Harry Potter and the Teenage Angst

Chapter 5: Lesser Spotted Romneys

Thump "Ouch." Thump "Ouch." Thump "Ouch." Thump "DAMN HORMONES!!! DAMN PUBERTY!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

A few Slytherins looked up and tried to ignore the occasional expostulation or curse coming from the dormitories. Looking down once more at their homework they busily put quill to parchment. Thump "Ouch." One of the Slytherin girls looked up and sighed heavily "Can't someone do something about it?" she complained, jerking her head in the general direction of the sounds. The male section of the Slytherin's in the common room was shaken out of their reverie, which mainly centered on a certain Gryffindor brunette. The females shook their heads tiredly.

Meanwhile, outside Draco Malfoy was banging his head against a wall. Crabbe and Goyle hovered around him emitting small concerned grunts from time to time. "Oh my god…" breathed Draco and leant against the wall. His head pounding after half an hour's worth of hitting his head. And banging ones head against a particularly hard wall never does ones constitution any good. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, Draco was too depressed to actually care. Crabbe laid a comforting hand on the pale-haired Slytherins shoulder " Mudblood." He said understandingly. Goyle piped in with "Crush."

"For Gods sake! Talk properly!!!" shouted Draco. The two, only having as much brain activity between them as long dead grain of rice, they found more than a monosyllabic phrase taxing but at times could come up with surprisingly long sentences for them. Sometimes.

Draco growled at his posse "Aaah you don't understand! She's asked me to meet her on Saturday in Hogsmeade! And if my father found out…" Draco bit his lip. "He might….de-man me…" he whimpered. "BUT…" a crafty expression came over his face. "But…" he subsided into a sly silence.

Crabbe and Goyle exchanged confused looks "But what?" Goyle asked finally. Malfoy didn't reply. He tapped his fingers together with an altogether evil look on his face. Before collapsing through concussion.

~*~

Ginny giggled and picked out an outfit out of Hermione's wardrobe. "What is this?" she held up a thick woolen sweater with small cats prancing around on it. Hermione turned a deep crimson "I like it!" she said defensively. Ginny grinned, "Well, its goodbye to that then!" she carelessly threw it on the floor. Hermione sprang down to rescue it and smoothed out the wrinkles. Ginny watched her "You cannot wear that, rat boy won't like it." Hermione sighed "I can't believe what I'm reduced to." Sitting down on the bed. Ginny sat down by her "You're not reduced to anything! Come on, think. REVENGE ON DRACO MALFOY!!!" she said in a cheery voice. Hermione lay down "The date is in two hours time, I don't have anything to wear…" she groaned. "Oh yeah…" Ginny replied "You can borrow some!" she added brightly.

Hermione gave a wavering smile.

Later Parvarti had kindly leant Hermione a skirt and a top. "Isn't that lucky?" prompted Ginny to Hermione. The brunette sighed and summoned a smile "Yeah s'pose." Ginny looked sympathetic, "You know, Hermione," she started quietly "You don't have to do this…" For a moment Hermione was tempted, just going back to her normal life would be nice. But then suddenly images flashed through her mind. Malfoy calling her 'mudblood', Malfoy rejoicing at the opening of the Chamber of Secrets, Malfoy flicking peas at her, Malfoy insulting her, Malfoy slaughtering innocent rabbits- the flow of images paused. *Don't think he did that…oh well* thought Hermione. Malfoy cheating at Quidditch, Malfoy supporting Voldemort, being Umbridge's agent, Malfoy being Malfoy. Hermione stood up with a grim look on her face "Rat boys going to pay…" she said fiercely. Ginny grinned "That's the spirit! Now, we need to do your make-up!" Hermione sat down obediently "Beautify me woman!" she cried dramatically. They both laughed.

Fifteen minutes- and a thoroughly bored Hermione- later, the two girls went down the dormitory staircase to the common room. Ron who had been seemingly wrestling with his homework looked up, looking like a mummy. Immediately his ears started to burn and were dangerously close to spontaneous combustion. Harry had been messing with the fire and getting to know his pyromaniac side. He stood up smoking slightly. On catching sight of Hermione he smirked evilly, as if saying ' knock 'em dead!'. Or rather 'knock 'im dead' as it was only Draco they wanted to humiliate. Or if you were to be very precise it would be 'knock him dead', which would be using proper English. If you were to a perfectionist it would be 'you are well on the way to breaking Draco's black and nefarious heart'. But as nobody in the room was a) precise (apart from maybe Hermione, but she was too preoccupied to care) b) a perfectionist, they settled for 'knock 'em dead'.

Ron was looking in severe pain, as his ears were nearing the white-hot stage. Harry realised and with a start ran over to his unfortunate friend and dropped the nearest available liquid on him…

~Later~

Parvarti walked in chatting good-naturedly with Lavender "…you know, that perfume was what my uncle gave me just before his expedition to Tibet. It's the only thing I have to remember him by, until he comes back –sniff-, I miss him so much…But as long as I have the perfume I feel fine! Its like a sort of…link! Wait….." A deadly silence followed. Then a small whimper emerged from Pavarti "I left it right here…"

~Back~

The group went down stairs giggling hysterically like they had obtained a canister of laughing gas and simultaneously been tickled, excluding Ron. Who smelt like the wonderful fragrance of…Eu de Fleur. Occasionally growling ominously, he cast evil looks at each of the group in turn. Ginny stopped suddenly "HERMIONE!" They others stopped, startled. "What?" asked Hermione in confusion "Stop laughing so much, it'll ruin your make-up if your cry all over it…" commented Ginny casually as she went ahead of them down the stairs. "Aren't I beautiful enough without the mask?" muttered Hermione darkly. "I heard that!" floated up the stairs. "That's some good hearing!" said Ron, looking impressed. "Now, will someone get rid of this stench?"

