Chapter 2: Where is Susie?
Calvin had always seen the world a certain way. That was why he was the only one who actually saw Hobbes as the perfect hybrid of a human and a tiger who was usually into the same stuff he was. Of course, Calvin's imagination was so strong that it gave him the ability.
Right now, instead of a forest, he saw a hideous secret lair. Instead of a deep river between the two cliffs, there was a river of molten lava. Instead of Hobbes and a wagon, he saw a his trusty sidekick, Tiger Lad, and their space convertable.
"The valiant, gallant and all around good groovy guy Stupendous Man concludes that he must jump to the other side of the two cliffs," Calvin muttered.
He was about to jump, but Hobbes stopped him in time.
"Calvin, what the heck are you trying to do? Kill yourself?"
"Stupendous Man's sidekick, Tiger Lad," Calvin muttered, "saves our hero from a terrible fate. Apparently, Stupendous Man forgot about the fact his powers were stolen by the evil Claw Man."
Hobbes was stunned. "'Tiger Lad'?" he repeated.
"Stupendous Man walks down the long room, in search of a possible way of getting across."
Calvin walked down the side of the cliff.
"Where're you going?" asked Hobbes, who followed with the wagon.
"Our hero leads Tiger Lad to the far end of the room. He finds a long metal piece of building material. Using what's left of his great Stupendous strength, he manages to place it across the river of lava to the other side of the room."
Calvin took a long, rotten piece of wood and placed across the river to the other cliff.
Hobbes was impressed.
"Stupendous Man motions for Tiger Lad to cross over first with their ship."
Hobbes looked at the rotting piece of wood. He wasn't sure if it was safe enough. "Well," he sighed. "It's worth a shot." He walked steadily across, carrying the wagon. He managed to make it to the other side.
"Well I'll be!" he exclaimed.
"Tiger Lad safely makes it!" Calvin muttered. "Now it's Stupendous Man to make it."
Calvin cautiously stepped onto the piece of wood. "Our hero slowly but surely walks across the beam. Suddenly, the beam snaps in two!" The wood broke. "Our hero makes a Stupendous jump to the other side!" Calvin jumped and landed at Hobbes' feet. "Stupendous Man is safe at last!"
Hobbes was relieved that his friend wasn't hurt, but he was a little annoyed.
"Calvin, cut the Stupendous Man talk. Snap out of it!" He picked Calvin up and shook him. He then dropped him on the ground.
Calvin looked around. The room and the lava had disappeared. He was back in the forest. Tiger Lad wasn't there anymore or the space convertible. He saw Hobbes and the wagon.
"Sorry about that," said Calvin. "I spaced out there." He looked again. "Hey, how did we make it across?"
Hobbes groaned. "Never mind. Let's get to G.R.O.S.S. Headquarters to discuss what to do about that guy."
"You bet," said Calvin.
As they walked back up the hill, Hobbes asked, "Stupendous Man has a sidekick, huh? What's he look like? Is he as handsome as me?"
Calvin rolled his eyes. "Sure, Hobbes. Whatever you say."
Later on, Calvin and Hobbes were in the tree house. It was their clubhouse. It also served as G.R.O.S.S. Headquarters. G.R.O.S.S. stands for Get Rid Of Slimy girlS. They always plotted to annoy their arch enemy, Susie Derkins, or do other things, like plot ambushes on people like his parents.
Today, they had to go over certain things.
Calvin called out, "This meeting of the Get Rid Of Slimy GirlS Club is now in session! Before we begin, we must debate whether or not to demote President Hobbes on charges of Heresy."
Hobbes was alarmed and furious. "Heresy?!?"
Calvin spoke the case. "Yesterday, you made a remark on the feasible membership of Susie Derkins. She is the rival of our club. Plus, she's a girl!"
Hobbes snorted, "I vote that Dictator-For-Life Calvin be demoted on the grounds of being a complete idiot."
Calvin was furious now. "And for insulting a member whom outranks you, you receive twenty demerits."
"Outranks me?!" Hobbes shot back, "I've been doing some reading about politics, pally and..."
"Wait a minute!" Calvin shouted. "You were reading??"
"Only your History book. I was doing your homework. It said under American History thata president has more power than a mere Dictator! You don't outrank me! Therefore, I declare you null and void."
Calvin couldn't take it any longer. "That does it!"
He jumped Hobbes and they flew all about the tree house hitting and punching each other. After a minute of fighting, the dust settled. The two of them were on top of each other and out of breath.
"Truce?" panted Hobbes.
"Truce," agreed Calvin.
They dusted themselves off. Was this a great club or what?
