Chapter 10

We moved into the new house I had been looking at during the next couple days. I got it at a good price, and Simone helped me with the down payment. Sydney was still mad at me for the next few weeks, and she wouldn't even talk to Simone. I made sure they each had bedrooms on opposite sides of the house, with me in between. Michael volunteered to do all of our grocery shopping, and moving the furniture wasn't hard with the three of us as well as Michael, Eric, Dixon, and a few other people from the CIA. Thankfully, Sloane never showed up, and I didn't hear anything from Irina for the duration of our move.

We put Sydney's old house up for sale, and she was sad to go, but she knew she needed to get out of there. We tried not to push her too fast. During the move, a couple minor fights broke out between my daughters, but thankfully, there were no injuries, and nothing to alarm me too much. I tried to explain to Sydney that she needed to accept Simone as a part of the family, and she seemed to be dealing with it better.

Three days after we moved into our new house, it was the day of Francie's funeral. I was not anxious to go because I was worried about what might happen to Sydney, but I knew she would never forgive herself if she missed it. Simone even volunteered to come with us, even though she had only seen Francie once in the hospital.

As we were getting ready to go to the funeral, Sydney came up to me and gave me a hug. "Daddy, I love you. Does Simone really have to come with us? Why can't it just be you and me? She didn't know Francie anyway. Let's just go without her."

I was surprised at her statement, but I was also expecting something like this to happen. "Sydney, she's your sister, and she wants to go with you."

"But she didn't know Francie, and she doesn't even know me or you. Why would she want to go with us? I think it's just because she wants to sabotage our relationship. She should just stay here. I'll go tell her she doesn't have to come."

I couldn't help but let out a little chuckle before I called after her. "Sydney, don't do that. I won't let you go either if you behave like that. She's your sister. She wants to go, not because she knew Francie, but because she wants to be there to support you. Can't you even be grateful and pretend that you love her, just for this event?"

"I don't want to. I hate her. She's taking you away from me!"

Her hands started to shake, and I drew nearer to her. I held her hands for a few moments and then quietly scolded her. "Sydney, if you don't do this for me, then you're not going to the funeral at all. You can stay here and Simone will come with me." She began to protest, but I cut her off before she could say a word. "That's final, Sydney. No more."

"Fine. But I get to sit next to you."

"Ok, come here. Give me a hug and then you can go get ready."

Just as I finished my sentence, I heard Simone around the corner. I wondered how much of the conversation she had heard. I didn't call her in because I knew Sydney did not want to justify her words right now, and bringing her sister in would only intensify things, so I let her go. When I finished hugging Sydney, she went back to her new room to change.

I then went to go find Simone. She was crying in the living room when I found her, and I knew she had heard every word.

"She really hates me, doesn't she, Dad?"

"I don't think she hates you. I think she's just got a lot to think about right now, and she's gone through so much. Things are difficult for all of us right now, but we'll get through it, and in the end we'll be a happy family."

She hesitated for a second. "I had a happy family back in France. No one thought of making me stay home from events; no one tried to keep me away from my foster parents. I got to go to school and have parties and I knew I was loved. Here, I'm not quite so sure. I know Sydney's going through a lot right now, but I'm not sure she'll want me in the end."

I sympathized with Simone. I knew how stressful this must all be for her, and then to hear her sister saying that she wished she wasn't even here would devastate anyone. "Well, if you want to go back, I'd understand, but please take my word on this. Sydney doesn't hate you. She's acting like it now because she's sick and confused. It appears she's getting better, but she still isn't mentally healed yet. In time, she will grow to love you. We just have to wait. For now, just know that I love you, and I am not disappointed in you as my daughter, and I would support you in anything you do."

Tears began to come into her eyes again, but this time, they were tears of joy. She was glad to hear that I loved her, and that I would fight for her. I decided to make sure she'd come to the funeral.

"Simone, please come to the funeral with us. I know you never knew Francie, but this is a family outing, and you are a part of this family now."

"Ok, Dad. I'll go get ready then." She smiled, and then got up and went to her room.