~*~

Draco was standing nervously in the front hall, he was wearing jeans and a shirt and a pale- paler face that normal. He raked a hand through his hair tensely. "Why?" he asked himself silently. His common sense, which had previously been trampled by the viscous hordes of hormones passing by, had weakly emerged once more and was making a brave attempt to fight back against the hormones. The battle was doomed from the start, and the war, his common sense hadn't even bothered.

"Draco?" a musical voice questioned uncertainly. He turned round to see the stairs and a pair of shoes. His eyes traveled slowly up to her face and romantic violin music appeared from nowhere. Draco moved forward as if in a dream. Until…

"Hey! Watch where you're going buddy! Sheesh…" an annoyed violin player, "If people keep walkin' around like morons I'll never get this romantic piece done…" the violin player's complaints grew fainter as he walked away. Hermione bit back a laugh "Are you okay?" she asked with concern. Hermione had always prided herself on her acting skills. Draco nodded shakily "Yes." He croaked then cleared his throat. "Let's go then, shall we?" he held out an arm towards her. She smiled graciously "Of course." *This is too easy…* thought Draco deviously. *This is too easy…* thought Hermione deviously. *What is the meaning of life? * Thought a random person down the hall.

They engaged in a light discourse en route to Hogsmeade. The day was a beautiful one. The sky was blue and the sun shone cheerfully. The plankton flew overhead, singing and occasionally landing in the trees.

Hermione tittered politely at a joke made by Malfoy *I wish he would look at my face sometimes…* she thought sourly. Draco, on the other hand, was congratulating himself *The Malfoy charm works once again. Bingo!* he thought triumphantly. Hermione looked at the scenery "We're nearly there." She said to Draco. He nodded, "Want to go to The Three Broomsticks first or visit some shops?" Hermione deliberated for a moment "I need a new quill…mind if we shop around a bit first?" Draco shot her a roguish look "Of course!"

Hermione smiled at him and looked away "Is that someone on the ground?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. As they approached the person scrambled up. They eyed Draco distastefully then beamed at Hermione "Hello!" she greeted her. "Hi Luna!" the brunette said happily. Luna looked at Draco "Er…hello." She said to him uncertainly as he was holding Hermione's arm. Draco looked down his nose at her, without acknowledging her presence he hissed to Hermione "Carry on walking!" As he was holding her arm she had very little choice but to follow "I'll be there in a moment Ma-Draco." She said charmingly and tugged her arm gently out of his grip. He let go grudgingly and carried on walking. She turned back to Luna "Sorry about that. I-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Hermione whirled round just in time to see Draco disappearing down a manhole (or to be politically correct, a person hole). She looked at Luna with panic "What happened?!" she yelled. Luna looked slightly guilty "Well, I, er was looking for Lesser spotted Romney and, erm I heard they lived under manholes….So I decided to take a look…" she trailed off. "Sorry." She added hopefully. Hermione shook her head and walked over to the hole in the ground *I wonder why he didn't see it…* she thought frowning. One word, hormones.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!" screamed Draco. Hermione knelt by the hole "Its okay! Nothing bad is down there! There's only darkness, mould, excrement and…." She trailed off "Yeah…" Luna came over and shouted "Watch out for the Lesser Spotted Romneys! THEY BITE!" A terrified whisper reached the two girls "….What?"

"Nothing!"

"No really- wait, something just touched my leg…"

A silence fell. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Time seemed to slow as Draco Malfoy did a record-breaking leap that would have made any salmon proud. He landed breathless out of the manhole. Hermione rushed to his side "Are you alright?" she asked worriedly. He pointed to some small bite marks on his ankle. Luna gazed in fascination then punched the air and whooped "Proof! Yeah!" she cried joyfully.

"It think it may have been a rat…" mused Hermione examining the 'wounds'. Draco winced "Rats? Don't they like…have the plague?" He questioned fearfully. "It was the fleas actually." Corrected Hermione automatically. "We'd better get you back to Hogwarts…" she said decisively. "I think we should postpone the Hogsmeade visit until tomorrow…" said Malfoy trying to get up and appear in some way in charge. "What –beep- -beeping- son of –beep- left the –beeping- man hole –beeping- open?" he asked furiously. Hermione and Luna exchanged a conspiratorial look over Draco' shoulder. "Let's concentrate on getting you back right now…" Draco nodded and pushed some of his pale hair out of his face.

They began the journey back Hogwarts in silence. Luna stayed behind to put the manhole lid back. Draco limped beside Hermione and stole a look at her *Damn, that was bad…* he groaned inwardly. Hermione looked at him and fluttered her eyelashes "Same time tomorrow?" she said sweetly. Draco looked at her in disbelief *Wow, the old Malfoy charm worked better than I thought! * he thought smugly.

They reached the Entrance Hall. Stopping Hermione spoke "I enjoyed speaking to you today." She said shyly and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. She walked away slowly up the stairs. Draco watched her go. The hormones made all pain vanish. He smirked and walked towards the Slytherin dorms. Everything was going to plan.

~*~

Well, its here, finally… I hope you enjoyed it and if you have please review. If you hated it and wished you'd never set eyes on it, review and just lie. Thank you. And have a nice day. This here chapter was written under the heavy influence of Mint Imperials.

Sheep the adventurer & Algiers (a muse)