She took two coffees from the roach coach and headed inside eagerly. Winter had most definitely arrived. She almost lost her footing in the entrance way where the defrosting process had begun by melting the ice of everyone's jackets.

"Woah." She held the coffees high and stepped carefully up to admittance.

"You're early." Jing Mei approached from the opposite side.

"I'm not here." Susan knew too well that she'd get sucked into working if she made here presence known and stuck around for more than about a minute. "Have you seen Mark?"

"Curtain One." Jing Mei walked away.

Susan waited for Mark to emerge from the closed curtain. He grinned inadvertently when he saw her. She couldn't help but notice.

"Coffee?" she lifted one cup out to him.

"Thanks." He took it looking perplexed.

"Can you take a break?"

He nodded and put a chart away.

"Walk me upstairs?"

"Sure. What's upstairs?"

Susan took a deep breath. "Doctor's appointment."

"Oh." Mark stopped, watching her.

She walked ahead a few steps then stopped and turned to him, "Come on."

He nodded, more befuddled than he usually was in her presence, and guided her toward the elevator, his hand lingering protectively at the small of her back but never touching her.
As soon as the doors shut they sought each other's eyes. Both trying to reassure the other that everything would be okay, all the while far too aware that neither were in the position to make such a guarantee.

"So, I guess they'll give you a whole screed of tests and you won't hear back for weeks?" Mark broke the silence.

"I already got the tests. I didn't want to tell you cause… you already worry too much."

"So you get the results today?"

She nodded, "Or more tests."

He didn't know how she could smile.

The elevator doors opened at oncology and they walked toward the waiting area in silence. Susan gave her name to the administrator and they sat down.

"Susan." Mark turned to her with sudden resolve, putting his coffee on a table, his hands fiddling nervously.

"What?"

He didn't answer at first, breathing as though he'd run up the steps instead of taking the elevator. She put one hand over the both of his and he stopped fiddling.

"You have got to calm down. This could be nothing."

"I know… I just… I wanted to say," deep breath, "that you don't have to be on your own in any of this."

"Oh Mark." She took her hands back and rubbed her knees. "You don't want to go through that – I mean, neither do I but I might not have the choice. You do… no one should have to…"

"No, listen to me."

She went to speak again but stopped. She knew she could do this on her own. She had before and she'd survived. In fact she was stronger for it. but at the same time, the mere thought of going through that alone, again, was more terrifying than any other aspect of it.

"Listen. You may not be aware of this but…" deep breath, moment of truth, "I have loved you," he shook his head, "for years. I meant what I said at the train station all those years ago and I've… I've meant it ever since. I can't loose you again. I don't want anything from you – but please, just let me do everything I can – please, just let me look after you… if you… if you…" he dreaded to say it, "need me."

Susan completely failed to hide her shock, her mouth, hanging slightly open, dry, her eyes searching his face as he embarrassingly averted his eyes.

"I do need you." She finally managed to whisper, coming tears aching in the back of her throat. "But not because I might be sick."

He didn't know what to make of it.

"I've always needed you. You've meant more to me than anything… anyone. That day I left… you can't imagine how that's haunted me – how you've haunted me with what could have been and… don't look so sad." she took his hand again, forgetting that she too had tears in her eyes.

"I'm not sad." He finally smiled – just slightly. "I just…"

"Miss Lewis?" a doctor approached them.

Susan pulled herself away, suddenly aware of her tears, and stood up, muttering something vaguely resembling the affirmative.