Disclaimer: let me see, I'm not out of school, I'm not married, I don't have kids and I'm not phenomenally rich. Yeah, I'm reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaally J K Rowling. Can I just get on with the story now?
Authors Note: I apologise if this is delayed, I now have an (even better) social life.
'Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeww!' Hermione squealed once back in the Gryffindor common room. She dashed to the bathroom and brushed her teeth, rinsing round her mouth twice with extra strong mouthwash and wiping her lips on the back of her hand. She then stared with disgust at her hand and promptly washed it with soap in hot water. Once she was satisfied she was clean, she went back to the common room and sank into a soft armchair next to the fire. Harry and Ron were playing wizard's chess and Ginny was curled up reading the new book by Galexia Newhawk. Harry noticed Hermione and sat back from the game, raising a questioning eyebrow. Ron looked round, and Ginny glanced up reluctantly from her book. The second she saw Hermione her book was thrown aside, unfortunately straight into the fire, and she moved closer, her eyes glowing with curiosity as she asked 'well, how did it go? Tell us everything!' Hermione smiled as she saw her friends lean in, listening intently.
She told them of all that had happened. They listened to her story, laughing inwardly at the trick they were playing, and how perfectly it was going, and laughing outwardly about Luna and the person-hole. They didn't even notice the yells of 'ohmigod, the fire, it's glowing green. Oh, which idiot threw a magical book in there? Wait a minute, that's that new one by Galexia thingammy-whatsit, quick, get it out GET IT OUT!' Even the rush of pupils to the fireplace to retrieve the smouldering story didn't distract them, that is until one smart student decided to flick the book out the fire, straight into the lap of Ron. He yelled, jumped up and did a strange war dance around the chairs where they were sitting, trying to cool the unfortunate area in which the book had landed. When he saw Harry reach for another random liquid lying around, his eyes widened, he whimpered and sat down hurriedly, as far away from Harry as possible, insisting he was absolutely fine.
Hermione looked on with interest, a slight smile on her face, watching Ron slightly more closely than a friend really should. He glanced across at her, with the clothes around that area still smoking as he had refused any extinguishing from Harry, and smiled. She returned this then looked away, before either a blush or giggle could escape from her, and continued laughing and planning more evil schemes, ignoring the small random whimperings from Ron.
They decided that the next day would have to be much better than the one just gone, if they were going to seek the perfect revenge, after all they couldn't have Draco falling down person-holes everyday, it cut short the 'date'. Eventually it was determined that she and Draco would meet in the Great Hall, walk down to Hogsmeade then go back to the lake to sit and talk before going to dinner. They owled Draco accordingly then retired to bed, at the respectable hour of two in the morning. Ron was laughing evilly as he walked up to the boys' dormitory, before choking on the Liquorice wand he was eating. Harry patted him on the back and rolled his eyes at Ginny and Hermione, then guided Ron up the stairs and out of sight. They smiled and walked up to bed, discussing girl-y things such as clothes and make-up and how hopeless some boys are etc…..Ginny said 'get a good night's sleep, you need to be beautiful tomorrow, and being tired and having bags under your eyes isn't exactly fashionable.'
'Thanks for that, oh wise one,' replied Hermione, 'may I ask what I should wear? I was thinking something that I could sleep in now so it's all creased and wrinkled. What do you think?' Ginny made a 'hmmmmm' sound and narrowed her eyes before saying goodnight and departing to her dorm. Hermione entered her own and collapsed onto her bed. She muttered an incantation to change her clothes (being good at magic comes in handy if you're too tired or lazy to do something) and lay back, thinking what had she got herself into. She was dreading tomorrow, but she knew what she had to do. She drifted off, dreaming that Draco had post-traumatic first 'date' syndrome and she wouldn't have to do what they had planned. In the next bed, Parvarti dreamed of Professor Snape suffering from amnesia and forgetting to wear male clothes….
The next morning Hermione woke to the sound of 'Wake up, it's a beautiful morning, perfect for getting revenge' being sung by Ginny, who was jogging up and down the dormitory (A/N my teacher once did something very similar whilst on a school trip overnight. It's disturbing.) Anyway, Hermione opened her eyes a crack to focus on her magical time-keeping piece (in other words a clock) and saw to her horror it was just gone half 7. She had overslept, something which was very unlike her, she usually woke at quarter to 7 to get in some light reading before everyone else was up and causing distractions. Not that she thought of Ron (and Harry) as distractions, but she had to be sociable when they were around, she couldn't very well ignore Ron (and Harry) so she couldn't read as much. She re-thought over what she had just thought, confused herself further and fell back onto her pillow groaning. Ginny danced over and yanked the covers of Hermione's bed. Hermione squealed and curled into a ball, giving an evil look at Ginny. Well, actually an evil look at the washbasin, because Ginny had moved and Hermione couldn't see where she was looking as her eyes were screwed up.
'Come on lazy, we need to make you look amazing for today, we can't have a fiasco like yesterday!' chirped Ginny, 'and what has the washbasin ever done to you?'
Hermione opened her eyes to see what she was talking about, and saw the innocent article directly in her line of view, whilst the offending individual was standing on her other side looking slightly puzzled but none-the-less cheerful, with a cheesy grin spread across her face.
