"I don't understand," Qui-Gon stated again, his calm voice failing to conceal his exasperation. "This doesn't fit Obi-Wan at all," he continued, gesturing to the datapad he held in his hand.

"You have to understand, Qui-Gon," the soul healer explained, "there are as many different types of people that are diagnosed with this, as there are stars in the sky. This list only provides a means of diagnosis. Not every trait will fit, nor will every trait fit to the same extent as perhaps another. There are also different ways of expressing these traits as well."

"But Obi-Wan doesn't really fit any of these!" Qui-Gon exclaimed yet again. He and Master Deehu Saand had been discussing the diagnosis ever since the Soul Healer had suggested it after receiving the results from the test she had administered to his apprentice. "He doesn't try to avoid abandonment, he doesn't have unstable relationships, he isn't impulsive or suicidal, nor does he ever show paranoia. And as for the anger, he is a Jedi, he releases it the Force."

"Does he Qui-Gon?" Deehu asked, as she motioned for him to sit again. "Does Obi-Wan refuse to show emotion because he is releasing it to the Force, or because he is unable to feel it in the first place?"

"Is there a difference?" Qui-Gon questioned, as he settled into the chair opposite Master Saand's desk. "The Jedi Code had been taught to him since almost before he could walk. How could you expect him to show emotion, when that is one of the most basic tenets of the Code?"

Sighing, Deehu leaned back in her chair. "The Jedi Code demands that we release our emotions to the Force, instead of allowing them to guide our actions as Jedi. It does not imply that we should not feel, only that we should not allow such feelings to lead us. Obi-Wan's problem is that he doesn't feel at all. He buries his emotions so deeply that he doesn't even know what he is experiencing. Where the rest of us feel the emotion, then release it, Obi-Wan just buries it unknowingly."

Nodding in a grudging acceptance that Deehu could be right, Qui-Gon continued. "Obi-Wan doesn't try to avoid abandonment, though. That seems to be one of the most central parts of this…" he hesitated, unable to even speak of the disorder. "And Obi-Wan certainly is not impulsive nor suicidal."

"Not impulsive or suicidal?" Master Saand exclaimed, her eyebrows rising. "How many times has Obi-Wan been in the Healers Ward in the past few cycles?" Seeing Qui-Gon flinch and open his mouth to argue, she forged on. "And why is Obi-Wan in the Healers Ward now?"

"He is a Jedi, it's dangerous…" Master Jinn replied.

"And you are not a Jedi?" Deehu prodded. "You don't seem to end up in the Healers Ward nearly as often."

"Obi-Wan is young, he has much to learn," Qui-Gon defended. "He is not as adept yet."

Sighing again, Master Saand swiveled her chair around until her back faced the other Master to allow him some space. "It is not an easy diagnosis to accept," she began softly. "No one wants to accept this about themselves or a loved one, but Obi-Wan needs help, and to get the help he needs, you need to accept that he has a problem."

Running his hand over his face and scrubbing at his eyes, Qui-Gon studied the datapad before him again. He had to admit that a lot of the criteria seemed to fit, even though he had tried to argue it, but he did not want to accept that Obi-Wan had such an illness. Scanning through the pages again, he noticed something he had previously missed. "Obi-Wan is still an adolescent," he stated dumbly, raising his blue eyes to meet Deehu's as she turned to face him again. "It says here that this isn't diagnosed until adulthood at the earliest."

"Except in extreme cases," Master Saand finished, quoting the rest of the script Qui-Gon was only now reading. Rising from her chair, she came around to stand in front of the desk, leaning her weight back against it. "I know that this is not easy to accept, but your Padawan needs you now. You need to accept this, and begin to get him the help he needs. If you allow this to continue…" Pausing to catch Qui-Gon's distressed gaze with her own concerned one, she finished. "… Obi-Wan may take even more drastic measures to get your attention."

"What do you mean?" Master Jinn questioned, alarm in his voice.

"Qui-Gon…" Deehu hesitated, but knowing she needed to reveal the information, she pressed on. "Twenty-five percent of those who have Borderline Personality Disorder succeed in committing suicide. It is a very real threat, and it is something that I fear Obi-Wan may try if we do not help him now."

Obi-Wan sat quietly in the Medbed, watching the traffic flowing outside of his window. Bant sat in the chair beside him, but she too was silent. The younger Padawan had tried to engage him in conversation, but he found that he would rather be alone. He knew that Bant was only trying to be friendly, but her presence made him somewhat uncomfortable. As if sensing his feelings, she had fallen silent, and remained at his bedside only because Master Jinn had asked her to.

As the afternoon light faded slowly to the "dark" of a Coruscant night, the two Jedi sat silently side by side; one lost in his thoughts, and the other fearing that she may have truly lost the laughing young boy who had once been her best friend.

I knew they were talking about me. I guess it didn't really even bother me. I mean, heck, it wasn't as if I should know what they were saying right? I mean, it's only my life after all… not like it should matter to me or anything.

The hours passed in silence, and yet Bant wouldn't leave. I know she was only trying to be a friend, but didn't she realize how stressful it was having her around? I mean, I have to be this "great Padawan" when she or anyone else is around, and I really just didn't have the energy for it today. I just wanted to be alone, so that I could sleep or something. Actually, I'm not sure what I would have done had she left, but I know that I really wanted her to leave. Somehow things would have been better if she wasn't there. I would have stopped feeling so empty, and so tired, and so… me… if I could've just been alone.

NOTE: I am not done with this story yet… but it has taken a personal turn I didn't entirely expect. I am not sure where the story goes from here, as it has happened yet. I hope that so far it has been worth it, and I will try to get an update here again soon.

NOTE 2: Diagnostic criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder (DSM-IV TR)

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and presenting a variety of contexts as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. (AKA, trying to cling to the other person, or to threaten dangerous behaviors to prevent the other person from leaving)
2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. (A person with BPD is unable to see the world in terms other than black and white. Someone is either great, or they are evil, there is no mixing. A person with BPD will alternate between idolizing a person, and then drawing away from them because of a real or perceived error on the other's part)
3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self (This is along the lines of the sociological "masks" theory, but much more distinct. We all play roles in our lives, but a person with BPD will be a markedly different person from situation to situation. They may even show situational competence in most situations, only "breaking down" in certain conditions. People with BPD are often perfectionistic, and therefore will "break down" when perfection is unattainable)
4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (this includes marked risk taking, reckless driving, extreme spending, substance abuse, binge eating, etc)
5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures or threats
6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days) (A person with BPD fits the situation to their moods, rather than their mood to the situation. For example, most people would become happy upon receiving a bonus at work. Someone with BPD may be unhappy, and upon receiving the bonus will then consider that their unhappiness is somehow tied to the bonus, changing their perceptions of the event to fit their mood. (AKA, "I only got the bonus because others feel sorry for me"))
7. chronic feelings of emptiness
8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (People with BPD can "act out" and show their anger, or "act in" and take the anger out on themselves through intense feelings of guilt, or need for self penance)
9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

NOTE 3: If you or someone you know fits these symptoms, please seek help. BPD is a dangerous disorder, and the suicide rates are among the highest within the mental health community. I am not a psychologist, nor a psychiatrist, and my diagnosis may not agree with that of someone trained in this field (though note 1 may explain why I felt comfortable giving it).