Fan Zone
By JadeRabbyt
Disclaimer: Listen to the 'Don't Sue People Panda'!
Paullina's Tomato: Part 1
The audience is bigger than it was last time. I could probably start an evil fancult and use my minions to take over the world, but that strikes me as being WAY too much work. This is much more fun.
"Hey all! Great day today, eh? Everybody catch 'Fright Night' yesterday?"
"Hellz yeah!"
"Great stuff."
"Well, as many of us saw, Danny and Sam shared a hug that was very much mutual." The image flashes up on my screen of Danny in ghost-mode and Sam hugging behind a chair. "This brings up an interesting question for us. Namely-"
The screen to my left changes to a large sign that reads "Passionate or Platonic: The Debate is NOW." Another screen to my right rolls down from the ceiling but remains ominously blank.
The audience mutters amongst itself, wondering what this means.
"Was this a 'we're just happy right now' friends' hug? Or is this something else? Today," I explain. "I have for you two trained professionals who have excellent experience in these matters. We've rigged special two-way systems so that our guests can join us from a distance, so put your hands together for Paullina We-Don't-Care-What-Your-Last-Name-Is and Samantha Manson!"
The audience whistles and hoots as live feeds of the two of them flash up on each screen, Paullina to the left, Sam to the right. The audience glances eagerly between the two, watching as Paullina scowls against a background of the bathroom stalls, lipstick in hand, and Sam works poised over a set of colored test tubes at a lab desk.
"Thanks for joining us, guys." I sit at the desk and kick up my feet up.
Paullina shoves her makeup in her purse. "Ugh, why do you have to do this now? I didn't even have a chance to do the foundation."
Sam isn't quite as polite.
"I'm working here! Shut that stupid camera off or I'll hunt you down and shove it down your throat!"
"Now girls," I chide. "Unless you want to travel Air Burlap, I suggest you both just calm down and have a nice, orderly debate."
"Debate?" Sam looks through her camera, across at Paullina. "With HER?"
"No way," Paullina scoffs. Her finger goes large in the screen as she pokes at her camera. "Like, where's the 'off' button."
I grin. "It don't got one, toots."
Paullina gives me a death glare. "Father will be hearing about this."
Sam rolls her eyes and selects a test tube. "Shallow daddy's girl," she mutters. She splashes the camera with her tube, and the screen goes gritty and winks out.
Paullina laughs. "Two can play that game." She gives her purse a good swing and the screen displays flying bathroom stalls before abruptly going blank.
The audience mutters with discontent. A voice in front shouts, "What now, Rabbyt?"
I sigh and reach for the private studio intercom. "Two for the Burlap Express." Chuckles come from the other end of the line.
Turning to the audience I say, "They'll be right back. While we're waiting, let's distribute the obligatory rotten fruit." My lackeys go through the aisles with bags of spoiled produce. People snatch it up eagerly and snicker with anticipation. "I think you all know what it's for."
Two stage hands set out chairs on either side of my desk. "Well folks, it looks like they've arrived." The audience alternately giggles as two burlap bags are tossed onto the stage. People snap pictures as they squirm and roll around onstage. I gesture to the staff to get them out, and one of them grabs a switch blade and rips the two bags open.
"AAAAAAAHHH! My HAIR! You &?#$, you &?#$! Oooh, you are so DEAD!"
"Hey, you can't say that on TV! Aaah!" I jump out of the way as Paullina takes a flying leap at me. Her nails dig into the floor where I stood a moment ago. "Security!" A posse of my guards grab her and hold her down. She struggles and thrashes for a minute or two before suddenly calming. She's noticing the funny way security is looking at her.
"Uhhh..."
I grin and cross my arms. "They're ex-convicts, you know." Speaking of which, Paullina doesn't usually cuss. My staff must have 'sedated' her with a little medicine of their own. At least Sam seems okay.
She stands behind me, laughing. "You two are both insane."
Paullina jerks her head up. "I've had about enough of you for today, you totally unpopular crazy gothic &?#$!"
I shake my finger at her. "What did I say about the language?"
Paullina simmers for a minute. "Come on. Let me up."
"You gonna be nice?"
"What do you think?"
I shrug. "Close enough." I dismiss the guards, who let her up reluctantly and hurry backstage.
Paullina and Sam grudgingly take their seats.
"Sam, let's start with you. Was this hug just a 'friends' thing?"
"Um, well, it's really not a topic that can be, uh, divided that clearly..."
Paullina leans back. "Huh. Yeah right. She's totally head over heels for that loser freshman."
Sam jumps up, fists balled at her sides. "Danny's not a loser!"
Paullina stands, hands on her hips. "What are you talking about? He's the most pathetic unpopular loser on campus. Except for Tucker."
Sam takes a step forward. "Why you-"
Just then, a solitary tomato flies out from the audience and lands squarely on Paullina's chest. The three of us stand stock-still for a moment as the tomato juice oozes down her shirt. "Boo!" someone calls.
I bite my lip. Mustn't laugh, mustn't laugh, mustn't laugh...
Paullina's face is going very red. "I... why this... PREPARE TO DIE, &?#$ES!"
Sam's eyes widen as she takes several hasty steps back. "Never seen that side of her before."
"Security!" I call, grabbing Sam's wrist and diving behind the desk. The audience starts screaming gleefully and chucking fruit everywhere.
As Paullina fanatically chases us around the stage, foaming at the mouth and swiping at us, another voice calls out from the back. "I'll save you, Paullina!"
I yelp, feeling Paullina's nails miss me by centimeters. Sam spares a glance behind us. "Who invited Dash?"
A/N: Who DID invite Dash? Will an actual debate EVER take place? What WILL I do with the hundreds of pounds of sugar Blossoming Orange Rose gave me? Tune in next time for the answers to these pressing questions, but don't forget to review first and maybe give me more cool stuff!