Chapter 3

Sydney's POV

It wasn't even a week later that Michael and I went shopping for our engagement rings. After spending most of a Saturday searching for just the right ones, we found them at last. We went straight to my house once we'd bought them because I knew Francie would be climbing the walls in anticipation. She cried when we showed them to her. Later that night, Will came by, and we showed him as well. He was less happy, as I'd expected, but he congratulated us as sincerely as he could. Michael knew he wouldn't have to worry about Eric's reaction on Monday morning.

Monday dawned sunny, and unusually warm for late March. I got up and quickly got ready to leave for work while Francie slept on just down the hall. I envied her, being able to sleep late. But I knew Kendall was having an extremely important briefing first thing this morning. I had no time to waste.

When I arrived, I went straight to the briefing room, even though thanks to my haste I was more than fifteen minutes early. I took a seat in one of the chairs surrounding the table and began to wait for the others. As I sat there, I studied my hands, now bare of any rings. I had wanted to wear it, but both Michael and I could guess what Kendall's reaction would be, so we had agreed only to wear them on our time off from work. I smiled suddenly to myself, realizing that Michael had probably seen Eric already this morning, and had told him the good news. I supposed we'd be lucky if Eric would have the patience to wait for the weekend to actually see the rings.

'I won't ever get to see them, will I, Sydney?' I gasped and pulled back as if someone had tried to strike me. I didn't look around me long before I knew... the voice had only been in my head. I was alone here. Completely alone. I sat there with my eyes closed, willing Dad's voice to silence. Once it had faded, I opened my eyes... and saw him.

I knew immediately that he wasn't really there. I'd heard noone enter, and he looked just as he had in any of my other visions. Real enough that I knew it was him, but strangely blurred and faint. But unlike the other times, I now knew he wasn't really there... and I wanted him to go away.

"Leave me alone!" I cried before I could stop myself. "Please leave me alone! I didn't mean to hurt you, I told you I was sorry, but I can't take it back! I want you to GO AWAY!"

I jumped up from my chair, going to hide in a corner where I wouldn't be able to see... him. Even as I huddled there I took some vague notice of the others, just arriving for the briefing. But I couldn't make myself get up. I squeezed my eyes shut, and began shaking my head fiercely. I felt a touch on my hands, and instinctively withdrew. But I was pressed so far into the corner already I could barely move. I felt terror building inside me, and I wanted to jump up and run away. I was sure when I opened my eyes, he'd be there. Glaring at me. I kept them shut and began to cry.

"Please don't touch me! " I begged, my voice choked with tears. "You aren't real, you CAN'T be touching me!"

"Sydney, it's me. It's Michael. Open your eyes, Syd. You don't have to be afraid now. I'm right here."

I hesitated a moment longer, then slowly opened my eyes. For a long moment I didn't move, but then I was so relieved to see Michael kneeling there beside me that I wanted to reach out and hug him. But I saw the others watching us, especially Kendall. I made myself remain still. "How much did you see?" I asked somberly.

"By the time I came in you were already hiding right here. I heard you shout at someone to go away, but I would have seen anyone that left, because I was about to come in. There's just the one door. Who did you see? Was it your..."

"Daddy," I whispered. I knew I sounded childish, but I couldn't help it. I started to cry, as well, and Michael began to help me up.

"No!" I protested, surprising even myself. "Let me stay... It's safe here. He won't come back now..."

"Okay, Sydney. Okay." In the next few minutes I noticed nothing but Michael's voice, and the feel of his hands holding mine. He spoke so softly I was surprised I could hear him at all. He kept repeating that he loved me... and everything was going to be all right. When I looked around the room again, I realized that Marshall, Dixon and Eric had gone... but Kendall had remained. He was sitting in a chair near my corner of the room. When he saw me looking at him, he stood, walked over to stand beside me... and then knelt, directly beside Michael. I gazed at him, unsure of what to say.

"Agent Bristow," he began, in a quiet, sympathetic sort of voice I'd never heard from him before. "I want you to take the rest of the day off. Go home, get some rest. Don't worry about the briefing. I will send someone else on the mission instead." I expected to hear something in his tone telling me he thought I was incompetent, but there was nothing. I looked him in the eye, a puzzled look on my face.

