Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter in any way, shape, or form, nor am I making any money from this story. I do, however, own the plot and any characters that appear in the story that are not apart of the original series.
A Different Reality
By Constellations
- Memories -
He was all alone…helpless…as unwelcome memories, thoughts, and scenes swamped his vision…
"Mum! Mum!" Severus yelled, waving a piece of paper in the air as he clambered down the stairs. Peeking into the parlor the eight year old frowned slightly when he saw it empty, but he quickly brightened as he pivoted in the direction of the kitchen.
Skipping into the cheery room, Severus stopped when he saw his mother standing over the sink. Meredith Snape flashed him a wide smile as she wiped her wet hands on the front of her dark blue robes. "What is it Sev?"
The small boy proudly held out the piece of paper. "I drew a picture of our family." She, crouching down to his level, took the picture from Severus' hands. Studying it she chuckled. "It's very good Sev, but I'm not quite that big yet." Mrs. Snape commented, resting one hand over her protruding stomach. "I think it deserves a place on the refrigerator though… don't you think?" Carefully standing up, she made her way over the charmed fridge and stuck Severus' latest drawing on its door with a simple sticking spell.
"You'll have to show Daddy when he gets home, I'm sure he'll love the blue streaks you put in his hair." His mum said teasingly. Ruffling Severus' dark hair she added, "How would you like to help me bake a cake for dessert tonight?"
Severus looked up uncertainly. "What kind?"
"Chocolate… with vanilla icing though I might be convinced to use sprinkles as well…" she trailed off in a persuasive tone. His face lit up at the mention of sprinkles.
"Oooh… can I pick out the colors? Can I? Can I?"
"Of course," Meredith replied, "we just need to make the rest of the cake first." Summoning a step stool for Severus so he could work at he counter, she placed 3 eggs and a large mixing bowl in front of her son. "Go ahead and crack them, then put them into the bowl, but do try to not get any of the shells mixed in." She instructed.
And so, with very little mishap, a half an hour later the pair slipped the cake into the oven to bake. "There." Severus' mum said as she closed the oven. "It will take a while to bake, so why don't we have a snack before your father comes home for dinner?" Severus nodded eagerly and ran over to the large pantry on the opposite side of the kitchen. "The fruit salad from yesterday is still in…"
The sound of the door bell echoed from the hall, interrupting what she had to say. Not expecting anyone, Meredith Snape frowned slightly and walked slowly from the kitchen into the hall. Severus quietly slinked after his mother and stopped several feet behind her as she opened the large front door.
His mum's face relaxed. "Oh hello Richard. What in the name of Merlin are you doing here? Come in, I wasn't expecting…" She halted when she saw the look on her friend's face. "My God…what's wrong?"
Richard wrung his hands in his robes and hesitated a moment. "Meredith," he managed, "I'm afraid there's been an accident."
For a minute she stood there in silence. Then as his words sunk in she staggered back as comprehension dawned… horror creeping across her face. "No…"
Severus edged closer to his mother.
Richard continued, "The spell combination our team had been working on proved to be volatile…Half the room was destroyed almost instantaneously…" Meredith Snape let out a strangled sob and collapsed on the floor. Severus knelt down beside his mother and she pulled him close to her chest, brown eyes wide in shock. "It all happened so fast…" he added. "Merlin, I'm so sorry… but I'm afraid Leo didn't make it Mere."
"But Mum are you sure you'll be alright?" Severus asked in a concerned tone.
Meredith Snape managed a weak smile. "You're only going to Hogwarts Sev, not the end of the world. I'll be alright, don't you worry. I can get along fine."
Severus frowned. His mother hadn't been the same since the coupled loss of his father and his sister (little Tabitha Snape had died of severe heart complications several hours after her birth). She hid it well for his sake, but he knew that she had never really recovered from the devastating blows. What had him really worried, however, was that lately she seemed to always be tired and lacked her usual energy and spunk. "I can always be taught from home," he said making a last ditch attempt to change his mother's mind, "I'm sure we can find a suitable tutor."
His mother's eyes grew bright with determination. "Sev," she cut in, "we've been over this many times before sweetheart and while I truly appreciate your concerns, you are getting on that train and attending Hogwarts tomorrow. End of story." Her features softened into a smile. "Now are you all packed for the trip? Good. Don't forget get to send a letter after your Sorted."
