a/n: Okay! Yes, the recent updates have been a little melancholy. But guys, the genre is angst for a reason! I hold true to the word angst and damn it, it's gonna be sad. But don't worry.. My angst part of the story (for now) is almost done. This story is under another genre.. Romance. And you will get your romance.

Oh yea.. My only question is; what is up with the rating? What the hell is K plus? Thank god mine is simple.. Simple good old M for mature.. Which by the way kids, if you have been reading my story and under 17 then shame shame.. And don't forget to review! At least give me that..

Chapter 20: Dim Remorse's

The rest of the day went by slow. By the time the limo came she was already out the door. Almost immediately after she came home she fell asleep on her bed, tired from the early morning. Tomorrow she would hear from Jounouchi or at least Otogi. Someone would tell her if Jounouchi was really pissed or got over it.

Around nine at night Anzu woke up to the sound of her cell phone ringing. On the caller ID was Lorena. Anzu desperately needed to talk to someone who would give her good advice. Lorena was that person to give her advice.

"How are you?" Lorena cautiously asked. The question made Anzu sit up and rub her eyes, eyes watering already.

"No." She groaned out.

"What's wrong? Are you crying?" After a few, I'm alrights, Lorena took it upon herself to come to Anzu's apartment with ice-cream and potato chips ready for Anzu to tell her what was wrong.

"I'm sure you saw the tabloids. The one with Kaiba and the one with me?" Anzu sat in her living her on her couch wearing a fuzzy red bathrobe.

"Yes. I did. Is that why you're upset?" Lorena sat next to her on the couch and handed Anzu a box of tissues and a bowl of chunky monkey ice-cream.

"At first I was. Then my friends from Japan found out through Kaiba when he saw me in the airport. I don't know if I lost my friends or not. Kaiba took me to his house and told me that him and that woman were nothing. That he was using her for her father's company. When I asked him if he was using me then he said no. But when I asked him why he was with me…" Anzu stopped, her eyes closing shut from the painful memory.

"What did he say?" Lorena whispered.

"Nothing!" She shouted. "Absolutely nothing! Before I asked him about that, he said that we were just physical."

"You're what!" Lorena couldn't help but to scream out, making Anzu feel guilty, dirty. "I didn't mean it like that, but I didn't think anything like that was going on."

"We haven't done anything like that yet. What he meant was that we feel physical attraction towards each other." Anzu hid her face with her hands in shame. "When you like someone it's hard to not like them physically as well."

"Don't worry about it, Anzu! He's an asshole, okay? Just forget about him! Make up with your friends and forget about Kaiba. What he did was wrong. He was using that poor girl and he could be using you. Guys like him aren't any good." Lorena went on to say what every friend would say to their friend who was going through a break up.

"Thanks." Anzu sniffled knowing Lorena was right even though everything she said were kind of cliché.

"My only question to you is, how do you really feel about him?" The question made Anzu tear up more.

"I don't know anymore. He.. He makes me feel good when I'm with him. When it's good, it's good. Then when stuff like this happens, I don't know. We never set boundaries on our relationship." Lorena gave her a look of confusion and Anzu knew that she had to let Lorena know exactly what has been going on. "You don't know what kind of relationship me and Kaiba have, right?"

"No."

"Well then your guess is as good as mine. We were never official. It was just one day, one night, we both felt that physical whatever-you-call-it and gave in to it. I don't even remember who started it. Next thing I knew he would come over after work almost every night and we would sleep together." Before Lorena could open her mouth and yell out, Anzu raised her hands to signal a stop and that she was going to continue. "We never had sex. I can promise you that."

"If you guys did then not only would he get an ass whipping but so would you."

"I know, I know. Me and Kaiba were never official. We have such a confusing relationship that I don't know what to do with it. I can't end it. I don't know why but I can't end it. All I want is him and I'm afraid to push the subject of 'us' that he'll end this." Anzu started crying again and Lorena hugged her, shushing her and rubbing her back. "Sometimes I think he wants a relationship with me. An actual relationship." They let go of each other and Lorena got Anzu a Kleenex.

"What makes you say that?" Lorena asked not believing that Kaiba actually wanted a relationship.

"From the moment I met up with him again he's been nothing but nice. When he took me home when I got drunk he took care of me. He didn't have to but he did. Then after that he started taking me home from work because he was afraid I would get hurt in the middle of night. He got jealous with Mars, he actually got jealous because of Mars."

"Anzu, if he still hurts you and cheats on you when you guys have a sort of relationship, no matter what it's still a relationship, then it's not worth it. A guy could get on his knees every morning and hand you a rose when you wake up but if he's screwing another woman at the end of the night then it's not love and it's not a relationship." Confused by Lorena's last comment, she looked at her with an eyebrow raised. "You get what I mean. If you are not happy then why stay? Why let him hurt you? Why let him cheat on you? Just because you want a relationship doesn't mean he does. It doesn't mean he's ready for it. Why let him destroy your relationship with your friends?"

