Chapter 18

Lizzie sat on the huge desk in the middle of the room, staring pointedly at the wall and ignoring everything else. Joshua stood behind her, his hands on his hips and his green eyes dark with rage. The last noise to be heard in the room was that of an unborn child screaming for someone to care for it. Ever since then, the two erstwhile lovers had been silent, waiting for something other than themselves to shatter the dangerous calm. Joshua, always impatient, finally took matters into his own hands.

"Will you please turn around?" he growled, trying to hide his worries behind his anger.

"No," Lizzie answered, tucking her knees up beneath her and wrapping her arms around them. "What could you possibly have to say to me?"

"If you'd turn around," Joshua said through gritted teeth, "You would find out."

"If it's that important," Lizzie replied, "You can say it to my back. If it's not, you can leave me alone."

Joshua narrowed his eyes at her. "This is my room, you know."

"Would you like to try and make me leave?" Joshua didn't even bother responding; he turned on his heels and stormed out, swearing under his breath.

Lizzie laid her hand on her stomach. "You had better be worth all this," she told the child within her. She laughed bitterly, before burying her head in her arms and sobbing. "It's not fair!" she cried, clutching her skirts in clenched fists. "I didn't want this to happen!" Lizzie bit her lip as her mind slowly an efficiently went through all the horrors she had experienced. She had been forced to kill a man, she had nearly fallen to her death, she had lost one of the few good friends she had left and she had pushed Joshua away for no good reason when he could have just made everything better. And it was all too painful for her. "Why don't I get my happy ending?" she hissed, getting to her feet and moving to the window seat where, unbeknownst to her, Joshua had sat less than an hour beforehand and thought the same thing.

"Damn!" Joshua yelled, nearly ripping his cloak as he held the fabric tight. "God damn it!"

"What happened?" asked Allisande, standing carefully out of the way, the tray of food resting on the floor behind her.

"She's being utterly unreasonable," Joshua answered, his face twisted in an angry grimace.

"Who, the woman who you were just kissing?" Allisande sighed, there was no reasoning with him in this mood.

"What does she expect me to do?" Joshua continued, ignoring the woman's request. "I can't just let this go. I can't just pretend that everything's alright now!"

Allisande rubbed her temples wearily. Weren't men supposed to mature with age?

"And now she won't even speak to me and this is somehow my fault!"

"Joshua!"

He spun around looking surprised. He had obviously forgotten she was there, which was rather odd as he had been answering her question to begin with. "Leave me alone, Allisande."

"If I did that, who would be here to tell you when you're acting like a fool?" She smiled gently at him.

"Am I?" he asked softly, staring at her with frightened eyes. "I don't even know anymore."

"Tell me what happened," she commanded, a gentleness in her tone that sounded as if she was dealing with a recalcitrant child.

So he told her. He explained the entire tale of how they had met, how he had fallen in love with her and, after swearing Allisande to secrecy, what had passed between her and Andrew. Allisande's heart went out to Lizzie, who had put up with so very much just to make it this far, though she had to admit that the girl was being uncommonly stubborn. Although perhaps that was what Joshua needed. He was certainly stubborn enough in his own right.

"Now what do I do?" Joshua asked, finally finishing his story.

"Now I know why I always hated your father," Allisande muttered. "He was truly evil." Joshua nodded his agreement. "Joshua, you are probably right about what to do with his bastard and, maybe if I were in her place, I would let you. But it's still her choice right now and you can't take the child away from her."

"But-"

"Have you ever carried a child?" Allisande enquired not-so-tactfully. "Because I have. And you don't have the faintest idea what that can do to someone. You heard it's voice and that was enough to startle you into stopping and even attempt to comfort it before you remembered yourself, am I right?" His shamefaced glance was enough of an answer. "Can you imagine what such feelings could cause a woman to do, even the most level headed woman out there."

"Which Lizzie most certainly isn't," Joshua murmured, smiling despite himself. Allisande shrugged; she hadn't said it.

"So, basically, it's a simple choice. It depends on whether it will be easier for you to live with your father's child or without her."

"Simple?" Joshua said disbelievingly. Allisande patted his shoulder.

"Don't worry, little boy. You'll make the right choice…are you going to eat dinner by any chance?"

He shook his head, which only served to make her roll her eyes. "Goodnight, Allisande, and thank you."

