The Fan Zone

By JadeRabbyt

Agents of Luve: Part I

"Are we all enjoying our chocolate Easter bunnies?"

The audience nods, happily chewing the heads off its candied animals. I grin at them. "Good. Then let's get started. First—"

"Whoa! Jade." Somebody raises a hand, waving it around.

I squint at the person, trying to get a better look at them. "Yes?"

"Why is today's show being held in the Casper High basement?"

The show is indeed being held in the basement. There are forgotten school materials everywhere, and I had to have extra stage lights brought in to light it properly. The stage itself consists of a wooden crate of 'Ms. Mercy's Safety-First Scissors,' on which I am having more than a little trouble balancing.

"Well, that would involve a complicated explanation of the studio's insurance policy. And since the studio was COMPLETELY DESTROYED last time—" The audience snickers like a bunch of delinquents. Oh well. At least they're cheerful delinquents. "—we're holding the show here today.

"Last time I got a bunch of people asking for Danny/Sam. Am I right?"

"Duh," somebody mumbles.

I clap my hands. "Right. Anyway, this show took so long to organize because it just so happens to be nearly impossible for me to plan out something that is both realistic, romantic, and funny, and goodness knows there are enough ficcers out there writing Danny and Sam completely out-of-character. That stuff is alright, but here at the 'The Fan Zone' we pride ourselves in our realism."

"Wait, so lawyers armed with imperial walkers are realistic now?"

I glare at the speaker. "No more chocolate for that kid. Somebody take his chocolate."

The audience looks at me like I've just ordered his execution. I roll my eyes. "Alright, he keeps his chocolate."

"Dang right he does."

"ANYWAY," I continue. "Instead of having Danny and Sam come on here and having them perform a bunch of humiliating or insane tasks—"

"But we like humiliating and insane."

"I know you do, and I did actually consider a mud-wrestling match between Sam and Paullina, with Danny as the referee, but that sounded a little too weird. Maybe we'll do that next episode, if you guys ask for it. This episode, however, you guys all get to play secret agent. On a mission to get Danny and Sam to smooch, or hug, or do something to get them to at least partially recognize that they like each other."

"That's lame."

"Yes I know it sounds lame," I groan. "But it's not. See, the school janitor's closet has been converted into the entrance to an underground base. Everybody will get ear buds so we can all speak to and hear each other, and cameras, so we can all see each other." I shove a couple newer-looking boxes forward. "The cameras are hidden in a variety of things. Hats, pins, plastic fish, cans of spam, you name it. Everybody grab a camera and an ear bud. Also, we're arranged things with the administration so that the right number of kids to be absent from their classes. Bottom line: the faculty shouldn't bother you, and you'll all have seats in their classes."

The audience gets a little more interested, thankfully. The chocolate, spy gear, and prospect of impending cameo-ness have all made them happy, but I can tell they were expecting something more, and I'm sorry to have disappointed them.

Be careful what you wish for.

Something huge crashes into the back of me and sends boxes flying everywhere. The audience scatters. I scramble up and look into the face of the biggest friggen chocolate Easter bunny I've ever seen. Its head alone is the size of a Buick.

"I AM THE EASTER BUNNY… OF DOOM!"

I nod, wondering where the crap this monster came from. "Uh, yeah, I can see that." There's really not much I can do about it, either. My garbage men took the day off to attend a lecture at Caltech.

Somebody behind me chuckles. "Hee hee, the rabbit's after Rabbyt."

Ouch. That's gotta take the cake for Worst Pun in the Universe.

"YOU HAVE ANGERED ME WITH YOUR MASS CONSUMPTION OF MY SUGARY BRETHEREN!"

"Um, okay, but could you stop talking in caps? People hate that."

The bunny rears up, chocolate limbs pawing the air as its gaping mouth reveals a couple massive incisors. "PREPARE TO FACE MY WRATH!"

I whirl to the audience. "Thanksforcomingeverybody, nowRunforyourlives!"

A mechanical hiss screeches through the basement. "Hold it!" A familiar figure in a maroon suit zips by on a hovercraft, firing a couple of rockets at the rabbit. Huge chunks of chocolate go flying, and several of the more adamant candy-fans race forward and grab them up.

I follow the figure as it makes another pass at the rabbit. "Valerie?"

"What!"

Whups. I forgot she has a 'secret' identity. "Uh, nothing. Carry on." The rabbit is quickly reduced to chocolate gravel. She alights next to me, folding up her hovercraft but leaving her mask on.

"What are you all doing and how do you know my name?"

"Well," I say. "I am the host of a show that is basically devoted to making life harder for everybody in the Danny-verse, all for the grand purpose of making the audience giggle."

"The Danny-verse? You can't mean Danny Fenton."

I rub my forehead. No way I'm going to explain all this right now. "Look, thanks for the save; we all appreciate it. But we've all got something to attend to right now."

"But—"

"If I give you fifty bucks and a Baskin Robins voucher, will you stop asking questions?"

She jerks back, surprised. "Uh… N— Well, yes, I mean… What?"

"Great." I drop the stuff in her hands and wave to the audience. "What are you guys still doing here? Get going. School's about to start!"

A/N: Alrighty! I shall need 'secret agent' cameos for the next part. The two boys are already on the to-be-cameoed list, but we also need a ninja, a psychopath, and maybe a, oh I dunno, somebody is a giant squirrel suit or something. Review to tell me what you'd like to be or what you'd like to see! Or just review to tell me that you laughed yourself into a hernia. (grins)