Authors Note- An odd sudden burst of inspiration something I haven't gotten in a while. Don't mind the spelling/grammar I don't have spell check on this comp. And can't get downstairs to check it. The song is Chris Cagles Are you ever gonna love me? Hope you like.
Tell me what else can I do
Tell me what else can I say
The closer that I get to you
The further you push me away
Til I don't know where to go
And I don't know why I stay
Do you even care
Or am I some little game you play
He stands alone. Alone in the rain. No man's dream, no man's wishes. Especially when he had just poured his heart out to the woman he loved, the woman he thought loved him. He must have thought wrong, because her anger, her response in there proved differently. He stares at the shaded window, rivets of water tumbling to an untimely death. Kind of like his heart did.
He pleaded with her, begged her in the past to love him. This time he did none of that, he put his heart on his sleeve and told her she had a choice. She could tell him the truth, tell him where exactly they stand or he could walk out that door. Her door. What he had come to know as their door. Their home. At least it seemed that way over the past few months.
He walked out that door.
He left her staring after him, for a moment he thought he saw a tear in the corner of her eye. When he turned back it was gone. Or maybe it was never there, he isn't sure. But now he's sure that he is out of her life. She is out of his. The drawn blind just reinforces that in his mind.
Are you ever gonna need me baby
Like I need you
Are you ever gonna want me baby
The way I want you too
I know that you love me
Oh baby down deep inside i know that you do
But are you ever gonna love me
The way that i love you
I never know how you feel
Cause baby i can't read your mind
Do i just keep waiting, or am i just wasting time
He feels himself moving, he never even realised he had started the slow decent away from her apartment. Away from her life. Her words ring in his ears resounding in the rainy night, clapping with the thunder. Damn her wishes he could wash them away.
"John-"
"No Abby, just no. I need to know. I-I- I can't do this anymore if your hearts not in it."
"You know where my heart-"
"NO!" It bursted out of him like a newly lit match in the dead of the night. "No," his voice softens. "I don't." He takes a deep breath before continuing. "I don't know where you stand. I don't know how you feel-"
She shakes her head at him running her fingers through her hair. "I can't do this right now. My brother is-"
"No Abby. I don't care about your brother, or you mother or that guy down the damn street. Right now all I care about is you. And me. You and me. I need to know this, or I'm gonna walk out that door. Out of your life."
She stares at him for a second, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth. Her eyes plead with him, he's not sure what they are saying but he's sure they are trying to tell him something. She shrugs, "Do-" her voice cracks before she stands up straight unhooking her foot from behind her heel and starts over.
"Do what you think you have to do."
His mind screams at her to take that back, tells him to take her in his arms. His heart breaks in two, as his soul leads him out the door. It shuts behind him and he can hear a soft thud against it.
He sighs. This was one relationship he should never have gotten into, should have known how it would end. But he couldn't stop his heart from jumping in head first. He can only curse it now.
Are you ever gonna need me baby
Like I need you
Are you ever gonna want me baby
The way I want you to
I know that you love me
Oh baby down deep i know that you do
But are you ever gonna love me baby
Are you ever gonna love me baby
The way I love you
He walks up the stairs to the L, waiting for the train to pull into the station he tries to find some way to get rid of all the pain. Hide it in the deepest corner of his life. He hasn't been this miserable since- Bobby. Since the day Bobby died. These are two different types of pain... but god does this ever hurt.
His fingers run through his hair, as he stands in the rain. He could go under the shelter. A smart man would. A smart man never would have gotten into this relationship. He has proven to be anything but a smart man.
Anything but.
He let her tramp on his heart. He practically invited her too. So why is he so mad at her then, so- so enraged.
"John." He turns so hard he thinks he might have pulled something. But he recovers quickly. Straing at her rain soaked hair and a wet smile. A soarful one, but a smile.
He doesn't have the strength to smile back.
She holds out her hand for him. Taking a deep shaking breath she speaks. "You- you forgot this." He looks at the glimmering piece of metal in the palm of her hand, as his finger instinctively go to his pocket. He thumbs through the fabric his set of keys. As his eyes take in the sharp edges that she holds in front of him. He reaches out taking the object into his hand, as his calloused fingers run against her soft skin. She smiles weakly back.
He places the key in his pocket. His key. Taking her hand and leading her back to their door.
Cause baby i can't read your mind
Do i just keep waiting, or am i just wasting time
Are you ever gonna need me baby