The ride to the funeral was less than promising. Sydney started a fight with Simone over who got the front seat, and it escalated during the whole drive. When we got to the church, they were still fighting, and Michael and I had to break them up. Michael had met us in the parking lot, and came over to see how we were.

During the funeral, I sat between Sydney and Michael, and Simone sat on the other side of Michael, separating the two girls as far as possible. I knew Sydney wouldn't start a fight during the service, but I wanted to make sure. The funeral made Sydney cry, and to the rest of us who didn't know Francie, it was touching.

We were last to leave, and on the way out I thought I saw Irina around a corner. I did not want to deal with her with Sydney around, so I just kept walking to the car. Before I started it, I did a quick check to make sure she hadn't done anything to the car, and then I got in and we drove home. The drive back was worse than the ride there, and I knew we were going to have problems for the next few weeks. It was during this trip that I realized that the situation could very easily spiral out of control.

Sydney's POV

I was extremely relieved when we at last arrived home, and I could retreat to my room. I expected Dad to follow me and give me a lecture about how badly I had behaved. But when more than ten minutes passed and he didn't come to my bedroom door, I knew he wouldn't be.

A few minutes after that, there was a knock at my door, but the voice that greeted me from the other side was Michael's. I was relieved; I wanted someone to talk to that wasn't my "sister."

Michael came in and quietly sat down beside me on my bed, He didn't say anything for several minutes, and I knew instinctively that he was afraid I'd be just as hostile toward him as I had been to everyone else today.

"I'm not angry at you anymore, Michael," I began. "I'm still not happy you left on that trip, but it's over and you're back now. And I... I understand why you had to go. All last year when I was so sick, if I'd ever thought Dad was really alive, I would have gone too. I'm sorry it wasn't true. I know that would have made you really happy. I feel terrible for getting so angry at you."

He reached for my hand, and I knew that things between us were really on the mend. "No, you should have been," he said softly. "I know how scary that was, and I should have been there. But I'm here now, and I won't leave you again without at least talking to you about it first. I'm glad we've made our peace about this, Syd. But I actually didn't come in to talk about that.

"I saw how tense things are between you and Simone, and I thought maybe it would be nice for us to go out tonight. Just for a quiet dinner, by ourselves. After the funeral, I thought it might be nice... To relax a little."

I smiled a little and nodded. But then, I thought of something else. "If we do that, she'll be here alone with him, all night."

Michael sighed. "Syd, you can't be with him every second. I know you're nervous about being apart, but he'll be here when I bring you home. Waiting up, I'm sure."

I appreciated his attempt at a joke, but I didn't laugh. "He's MY Dad, Michael. She can't think I'd be happy she just shows up here and expects me to be happy she's stealing him from me! She should just go home; She's got her own family!"

"Sydney, come on. You know better than that. She IS your sister... and your dad has a right to love both of you. This isn't like you, being so jealous. What is this really about?"

"Well... I just don't understand how he can love her so fast. He was my dad for almost 30 years before I ever knew he cared about me at all. Then she shows up here, completely out of the blue, and he's hugging her, telling her he loves her. Does he think I don't hear him saying that! What did she do right that I didn't? Why is it so much EASIER for her?"

I started to cry then, and Michael and I sat there a long time, with him holding me tightly. After a while, I felt him kiss the top of my head, then heard him start to speak again.

"Sydney... I don't think it's anything she did differently. I think your dad is the way he is with your sister because of you."

I pulled away from Michael long enough to cast a puzzled glance in his direction before he went on. "I mean, he saw how it hurt you, not having him around. So now that Simone is here, he's not wasting any time. She has already missed a lot of years with him herself you know. And he can love you both."

"I know," I said quietly. "But what if he loves her more, Michael? She's really very nice, she has his name... and she isn't sick, either. I know she's not perfect... but close enough. How do I compete with that?"

"Sydney," Michael said, moving to kneel in front of me. "You don't have to 'compete' with her. And you're doing much better... I know things are still difficult sometimes, but I've seen your illness at its worst. You're nowhere near that now. I think... I think you should talk to your dad and Simone about all this... If they know how you're feeling about all this, it will help a lot."

