Chapter 3: Operation Smoochie-Coochie

"Oh dear, this just won't work! Ryoga, can you help me bathe? I just can't seem to find the tub!" Akane exclaimed.

"Oh, don't worry! I'll always be by your side, Akane. Remember that! From now until we die!" Ryoga answered dreamily.

"Oh, that's excellent, Ryoga! Now let's get in the car! Our wedding is today!"

"Then let us go, post-haste!"

"Hmf. You think I'll be swooned that easily!"

"Wha-what do you mean, my smoochie-coochie?"

"I hate you! You're so stupid! Why did you have to be born! I'll kill you! I swear!"

"N-n-no! P-please, Akane! NOO!"

---

"Hmm, next time I think I'll bring some popcorn to the show." Ranma mumbled, standing over sleeping Ryoga. Since no one can find their way around, everyone now sleeps in the living room.

"Rrg, Ranma... leave... me... ALONE!" Ryoga screams.

Akane immediately came to Ryoga's aid. "...R.A.N.M.A... I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! Just get out of my LIFE!" Things were finally getting back to normal... um... unless you count the fact that Akane was screaming at a wall because Ranma was on the other side of the room, and she couldn't find him. "Ugh, I need to go to the bathroom. Ryoga, can you help me get there?"

AHA! The chance at last! AKANE! I will get you to love me!- "Coming Akane!"

---

"So THAT'S where the bathroom was." Akane exclaimed.

"So, ...heh heh... need any help getting to the toilet?"

"Uh, no, I think I can make it."

"Are you sure, Akane?"

"...I SAID... I'll be fine..."

"No, really. Do you need help?"

" I SAID NO, YOU PERVERTED FREAK!" Akane finally snapped, kicking Ryoga through the wall.

---

Maybe there's some missing link. Some reason why Akane doesn't want to let me help her strip her clothing...-

"Ryoga, dear, can you help me to the kitchen? I need to make lunch for everyone!" Kasumi called.

That's it! I've been paying too much attention to her! I need to give Akane the cold shoulder!- "Yes, Kasumi, it's right in here!"

"Ryoga, I need to go to Kuno's house for... a chat..." Nabiki called. ( - Going to sell pictures of 'The Pig-Tailed Girl')

"Right this way, madame." Ryoga blushed.

"Ryoga, can you help me find my room?" ...Akane.

"Hmf." Ryoga said pompously, ignoring Akane's request.

"Ryoga... why are you being so mean to me!" Akane screeched before breaking out in tears.

It's working, it's working!- Ryoga thought before being pounded through the window at 150 miles an hour.

- The Next Month -

"Y'know, I haven't seen Ryoga yet today. I wonder why he's not here..." Akane wondered.

"Hey, over here!" Genma called. "I found this note on Ryoga's bed while I was searching for the back door. It says, 'Gone to the hospital. The internal bleeding became too much. Be back in a few days.'

Akane was the first to react, "Oh, no. We have to get to the hospital. Otherwise, we'll be stuck going no where for the next few days! Let's go!"

- A Few Days Later -

"Ugh... again you guys!" Ryoga complained. "If you're stuck across the street, just ask someone to help you!"

---

"We really need to find a way to fix you guys." -Oh no... but then Operation Smoochie-Coochie would be in shambles! Nothing could be worse than that!- Ryoga thought. "Mmm, I'm hungry. Who wants Okonomiyaki?"

"Ooh, right here." Ranma answered excitedly.

---

"Well, Ryoga, Ranma, Akane, Mr. Saotome, Mr. Tendo, Kasumi, Nabiki, what do you all want on your Okonomiyaki?" Ukyo asked.

Ryoga: "Mmm, I'll have beef."

Ranma: "I think I'll have beef too."

Akane: "I'll be fine if it's plain."

Genma: "Some bamboo would really hit the spot."

Soun:"Same here."

Kasumi: "Oh, I'll just have some fresh vegetables."

Nabiki: "Lots of those for me too."

"Oh, wait. I'm out of vegetables. Let me go to the stock room." Ukyo exclaimed, walking out the front door.

Ranma muttered, "Umm, Ukyo, that's... the wrong door..."

---

"Well, sorry to be a bother to you all." Ukyo apologized. "I still don't quite understand though. Can you repeat what you said happened to me?"

"We told you already. You contracted our stupid virus. Now you get lost as easily as Ryoga used to." Ranma explained.

"Oh, dear. But Ranma-Honey, why did I only get this virus now when Ryoga's been around us for at least a year?"

"Really easy question to answer. When I was reading the medical dictionary, it also said that it takes 40 days for the virus to settle in the person. During that time, any people near the affected person also get infected. I've been like that since I was born, so no one here was affected from me when we all met." Ryoga explained.

"Well, what about the fact that you aren't getting the virus from us right now?" Akane asked.

"Please don't interupt me. As I was going to say, you can only contract the virus once. The only way to treat it is to go to a special place in Japan."

"...Well! Where is it!" Everyone yells.

"It's..."