Act I Scene ii
(Enter Paris and Capulet)
Paris- Hello, Zir Capulet!
Capulet- Whadda ya want?
Paris- Well, I suppose zere's no reason to beat around the coffin… I vant to suck Juliet's blood, I mean, take her hand in marriage!
Capulet- (angrily) If you wish to marry her hand you'll have to marry the whole thing!
Paris- (sulks) That's vhat I meant, you old mortal!
Capulet- Well… Ok then! Hmm… (looks at paper in his hand) Where did this come from? (hands it to servant) Here, take this and find the people on the list, might as well invite them to a tea party.
(Servant runs off)
Paris- (slaps Capulet) Come back to the situation at hand! I vant to marry Juliet!
Capulet- Ahh! You broke my hip!
(Enter Benvolio – with trumpet fanfare)
Benvolio- (covered in dirt) I have BAND-AIDS! (holds up glowing band-aid)
Capulet and Paris- Ah! My eyes! (covers eyes)
Benvolio- They're multicolored!
Do you want pink?
fuchsia?
chartreuse?
Or, how about… Puce!
(takes out band-aid)
Capulet- Uh… I must… go tell Juliet about the proposal! (limps away)
Paris- I…I don't have an exxcusssse… (flies off)
Benvolio- Soft! Come back! (runs after Paris with a butterfly net)
(Meanwhile, with the servant)
Servant- Hey! You there with the long face and funny pants, could you read this to me?
Romeo- Fine! (sighs and reads letter out loud)
Servant- (takes back list when Romeo is done) Gee, thanks! Hey, you wanna come to the party?
Benvolio- I don't know if we should…
Servant- There'll be rum!
Romeo and Benvolio- We'll be there!
(Exeunt)