"I'll talk to him, but I don't think I want to talk to her any more. I don't want to encourage her. Hopefully she just leaves soon. Then I'll have my daddy all to myself. Just you and me and him. That's all I need and all I want."

"Sydney, I know you're a more reasonable person than that. Can't you just give her a chance? Go out to dinner with her and your dad. Just talk. That's all I'm asking. If you think it will be useless, just do it to humor me."

"Ok," I said, giving my best effort at a smile. I leaned over to give him a hug and a kiss, but he pushed me away. I was confused, and a little hurt that he wouldn't return my affection.

"No, Syd. Not now. Come back here after you've talked to them, and tell me what they've said. We can get intimate later. Deal?" He was adamant, and I was not going to win this one.

"If it has to be."

"It does. Now go talk to them. Both of them. I'll see you later."

I blew him a kiss as soon as I exited my room so that I would feel better, and gathered the courage to find my father and my sister and talk to them. I was going to make my best attempt to keep it brief.

Jack's POV

I was surprised when Sydney came into the kitchen and asked Simone and I for a family meeting. I saw Simone fight the urge to walk away, and I was glad she didn't. I could see the sincerity in my daughter's eyes, and I knew that we all needed to have this discussion.

"Ok, Sydney," I began, "What did you want to talk about?"

I saw her blank stare for just a second, and then she began. "Well, I was just talking with Michael, and he thinks I should tell you both some of the feelings I was just sharing with him." I could see that this was an awkward situation for her, so I asked her to come sit at my side. She readily accepted, and tucked herself deep into the couch next to me.

"We're ready, Sydney." I was glad to hear Simone reassuring Sydney. During the past few days I had only heard the two of them fighting, and this was the first time we all had a conversation together.

"Ok, well, I just feel, almost, threatened. Not exactly, but in a way. It's just that I've spent years and years forging a relationship with you, Daddy, and only just recently have my attempts come to any success. Now that Simone's here, I think things are just moving a little fast. Why couldn't they be that quick for me? What could I have done better? I could change my name to resemble yours, and stay away for a few years. Would that make you accept me over her? What is it about her that's so important that you accept her right away? What made you take so long with me?"

She then turned to Simone. "And what could you possibly want with us? We were a happy family as we were, and now you want to come in and be a part of it too. It's not that I don't want to love you, but I just think things are moving way too fast. I can't fill in a lot of these blanks."

Simone started to defend herself, but I cut her off. "It sounds to me like this could end up taking a long time. What if we discussed it over dinner? Where do you two want to go?"

They actually agreed for once on a local Italian restaurant and we drove there in relative peace once the two girls were ready. Michael chose to stay at the house so that we could share some quality time together.

At first, our meal went well enough, but soon Sydney was starting a squabble about even the smallest things. To begin with I was simply annoyed, but soon I saw the far away look that settled into Sydney's eyes. I knew she must be ill; I turned all of my attention to her, blocking out every other distraction.

"Sydney," I asked softly, so I wouldn't startle her. "What's the matter?"

"I don't like it here, I want to go home. It was supposed to be just me and Michael tonight... Now we're here, and I can't stop thinking about how Simone will just take you away. And it's so loud in here...So loud..."

Sydney shrank back in her chair and actually covered her ears. I knew it was time to leave, and I told Simone to try getting Sydney out to the car on her own, while I went to pay the bill for our dinner. As Sydney and Simone slowly made their way out the front door, I saw someone that looked very much like my ex-wife watching from a nearby table. After another moment of studying her face, I knew it was indeed Irina. She wasn't trying to hide... She WANTED to be seen. I forced myself to turn away and focus on getting out of the restaurant as quickly as possible. I saw her get up just as I walked out the door, and knew she must be intending to follow us. But I couldn't worry about her now.

By the time I got to the car, Sydney was nearly hysterical in the back seat. I asked Simone to drive so I could sit beside Sydney and try to calm her down. It took her several minutes for her to even acknowledge I was there.

