9
"Oh, Goody! HE's back!"
Lorelai could hear the sarcasm in Michel's voice. She looked up from the desk to see Luke walking through the front door of the Dragonfly. He didn't look very happy.
"Hi!" Lorelai said brightly as Michel quickly left.
"He did it again!" Luke exclaimed angrily. "My own diner! And the throws me out like yesterday's trash!"
"Well, Luke, you did contract Tom to rebuild it. Maybe you should just let him do the job you're paying him to do, and paying him quite handsomely, I might add."
"But I was just making a few suggestions, that's all."
"Uh huh, just a few suggestions. How soon they forget."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You don't remember how it was when Tom was remodeling the soda shop for Taylor? He HATES suggestions."
"But Taylor's an ass. He doesn't know a hammer from a hammock!"
"And you do."
"Who's side are you on, anyway?"
"I'm on your side. I'm always on your side. I just think you should let Tom do what he's getting paid to do."
"So, I'm just supposed to stay completely away and let him do whatever he wants, however he wants to do it?"
"No, of course not. Go by there, see what's going on, ask your questions, then leave. You two went over those blueprints with a fine-toothed comb. He knows what you want done, let him do it."
"I just feel like I should be there, helping out."
"Well, you can't be working there and here at the same time."
"I guess you're right. And since Tom's being so stubborn about it then I guess I'll do what I can around here."
"Good. Oh, and by the way, I got a call from my insurance guy this morning. And according to him, you can't be doing work without being on the payroll."
"What? Why?"
"Because you need to be covered by Worker's Compensation. Because if you aren't, and you get hurt and sue us . . . Well, you see how ugly that could get."
"I'm not going to sue you!"
"Well, I know that, and you know that, but those guys in Washington who make the laws don't know that, and my insurance guy doesn't know that. So . . . ."
"Come on, Lorelai, this is ridiculous. You're going to listen to some suit, in some office, somewhere, who doesn't even know us?"
"Well, it seems to me that there was this certain owner of a certain cafe, who both shall remain nameless, once got all over me because I was behind the counter. And he was going on and on about the possibility of this phantom sack of flour falling on my head and his insurance not covering THAT."
Luke knew he was beaten.
"Okay. Fine. Put me on the payroll. What do I do?"
"It's easy, Just fill out this W-2 form and that's it."
Lorelai slid the form across the desk to Luke and handed him a pen.
"Do you know when the last time I filled out one of these was?"
"No."
"Never! That's when."
"Never?"
"Never. When I worked for my dad, I never had to fill one out. And when I opened the diner, I never filled one out."
"But what about Caesar? And Lane? Didn't they have to fill them out?"
"Well, yeah, I guess they did. Here. Happy now?"
"Of course. You always make me happy."
Lorelai took the form, looked it over, then filed it away.
"You know you're only getting minimum wage, don't you?"
"Whatever. Are we finished here?"
"Well . . . almost."
Luke was getting impatient.
"Now what?"
"There is one more teensy, weensy, almost invisible little thing."
"What is it?"
"Your time card."
"My WHAT! Lorelai! You're going to make me punch a time card?"
"According to my accountant, you have to."
"Your ACCOUNTANT! What the Hell as he got to do with anything?"
"Hey, don't get mad at ME! You're the one who told me to get one."
"Okay, I'm sorry. So why do I have to punch the damned card?"
"So we'll know if you work over thirty hours a week."
"And why do you have to know that?"
"Because if you go over thirty hours then you're no longer considered as part-time help, and we'll have to pay you for holidays and vacation time, and sign you up for a health plan. And he says we can't afford anymore full-time employees."
"You know, I'm really starting to dislike this accountant of yours. Besides, so what if I do? How much can it cost?"
"Luke, there's something you need to understand. Even though we're doing really good right now, we still have to watch every dollar we spend. You see, I don't have the money to write out thirty thousand dollar personal-loan checks without batting an eye. And I can't write a one hundred thousand dollar check to buy a building because I need to expand my apartment. The money just isn't there!"
"Okay. I get your point. I'll do the time card, and I'll only work thirty hours a week. But rather than giving me a weekly paycheck, why not just deduct it from what you owe me?"
"Well, we might be able to do that. But I'll have to talk to you-know-who to see if we can."
"Whatever. So, give me the card, I'll punch it and go to work."
"Good! So, here's your card, and the first thing that needs to be done is to clean out the stables. It looks like Cletus and Desdemona got into something that didn't agree with them and left evidence of it pretty much all over . . . everywhere."
"Oh, great! Just what I wanted after getting all this crap from you – getting crap from them!"
Lorelai smiled sweetly.
"Then it all works out just fine. And don't forget to wash your hands before you eat lunch."