"Why are you being so understanding about all this? I have a job to do. I'll be better in a few minutes. It's all right... It was only my imagination."

"Agent Bristow, you aren't all right. You can't do your job when you're feeling this way. As for why I'm being so understanding, as you say... that can wait for another day." Seemingly for the first time, Kendall took notice of Michael. "Agent Vaughn, when you have a minute, I'd like to speak to you."

I saw Michael nod in Kendall's direction, and then he gently helped me stand and walk out of the conference room. He squeezed my hands once we were outside the room, then asked me to wait there while he went to talk to Kendall. I was a little nervous about what they might say, but I was too tired to argue anything. I stood there and waited quietly. Michael was only gone about ten minutes, but it seemed much longer. When Michael emerged, I asked him what the conversation had been about.

"I'll tell you when I get you home, Syd. Kendall is right, you need to stay at home and rest. You look exhausted."

"I am tired," I admitted. "Francie is working late today, so I don't even know when she'll be home. I'd really rather not be alone. Can you stay? If you have to come back to work, I'll understand."

"I don't. That's part of what Kendall wanted to talk to me about. He asked me to stay there with you and call him later to tell him how you're doing."

I shot Michael a confused look. "Why does he care? He never cared before."

"We'll talk about it more at home," he repeated gently. Then we walked out of the building together. Our ride back to my house passed in silence, and only after I was relaxing in bed would Michael tell me the other things Kendall had said.

"Syd, he wants... He asked me to suggest to you that you start seeing Barnett again. He knows you don't like her all that much, but she is still on staff and is familiar with what you went through before. He also said that he'd like you to take a leave, until you're feeling better. He said he won't make it an order, at least not yet. He'd like to talk to you about things the next time you come in."

I shook my head. "I don't understand him today. He's never been so considerate, toward any of us."

Michael chuckled softly, and I glanced up at him. "Sorry, I shouldn't laugh. He never thought you'd see it as consideration, only as meddling. That's why he wanted to talk to me about it rather than you. The only part of it I was supposed to tell you was that he wanted to see you as soon as possible. But I knew you'd never rest until I told you. Now that you know, will you go to sleep? I can stay here beside the bed if you..."

"Yes, please," I said simply. He settled into the chair, and I watched him for a minute before I spoke again. "Michael... I keep thinking... What happens if I get so sick, like I was before? I have to try something different this time. So I won't stay ill for so long. But I don't know what that is."

"You can talk about it with Barnett, maybe. I really don't know either. I just want you to be well, Sydney. No matter what happens, you know you can count on me. Now, it's time for you to rest."

"I know." I yawned, unable to help myself. As I drifted off, I reached for Michael's hand, and let his whispered words of comfort send me off to sleep.

First thing the next day, I went to see Kendall in his office. I thought he would be surprised to see me so soon, and I was right. He was gracious enough as he invited me in to have a seat in front of his desk, but I saw the surprise in his face.

"I'm glad you came, Agent Bristow. I know you're wondering why I was so nice to you yesterday. I thought I should take the time to explain. If you have a few minutes."

I nodded, and he went on almost without a pause. "The truth is that I'd never seen anything like what happened to you yesterday. It made me realize how much you miss your father. I know he never liked me, but for all our differences, I respected him. And I respect you, too. So I hope you'll remember that if you need to take another leave of absence, there will always be a place for you here."

"Thank you, sir," I said sincerely. "I'm feeling much better today, but I was planning to see Dr. Barnett later in the week. I think I should wait until then to make any decisions."

"Of course. Thank you for coming. I know you must have a lot to do, so I won't keep you."

We said goodbye to each other and I quietly walked out. While the idea of seeing Barnett again didn't thrill me, what Kendall had said did put me more at ease. All I could do was hope that her evaluation would be more favorable than I was expecting.

My appointment with Dr. Barnett was scheduled for first thing Thursday morning. When I woke up that morning, I thought about skipping it and going about my usual day. But after what had happened Monday, I knew the time had come to see her. I was anxious about going alone, but I did remember enough of what had happened to describe it to her myself. When I arrived, I found Michael waiting outside her office too. He smiled at the surprise on my face.

"Did you think I'd forget? She'll probably make me wait out here, but I'll be right here when you're finished. Okay?"