They finished beautifying surprisingly quickly, and went into the common room to meet the boys. They were already there, with Ron struggling with a potions essay and Harry predicting his slow and painful death next Tuesday. They saw Hermione and Ginny enter and both praised the girls on their style. 'No, Ron, I am not going to help you with your potions essay, so stop with the flattery,' remarked Hermione. Ron widened his eyes and looked scandalised at Hermione.
'I? Flatter you in return for help with really, really hard potions work?' questioned Ron, 'I couldn't imagine being more offended, how could you possibly think I'd do something like that?' He raised a questioning eyebrow at Hermione, who quipped 'oh, grow up!' before walking over to the portrait hole and asking 'is anyone coming down to the Great Hall with me?' The rest of the group shook their heads so she sighed, shrugged and went off alone.
She soon reached the Hall, and on entering found Draco, no, Malfoy, sitting at the Slytherin table staring into space. He looked smart; his hair gelled back as usual, except this time two thin strands hung down either side of his forehead, giving an illusion of curtains. Unfortunately, he also looked as if a large, dangerous beast with 4foot long teeth was sitting right in front of him, eyeing him and licking his lips. His eyes couldn't be any wider, and the look of sheer terror was second to none. Hermione pondered just how much he resembled a petrified ferret, but realised that she was smiling, so she concentrated on the horrible task she had to undertake. That soon wiped the smile off her face.
She stepped up beside Malfoy, who turned and smiled weakly on seeing who it was. He stood up, rearranged his facial features into a slightly more becoming expression, and proffered his arm to Hermione. 'shall we?' he asked. She nodded, trying hard not to show her reluctance, and off they set into the sunset…..err, I mean, set off to Hogsmeade…
They reached Hogsmeade, and spent a leisurely first hour wandering. They went to a discreet little café off the main road where they talked, rather awkwardly it has to be said, then afterwards they went walking. They were about to leave the busiest part of Hogsmeade, and Draco casually slipped his hand round Hermione's waist, leaning into her slightly, when suddenly a 'rraaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh' followed by a rush of ginger hair tackled a thoroughly shaken Draco to the ground. Hermione looked on as Fred and George Weasley tried to pummel Malfoy, whilst yelling things such as 'you try it on with her again and I'll beeping-beep you' and 'what the beep do you think you were beeping doing with her?!' Eventually she managed to prise the twins from a whimpering pale mass, explaining to them that she and Draco (shudder) were on a 'date' and that he was perfectly correct to have his arm round her. She added, almost as an afterthought, that if they didn't believe her, then they should ask Ron (or Harry). At this she discreetly winked at them. They eyed each other, raising alternate eyebrows, apologised to Hermione for interrupting, glanced contemptuously at Draco and walked off.
She watched Draco slowly rise from the floor, shaking slightly from the shock, and his hair now rebelling against the gel and sticking up at many unruly angles. When he looked at her, his eyes were wide, and despite everything she couldn't help but feel slightly sorry for him, the detestable, annoying, narrow-minded git. 'Maybe we should go back to Hogwarts? Things seem to be against us in Hogsmeade,' she said. Draco smiled weakly and began hobbling up the road, supported by Hermione. My god, how much more can go wrong? She's gonna think I'm a complete… thought Draco. My god, how much more can go wrong? He's such a… thought Hermione.
Finally, Draco limped through the school gates and was ready to leave her, but she fluttered her eyelashes, brushed against his arm and suggested that maybe they could go down to the lake and watch the sunset? Thinking that she must really be into him if she still wanted to be with him after the events of the day, he agreed, his Malfoy smugness over-riding his pathetic urge to just crawl back into bed. So they made their way slowly to the lake (Malfoy was still in pain) and seated themselves on some rocks. In front of them, the sky was ablaze with reds and oranges, whilst pink clouds rolled by. Slowly, the pink turned to purple, the red deepened and the orange slowly dissolved away. The sun, on its final attempt to rule over the sky, spilled out the last of its gold, filling the sky and reflecting off the still sparkle of water, before sinking behind the horizon. The 'couple' watched this, dreading the moment that would surely come in such a romantic setting as this. They turned their heads to face each other, looking deep into each other's eyes, cold blue/grey into soft brown, whilst their lips moved ever closer. Draco could feel her warm breath on his cheek; she could hear the softness of his breathing, and pounding of his heart. Time slowed down as the anticipation built up, breathing quickened, lips parted in readiness. A faint breeze blew, causing the water to ripple, and splash against the banks. The two paid no attention; they were caught in the moment. Hermione closed her eyes, thinking 'well, this is it…' and then nothing. Her lips did not find Draco's. She opened her eyes in time to see him flying through the air, a large black tentacle tightly wrapped round his waist, before being plunged into the icy depths of the lake.
At that moment, instead of feeling sympathy for the floundering ferret, all she could think was 'even the squid is against him.'
Authors Note: FINALLY I have managed to complete this. If you don't like it, tough luck you moaning wotsits. (My computer just tried to correct that to wetsuits. Stupid thing) and I am aware that whatsits is spelt whatsits, but the other way is more amusing for me. Anyway, if you did like it, review!!!
It's your turn to write now, sheep!