Anzu was starting to see what Lorena was trying to say. "I'm getting it. Thank you so much." This whole time she forgot. She was so jealous and so afraid that she was losing Kaiba that she forgot that she could not act like a girlfriend. Everything she told Kaiba when she was at his house made her sound like a jealous girlfriend. She had to play it safe, not push him away. Then, is that what she did? Did she push him away? Did he get scared? Did he see that she did indeed want something more with him?

"No problem! You know I'm here whenever you need me. Now, how about you forget about him and go to the club with me? We'll dance, we'll party, and we'll see some new hot guys! Maybe you'll run into that cute guy you were dancing with yesterday?" Lorena hugged Anzu and stood up from the couch ready to drag Anzu out but Anzu declined.

"First of all, he's my teacher. Second of all I only got a couple of hours of sleep and I'm in need of some more. I just need to clear my head." Anzu stood up to show Lorena to the door and Lorena understood. After all that happened to her the one thing Anzu needed was to be by herself. No amount of words were going to be enough to get her out of her sad state.

"Alright. If you need me Anzu, call me. Don't hesitate to do so. I have to go back to Tokyo Princess and finish up setting the place." Lorena hugged Anzu one more time. "Don't worry Anzu. Guys come and go." Anzu nodded and hugged her back. "Oh, and remember. Don't be so blind. Love, lust, whatever it is that you feel for Kaiba, don't let it consume you. If you let it, it'll destroy you. It'll make you blind and let any harm come to you."

"Thank you." Lorena reached the door handle and opened it, facing Anzu. "Have a goodnight." As she backed up, she hit something, more like someone. "Oh!" She yelped and turned around.

"Excuse me." A deep voice said. The same deep voice that made Anzu's heart stop for a nanosecond and made Lorena's eyes bulge out.

"Sorry." The stutter in Lorena's speak highly evident. "I was just leaving but then again.. " Turning around one more time, Lorena looked at Anzu to see if it was alright to leave her alone with Kaiba.

"I'll talk to you later, Lorena." Anzu was no longer facing Kaiba or Lorena but turning around to go back to her couch. When she sat down she gave Lorena a look that said to go on, she'll be fine.

"Alright. If you need anything.. and I mean anything.. Call me." Anzu nodded and Kaiba stepped into her apartment, closing the door behind him.

"Kaiba." Anzu gritted out, her anger and sadness fresh with his sight.

"Still mad I see." He sat down next to get with a heavy sigh. His arm draped on top of the couch and behind Anzu's head. Automatically Anzu stood up and faced him.

"What do you think I'm going to be? Happy?" Walking up to her door, Kaiba already knew what she was going to say.

"I won't leave, Anzu. Not until we talk like adults. Not until we don't talk without our emotions getting in the way." His feet went up on her coffee table like this was his home. Well, after weeks and weeks of sleeping at her home it did seem to her that her place was his second or third home.

"Listen, last time I wanted to talk to you like an 'adult', you resorted to drinking. How do I know that you didn't take a few shots before you came here? How do I know you're not tipsy right now? I need you, Kaiba. Not a fake, just because you drunk you'll tell me anything Kaiba. I need you, " Anzu walked up to him and pointed to his chest. " and only you. I want you to answer my question at your house; why are you with me?" Looking to the side, Kaiba breathed in very heavily. There was no answer from him, just silence but Anzu would wait. She sat next to him, sitting where his face was facing and took his head in her hands. "That's all I want to know. Why?" Both his hand went to her own and took them off of his face.

"What do you want? A nice dinner at a fancy restaurant? Sunday picnics at the park? Me announcing to the world that .." Anzu shook her head and took his hands in hers.

"No. I just want you to answer the question." She softly said.

"The only answer I could give you is I don't know. I'm not sure why I'm with you. That's the only answer I could ever give you. That's the only answer I will continuously tell you if you ask me every day for the rest of my life."

"Do you think you'll hurt me?" Anzu bitterly asked after she took back her hands.

"I know I already did." The answer made her look at him and sadly smile.

"Well, there you go." Anzu laughed out. "Are you at least getting anything out of this? A business arrangement? A feeling of overpowerment? Anything?"

"What are you talking about?" Kaiba asked her.

"Well, you're using that other woman for a company. What are you using me for? Revenge? Power? What?" Her hands were shaking because she was afraid that if he did admit that he was using her then it would answer the question of why was he with her.

"I'm not using you for anything, damn it." Kaiba's feet were now off of her table and on the floor. He looked like he was ready to leave. "The question is why are you with me? I honestly answered your question, now you answer mine."

