The Fan Zone

By JadeRabbyt

Agents of Luve: Part 2

"Gimme camera one." The garbage man sitting next to me grumbles about asking politely before punching a couple buttons, bringing a view of Casper's schoolyard onto the main view screen. They're still mad at me for recalling them from Caltech, but after the whole almost-getting-eaten-by-an-Easter-chocolate thing, it's not like I'm going to take any chances.

On the view screen, Danny and Sam are just walking onto the premises, together as luck would have it. They stop, disturbed by the abundance of gigantic wildlife.

"Is it just me, or did the school suffer a sudden infestation of people in huge, ugly squirrel suits?" Sam asks.

Danny looks nervous, but he isn't fleeing in terror yet. Which is good. "I don't know, but I don't like it," he says. "Let's just get inside the school. Maybe there's something going on in there." Cautiously, the two of them make their way through a virtual wall of kids in giant squirrel suits. It's funny to watch, like a scene out of Hitchcock's Birds.

Except with squirrels.

Suddenly, as if NOBODY would have EVER predicted it would happen, one of the squirrel-people falls forward, knocking Danny into Sam and nearly sending them toppling. "'Scuse me," chirps the squirrel.

"Uh, sure," says Danny.

Sam looks nervous. "Let's go, let's go…"

I hear a flurry of voices over the com, the squirrels plotting en masse, and then they all start stumbling toward Danny and Sam. The object is obviously to get the two of them to fall in an awkward position, but from Danny and Sam's perspective it looks like a flock of huge, perfectly silent, five to six foot tall squirrels is attacking them.

Danny can't go ghost because there are still several (decidedly freaked-out) 'normal' children on the lawn, so he does the next best thing.

"RUN!" They make it to the doors and slam them shut. The squirrels follow.

I turn on the radio. "Hey, all you squirrelly-dudes, why don't you try NOT scaring the crap out of him?"

"But it's so much fun to scare the crap out of him…" somebody whines.

I sigh. "I know. But just be a little less obvious than that, okay? Don't mob him or he might finally go ghost and fry your butts. And I'm not sure the network covers medical for guests. Change out of those dorky suits, or at least don't cluster so much."

The squirrels' squeaky voices shout indignantly over the radio. "We like to cluster." "Cluster power!" "Yeah!"

My, this little episode should be interesting.

XXX

I follow the group on the monitors. The squirrels continue to travel in one gigantic herd through the hallways, following Danny and Sam, but at a distance. The two are joined by Tucker near a locker.

"Danny, I don't want to butt in or anything, but it looks like you've got a huge flock of squirrels following you around."

Danny looks back at them and sighs. "Yeah, I know." The squirrels giggle and try to hide behind a garbage can. Do you know what twenty kids in squirrel suits trying to hide in a garbage can looks like? It looks very, very weird.

"Well, at least they're keeping their distance now." Sam rifles through a folder in her hands. "They were a lot pushier outside."

Tucker shakes his head at Danny. "Man, hanging out with you, things just get weirder all the time."

A ninja appears. "WHOA!" Tucker yells. "See what I mean! You, my friend, are a weirdo magnet."

Sam grins at Tucker. "What?" he says.

Sam shakes her head. "Nothing."

"Silence!" shouts the black-garbed, face-masked ninja. "I am Serenity Koshimo! Expert at all things ninja…"

Danny hides a chuckle. "Uh, your shirt is inside out."

The ninja looks down. "Dangit… Well anyway, I am the ninja of luve… YOUR true love, Danny!" Danny turns the brightest shade of red I've ever seen. Sam's mouth does this twisty frowny thing (it communicates the message 'I'm getting pissed' very clearly), and the squirrels all chirp and fall over themselves trying to scramble forward.

I grin and kick my feet up on the computer console.

"Ye-e-e-esssss, that's right, Danny!" the ninja cackles. "I have come to take you away to—"

"SQUIRRELLY KICK ATTACK!" The squirrels finally sort themselves out and mob the ninja. "Blasphemy, blasphemy!" they cry. The ninja is duly subdued and hauled away to some unspeakable squirrelly doom. One of the furry critters lingers, giggling. "You two look really cute together. Danny's such a hunk."

Danny looks like he's blown several brain fuses. "Uh, okay…"

"Isn't he though?" Sam agrees.

Danny and Tucker turn towards her. You can just hear Danny's neurons frying. "Did you say something?"

"No, uh, I mean, isn't it time for class?" Just then, the bell rings. Sam laughs nervously. "Yeah, see? Come on or we'll be late!" She hurries away.

Tucker puts a sympathetic hand on Danny's shoulder. "Shoulda called in sick today."

Danny nods. "Uh-huh."

XXX

The psychopaths are up to something. Just as there's a cluster of squirrels wandering around the halls, there's a nest of psychopaths creeping around in the ventilation system. I shudder to think what they're doing up there, but I activate a camera and audio frequency anyway, just to make sure they're not distributing an airborne virus or something evil like that.

"The Banana Cluster will prevail…" I hear one of them whisper. "We will capture the ghost child attending this class and make him our king…" There's not much in the way of a video feed, considering the pitch-blackness of the ventilation ducts. Some light sneaks through a grating above a classroom, where the rustling of pages indicates a class in session.

"Viva la Banana!" another psycho rejoins.

"Sssh! Be silent, Ella-629."

"Sorry."

"Apology not accepted!" thunders Commander Psycho. "Mob her, everybody!"

My mouth hangs open as a full-blown brawl erupts in the ventilation duct. Fortunately there's not much room in there. And unfortunately, Casper High's construction company jipped them on ceiling construction.

All the psychos, a wild-eyed bunch around ten in number, crash through the ceiling, kicking and screaming, and land in the middle of class. Danny yells and jumps away from his desk, narrowly avoiding the rain of insanity.

"THERE HE IS!" screams Commander Psycho, who, I now realize, is Person-X. She points a dagger-like finger at Danny. "Girls, now's our chance! GET HIM!"

Danny makes a little chocking noise and bolts for the door. "I don't believe I'm saying this, but Squirrel-People, help me!"

"Squirrel people?" asks Lancer, currently cowering behind his desk.

Danny dodges the lunge of a psycho. "Well, they took care of the ninja for me."

As it happens, the squirrelly people are waiting just outside the classroom, no doubt waiting to stalk Danny the minute class let out, but on hearing his cry they all pour in like a giant furry river of lovable vengeance.

"Halt your evil, Bannana Cult!" they squeal. What follows is a virtual war, psychos vs. squirrels. The squirrels have an advantage with their costume padding, but the psychos are far more ferocious. It's a hair-pulling nose-bleeding mess.

Danny escapes out the window, and when it's obvious that the object of the dissent is no longer in sight, the ruckus begins to die down. A lot of people are fussy, but none of them are injured, thank God. I activate the radio. "You guys aren't very efficient."

"Screw you, Jade." "Just tell us where he went!"

"He went out the window."

All animosity is forgotten as the Danny-fans let loose one massive, ear-splitting fangirly SCREECH and DIVE for the windows. Glass shatters, Lancer starts to yell, and it becomes obvious to me that efficiency is not a terribly high priority for these guys. It's the thrill of the whole insane pursuit that counts.

A/N: And thus we have part 2! Yes, there is a part 3, and I promise that this is one of the (very few) FZ's that actually has a plot. Weird, huh? I also promise more action packingness and more joyous cameoness, as well as a quick update, so drop a review and stay tuned!