DISCLAIMER: see chapter one

A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH, for the reviews!

CHAPTER FOUR

The days progress rather uneventfully after that, well until just after the afternoon meal two days later. We sit again on her balcony where twin stone stairs lead down on either side into a private courtyard and rose gardens.

"Tell me, how is Ani?"

The question catches me off guard; it's a rare time when my padawan is not on the forefront of my mind.

"He is well, hardly looks or acts like the little Ani I'm sure you remember. I am ashamed to say I neglected to convey his regards, he misses you and says he thinks of you often and hopes to see you soon," I don't know why that was so hard to get out.

"That's alright; we've had a busy time, easy to forget things... How has he handled being away from his mother? I know that he was taking it hard."

I nod, knowing the dreams that have plagued him, "He misses her of course, the boy has gone through a lot, but the pain will lessen and with time fade entirely."

"That's rather cold!" she states putting down her pazzaak cards.

"I'm sorry? What is cold?" I am in the dark completely.

"Do you not remember your parents?"

I shake my head, and though she seems unbelieving, she continues on, "Your Master then. One should never just get over losing someone close…the pain should lessen yes, but if it were to fully go away it would be because you forgot, and no one should ever forget being loved."

I have rarely seen her so animated. Her statements are true and I know love to be the most powerful emotion, a force to rival the Force, but love has two sides, and one can lead to the Dark side, the other can bask in the Light, that's the danger, that is why the Jedi refuses love altogether.

"You know of the Force right?" I start to arrange my thoughts in a way to which I can express my position. She nods.

"There is dark and there is light, evil and goodness. Even love can lead to the darkness because love can lead to obsession, emotional—moral blindness, a Jedi is called to walk in the Light at all times…love is something we have to sacrifice," I fail at putting it adequately.

"What is between the Darkness and the Light?" she lets my words hang for a moment before she poses her question.

"Human," I answer simply.

"And aren't you human?" she breathes, eyes finding mine.

"I am Jedi."

I feel air constrict, breaking my gaze from hers, finding it too tempting to hold.

"Let's take a swim!" Padme announces with glee, turning from her balcony railing a few hours later.

"It's too cold I think," I pause seeing her longing, it is a nice day to be on the water…"How about a boat ride instead, perhaps to the island?"

"Wonderful we'll take a picnic," she says rapidly, tapping her chin absently.

"What ever will make you happy, milady," I laugh.

She glares mockingly but seems to decide not to address the 'milady' issue. She instead heads inside to begin what ever preparations she has in mind.

I will go secure the transportation.

Paddy is in the dock house when I arrive.

"Good afternoon, Paddy," I greet him.

"Afternoon Jedi," Paddy nods not leaving his task of repairing the worn speeder gondola.

"The Queen and I are going to take a ride to the island; do you have boat for us?" I sense he is holding something back, something troubling.

"I do."

He doesn't look up from his task just tinkers more with engine manifold.

"What is the matter Paddy? Something is amiss, will you tell me?"

"You care for the Padme don't you?"

I blink; he states the question more as fact, I can't seem to come up with a coherent reply.

"No need to hide it from me son, I know you are Jedi, I know your code…'there is no emotion…'"

"There is peace'…" I finish. I feel something strange coming from him now, something new, and something I haven't felt before…no, no! This can't be right!

"It is, it was a long, long time ago, a lifetime really," he chuckles and I stare in total befuddlement.

"You were a Jedi? …How come I did not sense it?"

"I did not allow you to. I haven't been a Jedi in over forty years, but that doesn't mean I have forgotten how to control my mind, or how to read others…So ask your question."

Yes, he does know how to read minds. "What happened?"

He laughs putting down his wire router, "I fell in love…became disenchanted with the Order. You remind me of myself…back then. You are stronger with the Force then I was, you still have much to learn though. I am out of practice dealing with other Jedi; I haven't used the Force to read other's emotions in such a long time.
Yours weren't easily read, weren't easy at all really. But because I saw what I went through I recognized the look of love instantly…the look of pain because of love, unmistakable.
You're pain isn't just because of your conflict of loving Padme though is it? There is great suffering and great struggle also within you. So maybe it is my turn to ask…'what happened'?"

I look at him for a long minute…asking myself if it would be wise to share with this man. I find no malice, or deception, only a weary man with tired eyes and worn hands…a Jedi with a time creased face.

"My Master was killed in a battle, a battle for this planet. He was my best friend, the closet thing to a father I have ever had. With his dying breath he spoke only of a boy, he wanted me to train…nothing of me. A Jedi is taught to be neutral, as you know, but life is not neutral! There is pain, there is hope, there is good and yes, even evil and corresponding emotions that go with it! I am tired of fighting my natural, my human reactions to these things! I felt loss over my Master, I felt resentment towards an innocent little boy, anger towards the council … who say only 'the future is clouded', I feel love for a Queen I have no right to love, I am everything a Jedi shouldn't be…and I don't know how to change it."

He is silent for what seems like an eternity.

"How long ago was this?" he asks.

"Seven years ago."

He nods tapping the speeder, "It seems to me that you need to let this stuff go. I'm serious Obi-Wan, let it go, find peace, make peace, something because this is tearing you apart. Your Master was your Master, I am sure that he, in his own way cared, he must have a had a reason he was so adamant about this boy, trust his wisdom, the boy, its not his fault as I sense you've come to realize on your own. The council, well they are the council, have been for centuries and will remain so, they wont change. As for the Queen…well that's a whole 'nother topic."