"Daddy," she said finally, clutching my hand tightly. "I want to go home now. Are you sure Michael is okay at home? We left him all by himself. We should have let him come!"

She started to weep intensely, and I knew time was running out. We had to get home as quickly as possible, before Sydney completely snapped.

"You're right, honey. We should have let him come. I'm sorry it's upset you. We're almost home now, all right? Just five more minutes or so."

"He won't be there," she began in a voice that quivered so badly I could hardly understand her. "He'll be gone somewhere again. He never would have left me before. Just because you came home doesn't mean I don't need him anymore! Michael..."

I looked into Sydney's face, and I knew she'd completely drifted away. Her eyes were blank, and she stopped talking. I held her tightly, feeling the dead weight of her body in my arms.

"Dad," came Simone's frightened voice from the front seat. "Is this what Sydney was like before when she was sick?" What are we supposed to do now?"

"Yes, it is." My voice was strangely calm. "All we can do now is wait. It will help once she's home, with Michael. It's him she wants, and he knows what to do... What little there is."

At last we had arrived home. I carried Sydney inside, and saw Michael's face fall when he laid eyes on her. He took her from me, and walked off to take her to her room. Simone went with him. Once they were out of my sight, I went back outside and waited. I knew Irina would show herself soon enough, and I was going to be waiting for her.

Simone's POV

Michael and I stayed inside with Sydney while Dad was outside. He hadn't told me why he was leaving, and I thought it was odd that he would not want to be at Sydney's side during a time like this. I supposed there was something important, and I didn't want to focus on it while there was work to do inside for Sydney. I turned my attention to her care.

Michael was sitting by her side trying to coax her back into consciousness, and I went to go get some water and ice. I had not seen this phase before, but Michael had obviously seen Sydney in this state, and knew what to do. He and I just sat talking to her and to each other.

I saw this as an opportunity to bring up a question I had been contemplating the last few weeks. "Michael, do you think Sydney loves me, or am I just making everything harder on her?"

Michael gave me the most sincere look anyone could imagine, and I immediately knew why Sydney wanted to marry him. "I think she loves you, but she just doesn't know it yet. It's hard on her now, but just remember how grateful she was when you first showed up."

"I know, it's just that I feel like I'm slowing her down, and I don't want to get in the way. I'm thinking about going back to France. I have people there who love me anytime, and who have already accepted me into their family. Maybe my mother was right to put me up for adoption."

"I don't think so. Whether you go or not is your choice. Sydney's in a weird state of mind right now, and she's been going through a lot. It must be hard for you to have to imagine what she would be like when she is well, but let me assure you, she has not been acting like herself recently."

I didn't know what to say, but I knew that I had to make it clear that I was going to leave. "Michael, I'm going to go back to France. I'll leave you my phone number there, so that when Sydney thinks she's ready she can call. I don't know how long it will be, but when she asks, just let her know, I still love her, and I'll come back to be with her when she wants me there."

Tears started in Michael's eyes, but before he could say a word, my dad came in, and from what I saw, his trip outside had not been peaceful.

Jack's POV

As it turned out, I didn't have to wait as long as I thought I would for Irina to appear. As she approached, her expression was as unreadable as usual, and I knew she'd come to play her usual games with me. Therefore, I wasn't surprised when her first question was deceptively simple.

"Where's Sydney?" She inquired simply.

"Inside." That was all the answer I would provide. I knew anything more may lead to Irina asking to see Sydney, especially if she found out our daughter was ill.

"I saw what was happening when you left the restaurant. I'm not stupid, Jack. How sick is she?"

I looked into her eyes, trying to determine if she really wanted to know. I didn't think so, but I also supposed Irina would keep asking until I told her.

"She's unconscious," I said tensely. "I knew you'd be following us here, or I'd be upstairs taking care of Sydney like I should be. What do you want, Irina?"

"Sydney isn't really happy you're back, is she Jack? If she were, she wouldn't still be getting sick, would she?"

