Chapter 5: The Imaginator
That morning, Calvin and Hobbes had awaken and taken the wagon out of the tree. They looked all around for some hope of finding a way to the secret lair. However, their hopes were dashed. They had searched the entire swamp.
"It's no good," sighed Calvin. "We've searched every bit of this swamp. There is no way in."
"Maybe the computer wasn't working."
"They are advanced beings! You can't be advanced beings if you can't make your technology flawless!"
"Yeah, well, what do we do now?"
Just then the ground gave way! Calvin, Hobbes and the wagon tumbled down a long tube. They screamed all the way down.
They landed in a room outside the tube. They looked all around. It was dark and gloomy.
"This place reminds me of school," said Calvin.
"This must be the place," said Hobbes.
They parked the wagon in the corner and set off down the hallway.
They peaked around a few corners. There was no one in sight.
They enterened a room with a lot of beeping noises and lights.
"How will we find them?" asked Hobbes.
"I dunno," said Calvin. "We'll have to keep-"
He was cut off by voices.
"Someone's coming!" hissed Hobbes.
Calvin looked all around. He spotted an overhead storage compartment over the door.
"Quick!" he whispered. "Up there!"
Calvin and Hobbes quickly scurried up the ladder and into the compartment.
They carefully peeked down. There was the man from before, as well as three other guys.
"It's him!" hissed Calvin.
"You heard me!" shouted the man. "We need to keep the subjects happy, so go get the milkshake!"
"Why do they need a milkshake?" asked a worker.
"How the hell sould I know?" demanded the man. "Just prepare the liquidated frozen cow juice, then prepare the machine! NOW!"
The men trembled and ran.
The man was noticably angry. "Those bafoons!" he muttered. "If only I'd gotten better subjects. Still, I suppose that the child's imagination is the most creative."
Calvin and Hobbes looked at each other, confused.
"One of these days, I swear I'll blow kids straight off the face of the earth. All they're good for is annoying adults. Well, finally they'll be put to good use. Who'd of thought that simply saying a trip to DisneyLand would convince the kids to stay? They're so stupid!"
Calvin was about to yell in protest, but Hobbes stopped him in time.
"I have rather high hopes for this plan. It sure had better work."
Just then, one of the three men returned. He was carrying a glass with a bendy straw.
"I got the milkshake, boss," he said.
"Good. Take it to the cell."
"Which one wanted it?"
"The one with the hair of his eyes."
Calvin looked at Hobbes.
"That's Moe!" he yelled. He put his hands over his mouth.
"Idiot!" Hobbes groaned.
The two men looked up. They saw a blonde kid with a stuffed tiger looking down.
"That's the punk kid!" cried the boss.
"The one that ruined you atthe bridge in thewoods?" asked the other.
Before his angry boss could reply, Calvin grabbed Hobbes and jumped in the air. His shirt got caught on a pulley. With Hobbes in his arms, Calvin flew away like an airplane.
"Catch us if you can, you sicko!" he yelled.
The bald man's scalp sizzled. "Deliver the milkshake!" he ordered. "I'll take care of the kid." He chased after Calvin.
The pulley rounded a corner. Calvin and Hobbes swung violently.
"That was close!" said Calvin, holding on to Hobbes.
"This'll be closer!" yelled Hobbes. "Look out!"
Calvin looked ahead. The pulley was about to end at a pile of crates. Calvin couldn't get off. He and Hobbes flew straight into the pile of crates.
Hobbes slowly rose up. He opened a crate and Calvin popped out.
"I wouldn't have called him a sicko," said Hobbes.
"Never mind that," said Calvin. "Let's find the kids and get out of here."
"But we don't know where they are!"
Just then the milkshake guy walked past. He entered the room next to them.
Then they heard a voice. Moe's voice!
"Finally!"
The guy walked out, rolling his eyes.
Calvin and Hobbes ran to the door. Calvin jiggled the handle. He pulled with all his might.
"Let a professional try this," said Hobbes, pushing Calvin aside.
"Oh, yeah?" questioned Calvin. "How?"
Hobbes presented a single claw. He put it into the keyhole. He moved his finger around until they heard a click. He pulled his claw out and retracted it. He grinned.
"How did you do that?" asked Calvin.
