Author Note: Once again, thanks for the feedback… R/R…
xxxxx
I had no idea that Josh was so heavy.
I mean, he looks like a fairly healthy individual, but I was the one that caught him when he fainted at Donna's news, and let me tell you that my deputy could stand to lose a few pounds.
Sigh
The very last thing that this boy needs is to bury his daughter.
And if he does, I have a sinking suspicion that I'll have to bury Josh.
xxxxx
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm fairly sure that the Deputy Chief of Staff shouldn't be breaking the law. It just seems contradictory to me.
Yet, Josh Lyman did 90 the whole way to the hospital, an average of 35 miles over the speed limit.
If he had gotten caught, not only would I have an insane Josh on my hand, but a very unhappy CJ.
He tore into the emergency room like a man possessed. He had this look in his eyes that gave me the impression that he wasn't fully conscious.
Surprisingly, I wasn't scared.
I was relieved.
I couldn't help him all of those Christmases ago, because I didn't know the signs. Well, now I know the signs and he's got all of them.
So, now, I go to work. Super Donna, at it again.
First order of super hero work; prevent Josh from maiming Stacey.
xxxxx
The man seriously scared the living hell out of me.
If you ever want to know what the wrath of God is, just have Josh Lyman accuse you of killing his daughter. For 15 minutes straight.
Crying wasn't even an option; I was just paralyzed in fear.
Donna had been off trying to find Drea's doctor while Josh was verbally degrading me, or I'm sure she would have stopped it.
Thankfully, CJ came and rescued me.
After I began breathing again, I realized that the tongue-lashing that Josh was receiving was a lot worse than Josh gave me.
Donna told me when I started taking care of Drea that Josh had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and that sometimes he would fly off of the handle and that I just needed to make sure that he took his medication every morning.
So, this is just an episode. No big deal; Josh doesn't even know what he's saying.
Then why can't I stop shaking?
xxxxx
After CJ had been talking to Josh for about 10 minutes, she cast a glance over to Stacey. The girl was shaking.
"Josh," CJ whispered into his ear, "you need to apologize."
He sighed, "Yeah."
And just as he was about to, Drea's doctor appeared at the door.
"Mr. Lyman? Rebecca's stable."
Josh began to cry from relief, and Stacey stopped shaking.
Quickly collecting himself, Josh turned to the doctor. "What was the matter?"
"Rebecca has tested positive for juvenile diabetes. The reason that she passed out was that she simply went into insulin shock. According to your nanny, Rebecca had just finished a glass of apple juice, which explains her sugar level."
Josh nodded, "What does that mean? She's only 2 ½."
The doctor smiled, "If you'll follow me to my office, I can show you the proper care techniques and other assorted information. Ms. Cregg and Ms. Hunter, you should probably come also."
CJ was confused, "Why me?"
"It always helps for everyone who will be in a significant amount of contact with Rebecca to know how to take care of her, until she can do so herself."
CJ nodded and followed the small group out of the waiting room.
'Lis, our daughter has diabetes. What am I going to do?' Josh pleaded with his eternally-silent beloved, 'What are we going to do?'
xxxxx
Josh was back in his sanctuary. Safe in the confines of his office, he finally let his guard down.
He had chosen to surrender that control to Donna, his faithful guard-dog of sorts.
If anyone had been allowed access to Josh, they wouldn't have found a master politician, only a weary man at his wit's end.
He read the directions to Drea's glucose meter for the twelfth time. It's called Freestyle, Josh mused to himself, indicating that it's easy and simple and, well, free of hassle. And yet, the name is terribly misleading.
The doctor at the hospital had informed him that the Freestyle Glucometer was the newest and easiest on the market. The meter itself was fairly self-explanatory, but all the other paraphernalia that went along with it boggled Josh's mind. Test strips, lancets, insulin, syringes, it was all so new and weird to him.
CJ had graciously offered to go the local pharmacy to pick up everything that he would need, leaving Josh to retreat to his office while Stacey kept Drea up in the residence for the remainder of the day. He refused to let his daughter out of the building.
Losing himself to the frustration of his life, Josh buried his head in his hands and sobbed.
Donna let his appointments slip by and informed all callers that Mr. Lyman was out of the office for a moment and could she take a message? As she sat there and listened to his cries, she wished that she could do something. But she knew better than to go in there. There was nothing that she could do. When he got like this, he just needed to cry.
xxxxx
"Josh, are you sure you're ok with it?" Dr. Abigail Bartlet questioned the young man.
"Yes, Mrs. Bartlet, they've been over it with me a thousand times." Josh smiled at the woman as he gathered his daughter to go home. He had sent Stacey home an hour ago and was now ready to go as far away from the White House as possible.
"Do you need to go grocery shopping? We can send someone -"
"Abigail," her husband called from inside the room, "Let the boy take his girl home."
With a smile, Abbey conceded and bid her young patient adieu. Closing the door behind them, she soon found herself lost in her thoughts. I've always convinced myself that Josh needs a wife and that Drea needs a mother, but for all the wrong reasons. Josh will take care of Drea just fine; it's Josh that needs the woman. Josh; the man who is still a boy in so many ways, but yet a man in many more. Such an enigma, he is. Then again, all men are. Shaking her head, she walked off to join her husband. I'm thinking too much.
xxxxx
When he arrived back at his apartment, Josh was shocked to find CJ already there, brewing coffee.
