Part Ten

Silent Tears

It's strange how your world can be turned upside down in a matter of minutes, Adam thought. But that should not and really did not surprise him, he had been through that more times then he cared to count.

Wandering the hallways, Adam did not know what to do. He did not want to go to the dorms. He still could not believe Hans was dead. He guessed he was still in shock over the whole thing.

Skipping practice was not the smartest move, but he did not think, no he knew, he would not be able to play. Plus at moment he could not really give a damn.

Since his near suicide, Scooter and Zack tried to keep a close eye on him. But he was never going do that again. Nothing had changed, in fact things had gotten worse.

If he really wanted to take his own life, he would do it and no one could stop him. It was not that he did not have anything worth living for. Well, he did not. Not with his friends feeling the way they did about him.

But Adam had tried to take those pills. He forced down two, but after that, he could not do it. Was it just a reaction his body was fighting against him to stay alive? At any rate, he could not go through with it. He was not going to try that again.

Trying to keep his mind off from what happened a few days ago, his thoughts turned to Varsity. Ever since the showdown, Varsity had not ganged up on him as much. The fight he and Charlie started proved he was one of them. That did not make him feel better. It made him feel worse.

Now with Hans' death was just another blow. But Adam knew better than to think about killing himself would accomplish anything from his problems. He would just have to try to deal with this just like he had when life threw a curve ball.

"There you are, Banksie." It was Riley's voice.

"What do you want, Riley?" Adam tried to keep his voice civil. He did not succeed.

Rick grabbed Adam and slammed him against the nearest lockers. "Don't take that tone with me, freshman." His voice was deadly cold.

Adam grimaced when he felt someone's lock digging in the small of his back.

"So, why weren't you in practice?" Rick asked conventionally.

"Nothing that concerns you." His voice as quiet as usual, but he spoke loud enough that Rick heard.

Narrowing his eyes, Rick's hold on him tightened. "But it does concern me, Banksie. Where did you go with your little Duck friends?"

How Rick had found out about when the Ducks and he learned about Hans, Adam was not sure. He would not doubt Rick had ways of finding things out. But Adam was not about to tell Rick that he and JV, minus Charlie, had got called into the office to find out about Hans' death.

Charlie and Fulton had not been in school yesterday. But Fulton had been there and back in classes today. There was no sign of Charlie having been in school. Adam was sure Casey Conway had no idea where Charlie was. With Hans' death and her son's disappearance, Casey was undoubtedly beside herself with frustration.

Rick was getting impatient with Adam's silence. Slamming Adam against the lockers, Rick demanded an answer. "Where did you go?"

Something in Adam just snapped. Whether it was adrenaline or anger taking over, he did not know. With strength he did not know he had, he pushed Riley away from him. The shove caught Rick off guard, causing him to stumble backwards a few steps.

That was plenty of room for Adam to make a run for it. He heard Rick yell after him, but did not hear the senior chasing him.

Running out of the school and into the afternoon sunlight, Adam just ran. He did not hear if anyone said anything to him, or if they called out to him.

Adam did not know were he was heading until he recognized the back of Han and Jan's shop. It was closed now. No one was running the store.

Out of breath from his run, Adam fell to his knees breathing hard. He felt tears gathering in his eyes; not for the first time that day did he feel them. Now that he was alone and no one could hear him, he cried.

How long he stayed there weeping from the death of a dear friend and mentor he did not know, nor did he care.

It was Tuesday and Scooter headed over to the freshmen dorms, he wondered how Adam was doing.

He had not known what to expect on Sunday when he had shown up at Adam's dorm. But it was apparent to the goalie, Adam did not know that he was the one who gave Orion his Ducks' jersey. Also, he guessed that Zack was taking the rap for what he had done, the tension in the room was so thick, he could have used a sharp knife to cut through it.

Even with the tension in the room, Scooter sat down with the two fourteen-year-olds to see if Adam would talk about what happened yesterday. Adam did open up to a degree, mentioning problems that Scooter already knew that were the cause of the attempted suicide. Scooter knew that Adam was not going to open up completely, but maybe between Zack and himself, they could help Adam get through this. Adam assured them he was not going to try to take his own life again, and what he had tried to do was stupid and childish. That did not stop Scooter and Zack from keeping a close eye on Adam, even though he was sincere in what he had said.

He had not seen the fourteen-year-old since Sunday. Monday they had not had practice, so he had expected to see him in today's practice. But Adam had not shown up. Now Scooter was concerned about the freshman.

Consumed with his worry about his friend, he nearly missed the lone figure by the trees. The person was definitely a girl and she was sitting in the grass with her head down.

As Scooter got closer, the girl was none other then Julie Gaffney. He found himself heading in her direction. Julie would not want him around, but Scooter figured that he would at least try comforting her any way he could.

Once he was within a few feet from her, Scooter said, "Hey."

Julie's head jerked up in his direction. Her face was red and the evidence of tears on her cheeks were there.

"Are you going to try to flirt with me again? Because I'm not in the mood." She stood up to leave.

"Really? You weren't in the mood last time either." Scooter kept his voice dry. "But I just wanted to see if you wanted to talk. You seem upset."

"Gosh, what gave you that idea?" Julie was not making this easy. But unfortunately for her, Scooter was up for a challenge.

"You know, your name suits you. Julie. 'The Cat'. You're just as feline as a cat is. Elegant like a cat yes, but you're stealthy too."

Expecting to hear some type of smart comeback from her, Scooter was stunned to see her face lose the angry look completely. Putting her head in her hands, Julie started to cry.