"Sorry," said Hobbes. Privileged information."
Calvin rolled his eyes and opened the door a crack. He peaked inside and saw no one but a cage full of the neighborhood kids. Calvin couldn't believe it. They'd made it!
"Hobbes!" he said. "We've done it. We found them!"
The two of them did a little, stupid-looking dance and then they entered.
Calvin jumped in with his stuffed tiger and yelled, "Hey, everybody!"
He expected everyone to answer in some way, but they simply stared at him, dumb-founded.
Calvin rolled his eyes. "Hey, don't you know a hero when you see one, huh?"
Still no answer. "I get it!" said Calvin. "You just can't believe that we're you're rescuers, right?"
Susie went to the front of the crowd. "No offense, Calvin, but, you're just not the type we'd expect to rescue us."
"Or want to rescue us," said another kid.
Calvin could not believe this! "So, you'd rather rot in a cage rather than be free for your whole summer?"
"Well," said Susie, "we're gonna go to DisneyLand in a week."
"Oh, really?" asked Calvin. "Jeez, Susie. I always thought you smart! No wonder all the answers you gave me during a test were wrong!"
"No, Calvin, the answers were wrong on purpose."
Calvin groaned.
"Guys, why do you think some guy would just grab you off the street in some car with a claw on it and say,'I'm offering a free trip to DisneyLand. All you have to do is come down to my evil lair!' You idiots."
He hopped into the chair at the desk.
"So, what're you doing here, being kidnapped and all?" he asked.
"Some nut's going to put a machine on our heads," said Moe.
Calvin was impressed. "So he's gonna drain your brains?"
"Actually," said a voice, "I'm going to use what's in their brains."
Calvin whirled around to the hallway connected to the room. He gulped.
The man growled at him. "I'm Dr. Retro," he said. "You, my child, have fallen right into my plan!"
Calvin gulped. "What plan?"
"Why my plan to RULE THE WORLD!!" Retro then began to laugh manically.
Calvin rolled his eyes. "That's such a non-original goal for you super villains these days, isn't it?"
"Well, it beats the alternative," Retro replied. "Anywho, I present you with the Imaginator!" He pulled out a machine. It was square shaped with a timer and a helmet attached to it. "It can take anything you can think of! And guess what! Since you're the only kid outside of the cage, you are the first to try it!"
Calvin knew the consequences that could come from this would not be good.
"Listen, Doc, what goes through my head is very deadly. Trust me, you don't wanna go through cleaning up after what I can think up. There are Wormwood monsters and saber-toothed tigers and dinosaurs and aliens that have pink spots on them and twenty rows of teeth. The worst one yet is a toothbrush and toothpaste put together."
"That's perfect!" cried Retro.
"I'm glad we understa-what?"
"Those types of things would help me to take over the world. I would train them to obey me and me alone. I'd be all powerful!"
Calvin grabbed Hobbes and ran for the door. Retro caught him, however and placed the helmet on Calvin's head. Hobbes fell to the floor.
"Hobbes, do something!" he cried.
Just then the machine was turned on.
"You stupid tiger, get up!"
He thought of Hobbes. Suddenly, in front of everyone, Hobbes morphed from a stuffed toy into an actual tiger. Of course, to Calvin, he looked exactly the same.
Retro smiled and turned off the machine.
"Ah-ha! It worked. I have a deadly beast right in front of me."
He took out his tranquilizer gun.
Calvin knew what it was right away! "Hobbes! Watch out!"
"Huh?" asked Hobbes, getting out of his stupor.
He then noticed the gun. He yelped and moved out of the way just in time. The dart struck the floor. Hobbes stood up. "Well, that floor is going to be pretty tired."
Then Calvin had an idea. He turned on the machine again.
"Calvin!" screamed Susie. "What the heck are you doing??"
"Trust me, Susie!" he yelled. "I know three guys in my brain that can never be turned evil!" He thought as hard as he could.
Suddenly, before him, in a cloud of smoke, stood Tracer Bullet, Spaceman Spiff and Stupendous Man!
Retro turned off the machine. Calvin yanked off the helmet. He stepped in front of the three Calvins.
