm, cry a little at his death, and do anything else Lord Voldemort wants. Hey, I don't support the guy! But I don't care if rules or not! Is that what they want me to do? Risk my life at dinner after you poison it?"

"No…"

"Does Aspen just want me to kill the guy?"

Sirius had seriously underestimated the woman. All this time… why hadn't she killed Fudge years ago? Exactly how long had they been married? The girl was hardly out of Hogwarts…

"I could do that." Tawnya let out a huffing sigh. "I'm good at that kind of thing. Or I could be. This will be my first time. Well, when he gets back from the office… nah, I'll do it this weekend."

"But—"

"Shut up, I can handle it. Just as I can handle being a bimbo. I'm a good actress. Now go clean something, I want a bath."

They left.

Sirius almost died all over again.

Tonks stared at him, eyes still wide. But the horror had changed to a different form of horror. "You can't stay here," she muttered. "But, yikes, no wonder you're insane."

He nodded. This would have driven the real Fudge insane. "I'll… I'll go hide at the office. Keep her from coming."

"What do they want with you? Oh, I'm sorry I just freaked out. I'm sorry. It's what I said to Bones. You have every right to be insane."

Then, to his amazement, she threw her arms around his neck.

It only lasted a second. And then she was back, looking humiliated. "I'm sorry. I'm just.., I'm a huggy person. I guess… look, we're going to get you help. Yes, you should get back to the office. I was going to invite you to the Order headquarters, but then you said…"

She could still invite him.

But apparently she wasn't.

"Let's do that."

"Let's." Without another word, she strode over to the fireplace, grabbed some floo powder, and shouted "Number 12 Grimmauld Place!"

"Tonks," he said.

She looked at him.

He didn't know what else to say.

She nodded, understanding. "I'm sorry. Again. I don't know what came over me. But don't come back here. I'm going to let Dumbledore know immediately."

Then she stepped inside the hearth, and was gone.

Tawnya was going to kill him. Even the thought was impossible in his head. But yet it remained, echoing over and over again. Like the hug Tonks had given him. Tawyna was going to kill him. She was not some dumb bimbo. Or at least she was a dumb bimbo who thought she could be more. Either was dangerous.

James had to know about this.

James was back at the office. Why had James even come?

He grabbed some floo powder, tossed it in, and within seconds he was back in the office.

James was no longer there.

Instead, Percy was, looking very surprised to see his boss tumble from the hearth. "Sir!"

"I had some place to be," Sirius said gruffly. Percy was not someone he wanted to see right now.

"I imagine that. Should I… should I continue that excuse?"

And add in the fact that Fudge's wife was a murderess. Hah. Almost funny. He, Sirius, wanted for murder, and occupying the body of someone who was. "For what?"

"Harry Potter, sir." Percy spat the name out in disgust. "I thought you might want to see him. He's here with… my father, sir. Something about the Wizengamot."

"Harry?" Screw the mirror…

"Should I pretend you're not here? It's just that before you always wanted to know about Potter's whereabouts."

"No." Sirius shook his head. "Send him in immediately."

I just hugged the Minister of Magic. The fact flooded Tonks' mind as she tripped over a poker immediately upon arriving in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. I just hugged the Minister of Magic. Something was seriously wrong with her. Sure, he was a nice guy but… he was Cornelius Fudge!

But so nice, though. And he was participating in a prank war.

And why was she thinking about that when the man's very wife had turned out to be in this murder plot?

Molly was cooking something. Smelled very good. Yummy. Great, now she was hungry. Focus, Tonks. Focus.

Why hadn't she made him come back here? He obviously knew where to find her!

"Tonks?" Molly raised her wooden spoon, sauce dripping back into the pan.

"Hi, Molly!" Tonks tried to sound sweet. "What's… what's going on?"

"Well, Arthur took Ginny and the boys down to the Ministry to talk Kingsley… goodness, dear, what's wrong?"

The Ministry. Of all places. "Is… is Dumbledore around?"

"You know him, he's always in and out. But…" She tasted the sauce. "Hm, I'll need you to try this. I think it needs more paprika."

She was right. "Yes, more paprika. And garlic. Garlic's always good." Help Molly cooking. That was out of the way.

"I agree on the garlic," Molly said. "Well… I actually think Dumbledore is in the front hall, talking with Snape. Oh, I can't believe that man…"

Tonks would have to hear the story later. She rushed from the kitchen, throwing herself through corridors until she reached the front hall.

And crashed into Snape.

"Miss Tonks," he said in sniffing surprise.

"I need to talk to Dumbledore."

Dumbledore only seemed mildly surprised. "Well, first Snape throws news at me and now Tonks…" He nodded to Snape. "If you'll excuse me, Severus…"

Severus gave one of his usual looks and left. Eh, he had never scared Tonks anyway. The man was pretty decent, anyway. But that wasn't what mattered.

In approximately thirty seconds the entire story was out. Again. Not that Dumbledore seemed to mind. And then the comment about Sirius' mirror. And, of course, Fudge's wife. Her throat hurt when she was finished.

"Well?" she asked. "We need to protect him!"

For the first time since she began speaking, a look of utter amazement overwhelmed Dumbledore's face.

Uhoh.

"He's mad," she volunteered. "He's a nutter, isn't he?"

For a long time, Dumbledore didn't speak. "Tonks, my first reaction is to say so. But I've been considering it for a long time, and… now I no longer know what to think. I'm not completely aware of all that goes on in this world and the other."

Tonks didn't know what to say.

"This may have come as a shock to you, Tonks, and it's probably enough to have him commited to St. Mungo's, but I can't ignore evidence when I see it. Several days ago, Cornelius called me into his office. And he proceeded to try and convince me he was Sirius Black."

SHOUT OUTS!

Werecat: Actually, I'm afraid one of my goals is to disturb you. But I don't think the story is ever going to go into a severe, action-packed romance. It may be just little more than a friendship. So don't worry too much.

Tru Lys: Tonks always struck me as having a possibility for the dramatic. )

Thoughts and Pondering: Lol! No, Dumbledore doesn't exactly fit the picture of sanity, does he?

movielvr: Thanks! Eh, I'll never be one the people good enough to get a thousand reviews, so oh well.

milky way bar: At that point in time, Dumbledore still wasn't sure what to think.

meenyrocks: Thanks!

Marquerida: You just predicted one of the clues I was going to do! )

Lady Meriadoc: The mirror is actually for Harry's benefit.

IamSiriusGrl: Heck, I think Dumbledore's about ready to believe him! What did you think of Tonks' revenge, compliments of WWW?

hydraspit: It is legal to marry your second cousin! AND look at the Black family tree already! That's actually my rationalization.

Blackmamuth: Thanks!

Artemeccion: Yes! That was the two-way mirror Tonks managed to break!

ArcherofDarkness and Callie: Ooh! I respect and honor you for that! Eh, Deena is a good house-elf. And yay for Gremlins 3!

Aerinha: Thanks!