Severus could only nod.
Severus sat in one of the plush chairs Dumbledore had conjured in his office for the meeting and stared expectantly at the middle aged man sitting to his left.
Slightly unnerved by the second year's piercing gaze Dr. Hennas cleared his throat and nervously pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Knowing all to well by now how doctors tended to beat around the bush Severus came straight to the point and asked, "Is there anything that can be done for her?" The boy carefully watched the expressions that flitted across the doctor's face and gave a mental sigh. This doctor wasn't going to be able to help either. He schooled his features into a cold indifferent mask and waited.
"I'm afraid there is nothing that can be done for your mother," said the doctor.
Severus felt like screaming in frustration. He had already met with many of the top doctors in the field, both muggle and magical and had yet to hear any pleasant news. "Why not?" He demanded.
The doctor sighed. "Your mother has contracted a rare case of cancer, and magic can only go so far in these things… maybe if we'd gotten to her right way…" he trailed off when he saw the look on Severus' face.
"How long does she have?" The young Slytherin inquired.
"Six months if she's lucky," came the terse reply. Severus nodded absently and muttered a faint good bye as Dr. Hennas left Dumbledore's office. Lost in his thoughts, the raven haired boy barely heard Dumbledore's consoling words.
The wind raced through the trees, scattering leaves across the valley. The grass was still damp with dew and had soaked through many of the small gatherings' best black robes. The sun rose from behind the mountains, and cast across the sky a vibrant array of pinks and yellows. Summer wildflowers had just begun to bloom.
It was a perfect summer day, and Severus hated it.
He stood solemnly before the casket and watched as his mother was lowered into the earth. Feeling sick, Severus squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block out the images of the funeral. Dumbledore came up behind him and enclosed him in the long folds of his black robes. Glad for the small act of comfort, Severus latched onto Dumbledore's side and buried his head further into the robes.
The funeral was long and drawn out, the priest extolling the life of Meredith Snape while the group of close friends stood and mourned.
Severus lost all track of time. He tried to focus on something else, anything else but the funeral. He needed to get away; away from the sympathetic pats and the pitying glances.
If only it would rain. He thought. Then the weather would reflect how he truly felt and no one would be able to distinguish tears from rain. Maybe then, if it rained, they would go away. And he could be alone.
It was early morning, at a time before dawn when faint touches of light first begin to grace the sky. Dew clung to the grass, making the edge of his robes damp and cold. The thick dark fabric clung to his legs as he walked across the lawn, a blank expression on his face. When the boy reached the trees that marked the forest's edge he paused. There was a reason the forest had garnered such a name as Forbidden. Nights like this made him understand why.
Trees reached across the small trail, which barely stood out against the moss, leaves, and dirt of the forest floor. Their branches were long and twisted; trunks thick and gnarled. Power emanated from the ancient wood; dark, sinister, foreboding. Mist gathered where trunk gave way to root and obscured his view of the path. Sounds of animals and things best left alone echoed throughout the forest. Moonlight cut through the bare branches of the trees, casting shadows and giving the mist an ethereal quality.
Severus turned his back on the forest and gazed upon the beautiful castle across the lawn. Turrets rose into the sky, the light grey stone standing out against the stars. He felt something tug at his heart as his eyes swept over the scene. The castle molded in the surrounding darkness as tears welled up in his eyes. Blinking back the tears that threatened to fall, he turned away from Hogwarts and entered the wood with a determined pace.
Leaves and twigs crunched under his feet, echoing deep into the wood. Severus paid it all no mind. He simply followed the twisting and turning path.
The stars were beginning to fade when he came across a small clearing. His slipper clad feet were sore and his hands cut from briars and threatening branches. Severus held out his hands and eyed them thoughtfully. In an odd way, he was glad of the dull throbbing. It proved he could still feel.
At the clearing center stood a tall, thin tree. Slender branches gracefully twisted themselves into the air. Silvery bark and leaves glowed in the light of the moon. The tree was smooth, seamless. It was perfection. A magic far more ancient and powerful than what the rest of the forest possessed pulsed from its wood. It sent out thin waves of magic pure and undiluted to the surrounding clearing. The other trees leaned away from the clearing, as if they were desperate to be out of the lone tree's presence.
