The rest of the morning passed in a blur. The pair ate the ruined breakfast in silence and took turns in the shower. Severus did the breakfast dishes and helped Hermione wash and sterilize her pump and its confusing set of paraphernalia. At least the tubes, cones, bottles and piping were a momentary distraction. Their hands were busy.

Neither spoke.

But both of their minds were working overtime.

'What have I done?' thought Severus, his mind frantic, while his hands were steady and sure as they washed dishes together. 'Good God, I have a wife and this is going to kill her. Or she'll kill me. I'm going to wind up divorced or gelded. Or both. And I deserve it. I am a bastard. I am just as much of a bastard as the Wizarding World always thought. I cheated on my wife. I cheated on my wife. I can't believe I did that. I was drunk. Yes, Severus you were drunk, but that's no excuse. You knew exactly what you were doing, didn't you? I love Sophie. Damnit, I have fucked everything up. It's all my fault. Sophie will never forgive me and I'll be lucky if Hermione ever speaks to me again. I'll miss her and Lizzie. Lizzie is like a daughter to me – oh, shit, we didn't use any birth control last night. I wish I knew what the incantation was to detect pregnancy. How early can I do it? I'll have to call Arthur in the states. If she's pregnant, we're well and truly fucked. There's no way we could hide what we did. Do I want to hide it though? I really should tell Sophie--Merlin, don't let her be pregnant.'

'What have I done?' thought Hermione, her mind spinning, watching with envy how Severus' hands were steady and sure as they washed dishes together – hers were still trembling with guilt, confusion and fear.. 'Good God, I slept with a married man, one whose wife I know and like. This is going to kill her. Or she'll kill me. I'm going to wind up divorced and dead. And I deserve it. I am a such a slut. Less than one day after my husband walks out on me-- and I can't keep my legs together for 24 hours? I can't believe I did that. I was drunk. Yes, Hermione you were drunk, but that's no excuse. You knew exactly what you were doing, didn't you? I still love Jeff. Damnit, I have fucked everything up. It's all my fault. Sophie will never forgive me and I'll be lucky if Severus ever speaks to me again. I'll miss him and our talks. Lizzie will have lost two of the most important men in her life in one weekend-- Lizzie is like a daughter to Severus – oh, shit, we didn't use any birth control last night. If I'm pregnant, we're really and truly fucked. Jeff will never, ever forgive menow or take me back.There's no way we could hide what we did. Does he want to hide it though? We really should tell Sophie --Merlin, don't let me be pregnant.'

The chaos roiling in the other's mind hidden, the pair moved from the kitchen and began to tidy up the lounge. Once it was organized, Severus sat on the sofa, dejectedly staring at the dark television while Hermione watched him. Breaking three hours of silence, Hermione finally telephoned her mother around noon, who said she would immediately bring Lizzie home. The little girl had been temperamental since last evening, wanting to be in her mother's arms, she said before hanging up the phone.

Thirty minutes later, Val showed up with Lizzie in tow. The seven-month-old girl gurgled and giggled when she saw Hermione, reaching for her and giving her a very sloppy, almost kiss on the cheek. The two women stood cooing over the baby and discussing the minutia of baby care: how many diapers she had gone through, how much she had eaten and how long she had slept – until Severus wandered dazedly into the foyer from the downstairs loo.

"Severus," Val said, surprised, "what are you still doing here?"

He stopped, guilt easily read in his eyes and face, even to Hermione's mother. He shot a look from Val to Hermione and slipped quickly into what he once jokingly called his 'old spy mode.' Face suddenly expressionless and voice cold, he replied:

"We had a little too much to drink last night, Val," he lied smoothly. "I decided to take Hermione up on her offer to sleep in the lounge. And I wanted to see Lizzie before I left today, so we've been enjoying a nice, quiet morning together."

Hermione's mother set the diaper bag down with a thump and stared at her twitching daughter and her stoic friend. She wondered if they realized how obvious it was that they had become lovers.

"I see," said Val, not buying any of it. "You know, I'm not one of those seers that you people have in your world. But I know a guilty conscience when I see one. The two of you might as well have 'we slept together' tattooed on your foreheads. It's just radiating off of both of you."

"Mum –" began Hermione.

