Tim Fortune
Presents
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
A/N: One shot. Should be funny.
DC: I don't own Javert, he belongs to Victor Hugo and Boubil and Schonberg. Also, neither do I own the song that appears in this story.
Backstage:
Javert: Do I have to do this?
Thenardier: Yep.
Javert: Really?
Cosette: You knew what would happen when you agreed.
Javert: In retrospect, I shouldn't have tooken 24601 on this wager.
Valjean: (walking up) Too bad. You knew the rules. If…
Javert: (continuing) one of us couldn't eat the most Bacon Double Cheeseburgers in 10 minutes, he'd have to go out on stage, in costume and perform…
Valjean: That's right. So get hopping Skippy!
Javert: (walking out on stage) Curse 24601 and his huge appetite!
Onstage:
Javert: (shielding his eyes from the bright spotlight) Um. Bonjour everyone. I'm…Inspector Javert and…I'm here to sing… (Bites lip) Always Look on the Bright Side of Life from Monty Python's Spamalot, while wearing this ridiculous outfit. (He spreads his arms to reveal he's wearing a bright yellow suit covered in smiley faces) (Under breath) How I hate 24601. (A piano begins to play the opening notes to Always Look on the Bright Side of Life)
Javert: Um, (weakly) Some things in life are bad.
They can really make you mad.
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing…on life's…gristle.
Don't…grumble, give a whistle.
And this will help things turn out for the best.
And…. (Weaker than earlier)
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life?
(Gives a very, very poor whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life.
(Even poorer one)
If…life seems jolly? Rotten
There's something you forgotten.
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing?
When you are feeling in the…dumps?
Don't be silly chumps?
Just purse your lips together
That's the thing
And… (Slightly stronger. He's still not into it yet)
Always…look…on the bright…side of…life.
(Better whistle than earlier)
Always look on the bright side of life!
(Best whistle yet)
(All of a sudden, Erik comes on wearing the same outfit. The music stops)
Javert: Erik? What are you doing here? I haven't seen you since last years Tony's?
Erik: Next time you play horseshoes against the Fop, make a monetary bet. Please. (To piano player.) Let's get this over with. (Piano begins where Javert left off.)
Erik: For life is quite absurd and Deaths the final word.
Javert: You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Together: Forget about your sin, give the audience a grin! (They are both fully into it, so they point to the audience at that part.)
Erik: Enjoy it!
Javert: It's your last chance any how!
Together: Always look on the bright side of death!
(Whistle)
Just before you draw your terminal breath!
(Whistle)
Erik: For Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it.
Javert: Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
Together: You'll see it's all a show.
Erik: Keep 'em laughing as you go!
Javert: (Pointing to Erik) Just remember that the last laugh is on you!
(All of a sudden, a group of dancers walk out on stage.)
Erik: (whispering to Javert) Did you know about this?
Javert: (Responding back) No, did you?
Erik: Nope. Might as well go with it.
Together with dancers: Always look on the bright side of life!
(Whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life!
(Whistle)
(The dancers begin to do an elaborate tap dance. Erik and Javert join in and soon they form a chorus line.)
Everyone: Always look on the bright side of life!
(A little tap break)
Always look on the bright side of life!
(A little tap break)
Always look on the bright side of life!
(Whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life!
Only Erik and Javert: Life is quite absurd.
And deaths the final word,
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Erik: Forget about your sin! Give the audience a grin!
Javert: Enjoy it! It's your last chance anyhow!
Everyone: Always look on the bright side of life!
(Whistle)
Always look on the bright…
Side of life!
Side of life!
Side of life!
(End)
Backstage again:
Javert: Well, after that, we won't be able to keep our tough guy reputations huh?
Erik: I wouldn't be so sure…
Javert: What do you mean? Thenardier was taping it and he plans to distribute it on the internet! I'll lose all my fan girls! And so will you!
Erik: That's been attempted before. (A/N: For full details on what I mean, please read Opera Cloak's The Price of Fame.) But this time, I made sure no repercussions will come of this.
Javert: What did you do?
(Erik pushes a curtain aside. Hanging from nooses, is all the main characters of Les Mis.)
Javert: (Shocked at he sees) You psychotic, homicidal bastard! You ruined my musical!
Erik: (Casually) Well, after 18 years, it's grown a little stale.
Javert: (Still shocked) But… but, that was my cast!
Erik: (Walking away) Branch out on your own. (Slinging a noose over his shoulder) Meanwhile, I have to go take care of a certain Viscomte. (As Erik walks away, he is whistling Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, as Javert falls to his knees in front of his dead cast mates)
Fin.
A/N: Like it? Little grim and weird. Tell me if you like it. I have other ideas similar to this. I remain your obedient show-monkey. – JG (my real initials. Could give you some clue to my real name, but for now, I use it in a parody of the signature OG.)