Drawn to the tree, he walked slowly across the grass and stopped at its base. There he sat down and leaned back into the trunk. Severus closed his eyes and let a long sigh.
Something had died deep inside of him the day his mum was lowered into the cold earth. Something precious and treasured, that was now too far beyond his reach to grasp. It was gone and he could not get it back.
Those first few weeks had been torture. He and his mum had been close, painfully so, and her death had torn his heart. Life simply was not the same. She was gone, and nothing could ever bring her back.
Severus opened his eyes and pulled out a dagger from a pocket inside his robes. He held the weapon out before him and studied it; turning it around in his hands. It was a true work of art. A weapon passed down from generation to generation in the Snape family. The handle was deep ebony, engraved with patterns and swirls of silver on the hilt, with a sapphire pommel at its tip. It was a piece worthy of note, rumored to be made by the elves before they had withdrawn from the lives of wizards. Severus' eyes traveled down the hilt and stopped, focusing on the blade.
He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. He had drawn away from everyone at school when he had returned to Hogwarts for third year. Everyone had given him space, understanding the need to grieve in peace, but when he had continued to withdraw, people had begun to worry. He had become cold and distant, snubbing all his peers. It was his way to cope. Severus refused to accept her death and did not want other's pity.
As weeks turned into months, Severus had slipped further and further within himself, no longer caring about anything around him. The Headmaster had approached him more than once inquiring in him, worry dulling his normally bright eyes. Severus had refused to say anything, giving Dumbledore simple excuses and poor attempts to smile.
The world had become too suffocating. All he wanted was peace, freedom from the hell his living hell. His friends had long since given up on him, depressed by his spirit and irritated by his moods. Severus shifted against the tree. All except one that is. Lily. Lily had refused to give up even when he had tried his hardest to push her away. God, he had been terrible to her and she had taken everything he'd dished out.
He didn't deserve her. Didn't deserve someone like that as a friend. His right hand trembled as he tightened on the dagger. A worthless bastard, that was all he was. Nothing. Selfish. Pathetic.
The days had grown empty. There was no meaning, no purpose in his wretched life. All passion was dead. He felt nothing but a growing sense of agitation. A tension that made him want to scream.
Severus did not know what had compelled him to the forest tonight, to venture deep into the woods. Something inside him had finally snapped and when he had woken, he had been filled with a desperate resolve. He could no longer take the nightmares, the tension, and the hurt. Feelings he could do nothing to escape.
He opened his eyes and lowered the blade to his left wrist. Severus let out a loud hiss of pain as the dagger cut deep into his skin. Tears flowed freely and he sucked in large gulps of air. His eyes rolled back as waves of pain hit him like a wall. He stared in fascination and horror as the blood ran down his arm in large rivulets, a deep rich red.
His vision grew fuzzy around the edges and his head spun. He was aware of nothing around him but the pain, and the growing darkness that crept closer and closer. A voice distorted and muted, muttering in an undistinguishable language, was the last thing he heard before the darkness enveloped him completely.
Severus blearily opened his eyes and immediately wished he hadn't. It was bright, too bright. He squinted, unaccustomed to the brightness and groaned as pain shot through his head. Owww… Severus rubbed his temples as he sat up. His robes were damp and the grass wet to the touch. Wait…grass? His eyes grew wide as the night before became clear in his mind. Severus stood and looked at his hands, a frown spreading across his face. The cut, which had been bleeding profusely hours before, was now healed; with no visible scars. Come to think of it, there was a lack of blood as well; neither his skin nor his clothes showed any sign of it. Surely it hadn't been a dream? He stared at his wrist in confusion. What the heck had happened?
"Oh good, I see you're finally awake."
Severus turned around to see a black figure leaning casually against the silver tree several feet away. This was becoming extremely weird. "Who are you?" He demanded. Severus did not like being snuck up upon. "What are you doing here? And how exactly did you find me?" He watched the figure suspiciously as he waited for an answer.
"My name is of no consequence, though I suppose you may call me Xavier if it truly matters," The figure commented, giving him a piercing look. Severus shivered. He didn't know which was more unnerving, the fact that only Xavier's eyes were visible from under the cloak, or the fact that the eyes, so light blue that they were almost white, had an ethereal glow to them.
