Chapter Two – Angels Fall First
Hating the reflection that she sees, she smashes her fists onto the mirror before her, allowing the splinters to hail over her. A weak, worthless person is what she sees. So unwanted and so unloved. Starting to feel faint at the realization that she is alone, she breaks down to the cold stone floor in a sea of tears. She cries not for everything she has lost, as she has never had anything since her beginning, but for everything she hasn't had the chance to have and never will.
Lifting her head she smears the blood from her hands across her face as she wipes away the tears. She hadn't felt the pieces of mirror piercing her skin. You could have stabbed her with a thousand knives and still she wouldn't have felt it – she is numb from the pain she has already suffered. The tears of blood from the cuts in her hands cry slowly and steadily, creating an ever-growing crimson river flowing away from her and staining the pure whiteness of her dress. The flash of a knife and a second river joins the first.
She forces her shaking body to rise slightly, so she can stare at her broken reflection in the fragments of mirror left scattered on the ground. The fragments of mirror, she knows, lie on the ground like the pieces of her heart lie in his hand. Her reflection fades as her sight becomes blurry, she likes it like this, she is able to disappear, and even though the world can still see her, she can pretend that she is hidden from the world. Alone, she tries to figure out how it happened, how she ended up like this.
Glancing at the candle that had been beside the mirror, she is reminded that it was because she had loved him that had made her like this. Her love for him had always been there, like the candle flame had stayed burning since it was lit. All she had wanted to do was to be allowed to love him but he had refused to accept her love. She had loved him though, loved him more than anything else in existence and she had known she loved him unlike most things which she didn't know. His refusal had drained her mind of thoughts and feelings. She didn't know who she was anymore.
She has been searching the emptiness of her mind since he left her, searching for the feeling of love she had felt for him, that she longs to hold onto and pretend is real. She now knows he will never love her like she wanted him to, and she will never be able to love anyone again because she is afraid of being pushed away and left alone. Alone like she is now.
She wants to be able to continue living, but to continue living in her dreams, as they are so much kinder to her than reality is. But sadly she knows that it is not possible to remain living, whilst living in her dreams. She knows that the only way for her to be happy is to end her life. She is not able to continue living as she hates her life too much now, as she had been living for her hope, the hope that he would love her, but the hope has been destroyed, shattered by him.
The river has grown into a small lake now. She longs for it to continue growing as she waits, waits for the veil of death to come and shroud her mind. To put an end to the fears and failing hopes.