Disclaimer: I don't own these people, I just play with them.
The Conscience-y Thing Leaves
"'Hermione, you look like an angel.' But does she want to be from this earth? I think so. 'Hermione, you look lovely.'No, no. Lovely isn't enough to describe her beauty. 'You look amazing, Hermione.' I don't even think amazing would work. 'Wow, Hermione, I'm impressed.' No, that wouldn't work either! Aug! Nothing I'm saying is working! I just won't talk at all. Oh, but then she'll think something's up or I'm sick or something. AUG! Whoever says dating's easy, THEY LIE! And I still don't know what to wear!"
Y'know, Harry sure could help you out with these problems…
No way! I can't go crawling back to him. But I need help. Who can I call that Hermione used to swoon over?"
"Hello. You've reached Gilderoy Lockhart's automatic phone answering system. I may be in an insane asylum, but that doesn't mean that I still can't help you! If you're wondering how to de-gnome a garden, please press one. If you need cooking advice please press two. If you're going out on a date with the girl of your dreams and you don't know what to wear or say, please press three."
"That was oddly specific. This fellytone is so complicated." Beep Ron was using a magic phone inside his dormitory.
"If your girl has black hair, press one. If your girl has red hair, press two. If your girl has brown hair, please press three. If…" Beep
"If your girl has blue eyes, press one. If your girl has brown eyes, press…" Beep
"What does your girl eat for lunch? One, chicken. Two, tuna. Three, pork. Four, she's a vegetarian."
"This is going to take forever."
Harry could help you…
Shut up!
"Ron? Why do you keep changing your expressions? It's scaring me."
"Sorry, Neville. I'm just thinking."
"What, Weasley, just talking to that freak who lives in your head?"
"As a matter of fact, Potter, I am. He gives great advice. Unlike the brat in your head!"
"Hey! Cornelius gives awesome advice!"
"Well, Bob's better. Cornelius. Ha! What a stupid name!"
"When you insult Cornelius, it's like insulting my mother."
Ron! Don't get more detention! C'mon, man! Pull yourself together.
Hey, he's Potter. I hate him.
What have I told you about the word hate, Ron!
"Shut up! Leave me alone!"
You just said that out loud, Ron. But… you don't like me anymore?
I never liked you. You're almost as bad as Potter!
Well then let's see how well you get along without me, Ron! Until you come begging back to me, I'm leaving.
But, Bob, you're my best friend.
Well, Ron, seems like you're losing best friends all over the place, Ron. Good-bye.
But…Bob…wait! Bob? Bob? Fine! Who needs you, anyway.
"I don't need you!"
"Well fine, Weasley, I'll leave you alone to get ready for your date."
Sob "I lost my best friend."
"Don't worry, Ron. Just go apologize to him. Harry'll understand."
"I'm not talking about Harry, Neville. I lost Bob!"
"I'm so sorry Ron. I'm going, now."
Sob I'm so alone…
A/N: Lockhart's so dreamy...
Hermione: I know...but I only date guys with brains.
A/N: Then...why are you dating Ron?
Hermione: ...
Ron: Why'd I have to choose Lockhart? Why...why...why...
Harry:Well, look on the bright side! There's always...
Ron: >:-P