Aware of the effect of his eyes or not, Xavier continued, "But as to why I am here. There was a large display of uncommonly strong magic emitted several hours ago. The largest, I reckon, in a long while, as your time goes anyways. I daresay the whole of Britain felt it."
"Oh my."
"Yes," Xavier chuckled, "indeed. So, I being naturally curious as to what could have caused such a surge of magic, traced its flow, and found its origin here. And surprise, surprise what do I find?" Severus looked down at his hands. He didn't like the direction this was going. "A young wizard, prostrate before the Heart of the forest, unconscious and covered in blood. And not just any young wizard mind you, but Severus Snape," said Xavier testily.
Severus looked at Xavier in astonishment. "How do you know my name?"
Xavier leaned down so he was eye level with the boy. "I'd tell you…but I'd have to kill you first."
"Hey! That's not fair," said Severus.
"No," he replied solemnly, "it's not is it? But then nothing in life is ever fair."
"But I want to know," Severus grumbled.
"Would you like a chair?"
Severus blinked, "What?"
Xavier waved his hands in the air impatiently, "You know a chair, a piece of furniture one often uses when one desires to sit or recline."
Severus' eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Stop trying to change the subject."
The man sighed in frustration and made a small gesture. To Severus' surprise, a pair of large comfortable black armchairs appeared facing each other. Xavier turned and sat in the chair closest to himself, beckoning Severus to do the same. "Do sit, I find when I am engaged in long conversations, which undoubtedly this will become, it is best to make oneself comfortable."
Severus looked at the chairs in confusion. Wandless magic was near impossible to master, due to the large amount of control and willpower someone needed to complete even the simplest spells. This guy had to be powerful. And Slytherins were drawn to power; intrigued and enraptured by it like fireflies to a lit wand. "You know, it is rather rude to stare. Please sit, you are beginning to try my patience." Severus sat. Very powerful indeed. Xavier settled into the back of the chair and banished his cloak, finally revealing his appearance.
The man was handsome enough Severus supposed, with black hair and pale skin much like himself. He had an aura about him though, a certain charisma that was sure to draw all attention in a room. Yet, Severus had a strange feeling that this man could just as easily blend in with a crowd.
Xavier made another motion with his hand and conjured a cup of tea. Drawing the cup to his lips, he stopped when he saw the expression in Severus' face. "Oh, you don't mind do you?"
Severus could only shake his head. This guy was turning out to be quite odd. "Good, I have yet to have my morning cup of tea." Xavier took a sip of the tea and smiled. "Would you like a cup?"
"Umm," Severus hesitated, "No thank you."
The man shrugged and took another sip of tea. "Very well, suit yourself. Now where were we?" He paused in thought.
"How you knew my name…" Severus trailed off.
"Oh yes. Well that will all be answered in due time, not to worry. But for now let us focus on the situation at hand, hmmm? I've made it a habit to watch the comings and goings of man, and throughout the years, I still find it amazing how dense you humans can be at times. Really Severus. This is the second time you've tried to kill yourself in the last five months, and the second time you've failed to do so. Surely there is something you can infer from this?"
Severus gaped at him, for once in his life utterly dumbfounded. "B-but…what…how did you know?"
"I know many things about you. I've been watching you for several of your months."
The boy stared at Xavier in confusion. "Watching me? Oh great, now I've got a stalker." He cocked his head to the side. "Did you just say human before?"
Xavier sighed and gave a slight groan, "Yes, I did."
"Oh gee, even better, I've had an inhuman stalker watching my every move," Severus said sarcastically. "This day is just getting better and better." He narrowed his eyes and absently started to tap the arms of the chair. This meeting was growing more peculiar and unsettling each moment. Severus did not like people who unsettled him; in fact, he tried his best to shy away from people who did (except for Lily, though that was, of course, completely different). But he had a feeling he would not be able to run away from this particular conversation. "So, why have you been watching me anyways? You aren't a vampire are you?" He asked, suspicion rising in his thoughts. "I may wish to die, but I have no desire to remain among the living afterwards."