Hating to see the girl he cared for in tears, Scooter closed the distance between them and let Julie cry in his arms. It was not the romantic moment he had hoped for. He was not going to take advantage of Julie in her vulnerable state.

After a few moments she stepped out of his arms. Julie stared at him for some time before speaking. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Julie looked slightly embarrassed. "For what I did to your shirt." She pointed toward the tear stained spot in question.

Scooter shrugged like it was not a big deal, which to him it was not. "Want to talk?" he softly probed.

Julie was not sure Scooter would really understand what was going on. But the rest team was dealing with their grief over Hans in their own way. She did not want any of them to feel worse. But it was hard. Granted some of the Ducks had known Hans longer, but Julie had never had someone close to her die.

Looking at Scooter again, she saw that his face was open and ready to listen if she wanted to talk.

"We, I mean the Ducks, had a dear old friend pass away last night. Hans started the team." Just talking about it caused to Julie to feel tears on her eyelashes again. She lowered her head again.

Taking her hand into his, Scooter gave it a gentle squeeze, but held it a moment longer than necessary before letting it go. "You know," he waited until she was looking at him, "my grandfather died when I was thirteen. He was busy a lot, but Gramps always made time for me. To go places, play hockey, or just to talk."

There was sadness in Scooter's voice just for remembering a man who was like a second father to him. Julie saw that he did understand. "Thanks, Scooter." She said softly looking at him.

Scooter heard footsteps coming up from behind. Turning his head he saw Rick steadily approaching them. His roommate was the last person he wanted to see. Rick probably wondered what in the world had happened to him the past few days. But it was none of Rick's damn business where Scooter had been.

"Have you seen Banksie?" Though Rick directed this question to both of them, Julie felt his gaze on her.

"No." Scooter said his voice irritated. "You better not go looking for him, Rick."

Rick looked at his roommate with some surprise. "Why not?" his voice turning defensive.

"Because he and the rest of my friends lost someone close to us."

Neither Rick nor Scooter expected Julie to get involved in this.

Giving Julie a fleeting glance, Rick looked at his roommate. "If you find him, tell him I would like to talk to him."

Scooter gave Rick a nod. Seeing it, Rick left.

Scooter only nodded out of acknowledgment, he was not going to have Adam face the lion's den. He also knew that once he got back to the dorm his roommate was going to give him the third degree. But that did not concern him, right now, he need to find Varsity's third line center.

Turning back to Julie, Scooter said, "I've got to go. If you need to talk, just look for me, ok?"

Julie felt that there were things going on with Adam and Varsity. Things she did not understand, that there was more going on than what there seemed. However all she said was, "Alright."

Giving Julie a quick smile, Scooter left to look for Adam. He felt more then saw her eyes watching him as he walked away.

Watching Charlie walk away, Adam did not know what to do. Part of him wanted to go after his one-time friend. But Charlie would not welcome his company. Even if he did, what could Adam possibly say?

Adam now knew all about Charlie and Fulton leaving the team. And he already knew about them skipping school. He had overheard JV talking about them leaving the team. He did not think they had wanted him to hear that but he did.

Fulton had come back to school and the team, only after skipping a day. Charlie on the other hand, Adam had not seen until today. Was Charlie just not going back to school anymore?

Turning back he saw Coach Bombay hug Julie. Looking toward the casket that held Hans' body, Adam did not realize until than that he could feel any worse at that moment; even when he wanted to take his own life just days prior. Zack was still watching him like a hawk. He sighed. Bad pun.

"Every time you touch the ice, remember it was Hans that taught us to fly." The statement Coach Bombay said moments ago went through his mind. How true these words were! Adam remembered visiting Hans' shop a few times when he had just started the Ducks. Hans had been kind to him from the start. It had not mattered to him that Adam had been a Hawk. No, many times Hans had said that he was Duck and not because Adam was in the district lines. Adam tried swallowing around the huge lump that was in his throat. Lowering his head, he closed his eyes to keep the tears at bay.

"Adam?"

Blinking quickly and looking up he saw Coach Bombay standing next to him. Everyone else was walking toward their families cars.

"Are you alright?"

Lowering his eyes to ground again, Adam did not respond. No I am not. But you don't have worry about that, Coach. Even though all of this is your fault.

"Adam, look at me."

Automatically he looked up at the concerned eyes of his former coach.

He was not going to let Bombay see him cry. Once was bad enough, when he had been twelve. He was not going to do it again. Turning away, he quickly walked some ways off, which gave him some time to get himself under control.

Once Adam felt he had power over his emotions, he walked toward Scooter's Camero Z28. The goalie had heard from Julie about Hans' death. How he and Julie ended up talking, Scooter never told him. But since he knew, Scooter offered to drive Adam to the funeral home for the viewing and the funeral today.

Scooter told Adam he had been the one to give Orion his Duck jersey. Adam had been, and still was, upset with what Scooter had done. He wondered if Scooter's kindness with Hans' death was his way of trying to apologize. But it was too late for that.

He did not get far; Fulton stepped in front of him. "We're going to have a game of schoolyard puck tomorrow at the old court, wanna come?"

With surprise showing on Adam's face, it caused Fulton to shift from one foot to other uncomfortably. "Look, the others are cool with it. If you don't wanna come cause of the way we've been treating you, that's your choice."

"I'll think about it." But what Adam really wanted to know was what Charlie thought of it, assuming Charlie would be there. If Charlie was not going to be happy that he was there, then the rest of the team would follow his lead. Adam did not know if he could take being rejected by his friends again.