Act III Scene i

Streets of Verona

(Enter Tybalt and pose, Mercutio, Benvolio)

Tybalt- Stop yelling obscene things! You're so stupid.

Mercutio- What does obscene mean?

Benvolio- Obscene: Rude, lewd, crude, portaining to something extremly vulgar.

Mercutio- Oh...then's fight'n words!

Tybalt- Ha! I don't have time to waste on you. I'm going to fight Romeo!

(Enter Romeo singing and dancing)

Tybalt- (draws sword and levels it at Romeo) I challenge thee!

Romeo- I cannot fight you, Tybalt, I LOVE you, though I cannot say why...

Mercutio- (gasp) HE IS GAY! (runs around screaming)

Romeo- (glare)

Tybalt- (pointing to Mercutio) You are loud and obnoxious! For that we must fight!

(They fight)

Romeo- No! Don't fight!

Benvolio- Too late, you should read the prompts ahead of time.

Romeo- Well, I better break it up then. (walks into brawl)

Tybalt- Why dost thou stop us?

Mercutio- Yeah, dog! What's your damage?

Romeo- You shouldn't fight! I love you all! (glows)

Tybalt- (stabs Mercutio under Romeo's arm )Oops.

Romeo- MERCUTIO!

Benvolio- (screams like a girl) My band-aids aren't big enough! (sob)

Mercutio- Tis but a scratch, though, if you look for me tomorrow you will find me a grave man.

Benvolio- (going in panic attack because his band-aids don't work)

Mercutio- Ok, now it hurts. Romeo! You killed me!

Romeo- I tried to STOP it!

Mercutio- I was killed under your arm, Romeo. (sob) (sings) Curse you! Damn you! Wh- (stops) Oh, wrong play, thats Phantom of the Opera...(ahem) A plague on both your houses!

(Crowd of Montague followers drag Mercutio off with Mercutio yelling "a plague on both your houses". Three seconds later they come back)

Crowd follower #1- Mercutio is dead.

All- (gasp)

Crowd follower #2- Yeah! Now we get to throw him in a tomb!

Romeo- Huzza, oh wait...I will kill Tybalt for what he did to Mercutio (anger)

Tybalt- (edging away) Well, I better be going now...

Romeo- (eyes glowing red and mouth frothing)

(Tybalt dashes off with Romeo and his heels)

Romeo- COME BACK AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN YOU CUR!

Tybalt- (pant) Argh! Where are my faithful followers when I need them?

(Cut scene to Montague and Capulet followers cheering, eating popcorn, and watching the Super Bowl)

Tybalt- (trips) Noo! (draws sword and hits head on rock)

(Enter followers)

Followers- (look at Tybalt) He's DEAD!

Romeo- Where'd you come from?

Followers- The Chargers beat the Lakers, so we came back...but that's beside the point. You killed Tybalt!

Romeo- I only drew my sword. I didn't even touch him!

Tybalt- (regains consciousness) I'm not dead!

Romeo-( hits Tybalt over head as he sheaths sword and knocks him back unconscious)

Benvolio- (frown) Romeo, there ain't a band-aid big enough in the world to fix this. You better run.

Romeo- But I didn't DO any-

(Enter Prince admist off-key trumpet fanfare; Romeo flees)

Prince- (gasp and hat falls over eye, hurridly replaces it) Ah do say! Who killed mah cousin?

(crowd yells all at once- "Romeo" "Tybalt" "A bird" "A plane"...)

Benvolio- I saw it all, Sir! Tybalt came to fight Romeo, but Romeo confessed his love and Tybalt slew Mercutio. Romeo got mad and he slew Tybalt!( waving arms about and pointing at random people) And then, you came along!

Crowd member #1- That makes no sense...

Crowd member #2- It doesn't matter! He's lying!

Prince- (is the only one who understands Benvolio) Romeo must be killed then...

At once-
Crowd member #1- Yeah!

Crowd member #2- Nooooo!

Prince- Allllllrightly then! Romeo is banished! Ye'all go home now, ye hear?

(exuent crowd darkly muttering)