"Goodnight, Joshua," was the reply as she lifted the tray with a practiced ease and slipped away. He watched her go, chewing his lip nervously as he pondered her last words to him.

"With my father's child or without her?" he murmured softly, letting them flow through his mind. Could he live everyday, knowing that the child his wife carried was not his? Could he pretend that their eldest child was legitimate and proper, all the while knowing that it came from the most ignominious of beginnings? Joshua knew that he couldn't; he just didn't have the strength to do that.

So that left two alternatives. Either leave her or find a way to make her listen. Joshua shook his head sadly. He knew her too well; she wouldn't give in to him, not on this issue.

"So I resign myself to life without her," he breathed. "It can't be so hard; I just pretend the last half an hour hasn't happened." He started laughing, a shrill, painful laugh that sounded worse than the most agonizing sobs.

Joshua sat on the floor for a good amount of time. The sun had long since set and he was still deep in thought, wondering how the hell he would have this conversation. He still loved her; that was undeniable. But he just couldn't live like that.

Joshua rose to his feet and stood by the door, a single tear glittering in the corner of his eye, refusing to fall. "It's now or never," he said, moving towards the door. But he still had one, insurmountable problem. What could he say?

"I'm sorry," he tried on himself, "I can't stay with you if you insist on having that bastard's son." And then he heard another voice in his head. The voice of a man screaming at his wife that he would kill the child in her womb. The sounds of hatred, anger and fear. He remembered crying out, though he didn't really know what he was scared of. He knew now. He had been scared of dying and that voice had been his uncle's. Joshua slid to the floor, his hands clenched.

"I can't be like him," he groaned, hugging himself. "It's not fair." But, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't deny it. He was willing to do what his uncle hadn't even had the gall to do. "I survived," he said softly, brushing the hair out of his eyes. "And Maurice would have had every right to leave my mother; more, even, since she had chosen to sleep with Andrew." It was true, he didn't think he could live, knowing that his eldest son was actually his brother, but that didn't matter. He would do it, if only to prove that he was better than any of them. He was the good one, not the one who gave up.

Joshua rose shakily to his feet and walked to the door. "I love her," he whispered softly. "And for now, that will have to be enough."

He stepped quietly into the room. Lizzie was sitting on the window seat with her back to him. The room was dark, the fire burning low in the grate and the candles flickering as they reached the end of their wicks. He was about to call out to her, then thought better of the idea. Silent as a cat, he snuck up behind her. She was curled up in a small ball, her head resting on her bent knees.

"Lizzie," Joshua breathed in her ear, making her jump about half a mile into the air. She stared at her, breathing hard with her heart racing.

"Did I scare you?" he asked innocently and, before she could even react, he pulled her into an enormous hug. "I love you," he said his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. "No matter what, I'll always love you. And it'll take more than my father's illegitimate bastard to get rid of me." She looked up at him in shock and he gave her a crooked grin. "I never claimed to be tactful."

"No," she said in a small voice. "You didn't." Lizzie stood there, immobile, as Joshua rested her head atop her own. This was her choice right now, her turn to decide. She knew what Joshua was like and knew that this was his way of saying he was sorry. It would take a long time to forgive him for attacking her, but perhaps it would take just as long for him to forgive this choice she had made. Loving him wasn't about having everything perfect; it was about making everything perfect. And she would have to take the next step in fixing things. She closed her eyes and laid her head upon his chest. If he deserved anything, he deserved an explanation. And she couldn't stay mad at him, not when he was holding her so tight and stroking her hair like that.

"Joshua?" she said softly.

"Hmm?"

"Let me tell you a story." Joshua was silent as she calmly explained all about Diana and what had happened between them and how she had survived the fall. At least, the story began calmly enough. By the end, when Lizzie was trying to talk about Diana's death, she found that she had no words to say and no tears to cry. She lapsed into silence, reaching for Joshua's free hand. He let her take it, keeping the other palm pressed against her back and holding her close. He couldn't help but think that this explained a lot about what had gone on behind the scenes. So, he thought to himself, I have Andrew's child to thank for my Lizzie's life. The irony was not be lost on him. I suppose I owe the brat something for that. Well, I suppose it's time to deal with everything.