"Hi!" she called at the sound of the opening door.
Guiding Drea into the living room to play with her toys and throwing his backpack onto the couch, he called back, "What are- how did-"
Laughing she cut him off, "I have a key and I'm fixing dinner for you guys."
Shaking his head at the surreal turn his life was taking, Josh wandered into the kitchen. "Why?"
"The pharmacist gave me this list of good foods for Drea to eat and knowing your diet and cooking abilities, I stopped off at the store and then came back here." Noticing the strange expression on his face, she paused. "What?"
He smirked, "You can't cook either."
"No," she corrected, waving a spatula at him, "I said I couldn't make pies and that I wasn't good at feasts. This is not a feast. This, I can handle."
"If it's not a feast, what is it?"
"Bow-tie pasta for Drea and Boston Market for you and me."
"You chicken," Josh teased.
"You know it," she grinned.
xxxxx
"Thanks for going to the pharmacy," Josh said later, after Drea was in bed.
CJ smiled and shrugged, "You're welcome. It was the fourth time today that someone called me Mrs. Lyman."
"That's not a bad thing."
She snorted, "It implies that we're married."
He shrugged and smirked, "That's not a bad thing."
"Would I get to keep Drea?"
"Only if I die."
"But I get to do that now, right?"
"You have to share her with Sam."
CJ waved this fact off and continued, "So that means that there's no reason to change our current situation."
"Nope, none at all."
"So I can hire that hit man in the morning."
"You better jump on it. I hear all the good ones go by 10 am."
Laughing and cracking her knuckles, CJ shook her head.
"Don't do that!" Josh grimaced.
"What?"
"Crack your knuckles. It's gross."
"Sorry, your Highness."
"It's a bad influence on Drea."
CJ raised an eyebrow, "She's two and a half, Joshua. Calm yourself."
"They say that the most impressions are made before the age of 5."
"She's in bed!"
"I'm just saying..."
"That you're a hyperactive, overprotective, freak of nature?"
"Yeah."
CJ grinned and grabbed her purse, "On that note, I'm outta here."
Josh walked her to the door like a good gentleman and then grabbed her hand suddenly. "CJ, when can I be normal?"
CJ was completely confused."What do you mean?" she asked, making her way back into the apartment.
"I mean, will my life ever be normal?"
"I'm still confused, Josh."
Josh took a deep breath and collapsed on the couch. "I would like to know at what point my life becomes normal. When I get to drop the shield that I have been forced to erect to protect myself from these invisible arrows that keep penetrating my sense of normalcy."
I am not going home any time soon, CJ mused to herself as she joined her friend on the couch. "Josh, it's not possible for you to be normal because you're not normal."
Josh wasn't entirely sure if that was a compliment or what, so he stayed quiet and let CJ explain herself.
"Joshua, you aren't normal. You are far beyond average. I don't know about you, but I don't know too many Deputy Chief's of Staff for the President of the United States. I'm not friends with many Fulbright Scholars who hold degrees from two separate Ivy League schools. Josh, as much as I bust on you and as much as you're made fun of for not serving any purpose, you are a genius. A certified genius. That, in itself, sets you apart from the majority of the world!"
Josh smiled in humility at her compliment, but his frown quickly reappeared. "But CJ, that's not what I'm talking about. I don't know too many people who have lost three members of their family; their father, their sister and their wife, all before they reach their mid-life crisis! I don't know too many people who are raising their daughter on their own while aiding the President of the United States with running the country. I would like to know," Josh began pacing throughout his apartment, his voice rising significantly, "how many people have to stab their daughter every morning in order to keep her alive! How many men have to inject insulin into her leg while pricking her finger to check her blood sugar level! CJ! I just can't take it anymore! I want to wake up in the morning with my wife snoring in my ear, trip over my dog on the way down to breakfast, make waffles for myself, only to have one of my two children steal it, then participate in some weird carpool to get the aforementioned kid to school. Then I would like to drive to a normal, easy, stress-free 9-5 job, where no one even considers staying until 11:30 at night and then come in the next morning at 5:30 in order to get the latest polling samples on something that the President did they day before!"
"First of all," CJ replied calmly,"you are too good for a 9-5 job and there are no stress free jobs. You also aren't being asked to take anymore. You're asked to handle what you're given, and you're not asked to handle it alone. I'm here, Sam's here, Leo, Toby, Donna, the First Family, we're all here."
"Yeah, you're here for me when I have an episode," Josh remarked sarcastically.
"Josh, we're here to keep you from having episodes."
Realizing how his remark must have sounded, he hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry, CJ."
She smiled and began rubbing his back, "You're forgiven, mi amor."
A small, sweet voice interrupted them. "Aunt CJ? Is Daddy ok?"
Josh smiled and went to retrieve his awakened daughter. "Yeah, Drea. I'm fine. Aunt CJ was just helping me with some stuff."
"Stuff about me?"
He shook his head and swung her into his arms, "Nope. All about me."
She smiled and contentedly snuggled herself into her father's arms. "Daddy ok?" Drea murmured as she drifted off once again.
"Yeah," Josh smiled at CJ and reached for her hand, "Daddy's ok."