"Everyone, I'd like you to meet my three alter-egos: Spaceman Spiff the space explorer, Tracer Bullet the detective, and Stupendous Man the super-power guy!"
Suddenly, Tracer shot forward and pointed a finger at Retro. "I've got a few questions for you, buddy!" he yelled. "Where were you the night of August 23? What do you know about the Klopman Diamond? Where did you hide the gloves? When was the war of 1812? Who put the 'bomp' in the 'bomp sha bomp'? How did you dispose of the body? And, most importantly, IS PROFESIONAL WRESTLING FIXED??"
Calvin and Spiff grabbed him and pulled him away.
"Easy, Tracer!" said Spiff. "Don't go ruining your new found life just yet."
Hobbes and Stupendous Man were at work trying to open the cage that held the kids.
Retro chuckled. "Ha! That cage is indestructible and can only be opened from a button on the control panel."
"What control panel?" asked Hobbes.
"This one," Retro replied, hitting a button.
The left wall suddenly opened to reveal a wall covered in buttons. The four Calvins and Hobbes groaned.
Retro spoke into the Walkie-Talkie. "Security?"
The door burst open and in came the security system. There were four of them.
Calvin had an idea. He whispered to the three other Calvins. "The four of us can serve as a distraction." He turned to Hobbes. "You try and find the right button."
"Got it," whispered Hobbes.
The gang split up.
Hobbes ran for the wall. A guard ran after him, but Spiff blocked and aimed his Death-ray straight at him.
The guard, unaware of the events that had happened before, thought it was a kid in a costume. "Aww, how cute," he teased.
Spiff fired. The guard got out of the way just in time. A huge, smoking hole was put in the wall. The guard stared at Spiff.
"Still think its cute?"
Stupendous Man used his mighty strength to take out the next guy. He picked up a desk and lunged it at him. The guard was on the floor in a few short seconds, the desk on top of him.
"Thank you, Stupendousness," he declared.
Tracer pulled out what looked like a gun. The guard after him took a step back.
"Easy, junior. That thing could be loaded. We all know that it's dangerous to play with guns!"
"Right," said Tracer. "It is dangerous to play with them. However, I never play with them. I use them."
He was about to pull the trigger when the guard panicked and ran out of the room.
"Is that thing really loaded?" asked Spiff.
"Nah," replied Tracer. "The dumb ones always panic."
Hobbes, meanwhile, was having no luck at all. He was pressing several buttons, and not one of them worked.
Calvin was attempting to grab his guard's nightstick, as it was being swung at him. He managed to grab it right when it went for his feet.
"Ha!" laughed Calvin. "It would appear that…" Calvin gulped as the guard pulled out his gun. Calvin then noticed he position. "…I've painted myself into a corner," he finished. Calvin thought for a moment.
"Well, then, prepare to feel the wrath of my nightsti…whoops!" Calvin swung the nightstick straight so hard that it flew out of his hands and into the cage. It landed on Moe's head, knocking him out cold. He spilled his milkshake.
"It would appear that my aim is a little off," chuckled Calvin nervously. He looked all around him. He pulled out the only thing he could find: a pencil. "I'm gonna, uh, erase you out of existence!" he said.
The guard chuckled. "It's not even sharpened."
Calvin thought hard. The guard was slowly approaching him. He then spotted a bag of marbles. He grabbed them.
"I don't know what these are doing here," he said, "but here goes nothing."
He opened the bag and marbles went all over the place. The guard slipped and fell. Calvin jumped on top of him and tap danced on his stomach.
Hobbes had hit almost every button he could find. He was running low on them. Suddenly, a guard grabbed him.
"Hey!" he yelled. "Put me down, ya big galoot!"
The guard held a gun to Hobbes' head.
Hobbes chuckled nervously. "Of course, when I say 'big galoot', it means that you're handsome, intelligent, and, uh, both of your legs are the same length."
This wasn't working. Hobbes looked over at the control panel again. He spotted a button labeled "open cage button".
Hobbes groaned. "Why didn't I see that before?"
His feet and arms were both constrained, so he used the one part that wasn't: his tail. He aimed precisely at the button and pushed it. The cage dropped into the floor.
"You did it, Hobbes!" cried Calvin.
"Well, of course I did," replied Hobbes proudly.