"You do realize we'll have to be married soon," Joshua said apropos of nothing. Lizzie was about to say something to the effect of "You still want me?" but thought better of it since that was rather obvious.

"How soon?" Lizzie asked, not really trusting herself to say much more.

"The end of this week sounds good," Joshua replied, his mouth twitching as he fought not to smile.

Lizzie raised an eyebrow, feeling surprisingly calm. After all that had happened to far today, she doubted anything could faze her. "I suppose this dress will work as a gown," she mused. "And Diana would find it highly appropriate. But my family will be a little upset at the abrupt invitation."

"They will be far more upset if you carry a child to term less than eight months from your marriage," Joshua replied. "Children have been known to be born prematurely, but there is a limit to believability."

Lizzie sighed, knowing that he was right and understanding now why he had been so anxious. This was the best way to cover over what had happened. But she couldn't help but tease him. "And I thought you were just excited to wed me," she replied.

"It's an added bonus," he said solemnly before they both started to laugh. She flung her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. Joshua grinned from ear to ear and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you," Lizzie whispered. "I love you more than anything in the entire world." Joshua smiled as he heard her and tilted her head up. "I love you too," he answered and bent his mouth down for a kiss. There were still many things that needed to be said and they would eventually be. But now was not the time. Now was the time for them to rebuild their relationship, themselves and, above all, to begin planning a wedding.

Joshua smoothed the front of his tailcoat for the tenth time in the past three minutes. Vincent, who was looking at him from under half lidded blue eyes, could barely conceal his amusement. Standing next to her Papa and looking as pretty as her namesake was a little girl with long, curly brown hair and enormous blue eyes.

"You look like a frightened, naïve boy of no more than thirteen, waiting to meet his sweetheart in a hidden castle corridor" Vincent observed, brushing his light hair out of his eyes.

"Yes, well, I'm getting married in fifteen minutes," Joshua replied, glaring at his brother-in-law. "I'm entitled to a little bit of nervousness."

"Why should you be nervous?" Rose asked gazing up adoringly at her uncle.

"I'll tell you when you're older," Joshua replied distractedly, making her pout. Vincent laughed and picked her up.

"I never really thanked you for lifting the spell," Vincent said suddenly.

"Compared to everything else," Joshua replied, trying to fix his collar, though there was nothing wrong with it, "That was easy."

Vincent snorted. "How did you do it?" he couldn't help but ask. Joshua just smiled secretively, so Vincent continued. "The last I saw of you, you were facing off against the most evil man of the century and then, as I was traveling in midair, I found myself and Rose changing back."

"So it ended with his death," Joshua mused, making Vincent raise an eyebrow in confusion. "I had hoped it would work that way."

"Will you still come and play with me?" Rose suddenly asked, tugging on Joshua's coat and effectively ending the conversation.

"Of course I will," he answered, stroking the little girl's hair. "This is only good bye for a little while."

"Promise?"

"I promise." He took her hand and solemnly kissed it, making her smile delightedly.

"I can't wait to see you with children," Vincent teased. Joshua pulled a face, which Vincent, fortunately, misinterpreted. "Come on, they're not so terrible!" Joshua didn't reply. The child inside his wife-to-be was still a sore topic and would, undoubtedly, remain one for a long time. And he was going to have to pretend to love it as well as he would love his own. The memory of that voice still stuck with him and he couldn't help but wonder if he had cried in just the same manner when Diana had carried him. The other problem, one he was nowhere near ready to face, was the undeniable fact that Lizzie would not let him do more than kiss her. He didn't have to ask, he simply knew. The scars Andrew had left ran deep and Joshua had resigned himself to years of fighting her fears before there was even a chance of her conceiving again.

"Joshua," Vincent said suddenly, snapping the younger man out of his reverie. "Hurry up or you'll be late for your own wedding." Joshua straightened up and shut his eyes, wondering what in hell had possessed him to do this.

Vincent took his arm and Joshua allowed his brother-in-law to lead him to the altar. They had been standing in the church outside Andrew's summer castle, a place that was nigh unused during his father's tenure. Joshua liked it, the place was open and comparatively uncorrupted. More to the point, Lizzie liked it and Joshua would have brought the moon down from the sky had he thought it would make her happy.