"That's fine," I said, smiling myself. "Of course I didn't think you'd forget... I'm so much better than I was before, though. I didn't know if you would feel you needed to be here."

"Sydney," he whispered. "I'll always be wherever you need me to be. That's what I've done since the day you met me, isn't it?"

"Yes. I'm hoping she won't make me stay the whole hour. I have things I need to do. I'll be out as soon as I can, though." I hesitated a moment longer, and in that time, the doctor came out to see if I'd arrvied yet. Having no choice now, I went with her into her office.

I kept my description of my most recent bouts with illness as brief as Barnett would allow. Not because I was trying to be evasive, but because I didn't even want to think about them. I did tell her that if things continued the way they were going, I was willing to try different treatment methods than we had before. She seemed pleased to hear that.

"We'll wait and see what happens first though, Sydney," she said gently. "I would call what you're having a relapse, but things definitely aren't as serious as they were last year. You're much more aware of things going on around you than you were then, and you even realize the things you're seeing are in your imagination. But if anything troubles you, you can always call, or come talk to me. I think we can leave it at that for now. Thank you for coming today, Sydney. I'll see you again."

Michael's POV

I went home that evening reluctantly. I would rather have gone over to Sydney's for dinner, but she'd had a long day and was very tired. I knew if I'd gone, she would have wanted to cook for me, and I couldn't ask her to do that tonight. So I went home to a dinner prepared entirely in the microwave, and a game of basketball on television. By nine-thirty, I was falling asleep on the couch. As I held on to the last seconds of wakefulness, I heard a knock at my door. I groaned, but forced myself to get up. I supposed it was Eric, dropping by unannounced as he usually did. I opened the door... and froze where I was.

For a few minutes I could think of nothing at all to say. At first I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut, sure that when I opened them, the person standing on my doorstep would have vanished like smoke.

"I don't understand," I said at last. "How can you... Jack, we've all thought you were dead, for more than a year..."

I looked away, feeling a little quivery inside. For a moment, after the initial shock passed, I was happy, realizing what this would mean to Sydney. And then, my heart sank again. She wouldn't be ready for news like this yet... she'd think I was the one that was crazy. Finally, Jack stepped inside, and spoke to me for the first time.

"I'm sorry to show up like this without any warning. I managed to find out that Sydney went to see the psychiatrist today. Has she gotten that ill again, so fast? I thought I had more time, to prepare her... I wanted to wait, but when I heard that, I... I had to come to you first, I couldn't just show up at her door. I would have sent her into a panic..."

I'd never seen Jack so flustered before. I invited him in to have a seat on the couch, and quickly turned off my television. Once we were both seated, I shook my head at him. "I don't know how you got here, or how you're even alive. You seem to know what happened to Sydney, after you... How do you know how sick she was?"

"That's a long story. It's late, now isn't the time. I came because I'm worried for Sydney, and I need you to help her be prepared to hear from me. I'm not sure what method I'll choose yet. But that's not the most important thing right now. Why did she have to see Barnett today?"

"She has had a little bit of a relapse. But it's not like before... She's doing pretty well. Kendall and I suggested she go, just to be safe. She's fine right now. She's at home, probably asleep. She'll be so happy to know that you're... You have no idea how much she's missed you, Jack."

Jack looked at me then with such a haunted expression that I wasn't sure how I managed to continue holding his gaze. It was he that broke eye contact first, staring down at his hands instead. "Yes I do, Vaughn," he whispered. "I know more about it than you can imagine. I know so much..."

We talked for a few more minutes, with me still trying to adjust to the fact that he was really seated in my living room, alive and well. Soon, though, I admitted to feeling exhausted, and Jack nodded in agreement. I told him he could stay for the night and sleep in my bed, but he insisted on taking the couch instead. I left him there in the living room after getting him a pillow and blanket from the closet. I went into my room and closed the door. Only then did most of my shock recede. Sydney wasn't ready to see her father yet... I thought that may be several months in the future. But however he had survived and managed to make his way back home, he was here. And I knew that when they were both prepared to be a part of each others lives again, nothing would keep them apart. As I settled into bed, I couldn't help whispering something, loudly enough for only me to hear.

"You don't have to feel guilty anymore, Sydney. Your daddy's home, and he can't wait to see you."