Tell me about it, we could spend a week on the subject and only scratch the surface.

"I have lived both the life of the Jedi, and of the typical human…no love, love abound, peace, chaos. I can tell you each have their own flaws, their own rewards. A Jedi is attuned to the Force, he draws his purpose for it, and he lives by it…your average human…well he is spirited on by a little thing called love, which really isn't little at all. It's passionate, it's scary, it's overwhelming, it's drowning it's everything that consumes, everything that a Jedi is supposed to abstain from. Love can lift you higher then the farthest moon, it can take you lower then deepest ocean, it can build you up, it can tear you down. Love can save you, it can also condemn. Once someone has tasted it, they will spend the rest of their lives trying to find it, trying to keep it, and if unfortunate enough to find it and lose it, they will spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
The Force is made up of every living being right? Every living being knows love; only those with a mind—that can make a choice, choose not to love. Love, real love is precious, there is no substitute. I firmly believe that you can be a Jedi and know love; I don't believe that you will lose your ability to sense the Force; in fact, I think it improves because you are opening more of yourself, instead of closing it off. The Order thinks it is preempting a fall by closing off the ability to feel the single most impacting emotion. But in the end it still comes down to a choice, love or hate, good or evil, everyone makes that choice regardless of being a Jedi or not. The consequences for a Jedi, however are much more permanent…the end result impacting all those around them."

"But you didn't remain a Jedi, you left…I don't know if can give up the Order, I have a padawan, I have a duty…" I stutter numbly.

"Did you not hear me? I said you can still be a Jedi and love! I left the Order because my purpose had been finished, but you, I sense you are just beginning. Don't get me wrong, being a Jedi and falling in love is not going to be an easy task, if you are not dedicated and careful, if you are careless it will destroy you. Embrace love and let it help you not hinder you, remember goodness and don't be blinded by imitation love, be diligent, be steadfast and you will succeed in having both," he is serenely reflective as he runs his hands over his thread bare vest.

"How will I know the imitation?" I ask weakly.

"Oh my boy, you'll know, but I can tell you that Padme's is very real. I've know her since she was a baby. She does not trust easily, she trusts you, she doesn't laugh freely, you light her up. Look into your heart, you have to make the choice, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to make the sacrifice, put in the effort. There is no right or wrong here, there is no failure."

I have a choice? I have a chance to love? Can that be true?

"What happened to the woman you loved?" I ask just before I hear nearing footsteps, Padme's footsteps.

"She died, giving birth to our child, many years ago."

The sadness and pain is unmistakable. I can't further the conversation for Padme alight with a radiant smile bursts through the door.

"I'm ready!" she grins.

I meet Paddy's eyes once more and I feel nothing, he has pulled the veil up again.

It's up to you Obi-Wan, choose your path.

"This thing is a relic!" I laugh as I try and maneuver the oars of this wooden boat Paddy has given us.

"I prefer the term, 'classic'," Padme laughs contently folding her hands over her sage green skirt.

"Fine then, I'll let you row this 'classic'" I mumble finally finding a rhythm.

"I love it here, it's so peaceful," she ignores my muttered comment, but I have to agree she does seem peaceful, she seems to soften here.

"The island is where my friends and I used to swim; we'd spend all day exploring and climbing trees…"

I smile sensing the fondness in her voice, how quickly sadness invades it.

"Then we grew up. I miss my childhood, it was blissful…but we all grow up I suppose," she loosens her hands, brushing at invisible dirt; I think she is trying to brush away her melancholy more then anything.

"Let's then take today and relive your favorite moments, for today your fantasy shall be your reality." It's strange but just seeing her smile makes my every past accomplishment dim, just knowing I made her smile, knowing that I can make her happy. I enjoy making her happy…I am at my happiest when she is at hers.

"Thank you," she says softly, her eyes telling me more then her words.

"My pleasure milady."

A/N: Thanks for reading, I wish I could respond a little more to the reviews, because I do appreciate the encouragement and comments, but I have been trying to fight off the tail end of a cold, and have just felt yucky…but anyway…

ScrewtheJediCode786: I am sure glad that you have been reading Obidala lately…and I am glad that you picked mine to read :-) Maybe we Obidala supporters can sway you permanently? Just a thought :-) Thanks so much for the review.

Crystalkenobi: Thank you so much for the kind words! I have tried to make this story a little different, mostly because I was so disappointed with Episode II, I thought that the moment Obi-Wan and Padme stood on the steps at then end of PM was just the perfect time to turn the tides, I hope this story gives a viable alternative to the original. Thank you for reading!

Chase Liquor: Thank you for reading, I could not STAND Anakin in number II, I was crushed because I just loved him in Episode I, just too bad, oh well…Obi-Wan makes up for it all :-)

SuP3RG1R: I know, the whole "call me Padme" thing was just a bit cheesy, but well…it was just too fun to write… :-) Thanks for the review.

mrs. skywalker: You and me both…vacation with Obi-Wan… forget that ANY time with Obi-Wan would be like heaven! LoL Thanks for reviewing!

sassy-satineAgain thank you for the thorough review, I look forward it. I enjoy writing Obi-Wan, while I don't always nail his character there is such depth for exploring emotionally and Padme is just too inquisitive for her own good LoL so it's fun writing. I am glad that you liked the chapter; I hope you too, liked this one.

THANK YOU EVERYONE!

RaeAnne