"Yes, she's happy," I snapped. "But mental illness doesn't disappear overnight. Things have been stressful and complicated. She's adjusting. I'm tired of standing here talking to you. Tell me what you want."

"Do you really think it's best for Sydney that you've come back here? She'd get used to it, if you disappeared again. She has all kinds of other people to take care of her."

I knew exactly what she was threatening, and I wasn't going to have it. "She needs ME," I said. "I've just gotten back, I won't be going anywhere with you, ever again. I know you only 'care' about Sydney when it's convenient for you. She is my life, nothing means more to me than she does. I'm not going anywhere. I won't leave her again."

In the shadows near the house, I saw other people lurking. So Irina wasn't alone. I knew my time to act was very short.

"Get away from here," I began. "I never want to see you again. Our daughter is better off without you."

As I turned to go, I heard the click of a gun behind me. I reacted instantaneously, drawing my own from the holster inside my coat and pulling the trigger. As I watched Irina fall, I felt some measure of relief. But I also felt sadness. Not for myself, but for Sydney. I trusted that in time Sydney would forgive me for what I'd done, but Irina still was her mother, and she'd have every right to miss her.

I turned and went inside, making a call to Kendall, who I knew had a habit of staying at the office very late, even if everyone else had gone. He was there, and when I explained what had happened, he said he would send two other agents to remove the body, then they would have to talk to me afterwards. I couldn't worry about that right now; Sydney was more important.

When I reached Sydney's room, she was still unconscious. Simone lingered near the doorway, as if she were afraid to get too close. Michael, however, was directly beside the bed, whispering to Sydney. He stood when I entered, to give me room to take his place.

"What happened, Jack?" Michael asked.

"We shouldn't talk about it now," I whispered, running my hand through Sydney's hair once. "She looks so pale," I went on. "Is it always like this? The cameras were black and white, so I could never tell..."

"Usually. She hasn't shown any signs of coming out of it yet. I can stay up, if you're both tired."

Simone seemed glad to be allowed to leave, and I wondered what had gone on when I was outside. I decided to ask about that later. "I'd like to stay, Michael," was all I said.

"Sure," he answered sympathetically. "She might be like this all night, though."

"I can wait." I paused, thinking I'd heard Sydney make a noise. I leaned closer and listened. "Her breathing is labored, Michael. Has that ever happened before?"

"No," he said, fear creeping into his voice. "I should call the doctor."

"Not yet," I cautioned. "If she wakes up there it will just frighten her more. We'll take care of her." I decided to change the subject and see how forthcoming Michael would be.

"Simone seemed upset a few minutes ago. What's going on?"

"She doesn't think she's welcome. She's seriously considering going back to France. Personally, I don't blame her, but I wish she'd stay. I can see why she would want to go back to the family where she can count on their love and support, but on the other hand, I know Sydney and you pretty well, and you have not been acting as yourselves lately. I see that she has had an interesting perspective of you two these past few days, but she's never seen the 'real' you, so she's questioning her decisions to come here."

I was not surprised that Simone planned to leave, but I was disappointed, not in her, but in myself for not being there for her. In my concern for Sydney, I had forgotten how hard this must have been on her. "Michael, do you think I've offended her? I've tried to be nice and welcoming."

Just then, Sydney gasped again, and Michael turned to her. Her breathing deepened, and I called for Simone. When she arrived, we told her what had been going on, and asked her to call the advice nurse. Michael continued to sit by her side, saying an occasional word or two to her as we talked, and he was stroking her hair.

"Jack, I don't think it's anything you've done. It's just that Simone came into this family at the wrong time, and she hasn't gotten to see you as you are. Given time, your relationships with her will improve."

Simone came in a few minutes later with some advice from the doctor, and we followed it to the letter. It was all things we should have known to do. Keep her comfortable, use ice or heat, depending on what she responded to, and take her in if she was still unconscious after a few hours.

