Act I Scene v
Enter Capulet, Lady Capulet, Juliet, Tybalt, Nurse, quests and maskers cue Phantom of the Opera music
Capulet- Welcome to my house (cough) mansion! I hope you enjoy the flowers (they cost a lot of money, fifty ducats per bunch, mind you)
Lady Capulet- (shows up for five minutes, then goes back into house to play nintendo)
Capulet- Where'd my wife go? Oh, well. (calls attention of everyone) Annnd… Introducing my graceful daughter of fourteen years… (Lady Capulet- yells It's thirteen! Nurse- No! Fourteen!) JULIET!
Sarah- My name is not Juliet! It's- (trips over dress)
(Music starts playing and everyone starts to dance, Benvolio, Mercutio and other masked people can be heard yelling, "Where's the rum!")
Romeo- (stares at Rosaline)
First Serving Man- Would you like some tea, sir?
Romeo- (continues staring)
(First Serving Man leaves and comes back with Second Serving Man)
Both Serving Men- Would you like some tea, sir!
Romeo- (drooling)
(Both leave and come back with all the serving men)
All- (yelling) SOME TEA, SIR!
Romeo- (snaps out of daze) Huh? Oh. Sure.
First Serving Man- Finally. Now, would you like some sugar?
Romeo- (leaves to dance)
First Serving Man- Argghhh!
Sarah- Ewwww! I don't want to dan- (whisked off to circle of dancing people)
Random Swishy Lady- Time for da dance of ze bells!
All (Besides Sarah)- Huzzah!
(Someone straps bells onto Sarah)
Sarah- Ah! Not the bells! My leather watch!
Romeo- (nobody goes near him because he is drooling as he stares at Rosaline)
Benvolio- (smacks Romeo) Wake up, you natural!
Romeo- (throws up hands) I'm innocent! I haven't done anything…yet.
Random Swishy Lady- straps bells onto Romeo
Romeo- Ahh! It burns uss! It burns us, precious!
Benvolio- (points and laughs- until Random Swishy Lady puts bells on his out-stretched arm) Darn.
(Everyone is dancing- sounds of bells, laughter, people demanding rum, and screams of agony from Romeo)
Sarah- (forced into circle of swishy dancing people)
Romeo- (forced on the outside of swishy dancing people- gets caught up in dancing and runs into Sarah)
Sarah- (crash) Ooff!
Romeo- You're pretty.
Sarah- Hmph! (takes another look) Hey, you're kinda cute- (trips and falls)
Romeo- (grabs her hand and drags her after him, runs behind pillar- shoving Rosaline out of his way in the process) We'll hide here while I confuse my undying love to you!
Sarah- Help! (Romeo smacks her) Ooh! (Sarah smacks Romeo with lead-filled glove)
Romeo- Mommy!
Sarah- And you were saying?
Romeo- (can't remember anything)
Sarah- (calls) Lassie! Go fetch!
Lassie- (runs off and comes back with a bucket of water)
Sarah- Good girl! (takes water and dumps it on Romeo)
Romeo- (sputter) You single minded girl! looks at Sarah You saved me! How can I ever thank you? kisses ground Sarah walks on
Sarah- Don't! Leave me be and-
Romeo- (kisses Sarah)
Sarah- Ahh! Eww! It's a sin! I have a SIN!
Romeo- Oops. I have to take it back (re-kisses Sarah)
Sarah- (sputters) Must… have… water… (stumbles off)
(Nurse runs in when Sarah runs out)
Meanwhile, back on the farm...
Tybalt- Gahh! That blasted Romeo!
Capulet- So what, he's a good boy. (unaware of where Romeo is)
Tybalt- I'll kill him if it's the last thing I do! (mutters) Stupid Rat.
Capulet- (sigh) Not in my house (cough) mansion. I don't want blood everywhere.
Tybalt- (clenched teeth) Must restrain myself…
Capulet- I might have to put a restraining order on you…
back to party
Sarah- (glug reaches for fourth glass of water)
Nurse- Juliet! (Sarah is too busy to correct her) Your mother craves a word with you!
Romeo- aside So her name is Juliet… to Nurse What is her mother?
Nurse- Why, you knave! It's Lady Capulet!(hurries off with Sarah who grabs yet another glass of water)
Benvolio- Hey, Romeo! Why dost thou look so pale?
Romeo- Ahh! I love mine enemy! (runs off with Benvolio following)
Sarah- Nurse, go ask that he-that-runs tells you his name.
Nurse- (runs off shouting 'Soft!')
Sarah- (cringes)
Nurse- (pant) He is Romeo Montague! The only son of your enemy!
Sarah- Holy cow! How dare he! I'll slap him for one thing the next time I see him!
Exuent