He was gone when she came out of the doctor's office. Probably a good thing, she decided, on consideration. He would have been pulled away to some trauma and distracted from all his concern for her. It was good while it lasted. So she went home. Mark had at least another couple of hours to his shift. She left a message on his answer machine and went to bed. It was mid afternoon but she had little choice in the matter. The day had been somewhat exhausting.
As soon as things got slow Mark was out of there. Kerry hadn't planned on covering for him but he was more insistent than usual – in fact he sounded quite desperate. As soon as he got in the door he went for the phone – to call her. But she'd called him. He hit the red button and collapsed on the sofa.
"Hey Mark. It's Susan here. I just got home. Um… You could come over after your shift – if you're not too tired. I am pretty shattered but I want to see you. So, um, just come around okay? I'll see you later."
He was really and truly scared. And tired. But he got up and changed and grabbed a bottle of red from the cabinet, slipped on his shoes as he put his jacket back on, his keys in his pocket and left his apartment.
Susan woke up at dusk. She put on a jacket and went to the roof of her apartment building with only socks on her feet, to watch the sunset. It seemed to put everything in perspective. Someone somewhere could always see the sunset and somewhere else it was rising. It seemed to go on forever. And she was kidding herself to ever believe that she could. It was almost liberating to admit it.
Back in her apartment, she cooked up some pasta and sat at the window watching the world go by underneath her building while she ate her dinner. She saw Mark get out of a taxi and straighten his shirt. He was carrying something in one hand and rubbed his head with the other before he disappeared into her building. She got up and buzzed him in then rinsed her plate while he ascended the stairs. She hadn't been so nervous since… this morning.
Mark knocked quietly.
"Hi." She pulled the door right open and he walked in looking even more nervous than she felt.
"I bought you this – I figured either way…" he shrugged, holding up the wine bottle.
"I'll get us some glasses." She smiled and went to the kitchen.
Mark sat down and put the wine on the table. Susan followed him almost exactly, putting two glasses on the table and sitting beside him, the wine quickly forgotten.
"Did you get some sleep this afternoon?" Mark couldn't bare the silence for another moment. But he wasn't quite brave enough to just ask the question he really wanted the answer to.
Susan nodded. "yeah, I was just exhausted. How was your shift?"
"Nothing out of the usual. I'm sorry I couldn't wait for you – I got paged almost as soon as you went in."
"It's okay, I thought as much. And I didn't want to distract you from anything important."
"Important compared to what?" his eyes challenged her.
"A few hours doesn't make any difference." The intensity of his eyes was more than she could take. "I have to get more tests." She hated not being able to put him out of his misery with a straight answer.
"Oh."
"So, it's back – in some capacity but they can't say anything for sure."
He didn't know what to do, until she leaned toward him and then he could only hold her, pulling her tightly to his chest.
It was a long time until he spoke. "Is there anything I can do?"
She nestled closer into him, her head resting on his shoulder. "You already are." She whispered. "Thank you for coming over." She pulled back to see his face. "You must be exhausted."
Mark smiled slightly. "I'm fine." Then he yawned.
Susan laughed. "You don't have to stay."
He shook his head. "I'm fine."
"Kick your shoes off and lie down. I'll grab you a blanket."
She was up and away before he could argue. And he was too tired to be stubborn. In fact his eyes were shut when she got back.
She shook the blanket out over him and sat down at his hips on the edge of the couch.
He opened his and took her hand, touching his lips to her fingertips.
Susan smiled.
He rolled over and edged toward the back of the couch and she lay down beside him, resting her head on his chest. He kissed her head and wrapped his long arms around her, lifting the blanket over both of them.
She put one hand on his arm to stop him fixing the blanket, and whispered, "I love you."
Mark exhaled. He never thought he'd hear that from her again. She was hiding in his sweater. He touched her jaw so she looked up at him. She looked so vulnerable, and he was lost for words. Then she kissed him.