After Sydney was settled, and her breathing normalized somewhat, I decided that now was the best time to bring up another issue. "Michael, Simone, come here a minute." They came into the kitchen and sat down with me at the table. "I have something important to tell you. I had an encounter with your mom outside, Simone. She tried to take me again, but this time I was ready. I met her in the front yard, and she left me no alternative…I killed her. If I hadn't have killed her, she would have killed me, so I had to do it. Clean-up crews are on the way, and I don't really have to worry about legal action."

I turned to Simone. "Simone, I'm really sorry I killed her. I didn't plan on it, but…I hope you understand."

She was silent for a few seconds, but before she could reply, we heard Sydney calling. To our surprise she was calling for Simone. We exchanged some puzzled glances and then headed to the bed where Sydney lay.

As soon as Sydney laid eyes on Simone, she started to cry and tell her how sorry she was about what had happened at dinner.

"It's all right, Sydney," Simone said soothingly. "You were upset. I understand. Are you feeling better?"

Sydney slowly sat up, and only then did she see her father and me in the doorway. She smiled at us, trying to be reassuring.

"A little," she answered. "My head aches, that's all. When I woke up and no one was here, I thought you'd all left me. Is there something wrong?" Her eyes widened as she looked directly at Simone again. "Are you going away already?"

I saw Simone wondering if Sydney had overheard our conversation, but I knew better. Sydney didn't need to have heard anything to know things were tense and uncomfortable. She could feel it.

"No, Sydney," Simone answered immediately. "I'll stay if you want me to... For as long as you want me to. What made you ask that?"

"Everyone goes away eventually. Mom, Dad, and even...Well, just everyone." I knew Sydney had been about to say 'even Michael,' and I felt horrible about that. But there was nothing I could do about the trip I'd taken. Sydney sat quietly for a few minutes, then asked to talk to her father alone. Both Simone and I were hesitant to leave, but Sydney's mind was made up. As I walked out, I cast a nervous glance in Jack's direction. His own emotions were pretty well masked, but I was sure I saw just a trace of fear in his eyes.

Jack's POV

I sat down on Sydney's bed, wondering what was important enough that she wanted to discuss it alone. I thought perhaps she'd heard part of the encounter between myself and Irina, then dismissed the idea. As far as I knew, Sydney had still been unconscious at that point. What Sydney said was the last thing I was expecting.

"Dad, I want you to take those gloves off," she said, her voice perfectly steady. "I want to see your hands."

"Sydney, I told you, they're burned, just like yours. I keep them covered so you don't have to be reminded every time we're together, honey."

"I want to see your hands," she repeated. "I want to see what she did to you."

Wordlessly, I removed the gloves. Sydney only looked at first, then hesitantly reached out to touch the web of scars covering both of my hands. "Do they hurt anymore?"

"No," I answered immediately. "They're as healed as they're going to get, I think. A few burns are nothing, Sydney. At least I'm here to take care of you now. It's my place."

"I don't know why you do it though, Daddy," Sydney said in a voice I could barely recognize as hers. "You go through so much, trying to protect me, to take care of me. All it gets you is a lot of pain, and it puts you in more danger than anyone should ever be in. Why is it worth it, anyway? I'm not a little girl anymore. I love you, Dad, and I'm glad you love me. I know all parents make sacrifices for their kids, but something like this... Dad, I can't see what makes it all worth it. You'll have those scars for the rest of your life!"

"Sydney, can't you see I don't care about a few scars? You are the reason I survived being GIVEN these scars, do you understand that? Thinking of you, here at home... needing me. That's the only reason I made it back here. I have nothing else in my life that's worth anything. Except you, and now there is Simone, too. You are all I have, there is nothing else I've been so proud of. I would do anything for you, Sydney. Now please stop feeling so guilty about what happened to me. It's time to think of yourself, and get yourself well. I know you can do it, Sydney. You just have to try."

I sat there a few more minutes, but I didn't say anything else. Sydney asked for a hug, and I obliged. In that moment, my life felt so normal. I didn't think about what had just happened downstairs, or Sydney's disagreements with her sister. I was simply "Dad." And that was more than enough for me.