The groom stood by the altar, battling an overwhelming urge to bite his nails. His eyes were locked on the aisle as the flower girl walked with slow, deliberate steps, scattering roses before her. He caught Vincent's proud smile as he watched his daughter and wondered if he would ever watch a child of his own like that. And then Lizzie entered the room and Joshua forgot everything else.

She was dressed in the long, silver gown Diana had given her. Her hair was pulled carefully back into a braided bun with a few wisps left down to frame her face. She wore a lovely veil that flowed behind her like a train. It was only with the greatest of effort that Joshua kept his jaw from dropping. She was smiling shyly at him and he honestly thought his heart might just burst.

The rest of the service passed as a blur for both of them. The only clear memory Lizzie could summon up was that of Joshua placing the thin gold band on her finger and she stared at it, seeing the emeralds and sapphires that intertwined to form both an E and a J. She could barely even focus on her family, who had come all the way to England to be at her wedding. She only had eyes for the man before her, dressed immaculately in a deep green tailcoat with a black satin vest underneath and a fine silken shirt with ruffles at the sleeves and collar. He wore black breeches and supple leather boots that made him look far too attractive. His golden hair was tied back and he stood proud, gazing out at the multitudes in front of them. Most of Joshua's new vassals were there, deeming this a wise way to win the heart of their new Duke. Maurice was there as well, not particularly pleased but gracious in conceding that Joshua had potential.

"Will you kiss me now?" Joshua asked softly, startling Lizzie. The entire ceremony had happened and she had barely even noticed, she had been too busy staring at her husband. She looked at him and took his hand in her own.

"Of course I will," she replied, reaching up to caress his cheek.

"Not that I ever doubted you," he breathed, nuzzling her nose for a moment before his lips found hers and their appreciative audience began to cheer.

Never forget this moment, Lizzie thought to herself. Her hands slipped around his neck and he literally lifted her off her feet. It cannot get any better than this.

T.B.C…sort of

A/N – For those of you who read a slightly different version of this before, I apologize. Soofija, wonderful child that she is, pointed out that things did move a little too fast. So I did a little bit of fixing up and added a little bit of a push for Joshua to forgive her. I hope it's better. And, if you didn't read the original, well, it's not such a loss. Anyway…

2nd A/N – I was tempted to end it here; but this ending is so very… final. And I hate ending with a wedding, it's too cheesy. And I don't want to let go of these characters… So there will be an epilogue soon, hopefully by the weekend, but I make no promises. And I know this took a week to post, I've been a little pressed for time and fanfiction had the login thingy down for two days so that didn't help. (I love how I've gone from apologizing for six months to apologizing for a week). But off the topic of the apologies, I have to thank my wonderful reviewers.

First of all, Soofija, you are truly amazing and I love you so much for always reading so quickly (hence I get things done faster). I'm glad you liked the last chapter and I'm pleased I've finally convinced somebody that just because the brat is the spawn of satan, it's not evil in and of itself. Though it might be, if I'm desperate for a sequel :grins sheepishly:. Yeah, um, I do agree with the gross family relationships (brother/father/whatever) but Andrew doesn't always think of others when he acts, if you haven't noticed. I don't know how I'm going to solve this, if I am. I might just leave it as the Gilld family skeleton in the closet. But you give me far too much credit – just because they're my characters doesn't mean I control them!

Hello again, Kate. Glad to see you haven't abandoned me yet. Anyway, your approval of Lizzie's destruction of evil bastard is greatly appreciated; she is rather fun when she's fighting. And there should be more on Rose, if no one else. She seems rather cute and I do like her. But it would just take too long for her to remain a beast for 14 years. Her father did it, true, but he deserved it. And I probably should have warned you, the end of the story does focus more on Joshua and Lizzie's relationship than anything else. Oh well, they are cute too.

Short stef, I'll forgive you this time for missing a chapter, but don't let me down again. Is that enough of a guilt trip? And yeah, it was a roller coaster. God, Joshua can be so stubborn sometimes! But Lizzie won this battle; I like the baby too much to let it die, I'm too big a softie sometimes.

NEW REVIEWERS! You have no idea how happy you make me. So, chapter eighteen is dedicated to Leanne, who asked so nicely for it, and Anarea who called my story wonderful.

Okay, so the painfully long author's note is up and now, on to the epilogue!

Love you all!

Levana (Damian)