The meeting began. "President and First Tiger Hobbes will now read the minutes of the last meeting."
"Thank you," said Hobbes. "'9:30-Meeting called to order. Dictator-For-Life Calvin proposes resolution condemning the existence of girls. 9:35-First Tiger abstains from vote. Motion fails. 9:36-Patriotism of First Tiger called into question. 9:37-Philosophical discussion. 10:15-Bandages administered. Dictator-For-Life rebuked for biting. 10:16-Forgot what debate was about. Medals of Bravery awarded to all parties.'"
"Thank you," said Calvin. "Now let's discuss…" Calvin paused. "What was this meeting for again?"
Hobbes was surprised and confused. "I can't remember," he said.
"Neither can I," said Calvin.
Despite what had happened had been really big, several blows to the heads earlier had done a little damage.
"Oh, well," sighed Calvin. "It'll come back to us and we'll go back to it later. I've got a new plan anyway."
Hobbes took out the notepad to record the minutes.
"Gentlemen," Calvin began, "The new purpose of today's meeting is to devise another brilliant plan to annoy our enemy!"
Hobbes muttered as he wrote, "Dictator-For-Life Calvin's bold proposal is greeted with Huzzahs from membership."
"We have tolerated the enemy's presence too long, I say!" Calvin continued.
"Shouts of assent. Much pounding on tables," muttered Hobbes, continuing to write. "Three cheers erupt for club ideals. Membership reduced to tears. More Huzzahs. Pandemonium ensues."
"Boy," sighed Calvin, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Leading a club is a heady experience."
Hobbes put the pad away. "Good meetings always turn into riots," he added.
"Now then," said Calvin. "Let's fill up some water balloons and go attack Susie!"
"Excuse me!" interrupted Hobbes. "A question from the floor."
"The Chair recognizes First Tiger Hobbes," said Calvin, motioning him to speak.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't we fulfill that plan successfully this morning?"
"Yes, we did."
"What's the point of doing it again?"
"It's more complex this time."
"How so?"
"This time, it shall be four balloons instead of the usual two!"
"Ah," said Hobbes, holding his hand up. "Say no more."
"Then let's do it!"
They climbed down the rope ladder to begin work on the plan.
They soon had a bucket of water balloons to dump on Susie. Hobbes helped Calvin into the tree.
"Okay," said Calvin. "Here's the plan. When Susie comes by, we dump a load of four water balloons onto her noggin."
"What if she doesn't come by?" asked Hobbes.
"Then we sit in the tree all day."
Hobbes smiled as he settled onto the branch. "I love summer," he sighed.
Calvin smiled, too. "The days are just packed," he sighed.
They waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited.
An hour later, Calvin was officially beginning to grow confused.
"Odd," he muttered. "She should at least be walking near here."
Hobbes woke up from his nap. "Maybe she's going to the playground," he yawned.
"It's worth a shot," sighed Calvin. They climbed down from the tree.
The park was oddly quiet. No one was around. This took Calvin and Hobbes by surprise. Usually, the park was filled with kids. Everything was empty. The swings, the merry-go-round, the monkey bars and even the slide. Calvin could not believe it.
"I can't believe it," he said. "There are no lines! The place is deserted! Hobbes, do you know what this means?"
"That our plans to soak Susie are ruined?"
"Yeah, but that's not what I'm talking about! I'm saying we can have all the fun we want! There is no Susie! No Moe! No Tommy! No any kid! We can have unlimited fun until bedtime! This is gonna rule!"
Calvin and Hobbes had the time of their lives. They had never had time to swing so high. They had never known how fast a merry-go-round could spin. They practiced acrobatic tricks on the monkey bars. They went down the slide in so many different fashions that they couldn't keep track.
Calvin and Hobbes walked home that evening. They were laughing at all the fun they had had.
"That was the most fun I've had in my whole life!" said Calvin.
"Yeah!" laughed Hobbes. Then he thought of something. "How long will it last, though?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well," explained Hobbes, "the kids aren't going to be gone forever. They'll be back from wherever they are later on."
"I know which is why we should enjoy this while we can." Then he thought of something, too. "Where do you think they went, anyway?"
"Well, it's summer, so they probably went on vacation."
"All at the same time?"
Hobbes stopped. That was odd.
"Oh, well," sighed Calvin. "We'll just have to put up with it."
"But we soaked Susie this morning," said Hobbes, nervously. "How could she have left so soon?"
"I dunno," replied Calvin. "Still, it's pretty cool being the only kid in the neighborhood."
Calvin and Hobbes agreed that vacation places were the best places that the kids could be.