"I suggest," interrupted Val, glaring at her daughter and her lover, "that you settle some things before you go to your next railroad meeting. Otherwise, everyone is going to know -- including that very nice wife of yours, Severus."

Unable to come up with a snappy comeback, the former Potions Master stood mutely, toying with Lizzie's plump hand and staring at her tiny fingernails.

"And you, young lady, I am very disappointed in you," she continued. "You were raised better."

The pair stood silent.

"I'll leave you two to resolve things."

She slammed the door as she left. After standing in stunned stillness for a moment, Severus picked up Lizzie's overnight bag and headed for the nursery. Following him, Hermione sat down in the rocking chair and began to nurse her child while he unpacked. Once finished, he turned, sat on the floor in front of her chair and watched her for a few moments. He opened and shut his mouth several times as if he wanted to speak, but he didn't.

It appeared to Hermione that her mother's little speech had moved him to action, and she waited for him to find his tongue.

"You really are beautiful when you nurse her," he said, suddenly. "I've always been surprised by how moved I am to see you two like this. I had thought it was because I wanted children of my own, but after last night, I'm not sure. Maybe it was you all along, Hermione."

She just looked at him and flashed him a small smile.

"I'm not sure where to go from here," he said, pleadingly. "I've been in a lot of tight situations, spying for Dumbledore, but I have to admit this is one of the most mind-boggling. I find myself convinced that I need to tell Sophie, but –"

"But what, Severus?"

"I'm not sure if I want her to forgive me or not when I do."

Hermione looked up in shock as that little revelation exploded in the pink room like a bomb – surprising them both with its frankness. Looking at her daughter, she sighed and decided that such honesty deserved the same in return.

"I have a confession to make myself," she began, moving her drowsy daughter to her other breast to continue nursing. He sat, taciturn, waiting for her to continue, with his eyes glued to her daughter's slowly moving rosebud mouth. "Severus, I had a crush on you back at Hogwarts. You were one of the few men I've ever developed a crush like that on, and probably the only one I liked for more than his looks."

"I think I should be insulted," he said, attempting a joke.

"No, you should be complimented."

"Thank you, then."

"You're welcome. To make a long confession short, I've always found you attractive. The way you have dedicated yourself to helping wizards immigrate, and the way you are with Lizzie has only increased how attractive you are to me. I like the way you look at her when you hold her. And, I liked the way you looked at me last night."

"I shouldn't have looked, let alone touched," he said, grimacing and rubbing his face wearily. "But, I'm not sure I completely regret it. I am sorry for the timing, however. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you while you were so depressed and I should never have touched you while still married."

"You didn't take advantage of me, but I understand what you are saying."

"Good. Now, give me that little girl, I'll get her settled while you get readjusted." He took the sleeping baby from her mother's arms and bent her gently over his shoulder in an attempt to coax a sleepy burp, before placing her in her bed with a kiss. Fully-dressed, Hermione joined him at the side of the crib.

"You really do care about us and love us, don't you?" she asked softly, almost afraid about the answer.

"You know I love you both. It's just the 'romantic love' part I'm confused about, Hermione," he said. Turning to her, he brushed her curls over her shoulder so he could knead it gently. "It wasn't just sex, you know. Not to me. And it sounds like it was more than just shagging to you, as well."

"It was."

"Good. There's one conclusion to our dilemma. It is more than sex. Now, what the hell do we do?" he smirked. "Should I tell Sophie? I think she'd buy the 'we got drunk and I slept in the lounge' story. It's a partial truth and I'm usually very good at telling partial truths."

"I think you should wait to tell her the whole truth," said Hermione, her face suddenly coloring the red he knew meant she was upset about something. "I don't want to wreck your marriage, unless –"

"Unless you're pregnant," he said.

"Yes," she replied. "We can test in a week. Then we'll have some more to talk about."

"You don't want the potion, then?" he said.

"Do you really want me to take it?"

A pause.

A sigh.

"No. And I don't know why, considering Sophie and I stopped trying last month ourselves, so please do not ask me to explain it."

"I'm glad you feel that way, it would interfere with nursing Lizzie and I am dedicated to doing it the full year the doctor recommended. Besides, what are the odds?"

He put his arm around her and led her to the door, pausing to flip off the light switch.

"With our luck, my dear? You might as well start calling me 'Daddy' and start packing for Italy."

tbc