Xavier sighed and set down his cup of tea in midair, rubbing his temples lightly. "I should have known he would have made this difficult," he muttered softly, more to himself than to Severus. "To set things straight, no, I am not a vampire, though I am what you would call an immortal of sorts. Also, I have no desire or whim to kill you, quite the opposite in fact.
"Were you the one who healed me then?" It would make sense if the man (or whatever he was) had, in Severus' mind at least. Though he couldn't say if he should have felt relieved to realize that Xavier was not a vampire or worried over the possibility that he was something far worse.
"No, I arrived too late for that I'm afraid. The Heart of the forest healed you. I simply cleaned up the bloody mess you created."
"The what?"
"The silver tree there."
Severus looked to where he pointed. It was the same tree that he had sat beneath earlier this morning. "But how could a tree do that?" he asked.
"Particular things, trees; this one especially," Xavier commented, "You never can predict what they will do. They have the oddest sense of humor and pride as well…. I wouldn't say such things in front of her, she might become offended."
The tree might become offended? Oh Lord, Severus had been out longer than he thought. "Sorry," he offered to the tree (just in case), "But why would it, I mean she, heal me?"
"Because it was not your time to die, whatever you may like to think."
"Not my time to die," Severus repeated incredulously. What the heck was this guy talking about?
"Life is a delicate balance, Severus and it is part of my job to ensure the preservation of that balance; which is why I am here. Too long I have sat along the sidelines and watched everything play out, so against my better judgment I am doing something I haven't done in nigh a millennia. I am intervening in wizarding affairs and damn the consequences. You, Severus, need some sense knocked into you and I shall do it any way I can. Dumbledore has been too coddling with you, in hopes you will be able to rise above this depressive state on your own. But you haven't. Instead you've done the opposite and sunken further into your hole, rejecting your society altogether. You've simply given up, taken the easy road instead of fighting to continue, fighting for a better life. It is a coward who gives up on life so, and you have been acting like one. You have a long life in front of you, though not everything will be easy; life never is I'm afraid. But there will be many good things as well," Xavier sighed.
"Much is dependent on you and many lives lie at stake based on your decisions now and in the future. Though that is all I can reveal to you at this time. Destiny and Fate would strangle me if I told much more, they're angry enough with me meddling as it is."
Severus looked at the grass surrounding them, suddenly finding it very interesting. He didn't think he had the courage to look Xavier in the eye at the moment and still hold on to what little composure he had left.
"Your actions of late have been tipping that balance I spoke of close to disaster," Xavier continued. "Now, please look at me Severus, surely the ground isn't that interesting. I want to see that you understand what I have to say. Your mother was an amazing woman and I understand you miss her very much. But surely she wouldn't have wanted you to be like this, would she?"
"No," Severus said in realization, "She'd give me a good shake and tell me to stop acting like the world had stopped turning. To keep my chin up and never quit…. But it all seems so hopeless."
"It will get better."
Severus gave an un-Slytherinlike snort. "And how do you know, oh immortal one?"
"I've had just about as much of your 'rapier wit' as I can stand for a day." Xavier gave Severus a glare and picked up his tea from mid air. "Life does go on, whether or not you want to hear it, and it will get better. You have almost four and a half years left at Hogwarts and friends who care deeply for you."
"It's not Hogwarts I'm worried about," Severus muttered. He loved Hogwarts; it was a second and now his only home. Summer, however, was another story. He didn't have any close relatives on either side of the family, only great great aunts and fifth and sixth cousins who had kept giving him the most terribly pitying looks at the funeral while shaking their heads about the tragedy of his mother's death. The thought of having to stay with one of them left him feeling very depressed. No, he did not have any good prospects for the summer holiday and the alternative was even worse. An orphanage. Not that Severus believed that Dumbledore would actually let the Ministry send him to one….at least, he hoped not. "I don't have anywhere to go…. For the summer holidays and breaks."
"Ah, I see," Xavier replied calmly after a sip of his tea, "Well we shall have to do something won't we?" He paused and set his tea once again in the air, and leaned forward towards Severus' chair. "I have a proposition for you. If I said I could find you a place to stay for your holidays, would you promise to never try and end your life again?"
Severus didn't believe his ears. Might there actually be another alternative? "Where would I stay?" He questioned.
"Why with me of course."
Severus blinked. "With you. How? Your not my relative… the Ministry would never let me stay with someone who wasn't."