"You make me feel safe." Was her meek response.

"So you're with me for protection?"

"Not just that." her voice now stronger. She never really told him her feelings for him. It was harder than she thought. Sitting in silence for a moment, she heard him cough.

"Then what?"

"Kaiba I care about you. That's all I'll tell you because I'm not about to spill me heart to you when you won't do the same. I won't do anything to hurt you but then the thing is, I don't know if you'll hurt me or not."

"I thought I did already." He mocked.

"And I don't know if you will again." Anzu felt his hand touch her cheek. She hasn't felt his touch is so long she just closed her eyes and leaned into his palm. She felt her body turn completely towards him and then soon felt his lips on hers. His kisses were always crazy and craving for more. Hers were as crazy as his, as if she couldn't get enough. Their hands got lost in each others hairs, pushing each other closer. As they both started laying on the couch throughout their make out session, Anzu felt the tears in her eyes slip. She was still upset. She knew he didn't want a relationship so she was back in square one. Not only was she in square one but now she had to compete with a blond.

Feeling her tears, Kaiba backed up a little, his kisses slowing down. "Why are you crying?" He asked with the little breath in his lungs he had left. It was time for a breather anyways.

"Are you still going to be seeing that blonde?" Anzu asked underneath him.

"No." He smirked and kissed her the top of her nose. "I decided to just go straight to her father." Smiling, Anzu nodded.

"Good." Kaiba wiped her tears away and kissed her softly which widened her eyes. His kisses continued to be soft and slow. There was no hurry in his kisses. It made her stomach flip and heart feel like it was going to burst. She knew she felt this before.

"Don't do that." (1)

His hands cradled her face, his warm kisses never ceasing. Finally she started to respond, unsure of what he was going to do if she kissed him the same way. Her own hands then slipped to his chest, feeling his heart racing. His heart calling out to her, telling her to stay. Telling her to stick it out with him. Telling her everything would be alright. Every now and then he would move from her lips to her cheeks, her forehead, and to her jaw line but always came back to her lips tenderly.

"Don't do what?"

With one arm wrapped around his neck, she continued the lingering kiss. The kiss that made her explode even more. Kaiba who didn't notice his actions sat up and held her up with him.

"It wasn't the alcohol, I sort of did miss you." He whispered in her hair as he kissed her head. The tears in her eyes came back, but she wiped her eyes before he could take notice.

"Well I could tell you the same but I won't because I'm sure you already know." She responded cheekily. Then a memory struck her.

"Don't look at me like you're in love. Don't kiss me like you're in love. Don't touch me like you're in love."

Kaiba started kissing her the same way. The same yielding, long-winded kiss. The same heartbeat. That same feeling in her telling her to not leave, to stay.

"How does a person in love kiss?"

(1) All from chapter 13

Yeah I was a tad late. But I swear it was not my fault! It is kind of hard updating when you don't have your computer. Sorry about that. This is why I need a laptop. So this is a sort of happy chapter. No, .. it's a hopeful chapter. I hope you guys liked it!

twilight eyes 8120-as always I will give you my thanks! I actually managed to get out another chapter despite what has been happening in my life. Just e-mail me what you have so far. We should both contact each other and try to set up 'beginning', title, prologue and ect. Though I got lots on my plate I will still take time out to do what I love to do; and that's writing so you can count on me. Once again thank you so much for not only the support of this story but for making sure I'm okay. I appreciate so much… and when the hell are you going to update I'd rather dream? Lol..

Taz- Thanks so much. I do feel better. And I'm glad I got you hooked into this story!

dream-fantasy10- I was impressed too, until I slacked off for a week.

yugikid- thanks! I was proud of their argument as well.. Though other people did not appreciate a good fight..

gurlhushere13- I'm honored that you check everyday! Thanks so much!

Gemini Gurl- omg.. Breath damn it, breath! Don't choke! It's fiction! It's like a half hour sitcom when everything is resolved by the end of the show.. In this case it will be resolved in.. umm.. In time..

clutsyangel27- yea! You flamers, listen to clutsyangel! I just hope that when you run from flamers because of this your clutsyness won't kick in.

thefutureMrs.Kaiba- mohaha.. Soon my plan to hook everyone to Dir En Grey will fall into place!

spotzplaya888- I almost thought u said this story sux and was about to go crazy.. But u didn't so I give you my thanks!

Tyri Dragonite- YOU GOT IT!

nausicaa5- omg.. You made me feel so good about my writing! Thank u so much. I love getting reviews like that! Ahh! BIG HUG!

cold sun - angst.. The genre is angst. That's all I will say for now.. angst..

AllisonWalker-please update!

InsaneShadowFan- the only thing that matters now is that you found my story..