Spiff then had an idea to save Hobbes. He turned to the group of kids and yelled, "EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"
The kids didn't need telling twice. They all stampeded out of the cage area, shoving Hobbes' capturer down. Calvin and Hobbes led the way, with Stupendous, Tracer and Spiff following.
On the way, they ran past Retro. Retro saw Calvin up ahead going, "Nyah, nyah!" It made Retro's blood boil.
He ran into a closet and hit the intercom button. "The kids have escaped!" he yelled. "Get 'em."
As everyone was running, Stupendous Man looked back and saw guards chasing them.
"Run!" he yelled. "I'll take care of 'em."
He flew back to the guards and started kicking their butts.
At last Calvin, Hobbes, Tracer and Spiff had reached the tube. Hobbes started to pull on it, but it was stuck.
"I can't move it and Stupendous Man is still kickin' bad guy buttocks."
Calvin tried to help him. Spiff and Tracer tried to help, too, but it was no good.
"Wait a minute!" said Calvin. "I've got an idea! Get clear."
Hobbes, Spiff and Tracer backed from the platform as Calvin turned to the crowd. Calvin scanned the kids until he spotted someone.
"Hey, Moe!" he called.
"Huh?" asked Moe.
"Is that your head, or a hotel for lice?"
Hobbes gasped. "CALVIN!"
Moe growled.
Calvin wasn't done yet.
"Heard you had your head examined, but they couldn't find anything!"
Moe growled and gritted his teeth.
Calvin knew one more would do it.
"Is that your head, or is there a fungus growing on your neck?"
Moe growled, gritted his teeth and charged. Everyone closed their eyes as he charged straight from Calvin.
Calvin didn't seem too worried. At the last second, he jumped out of the way. Moe crashed straight through the door to the tube and was sucked up it.
"Good job, Moe!" called Calvin. "You used that head thing for once!"
"Better not push it," warned Hobbes.
"Okay, everyone in," said Calvin.
"Better hurry," warned Tracer. "I can see Stupendous Man and the guards getting closer."
It took a while, but at last Hobbes and the four Calvins were the only ones left.
Calvin took the wagon and shoved it up the tube. Spiff went up next. Then Tracer. Then Stupendous Man, who flew up. Calvin went up next. Hobbes followed, shutting the door again as he went. He was just in time. The guards smashed into the door.
Hobbes popped into the air in the swamp. Everyone watched him fly up in the air. The ground didn't close, and Hobbes fell back into the tube. The air going up shot him up again, but he fell back in. This went on for a minute until Calvin got tired of it and grabbed him before he went down again.
"Enough all ready!"
"How do we get home now?" asked Susie.
Just then, a flying saucer flew into view.
Spiff panicked. "It's the Zogwargs!" he cried. "Don't worry!" He jumped in front of everyone. "Get behind me! I'll set my Death-Ray blaster to 'Deep Fry'!"
He was about to fire when Calvin stood in front of him. "It's not Zogwargs," he said. "It's our old pals, Galaxoid and Nebular! They helped us get here!"
"Aliens helped you get here?" asked Susie.
"Yup," said Calvin. "They wanted to buy Earth. We wanted to find you guys. We made a fair trade."
The saucer landed in front of the kids. The escalator extended out. Galaxoid and Nebular came down.
"Ah," said Galaxoid. "Seems we were both lucky, Supreme Earthling Potentate. You found the earth children and we found you."
Susie was surprised. "He's not Supreme…" She was cut off as Hobbes put a hand over her mouth.
"Calvin's right," he whispered. "You do rat on him too much."
Calvin ignored them. "What brings you back here so soon?" he asked.
"We require knowledge of your food places," said Nebular.
"Most popular one is McDonalds," said Hobbes.
"Where might we find one of these restraunts?" asked Galaxoid.
"All over the place. Try looking in the phone book."
"Thank you, O-Wise Tiger," said Galaxoid.
Hobbes was about to say something snooty, but Calvin stopped him.
"I don't suppose you could give us a lift home?" he asked.
"But of course," said Nebular. "It's the least we could do for selling us the Earth.
Calvin, Hobbes and the kids climbed aboard the ship.
Susie could have sworn she saw Nebular giving her googly eyes.