"What they don't know won't hurt them. Your wouldn't have to worry about the proof, I would take care of that. My connections are many."
There had to be some kind of catch. There was always a catch. "So you're saying, all I have to do is swear to not take my life and you will take me out of the Ministry's grasp?"
"Yes."
No catch? Severus wondered. "Surely there is something in it for you?"
"Besides my peace of mind and the balance realigning itself, none but the pleasure of your company."
Severus thought about it for a while. On one hand he really wasn't sure what this Xavier was like… or even was for that matter, but on the other, he'd be free of the Ministry's manipulations and would be far more independent with Xavier than under the Ministry's care. He wasn't much of one to take risks…. But maybe… just maybe this was one worth taking.
"All right." Severus gave a small nod. "I'll do it. I swear I will no longer try to take my life."
"And I will fulfill my part of the bargain and make the necessary arrangements as soon as I take you back to Hogwarts." Xavier stood; a smile on his face as he banished his chair. "Good now that that's over with, we can be on our way. Grab my hand; it will only take a moment."
Severus looked up at Xavier in confused. "But it's impossible to apparate on Hogwarts' grounds."
"Not impossible, improbable, but not impossible. It's all about connections, Severus."
Severus stood from his chair and tried to not jump in surprise when his own chair disappeared into thin air. "You know, you never did tell me who you are."
Xavier stopped mid-step towards him. "I'm Death," he said holding out his hand, "It's wonderful to meet you."
Severus stared for a moment, and then shrugged, after everything that had already happened; he didn't think much would faze him. "That explains some things."
"I'm sure."
Severus cocked his head to the side in question. "Did you always have that job or was it something you volunteered for?"
The pair clasped hands and Severus took one last look at the clearing.
"No, it all started when I was late to a meeting…"
Like it? Hate it? Love it? Drop me a lineand tell me what you think about what I've written…This story is a continual work in progress and I always strive to make it better…plus I do love hearing what you have to say! …Constructive criticism, etc is appreciated and very helpful
If you have any questions, be sure to leave an e-mail address where I can reach you to answer them…
Thank you many times over to you Ashley (aka BornConfuzed), wonderful beta that you are. This chapter wouldn't have been what it is without you...
-A word from the author:
I apologize for such a long gap between updates. To me this chapter was very important and I wanted to make sure I got it right. It went through several drafts (Ashley can attest to that) much to my chagrin, but I feel much better about it now. So I hoped you enjoyed this long awaited (and much overdue) interlude chapter.
Thank you to all my reviewers and everyone else who took the time to read my story.
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debz – I'm willing to look over what you've written, though I can't promise anything. I'm rather really with school, work, and the looming SAT and ACT, but I'll see what I can do. I apologize for not getting in touch with you earlier, but when I tried to contact you through the e-mail you left, it was unable to go through (some error with the email.
HecateDeMort – Harry will be saying at Hogwarts 'til around Christmas time. It really depends on how long the Quarter Millennial Immortal Council and Conference lasts or how long Death can actually stand it.
HellHound – We'll see….
Kaaera – Smiles…You're going to have to wait until next chapter for Harry to come to Sev's rescue…
athenakitty – McGonagall was surprised simply because time for her has gone by so fast… she can't believe that she's been teaching that long when it doesn't feel like such a long time to her.
Padawan Jan-AQ – Don't worry. Severus is fine… he just can't hold liquor worth anything, other than a massive hangover he'll live.
EVIL MONKEY OF DOOM! – I believe this chapter answered your question. Thanks for your comments.
t.a.g.0 – Hmm… pulls out the dictionary… I'd have to say you're right. I'll have to change that. Thank you.
JE aka Yessina – Wow. Thanks. I like Peeves a lot, so he'll definitely show up from time to time. And Sev joined to DE for reasons totally separate from his parents.
Mehetabelo – Thank you for adding me, I appreciate it.
My Tainted Perfection – I liked the prank as well.
haven got my thingy yet – wow, thank you.
Potions and Snitches – Thanks for adding me.
BalrogsBreath – blushes… wow, thank you so much.
The-Ever-Lazy-One – Well, I still haven't decided where Harry will be sorted, it's a hard decision for me so we'll see. But Sirius should be in eventually, though not until much, much later.